Chapter Forty-Four: Healing

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Her back ached, and her eyes smarted from all her tears. Groggy, she pulled her head up and looked around, trying to see what had happened. She was back…home, for lack of better word, on the cot her parents had set up in the Solo quarters. The lighting was dimmed to the lowest level.

"Shhh," Zekk whispered, as her gaze found him. Brushing her hair back gently, he kissed her forehead. "Go back to sleep; you'll feel better."

Trusting him, she drifted, and ignored the echoes of emptiness that remained in her heart.

Zekk stayed where he was, comforting her through the Force and her dreams.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jaina woke again, and estimated that she had slept for a few hours, judging by the midnight black that showed through one of the windows. Scrunching her face up and yawning, she rolled to her side, trying to find what had woken her. Zekk was missing from her bed side, and she supposed that one of her parents had shooed him out and into his own bed.

"Mmmngh…"

Squinting, Jaina made out the form of a slumped, drained Sanar, who was being led in by, of all people, Jaina's mother. "Mom?" she muttered sleepily.

Leia glanced up, but helped Sanar tumble into her bed before she approached her daughter. "Hey, baby."

What she would have at any other time considered juvenile sounded comforting in the face of Devnos' death. "He's gone."

Forehead creasing in faint confusion, Leia nevertheless accepted the strange attachment Jaina had to the Dark Jedi who had captured her; she could get an explanation later. "I know, honey. Sanar didn't take the news well."

"She was there," Jaina whispered, her eyes settling on her friend. Sanar was staring straight ahead, unblinking, haunted.

"The medics wanted to keep her in the hospital for a while, until they were sure she was okay. Now all she can do is rest and recover."

"She's a survivor."

Leia ruffled Jaina's already sleep-mussed hair. "Like someone else I know," she teased gently.

"G'night, Mom."

"Get some rest, Jaina."

When the door had closed behind her mother, Jaina called, "Sanar?"

The older woman sniffled. "What?"

Crawling out of bed to her sister's side, Jaina hugged Sanar awkwardly. "I'm sorry."

Tears dampened Jaina's shirt as Sanar got out the last burst for the night. After a moment, she retreated. "Me too."

Jaina got back into bed.

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"My brother's dead."

Sanar felt his arms wrap around her, more comforting than Leia's embrace, but very different in other ways, too. "I know."

"Why did he have to die? I just got him back."

"I don't know why, Sanar. I wish I did."

"It hurts so much," she whispered. "So lafit much."

"I wish I could stop it."

He brought his fingers to her chin, tracing her features lovingly. She closed her eyes, taking comfort in his touch and presence. When he kissed her, whisper-soft on the lips, she sighed in release. "I need you." She tried to pull him closer, tried to hide in him.

"I love you," he whispered back, holding her tight.

"I can't face it," she said, muffled, into his tunic. "I can't face…it all… Not yet."

He kissed the top of her head. "Then stay here."

She stayed and held him tight, as if taking strength from him.

"Stay as long as you need to."

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jaina woke for the third and final time as the soft streaks of dawn's light began to peek into the window, past the shier curtains. All but rolling off and out of her bed, she checked to make sure Sanar was still sleeping peacefully, then padded out of the bedroom. As quickly as a non-morning person could move at dawn, she brushed her teeth, then set off for the kitchen.

Rubbing her eyes wearily, she set about trying to find the caf mix. A glance to her chrono revealed that she had been sleeping for at least eleven hours, but probably more. Zekk must have sleep-whammied me.

"Speak of the Devil… Do you want some?" she asked, not turning around.

Zekk's arms slipped around her waist as he leaned into her, breathing her in. "Definitely. It's been a long forty-eight hours."

Setting the kettle on to boil, she turned around, placing her hands on his shoulders. "How long have you been up?"

"Longer than you," he said, smirking. "Long enough to get changed out of my sleep clothes."

She glanced down at her outfit. "Well, I never got into my sleep clothes in the first place. So there. I beat you."

"Cheater."

"No," she protested indignantly. "A Solo never cheats! They're just very good at…bending the rules so that they win." She grinned lopsidedly. Her smile was more subdued than normal, but acceptable, she figured, judging by Zekk's nod of approval.

"How are you feeling?"

Jaina sighed, leaning into him. "I'm…better…I guess. Sleep does wonders. I just…oh, I don't know."

He smiled faintly. "The sum up of life: 'I don't know'."

She laughed, shaking her head. "I have to disagree – it's far too simplified. Besides, I know I love you…can't sum that up with an 'I don't know'. Well, not since I was fifteen, anyway."

He smirked, but the whistling of the kettle cut off any reply he might have made. Twisting in his arms, Jaina poured the hot water into two mugs, then combined the caf grains, milk and sugar to make the caf before giving one of them to him.

Taking a cautious sip, he swallowed and smiled. It was exactly the way he liked it. "I missed you, Jay."

Her responding grin lit up the room and even the dark circles under her eyes. "Of course you did. What, do you think I remember the little things for some reason other than Project 'Make Zekk Want to Stick Around'?"

Chuckling, he kissed her.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Sanar cursed as she tripped on her blankets and fell out of bed, her head crashing into the nearby, innocent-looking bedstead. Grumbling and rubbing her tender skull, she stood, breathing deeply.

Her heart quivered and quaked with each second, torn apart by Devnos' death.

