Ready for another smelly chapter? That's right; it's another Pepe Le Pew-shot! This time, we're doing "Little Beau Pepe". If you've seen this one, Pepe enlists in the Foreign Legion, as he's "the broken heart of love", and wants to get over it. However, as typical of these cartoons, his stench scares off the entire army, leaving only him (And Penelope) in the fort.
He's under the delusion that he's been left to guard the fort, and while he does, Penelope, the mascot, gets white paint down her back, as usual, and then you probably know how the rest goes. However, there will be some twists in this one, the obvious one being Drew in Pepe's shoes, and May as Penelope in this one.
Just go with me on this, okay? It's not exactly easy to portray Drew and May in situations like this, especially since the main reason Pepe even goes after Penelope is because he always mistakes her for a female skunk when she gets a white stripe painted on her back. That's not something that's exactly simple to do with humans, now is it? The body odor thing is simple, but the rest, not so much, so do you mind cutting me some slack? Thanks.
Oh, just one more thing: I'm going to be putting a quote from the song "I Think I Love You" by David Cassidy. Now, let's get back to the show!
There was a very harsh sandstorm in the desert located on Hoenn's route 111. The sand was howling hard, but the Pokémon living in the Hoenn desert, specifically Sandshrew, Cacnea, Baltoy, Geodude, and Trapinch, seemed to be accustomed to the harsh conditions of the desert. In fact, they did not seem to mind the harsh sandstorms, heat, and dryness at all.
However, in the middle of all of the sand and rocks was a large fortress of some sort. It looked like some kind of military base and it was heavily fortified. There was a sign that said, "No Trespassing: Military Establishment"
Inside the fort, there were soldiers in blue military jackets and they were all prepared for the harshness of the desert.
One particular soldier, a captain, as shown by the badges on his chest, approached another soldier, who saluted, and said, "Everyone's present and accounted for, captain!"
"Very good," The captain said. "Now, let's get started on our marching drills."
The other soldier then turned on his heel and looked at his troops, saying, "Everyone, march in place!"
All of the soldiers, holding their guns, which were unloaded, were marching in place, while their "coach" was saying, "One, two, one, two! One, two, one, two, now turn to the left!"
All of the soldiers then turned left and then started marching in line, in formation, and they were all chanting, "For the sake of keeping the peace, I'm proud to be a Legionnaire. I won't back down from a fight, no matter how unfair."
"Alright, everyone, you're dismissed for a break!" The coach soldier said.
All of the other soldiers then came ran by a particular room. In this room of the fort, there was a kitchen; inside the kitchen, a girl, with brown hair and blue eyes, was inside, baking and cooking for the soldiers. She had a Beautifly on her head, who was helping her out, and then the girl stepped away from the counter inside the kitchen.
She looked at her finished product: chocolate cupcakes with silver frosting and red, blue, and yellow butterflies, as a homage to her Beautifly.
"Aren't these stunning, Beautifly?" May said, as Beautifly flew off her head and looked at the cupcakes.
Beautifly nodded and fluttered about in approval, and May giggled a little bit at her partner's cheerfulness.
"Now that they're plated, I can go around to the soldiers and see if they want any." May said, as Beautifly landed on her head again; May picked up the cupcake tray and then she left the kitchen to go and give cupcakes to the soldiers.
She soon came upon two of the soldiers who were sitting down and having a nice conversation with each other; May then bent down and said, "Do you want a cupcake?"
"Oh, thanks, May," One of the soldiers said, as both of them took one each. "You're always such a great chef. I can't wait to see what you conjure up for dinner."
"I'm about to get started on that," May said. "Just as soon as I give the cupcakes to the other soldiers, if they want them."
May then left the two soldiers and went around giving cupcakes to the others. As soon as the tray was empty, May then went back into the kitchen and locked the door, as she started to cook up the evening meal for everyone.
"Now, what should it be today…? I did pizza last night, and two nights ago I did sushi… Aha! Pot roast! Perfect!" May said, as she went to get the biggest hunk of beef from the fridge to use.
"Now, the onions, carrots, etc…" May said, as she started to look through the fridge for the ingredients.
Meanwhile, there was a poster that was almost like an "Uncle Sam" poster, next to a door that was labeled "Enlistment Office".
