Chapter Ten: Beginnings of a Journey
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"Anything you say is going to sound like goodbye."
Dawn Summers, "BtVS: Chosen"
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The weather had chilled over night, and Jaina and Sanar were huddled together, wrapped in the same blanket in an attempt to keep warm. Kyp had the feeling both women had left—or packed, in Sanar's case—their coats behind as an excuse to stay close together. Still, he knew how hard the separation was going to be for the sisters and therefore kept his mouth shut. Considering how snappish Sanar was being, and taking into account Kyp's instinctual sarcasm, it was one of the wisest things Kyp ever did.
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Sanar was not clinging. Sanar Klis was not capable of clinging—and certainly not to a hero. It was just…chilly outside. And Jaina had decided to hog the only unpacked portable blanket. Damned heroes—if it's sacrificing themselves, oh, they're all for that, but as soon as it gets uncomfortable, they're as selfish as anybody.
She certainly wasn't staying close just because she wasn't going to see Jaina again for who-knew-how-long…
"Y—you have that comm I fixed up, right?" Jaina asked, shivering.
"Uh, yeah, it's in my bag…all ready for breaching an atmosphere of stone."
"Okay." Jaina started to say something, then shook her head. Slipping out from the warmth of their shared blanket, the Jedi approached Kyp, who had been waiting a few metres away. "So…" She checked to make sure the Sildar was some distance away, and not hanging from Kyp's belt.
"I'll keep an eye on her," Kyp said, too low for Sanar or Zekk to hear.
"You'll keep both eyes on her, even when you really shouldn't," Jaina countered in the same voice.
"Well, of course," Kyp conceded without embarrassment. "But, occasionally, I'll think of you while I do it."
She laughed, but mind-spoke, Don't let her…
"Jay." He grinned wryly. "I'm Kyp Durron, the Jedi who turned his nose up to the Great Luke Skywalker after only a few weeks of training. I don't let anyone push me around."
"I mean it, Kyp," Jaina insisted, voice still too gentle to be heard by anyone else. "Don't…" She sighed. "I know you love her," she said bluntly. "But she's Sanar."
"I'm all too aware," he cracked, then became more serious. "Look out for yourself, alright, Jay? If the jury turns on Zekk, try planning before you break him out of jail."
"Like you would?" She shook her head affectionately. "You're such a hypocrite, Kyp Durron."
"Hey, I'm supposed to be a mythical hero now. I have to at least pretend to be responsible."
She flashed the Solo grin. "I'm going to miss you, you know? You…you get it." Her forehead creased just a little.
"Well, not always," he confessed. "Just because we both died, then came back…"
"I know. It's just…it's hard."
He considered her briefly, then embraced her tightly. "The others may not always understand, Jay," he spoke into her ear, "but people aren't always meant to."
"I know." She snuggled into his chest a little more. "I love Zekk, and he loves me—that's everything. Besides, it's stupid to expect a perfect life."
"Exactly right." After another moment, he released his once-apprentice, always friend. "Zekk knows you, Jaina Solo, and you will always have each other."
"That a prophecy?" she teased, but her thoughts flew to an auburn ex-assassin who had seemed only too comfortable with Zekk.
Kyp grinned. "C'mon, Jay, you're just a Solo—why would anyone waste a prophecy on you?"
"Oh, is that how it's going to be?" she asked, mock-indignant. The tension began to dissipate, despite the goodbye.
"That's just how Prophecy is," he agreed cockily. "She's got favourites, you know."
Jaina's eyes darkened, and her face paled. "Kyp…"
He caught her elbow when she gasped; she wasn't looking like her normal self. "Jaina?"
"Don't…" Her gaze drifted without purpose. "Don't let her do it, Kyp." Tears filled her eyes. "Don't lose her."
His expression became pasty. Don't lose who? Sanar? Someone else? "Jaina?!"
As if his raised voice had broken a spell, Jaina snapped back into "normal mode"; blood returned to her cheeks almost immediately, and the tears were blinked away without consideration. "Yes?" she said curiously.
"Do you remember…?"
She recognized his expression quickly, and put two-and-two together. "What I said?" she finished with a sigh. "No. But I'm assuming that I should meditate until I figure out what I meant. What did I say?"
"You told me not to 'let her' or 'lose her'."
Jaina frowned. "'Her' who?"
"That's what I was hoping you could tell me."
"I—It can't be…" Her eyes slid to Sanar, who appeared to be browbeating Zekk. "I mean, the Force would warn me, wouldn't It?" she pleaded.
"I'll keep her safe," Kyp promised, his eyes never leaving Jaina's. "For both of us."
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Sanar was more than slightly startled (grateful?) when Solo all but threw herself into the other woman's arms. "Whoa, Solo," Sanar muttered uncomfortably, hugging her back. "What's up with you?"
