He took long strides forcing me to run. His hand was wrapped firmly around my wrist and I was sure he could feel my pulse. My heart was beating erratically under his fingertips. He wanted to meet my father. I was not expecting this. I need to lay the ground rules before we get any closer. My thoughts were barely coherent and I felt that each step brought on a mini panic attack.
"Edward, stop." I was surprised at the strength in my own voice. He only slowed until I planted my feet. Of course he was stronger so I ended up stumbling for a few steps but eventually he came to a halt. He turned his gaze on me and I froze. My words seemed irrational and stupid when he looked at me like that. Why shouldn't I trust this beautiful creature… because you've known him for three days and he has tried to get into your pants twice already… my head was reasoning. Because he isn't a permanent fixture in your life and Charlie doesn't need this kind of stress… my heart bargained. My body might want him but my life wasn't ready.
"What is it?" The sun was setting behind him and I felt my resolve falter.
"I don't think you should come with me," I whispered and bit my lip. I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I was going to receive.
"Why?" The fading light left his face in shadow but his eyes seemed to glow filled with some unnamed emotion.
"Because I hardly know you and I don't think I'm ready to share this part of my life. Not just with you, but with anyone. Not to mention I have only known you for three days, you shouldn't even want to come." He released my wrist and my skin burned. I didn't know how to fix this situation. He couldn't come with me but it didn't feel right leaving him behind.
"I see," was all he replied taking a small step away. My heart thumped.
"Edward I'm sorr-"
"No, you don't need to apologize. I'm sorry to have bothered you." He picked up my hand and gently kissed my knuckles. I shivered but not from the cold. He let go of my hand again. I wanted to keep gazing into his eyes but visiting hours were coming to a close so I started walking again feeling his eyes on my back.
Before I turned the corner I looked over my shoulder. Edward was still standing there watching me.
My visit with Charlie went as expected. Nothing to exciting happened. I was almost glad I didn't bring him the paper since there would be a picture of me kissing Mikhail inside. He didn't seem to mind but I still felt guilty.
I read him the article I wrote about Robby Blake and he smiled. Of course it wasn't completely finished but I thought he would enjoy the story. It felt normal but I was anxious on the inside. I half expected Edward to barge in but he didn't. Charlie looked at me questioning but unable to form the words. I pretended to not understand to avoid answering proving what a horrible person I am. I stayed for a little over an hour before the aides politely asked me to leave. I hugged Charlie and made my way back to my apartment.
On the way I stopped two blocks from where I left Edward. I knew he wouldn't still be standing there. It would be preposterous, but I was still motivated to find a different route. It wasn't too difficult but I felt childish. Half of me wanted Edward to stop giving me attention while the other half wanted to rip off his clothes. There was no winning.
--
The next few days went by in a blur. Not in the fast way where so much activity blends together, but in a slow congealing mass way of too many asinine acts. I felt like I was drowning in molasses. Rose sent me out on a few new assignments but they barely perked my interest. They were just fluff pieces but I wasn't expecting much more than that. An interview with the neighborhood 'cat lady' hardly seemed hard hitting.
I still received flowers from Mikhail, but in much more reasonable amounts. The office had smelt of flowers for days and people seemed to like it better than the stale coffee and ink toner aroma.
The rumors and staring cut down immensely when I kept appearing alone but the photographers stood at the ready to catch me in any mundane act. A speeding ticket, jay walking, anything seemed to be news. My original thoughts of free press were being diminished as I pitied celebrities everywhere dealing with the constant attention.
The weekend finally arrived without anymore disasters. I just wanted to lock myself in my apartment and have a ménage a tois with Ben and Jerry. Phish Food was calling my name. It was Maurice's favorite as well. I was daydreaming about it as I packed up my stuff Friday afternoon. I didn't even see Alice until she handed me a tissue.
"You're drooling Bella. What on earth are you fantasizing about? I hope it involves a very hot Russian…" she wiggled her eye brows at me. I came out of my dessert euphoria long enough to scoff.
"No, nothing like that. I was just thinking about the exclusive relationship I plan on having with Ben and Jerry's this weekend. The two men I love most even if they are in Vermont, we can be together through their delicious decadent delights." I felt my mouth watering again and Alice laughed.