Her hands trembled; her bones ached with exhaustion even though she had slept for half a day.

But the grief was not ripping her to shreds, howling like a mad beast, as it had been the evening before. She could thank her dreams for that.

Just take one day at a time.

Crossing the room in darkness and grief made her veer off course like a drunkard, but eventually Sanar made it to, and out of, the door. She stopped in the fresher long enough to pull her hair back in a messy pony tail, splash her face with some water, and rinse morning breath out of her mouth. She looked bad enough without doing the basics, and Solo, of course, would look perfect at this hour—just to annoy her, Sanar was sure.

Despite her prediction, Solo's hair – and composure – looked quite rumpled when Sanar first spotted her in the kitchen, but that was due to the rather passionate embrace she was in. Sanar's cheeks flamed with embarrassment, and she looked down, away from the kissing couple.

Look at them, a malicious voice sneered, look at how they have everything you will never have. That's because they're better than you. They would never let their brother die after spending years in mental prison.

She cleared her throat to push the thoughts away, but the sound also – mostly accidentally – made Jaina and Zekk realize her presence. Both pulled back immediately, looking abashed. "Morning, Sanar," Jaina muttered, grabbing her mug and holding it in front of her, as if she had just been innocently drinking caf the whole time.

Sanar ignored her, her own cheeks well-heated. Finding an excuse for her interruption, Sanar grabbed a glass and quickly filled it with water.

"The only way this day could possibly get any worse," she said after take a large gulp, "is if Durron showed up." Sanar gave a wobbly grin that was sucked dry of any amusement.

Jaina stared at her.

"Where is that warftha, anyway? With the whole antidote thing, I figured he'd be back with the Force. Not that I mind the silence," Sanar hurried to add. "Just…well, it isn't what I expected. You know – punishment for surviving. Again."

Jaina and Zekk shared a look. Sanar recognized the sight of two people communicating in a way from which she was forever barred. When Zekk caressed Jaina's cheek encouragingly, Sanar looked away.

"So, uh," Sanar muttered with a heaving sigh when she thought they were done. "Did you by any chance have something to ask me, Solo?"

Jaina looked up, startled. "Well, yeah, but…um, how'd you guess?"

"Is it so shocking that I can read you like a book? You read me easily enough."

"Sanar," the younger woman said dryly, "if you were reading my mind right now, you would be preparing a list of ways that you could say 'no'."

Sanar bit the inside of her cheek, then downed the rest of her water. Leaning insolently against the counter, she said, "Well, what's the stitch? Tell me before I drop dead." Like Devnos.

Jaina stepped a little away from Zekk, and put a hand on one of her hips. The two women stared each other down. "Kyp," the Jedi said slowly, "was cloned by the Empire almost three years ago. Now, that clone's soul is fading."

Sanar had the sickening feeling that she knew exactly where this was going. "Let me guess," she said sarcastically. "You want me to drag my butt over to this clone's side, and do some kind of soul-switcheroo."

Jaina's lips twisted in a way that made Sanar's gut sink. Everything about Jaina screamed of the differences between her and Sanar. For the first time in a while, Sanar felt the old, complete loathing for Jaina Solo creep up on her. "Not exactly," she heard the Jedi Knight say.

"Then what?" Sanar retorted. "Mystics are my specialty, remember? It's the only reason anyone keeps me around – that, and so they have someone they can practice secret-keeping on." Sarcasm. She hadn't used it in a while. Not since she found out that her brother was not the man she had thought he was, and that he was dying. Not since she found out…everything. That her entire life – and that of her brother, and of her father – was one, big, fat trick that everyone, except for Sanar, was in on.

"That's not true," Jaina protested quietly, frowning, even looking a little hurt.

Sanar shrugged, and squeezed her drinking glass tightly between her fingers. "Whatever. So just say what you want to say."

"Kyp and I can do the soul movement on our own, probably," Jaina continued nervously. "But he said…that you have to be there."

"Of course." Sanar realized she was gripping her drinking glass hard enough to break it, and she placed it on the counter after some hesitation. Her eyes fixed on the floor, and maybe the poison's hallucinatory affects weren't quite out of her system, because she thought she saw Devnos in the tile's reflection. Solo will ask you to help her with something, and you must do it, it paraphrased.

Jaina began to say something, then shut her mouth, only a hiss of air escaping. But then she tried again. "I don't know why; honestly, if it was up to me, I wouldn't even drag you into this. I know you hate him. But…"

"Whatever, Solo." Sanar wished she had some kind of alcohol so she could throw it back in her throat, feel it burn its way down, less tangible than grief but still potent. That would show Jaina, too, and her precious boyfriend. Sanar was beyond hope. She had problems – and alcoholism could be one of them, if Sanar put her mind to it.

But everything – the grief, betrayal, exhaustion – combined to kill her brain cells and insides in a way that no drink could, and Sanar thought she'd die if she touched a drop of alcohol. Besides, she'd always hated liquor. "Look, I'll do it. Just – " Sanar held up one finger warningly, "don't thank me, or I'll shoot you. I mean it. Not a word."

Jaina sighed. "Not a word," she agreed, but her eyes said it all, anyway, and Sanar rolled her eyes in exasperation.

Shaking her head, she muttered, "What have I gotten myself into?"

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.Tjz