Jaina withdrew slowly, but continued to stay close. "Sanar, just—be careful," she begged.
Warmth spread in Sanar's gut, despite her usual distaste for sentimentality. "Hey, you know me, Jay. I always choose me."
"Except when it involves Clayra, any other person in your family, or some stupid thing that could—or at least should—be solved without you getting all—all heroic and—"
"Hey!" Sanar exclaimed. "I am not a hero! You take that back!"
"I will if you promise you won't act like one," Jaina bargained, looking desperate.
Sanar paused, and then softened immeasurably. At that moment, she loved Jaina as much as she did Clayra—the younger sister she had fought for, tooth and nail.
Jaina was worried about Sanar. I did it, the older woman thought. I took a bit of the hero out of Jaina Solo, and gave her some realism. Maybe she'll stay alive a little longer this way. "I promise, no unnecessary 'heroics'," Sanar said, gently framing Jaina's face with her hands. "Can I get the same from you? Since you are the one who always goes off and decides sacrificing herself is the 'right thing to do'."
Again, Jaina embraced her. "You know me." She laughed a little, but didn't release her hold on Sanar.
Sanar was just grateful that her sister had cracked before she could. "Exactly. I guess I'll have to have another…talk…with Zekk about you," Sanar muttered disparagingly into Jaina's hair.
Suddenly, she tensed. "Don't let it go without a fight," Sanar hissed. "Follow your basic instinct."
The Jedi pulled back a little to watch Sanar worriedly. "Sis?"
Sanar released her, but didn't move away. "Animal instinct," she stated firmly. "There are things you can, and can't, live without. Figure out what those are for you."
Not understanding, but trusting her sister, Jaina nodded. "Of course."
"I don't do goodbyes," Sanar began, stepping back.
"I don't want to hear one, anyway," Jaina replied.
Simultaneously, they reached out, grasping hands tightly, eyes shimmering with tears at the parting. Then they stepped apart.
Jaina didn't watch, nor did Sanar look back, as Kyp and Sanar ascended the Prize's ramp.
The goodbye was unspoken; neither wanted to hear it.
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Several hours later, on the Prize, trouble was afoot…
"Hey! That's my chocolate!"
"Mm…and it's delicious. How do you always get the best stuff?"
"I had a…guy…who makes gourmet chocolate," Krista said, snatching the chocolate bar back as soon as Miko blinked. "So I get it free."
"I could have gone without knowing that," Miko sighed good-naturedly as he leaned back in the lounge seat.
She looked up at him, suddenly uncertain. "I… Can I…?"
He laughed it off. "Kris, I survived a year practically living with you, and seeing all your boy toys. I think I can bear hearing about an ex."
"I—I can be quiet…sometimes…on some topics," she offered, staring at her restless hands. Uncomfortable, she took a big bite of the chocolate.
"Well, now, you've gone and made things awkward," Miko teased, winking. "Don't worry about me, Kris. It's been four years."
"Oh." She looked up then, frowning. "I guess it has."
She sounded hesitant, but Miko shrugged it off as some lingering uncertainty from her time in prison. He didn't act on his suspicions, but only because of how well he had bungled it the last time. "So, this ex just forks over gourmet chocolate? Does he have a female friend I can woo?"
"'This ex' makes the gourmet chocolate, and he's already wooing any girl around him, so tough luck on that," she teased, but her eyes flashed just a little.
"Ah, I see," Miko said with a knowing grin, "and I just can't compete, huh?"
This time, she didn't worry about those nasty possible underlying meanings. "Oh, Miko, did you expect you could?" She winked teasingly, and giggled in delight when her friend laughed.
Maybe things would be okay after all.
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"My stars," Sanar muttered at the other end of the lounge, staring wide eyed at the ship's resident newlywed couple. "They're… They're—whispering—sweet nothings!?"
"Not a sight you see everyday," Kyp agreed with a grimace.
The fact that Sanar did not verbally smack him for agreeing with her confirmed the oddness of the display before them:
Cerasy, the bounty hunter who as a child had had a real blaster in place of a stuffed animal, and Tiran Lee-droy, the snarky Jedi Knight, were casting googly eyes at each other.
That is, what passed for googly eyes with Cerasy and Tiran. Most people didn't consider insults sweet, or talk of blasters romantic.
"What happened to her?" Sanar demanded, aghast at her friend's behaviour. "Cerasy used to be so—so—"
"The changes love has brought?" Kyp offered.
"I can't watch," Sanar whimpered when the newlyweds shared a playful kiss. "She's gone. Irrevocably. Forever. Cerasy is no more."
"…It isn't quite that horrible," Kyp dared to suggest. "She's still alive—just married."
"She let him half-win an argument!" Sanar protested. "She's given up! She let a man beat her in a debate!"
Was this really a peek into Sanar's head? Kyp had a feeling overthrowing Rafintair was going to be easier than softening Sanar to him.