A hand that had a black sleeve then knocked on the door, and then inside the office, another man in the military uniform, doing some paperwork, heard the knock. He did not stop doing the paper work, and then he said, "I'm available; you can come in."
The door then opened to reveal a boy with a depressed look on his face. He had green hair, and matching green eyes, and was wearing green-blue pants, with green shoes. He was wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt and he was wearing a purple jacket. Green fumes were coming from underneath his arms, and the boy had suitcases in his hands, implying he was serious about joining.
The boy then came into the office, and put down his bags before saying, "I'm the embodiment of the pain that comes from a broken heart of love. I've been disillusioned, rejected, broken-hearted. I want to enlist in the Foreign Legion as a way to forget this pain; please, take me!"
Slightly indifferent to the sob story, the officer then took out a piece of paper and a pen, and then said, "If you want to enlist, you'll need to fill out this questionnaire. First off, I'll need your name, young sir."
"Drew Hayden," Drew said, saluting, by lifting his right arm to do so. This caused his underarm stink to worsen. Drew then turned to the side and said, "I'm a pitiful case, aren't I?"
"Alright, then, I'm going to need your social security number…" The officer said, but then he soon got a nose-full of Drew's body odor. "Holy smoke!"
He then bolted out of the other side of the room to leave the office, leaving Drew in the room, completely confused about the situation. Drew then said, "What was that?"
"We've got a big stinker in the fort! Run! We've got a boy with a horrendous odor within our fort!" The enlistment officer shouted as he ran out the fort in fright. As he ran out of the fort, he kept repeating this signal to the other soldiers, including those up top.
Everyone in the fort then ran off in fright off this news; no one wanted to smell Drew's body odor, but it seemed like Drew himself had no clue. Drew was at the threshold of the door of the fort, watching all of the soldiers run off in fright, very confused.
"Where are they going? Why are they leaving the fort all of a sudden?" Drew asked aloud, scratching his head. He then snapped his fingers. "Oh, now I get it! While they're all out fighting the enemy, I've been left behind to defend the base. It's a great honor that I've already achieved! Viva Hoenn!"
He then saluted once again.
Drew had the uniform for the army on, a gun in hand, and was marching on the second story of the building as practice. He had his chest puffed out and was ready to fight for anything.
"One, two, three. One, two, three! Hyup, two, hyup, two!" Drew said, as he kept marching. "Dapper, aren't I?"
He kept practicing his marching and chanting, all the while not knowing that there was still someone else in the fort.
May had heard the racket outside, but was too busy making dinner to notice the unnatural silence of the fort. May put the pot in the oven to cook, and then she shut the oven door, before getting the ingredients out to make the dessert.
Beautifly was still on top of her head, and then May soon noticed that was too quiet inside the fort; she looked around, and then said, "Beautifly, is it just me, or has it suddenly gone silent in here?"
Beautifly shook its head, indicating that she noticed the silence, too.
"Let's go check it out, and see if anyone's still here. Maybe there's trouble?" May said, as she took off her oven hits and then she unlocked the kitchen door.
She then came outside and looked around to see if anyone was still there. May put Beautifly back in her Poké Ball, and then put the Poké Ball away before quietly leaving the door.
"Hello? Is there anyone here?" May called out, as she walked around. "This is just too weird… No one's here."
May then walked underneath Drew's position, and once again shouted, "Hello?! Where is everyone?!"
"One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three!" Drew said, as he kept marching.
"Hello?! General? Captain? Where are you?" May shouted.
Hearing May's voice, Drew stopped in his tracks.
"Huh?" Drew said, as he then looked down from floor he was on.
He saw May from above, but he managed to get a good look at her eyes and hair. He immediately fell in love with May; he soon had hearts pounding in his eyes, and then they were gone the next few seconds later.
"Ah, a lovely young girl," Drew said, as he stood up straight, and slicked his hair back before gently putting down the gun in a position where it could not be triggered. "Forget the honor of being on guard; I've got a girl to woo!"
Drew then clicked his tongue and then ran down the stairs to get to May.
"Hello? Anyone here?" May shouted. However, she soon smelled Drew's body odor and then pinched her nose. "Ew…"
Drew immediately scooped May up before dipping her down, leaning her on his knee, and then started going "Casanova" on May.
"Whoa, what's going on?" May said, but she soon got her answer; not only as to what the stink was, but what was about to happen.
