I own nothing

Chapter 12 – Lost

Erik

Entry 6

That was definitely not what I had expected to hear.

I sat watching her, shocked to the very core of my being.

No running, screaming, crying, begging...

But then I watched in horror as her smile began to fade from her face, only to be replaced by a puzzled frown.

She must hate me.

The thought echoed around my mind and I felt my chest tighten in horror.

She was standing in front of me fully awake and now coming to realize that her Angel of Music was no heavenly being but a man of flesh and blood.

But she had touched me? Why would she do that?

I sat trying to answer these questions as she closed her eyes tightly shut and took in a shaky breath.

I focused on a tear as it slid from beneath her eye lid and down her pale cheek.

I had made her cry.

I had made my angel, my Christine cry when in the past I had always been the one to stop her tears. But now...now I was the cause of them.

Before I could stop myself I reached towards her small colourless face and caught the tear with my finger, she opened her eyes suddenly and stared at me as I ran my finger slowly down her soft cheek to her small chin, savouring every second of the contact between my skin and hers.

Sadness and helplessness filled my soul as despair washed over me in battering waves.

She must hate me.

No longer would I be the one she trusted. I had lost our bond, I had lost her because of my selfish actions. I wanted to scream with my anger.

I rose slowly from my seat (not wanting to frighten her) and walked towards the shore of my home, giving her some room.

As gently as I could I told her that I would return her to the Opera House - even just saying the words created a hole in my heart. She was mine though and I did not want her to leave me.

Uncertainties consumed me as I took her small shaking hand in mine a made sure that she was comfortable in the boat before propelling us away from the shore of my home...My prison. Trying to break the silence I told her that the managers would no doubt be worried for her.

I spent the return journey trying to think of words to say to Christine but my voice and words failed me - my usually quick and witty mind slowing down to a torturous pace.

What could I say to her short of a declaration of my feelings for her?

So I remained silent, trying to judge from observation what Christine thought of me.

In silence I took her to the upper basement and gave her quick directions on how she could find her way to the stage before heading back under the Opera House as fast as I could go.

So now I am wallowing in despair, cursing myself for the fool that I was.

I have lost Christine all because of allowing my frustration at that boy get the better of me.

I have known the unparalleled joy of having her in my home, in my bed but now. Now, I live with the knowledge that I caused her tears and my actions caused her pain.

I truly am a monster.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, so now not only does Christine think he doesn't care but Erik thinks that Christine hates him.

What will happen next we ask ourselves?

Anyway hope you like, sorry it's so short but the first few chaps were pretty long and brain still fried because of exams.

Please, please, please let me know what you think so far. Good, bad or indifferent (don't care) I would love to hear from you.

Thanks