"I will never marry," the object of his affection muttered. "Bad enough that even in the GF women are quietly expected to become a housewife, but that kind of…sweetness…would give me a toothache."
"Ah, so you see Jaina and Zekk's future marriage as a bad thing?"
"Don't bring Jaina into this," Sanar snapped. "She's Jaina, and he's Zekk. They're galaxies away from normal, and a universe apart from me."
"Well, she isn't," he pointed out.
Sanar looked down. "No, I guess not. But she's still a hero, and I never will be. Thank Mujir," she tacked on somewhat unconvincingly.
Kyp started to say something, stopped, then began again. "The Solos are different from anyone I've ever met. The rest of us are just trying to keep up as best we can. Of course," he added, "I, for one, wouldn't want to be in their shoes for the galaxy. Being a hero, and knowing every choice you make could noticeably affect the galaxy's changes…"
"Jaina takes on way too much," Sanar agreed (she couldn't be thinking clearly—agreeing with Kyp Durron?). "Heroes always…" She sighed and shook her head. "Heroes are just always heroes. I bet not a single one of Jaina's family died working for the Dark side."
"Well, not that I know of Leia's family, no. But Han is Corellian—I'm sure there are a couple crime lords in his family tree."
"Thracken," Sanar smirked. Then, unexpectedly, she asked, "What about you?"
Kyp would have dismissed her question as his own wishful thinking, but she turned to him with a raised eyebrow, clearly waiting for an answer.
"Well, I—" he stumbled. "My parents were colonists. Just…normal people." Normal people he had lost years ago, and whom he had not seen even on the other side of the River. Had it been because of his then-future role as the Kavishka? "I was the first case of Darkness—or, really, difference—unless you count Zeth's training as a stormtrooper."
"Was he—your brother—was he really on Carida when…?"
Sanar's voice was hushed, but Kyp heard her perfectly nonetheless. He swallowed hard as Zeth's face flew through his mind. "He was. I—I didn't know until I had already…" He couldn't look at her. "When I found out, I tried to…but this man, he—he pushed Zeth away, trying to get to the ship himself… I couldn't stop it."
"Devnos—" Sanar stopped, and wetted her lips. "It's funny. When we were kids, before—" she didn't say before our father died, and he was grateful for it. "Just…before…I always thought he was the best thing next to his stories and my dad. Looking back now…I can pinpoint the day—the exact day—they took him away to put that chip in his head…and I can remember when he came back… But, then, I was too hurt to realize anything had changed. I had lost my brother so completely, but I didn't even know until just before he died."
Kyp held himself very still.
"People just…never see things, do they?"
"No, they don't," he agreed, his thoughts turning dark. Hanging from its belt, the Sildar hung pressed almost comfortingly against his leg. Unconsciously, he dropped a hand to its hilt.
"Do you remember," she slowly asked, peering up at him, "back when you were still dead, when you told me everyone can achieve redemption?"
He refocused on her, scrutinizing her carefully before answering. "Yes."
"Do you really believe that?" Her voice was small.
He smirked self-deprecatingly. "I have to."
She studied him silently, then left without another word.
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"I can't believe I'm willingly going back to that place," Veras muttered. Outside her and Braun's bedroom, the ship was silent. The Prize's passengers were mostly in Hapes' night cycle, but Veras and Braun were more used to Coruscanti time. Still, even they were ready for sleep at this hour, and Braun was already in bed, while Veras was getting ready.
"You were there just a month ago," Braun pointed out affably.
"For one day, and I spent that whole time locked up in here. We don't even know how long this 'mission' of Sanar's will take!"
Her husband rolled onto his back. "Are you saying you don't want to do this?"
"Well, of course I do," she snapped.
Privately, Braun wondered at the hatred and loyalty NLY inspired in its women. "Then we'll get through this."
"But will we?" Veras asked, perching on his side of the bed. "We're overthrowing a government, Braun! Not to be melodramatic, or anything, but what if…"
He moved almost surprisingly quickly to pull her close. "We're going to make it, Ver. I didn't put up with you for seven years just to lose you to some cultist fanatic."
"Seven years," she muttered, pulling out of his arms to finish brushing her hair. "Seven years." Shaking her head in disbelief, she discarded her robe and slipped under the thick covers.
"What?" he asked, looking slightly amused.
She shook her head again. "It just doesn't seem…real. Seven years, Braun. This is one helluva long dream."
He couldn't stop the warm grin that spread across his face, despite his usually stoic presentation. "This isn't a dream, love."
"Then where's the nightmare?" she asked wryly. "There's always one waiting."
He clicked the lights off and again pulled her close. "No more nightmares."
Veras smiled and kissed him briefly. "I love you." Snuggling deeper into his arms, she whispered, "See you in the morning?"
"In the morning."
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Please R&R!
.Tjz