"Oh, my love, it is a love affair, isn't it?" Drew said, as he then started kissing May on the cheek.
"Hey, cut it out!" May said, as she slapped Drew on the cheek as she managed to get her arm out of his embrace. "Who are you?!"
Drew paid no mind to the red mark on his face, and then he chuckled before telling her, "Oh, where are my manners? My name is Drew Hayden - your lover!"
"Beg your pardon?!" May shouted, only for Drew to put her back in the same position as earlier.
"It's an affair that we're madly in love with one another!" Drew said, before kissing May on the cheek again.
"Cough! Cough!" May was coughing from the smell, but she was going red in the face from the kisses.
"Oh, my little radiant flower; oh, my beautiful rosebud! Oh…" Drew said, as he brought May back up to kiss her on the lips, but May got out of his embrace and fled.
"Get away from me, you nut job!" May shouted, as she took off.
"What's this?" Drew said. But then he started laughing. "Oh, I see; this young beauty, she wants to make herself dainty for me before we keep going with our courtship."
Drew then put his hat back on and then said, "I love that little beauty."
A few minutes later, Drew walked by the staircase, and said, "Are you all made-up now, mon amor?"
He saw May on the staircase to the next floor, and then he said, "Oh, there you are!"
"Oh, no! I'm not staying here to get smothered in kisses by some malodorous casanova!" May shouted.
May soon fled up the stairs; Drew came to the stairs, too, and then he said, "But, my sweet, I could be shipped overseas tomorrow!"
"I couldn't care less!" May shouted. "And my name is May!"
Drew then let loose a seductive growl and scratched his chin before saying, "So, this radiant beauty goes by 'May', does she? A fitting name, if I may say so. She's just perfect."
May then started to run away from Drew all over the top floor, but Drew stopped at one point, and then said, "I've always wondered why a girl runs off when all she wants is to be caught."
Drew then waited as May then turned the corner and ran back into him. Drew then opened his arms to May, saying, "May, my love."
May stopped on her heels, but Drew caught her in his arms once again and kept kissing her on the cheek over and over again, but while May was flattered, she could not contain her embarrassment.
"Stop it!" May shouted, but Drew managed to land a kiss on May's lips.
May went red in the face, but at the same time, her stomach felt a little sick, possible from Drew's body odor, and then Drew parted before trying to get another kiss, only for May to get out of his arms, before shouting, "Ever heard of deodorant?!"
Drew did not seem to listen, and then gave chase to May once more. May managed to get out of Drew's sight, and then she scrambled into the kitchen before shutting the door and locking it behind her. She then ran into the kitchen closet and hid inside there to calm down and catch her breath.
"Oh, phew, that was a close one," May said, as she breathed a sigh of relief while hiding in the closet, with the light on. "I just don't understand him; he sees me immediately, and then with the snap of a finger, he thinks we're a couple. His B.O. isn't any help… But take those two points away, and he actually is cute."
May then blushed a little bit, before shaking her head, thinking, 'What am I thinking?! I can't fall in love with him! He's too… Aggressive with the way he flirts with me! Does he even know the difference between lust and love?'
May then calmed down and then she decided to try and escape the fort while she still could and to avoid Drew and his kisses at all costs.
May listened and tried to hear if Drew was around or not; deeming the situation safe, May left the closet and went back into the main kitchen to check on the pot roast. So far, it was not done yet, and May relaxed a little bit at this.
She put the oven mittens away and then she put her ear to the door of the closet before making sure Drew was not around. May then said, "Good, the coast is clear…"
May unlocked the door, and walked out of the kitchen, only for Drew grab May and start kissing her over and over again; Drew said, "Shall we continue with our courtship, my sweet?"
May shoved herself off of Drew, and then while stepping back, May shouted, "Go away!"
May then ran off, and then she ran into another room, hide and try to get away from Drew, but what she did not notice was Drew was twirling a bottle of sparkling fruit juice in a bowl of ice right behind her.
May then shut the door, and Drew said, "Hello, beautiful."
Drew then kissed May once more on the cheek, but May was on the verge of throwing up after that. May staggered a bit, but Drew caught her as she was about to faint, and then he told her, "I'm your Prince Charming, no?"
May, blushing red at this, as well as going slightly pale from the stink, ran out the door in fright, shouting, "Can't a girl catch a break?!"
Drew chuckled a bit, and then he said, "It's almost like shooting Corphish in a barrel, isn't it?"