"As tempting as that sounds, I think the Russian would be a better choice…"
"Why would Mikhail be a better choice?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Why wouldn't he? He is gorgeous, rich, GORGEOUS, and wants you very badly. You shouldn't send him away with his tail between his legs…" I was suspicious.
"Why are you pushing Mikhail at me so hard? Neither of us knows him very well and here you are singing his praises…"
"Exactly! We don't know him, therefore you should invite him to the double date you're having with Jasper and I this weekend." She smiled sweetly. There it was, and ulterior motive.
"Let me guess. You already bought tickets or whatever and I have no choice in the matter." I rolled my eyes as my Ben and Jerry dream slipped away.
"Yeah, I'm sorry Bella but it was so perfect. I just really thought you would be with Mikhail… or somebody by now so I didn't think when I bought the tickets."
"What exactly is the show?"
"A new jazz performer. It's amazing I'm sure you'll love it. Thank you thank you thank you!" I just rolled my eyes yet again. It's not like I ever really had a choice in the matter.
--
It was raining by the time I got outside. I scowled at the sky as I hunched deeper into my raincoat. Normally rain didn't bother me but it was getting on my nerves today. It had been raining for two days and I had had enough. It made my hair stick to my neck and my shoes squish. I just wanted to scream. I hadn't been able to run for two days and it was getting to me. My entire world felt off. There was something missing or something new throwing my life out of balance. I couldn't figure it out.
I didn't even greet Maurice as I pushed my way into my apartment. He lifted his tail and turned away in a sniff. I ignored him and shed my coat. It dripped on the floor leaving little droplets as I walked to the closet. I slid off my shoes and shoved them in as well.
I could feel the rain clouds pressing down on me even through the roof. I felt trapped and angry. I needed a way to get rid of this energy or I was going to explode. I glanced at my cell phone and thought about the jazz show. It sounded interesting but was it worth being in public with Mikhail?
I shuffled into the kitchen and decided that I would at least have a one night stand with my two favorite men. I'll get chip-faced and have sugar induced dreams. It sounded good but I knew it wouldn't remedy the problem. I reached into the freezer and popped the top off my salvation. Tomorrow I would call Mikhail, and join a gym. I went and snuggled up on my couch with Maurice stretched along my side. He seemed to smile with pleasure as I stroked his belly and purred. Apparently I was forgiven.
I woke the next morning still on the couch with an empty ice cream container. Maurice was still by my side with a few sticky drops caught in his whiskers. What a pair we were. As I stretched he curled in next to me so we never lost contact. Love for my little furry man swelled in me as I stroked his head. This was the perfect relationship. Why human men couldn't take learn a thing or two was beyond me.
My cell phone sat on the coffee table in front of us reminding me of my duties. Gently I shifted Maurice so I could move without crushing him. He slit an eye at me but didn't hold a grudge. I stood and moved to the trash to dispose of my affair. Looking out the window I could see little breaks in the clouds. I felt a genuine smile stretch my face. The muscles felt out of use. Those weren't rain clouds. I did a little victory dance over the weather right over to my i-home.
I pushed play and as usually it was on shuffle but the selection it chose made me laugh. "It's Raining Men" By Aretha Franklin pounded out of the speakers and I took it as a good omen. Obviously the i-pod gods wanted me to go out tonight. I jumped in the shower and then threw on some jeans and t-shirt never losing the beat.
The noise must have roused Maurice because he sat in my doorway watching me make a fool of myself. I knew he was looking for breakfast so I spun into the kitchen to grab his food. I slid on the water still on the floor from my jacket. I didn't seriously injure myself but there was already a bruise forming on my thigh. I pursed my lips and stood. It seemed not even bodily harm could break this good mood.
I locked my door behind me on my way to my neighborhood gym. I still had a spring in my step but as the real world engulfed me I felt my happiness fade just a little. I didn't let it stop me from my task so I continued on my way. There were no longer paparazzi sleeping on my stoop so I didn't hesitate as I started down the street. I wanted to be proactive about this depression.
