Chapter 12
Eagerly anticipating Bella's face the following morning, Edward is disappointed by Colonel Cullen's dour visage greeting him in the library.
"Good morning, Captain," the expressionless Colonel says. He sits stiffly at the table, a set of folders spread before him. A raised hand beckons Edward to sit down.
"'Morning, sir," Edward says. Accustomed to the vague sense of freedom during his supervisor's absence, sitting across from the stern man is chilling. Edward couldn't sleep the prior evening, the pulse of excitement from the training and his conversation with Bella lingering in his mind until the early hours. A vacuum of unnerved sadness is replaced, desperately veiled by a professional smile. "How was your trip?"
"Productive." Colonel Cullen says. "And how did things go here?"
"Good." Worry builds in Edward's chest. "The library is something else."
"It is. I was reviewing the logs and you almost have full access."
"That's great," Edward says, surprised by his own excitement.
"You're just a couple of hours short, it appears."
"Yes, sir." A rush of nervous warmth spreads through Edward's body. Knowing his commanding officer's orders to simply study, and his distrust of the creatures that make up Lilim make the events in the Pen a delicate discussion. "I stepped out for a bit yesterday."
Another pause as the Colonel weighs his words. "Uneventful?"
"You could say that," Edward says, twisting the truth. Yesterday was fantastic and unique, but within the context of Lilim the experience is routine.
"I wouldn't."
Shit, Edward thinks in resigned frustration. How the hell does he know? Did somebody tell him?
"You were instructed to research," the Colonel continues. "Since there is no video of yesterday's training, I can assume Agent Eliz or Agent Adele don't want me to see what happened."
Edward's head swims. His team is looking out for him, at least part of his team. He can't screw them over. "I interrupted their training. Alice tried –"
"Agent Adele," Colonel Cullen corrects.
"Yes, sir. Agent Adele tried to keep me out of the Pen but I wanted to be with the team."
The Colonel leans back, his fingers intertwining in his lap. "You are not to be interacting with the team when I am not in the facility until you are authorized."
"They're my team, sir." Edward feels his frustration begin to boil. "I don't see how I can lead them when I'm never with them."
"We discussed this."
Keep your composure, Edward thinks. "Yes, sir. But I don't see how keeping me from them is effective at all."
"It helps you survive, Captain." There is no empathy in Colonel Cullen's voice. "And the longer you survive the less frequently we have to keep a team grounded while we train a new team leader."
"That's not leadership, sir," Edward says, struggling to rein his exasperation. "That's definitely not how I lead."
"That's how Lilim leads. For six decades it has proven to be the most effective way to control the creatures."
Profanities and protests flood into Edward's mouth. Professionalism forces him to swallow them back down.
The Colonel continues. "They're dangerous. Team leaders – you, Captain Masen – are there to control them. Because of their power, that means putting them down."
"Killing my own team."
"Yes," Colonel Cullen says with a disturbing banality. "You are not to interact with your team. Lilim policies such as this are in place specifically so you can take the necessary action if the need arises."
Edward's fists clench below the table. His teeth dig painfully into the inside of his lower lip. He seethes a moment before speaking. "I have a question."
"Go ahead."
"Have you had to kill your team?"
"Not my whole team. But I have killed four creatures who worked for me."
The gnaw of curiosity. "What happened?"
"Lilim, its assets and its missions remained secret. Humanity was not negatively affected by the existence of supernatural creatures. I survived."
The non-answer builds a rage in Edward. "That's not what I asked," he says, far louder than intended.
"That's all that matters," the Colonel replies, coolly. "The survival of humanity, Lilim's mission, is what's important. Not the creatures; they are an asset to be used until broken and discarded."
"That's absolute bullshit." Edward doesn't regret the lack of decorum.
"That's how Lilim operates. That's what you were selected for and agreed to do."
"I agreed because I saw something I shouldn't have," Edward says, images of the mutilated Emmett and the lumbering bear flashing in his mind. "If I had known this was going to be what it was like, I never would have accepted."
"But you have, and you will follow protocol."
"I'm going to lead my team." Empowering indignation builds. "I was selected because I'm one of the best. I'm going to do what I think is right."
The Colonel slides the folders on the table into a stack, obviously no longer planning to discuss them. "What you think is right may get you killed. And if you insist on having such a suicidal perspective we will be forced to remove you from the position."
"Maybe you should," Edward spits.
The Colonel ignores the statement. "The Lilim Division has not and will not survive through impudence. Our system works. Our policies are necessary. You are responsible for the secrecy of our organization's existence and the protection of humanity."
The rush of blood fills Edward's ears. He envisions punching the table, ripping several books off the shelves and storming out. He grips his pant legs to keep his fists from flying across the table.
"No," Edward says. Instinct guides his words. "I'm not okay with this. If you are going to insist I go to the field with people I cannot trust, I'm out." The thump of his heart echoes throughout his body.
"It's not about trust," the Colonel says, the slightest hint of annoyance in his eyes, "It's about control."
Edward pushes back from the table. "Find yourself a lackey. I'm done." He heads to the door.
"No."
The singularity of the command makes Edward stop.
"I recommend you reconsider," the Colonel says. "Go home. Think about what is required of you as a member of Lilim Division. Think about what is needed to defeat the thousands of creatures catalogued in this room. Then think about the fragility of humanity compared to the life of one monster."
Edward looks back, his piercing eyes meeting the calloused gaze of Colonel Cullen. He grips the cold handle of the door.
"I hope to see you hear tomorrow," the Colonel adds.
"Sir." The pulse of Edward's heart fills his ears. He scowls to himself and takes a breath. "Maybe poor leadership lead to the death of your team members," he says before walking out.