May immediately ran out of the fort in fright, and then she started running through the desert, exerting a lot of her energy just to move across the sand. Drew, behind her, was skipping after her at a leisurely pace and he was not even tired out from the heat and sandstorms.
"Oh, this sweet one," Drew said, as he kept going. "She's waiting for me so we can have a nice walk."
May, gradually grew tired out, and started panting from exhaustion from the heat, and thirst, as well. May soon was about to fall into the sand when she saw an oasis up ahead.
"Wait for me, my love!" Drew said to May.
May narrowed her eyebrows, refusing to let Drew get her, and then, using up the last of her energy, she dashed off to the oasis, shouting, "I'm not staying in one place just to get smothered!"
May soon made it into the forested oasis, and then she soon made a dash for the freshwater pond. She dunked her face inside the pond and drank a lot of the water, and then she brought her face back out, only to look in front of her and she saw Drew, standing above the water, still wearing he army hat, and he winked at her.
"Hello, baby." Drew said.
"Leave me alone!" May shouted, as she turned to run… Only to faint from exhaustion from all of the running that she did.
Drew then ran over to May in concern, and picked her up, bridal style, saying, "How sweet; this little one has been overcome with emotion at seeing me again!"
Drew then nuzzled his cheek on May's, but she was still out cold. Drew soon carried May inside a tent, and then he said, "Perfect; the romance levels will be amped up perfectly, here!"
Drew then gently laid May down on a bed made of a lot of plush pillows, and then as he watched her sleep peacefully, he said, "It's so strange that she can sleep like that when I'm right here, next to her. I guess I'm going to have to restock Eros's love furnace, aren't I?"
Drew gave May a quick kiss on the cheek, which caused her to blush red, despite still being asleep from the confusion.
Drew soon saw a vanity table that was piled with cologne and deodorant sprays. He looked and saw that there were tons of varieties, and Drew kept looking through the bottles.
"No… No… Not strong enough… Too subtle…" Drew said, looking through the bottles. "Aha!"
Drew found a fairly large bottle and spout, and then he gathered up all of the cologne bottles, and then he dumped each one's contents into the larger bottle.
"No doubt," Drew said. "I'll win her over with this!"
Drew then poured the last two bottles' contents into the larger bottle, took off the funnel, and then smelled the cologne-spray before saying, "Just a hint too subtle… But whatever."
Drew then screwed the cap onto the larger bottle, took the mesh spray atomizer, and then after two or three squeezes, Drew was rid of his body odor and was ready to win over the girl.
Drew then found a guitar and started to play some music to wake May up and win her over.
"I think I love you! So what am I so afraid of?! I'm afraid that I'm not sure of, a love there is no cure for…" Drew sang, as he played.
May soon got a sniff of the cologne, and the music caused her to wake up. Her eyes slowly opened and then she sat up on the pillows while rubbing her head.
"Ugh… What happened?" May said, as she tried to wake up.
"May, you're awake!" Drew said, as he then bolted over to May and scooped her up in a hug.
"Ack! Not you again! Leave me alone!" May said, as she struggled to get out of Drew's arms.
However, May relaxed when she noticed Drew's cologne, and then she calmed down. She went red in the face, almost as if she had been drugged, and then she released in Drew's embrace.
"I see my cologne combination has worked," Drew said, holding May's chin with his hand while hugging her with his other hand. "Shall we continue with the wooing?"
May wanted to get out of Drew's embrace, but she could not seem to resist, and then she said, "You're… You're…"
The cologne made her a little dizzy and then she said, "So charming…"
Drew then kissed May on the lips, and May managed to snap out of her daze and then Drew put his hand on her cheek while May, once again, tried to get away from Drew.
However, she succumbed to Drew's kiss; when Drew broke it, he said, "Shall we go out on a date, ma cheri?"
May snapped out of her daze and then she said, "Sure… Why not?"
Drew then took May's hand, kissed her on the lips again, and then he and May walked out of the tent, hand-in-hand while trying to make sure they were focused completely on each other.
May and Drew kissed each other once more, mutually in love, and then they were holding hands in the shade of the palm trees.
That's a wrap here! This series is going to be put on brief hold while I try and get some inspiration for the Valentine's Day bonus chapter. I bet you're looking forward to that one, aren't you? Hahaha!