It had to be exercise related since it was the only thing I was without for the last few days. Except him… I stopped the thought quickly convincing myself I was wrong. I needed to get my endorphins pumping, that was the only problem. Running allowed me to think clearly and be healthy. Without it I felt like a fat lump. Of course the ice cream binge last night probably didn't help that feeling.
The gym wasn't anything to special but it had my only prerequisite, treadmills. I walked up to the perky blonde at the desk. She smiled a toothy smile at me and looked me up and down. I hated her immediately.
"Welcome to Global Fitness, how may I help you today?" I tried to return her smile but I wouldn't be surprised if it came out as a grimace.
"Hi, I'd like to get a gym membership here."
"Alrighty, you can just fill out these forms and then we'll work from there." Another bright smile. I didn't even try this time. I just took the clip board and sat in an uncomfortable plastic chair. I filled out all the information quickly. I normally hated working out in front of others but I needed this for the rainy days I tried to reason with myself. I stood and brought the form back to Miss Sunshine.
"Here you go." I tried to be friendly, honestly, but her next response brought out a glare.
"Okey dokey, so how much weight are you looking to lose?" She seemed to raise the volume of her voice so that a few people looked over waiting for my response. I could feel their eyes judging me.
"I'm not looking to lose weight. I just need a dry place to run when it's down pouring outside." I heard the acid in my voice. I felt myself blushing with anger and humiliation as she surveyed my body again as if to say 'You might not be looking to lose weight… but you might want to fatty' or 'Where Ben and Jerry worth THOSE thighs?'
"Oh, I'm sorry for the confusion ma'am. Here's your information packet and your membership card should be mailed to you in a few days." She smiled another fake smile as I grabbed the folder from her hands. I turned and stomped out of there.
Maybe I should run really late at night so that I don't run into people like that. I jogged back to my apartment and right to the mirror. I stood staring at myself trying to see what she saw. Sure I wasn't skeletal, but I was in no way fat. I sucked in my stomach and turned to the side biting my lip. I hated feeling unsure of myself and that fake little twit had destroyed my self image.
Alice called about a half hour later while I was doing endless crunches.
"Why are you out of breath? Is there someone there with you?" I could hear the smile in her voice.
"No, I was just doing crunches. What's up?"
"Have you called Mikhail yet?" She knew I hadn't but I still replied sheepishly.
"No…"
"Do it, right now. I'm calling back in twenty minutes for his answer. I will know if you're lying." I sighed and hung up. Alice, noun, a terrifying little pixie who knew how to back me into corners. I scrolled through my contacts and stopped over his name. This was a big step. Going from random running into at public places and ending in steamy kisses, to planned encounters most likely to end in steamy kisses. I pushed send and put the phone to my ear. I rang a few times and I hoped he wouldn't answer.
"Hello?" his voice was hesitant. I had forgotten that he didn't have my number.
"Hi, Mikhail? This is Bella Swan?" I didn't know why it sounded like a question. God I hate talking on the phone.
"Isabella?" He sounded surprised to hear from me, but happy. "And what do I owe such an honor?" I could picture him smiling at me. I closed my eyes and pretended it was a face to face conversation.
"Well, I'm sorry this is so last minute, but are you busy tonight?" Say yes, say yes, say yes!
"No, not at all. What did you have in mind?" Dammit. In my mind's eye he was making an innuendo but I pretended it was an innocent question.
"A friend of mine has tickets to a jazz performance and I would lo…like you to accompany me." I was going to say 'love' but I didn't want to lie. I really wanted him to reject me brutally so I had a reason to mope. He was quiet for a minute. I thought he was trying to decide until I heard papers shuffling.
"Well my schedule is clear for the whole evening. I would love to accompany you."
"Ok… great. I guess you can pick me up around nine? It's rather a late night thing…" I was giving him one final out to say no.
"Fantastic. What's your address?"
"12 Spruce Ave, apartment c."
"I'll be there." I wasn't sure how to end this conversation.
"Ok bye." I hung up quickly in a panic to even waiting for his response. I muttered to myself as I made my way back to the bathroom to get ready. Any time I spent with Mikhail I needed to be confidence so he didn't try to take over. I didn't want to do anything stupid tonight.