Hey! Two chapters in one night. I pat myself on the shoulder. Enjoy!
It wasn't that I didn't like school. I actually enjoyed learning different stuff and putting my mind to work. What I disliked was the way other factions treated us. I disliked having to apologize to anyone, who obviously ran into me. It feels like apologizing for existing, for going to school at all. How does that make sense? Selflessness is for the Abnegation, but that doesn't mean that other factions aren't allowed to follow simple rules of mutual respect. At least that's my opinion.
I sigh and enter the building. Liz nods her head to me, falling into required Abnegation behavior, and heads for her class, while I go straight ahead towards faction history. Sometimes, classes seemed to last for hours, dragging along as some Erudite teacher goes on and on about a subject. I listened attentively when I knew what the teachers were talking about, but sometimes I would get lost in my thoughts and have problems keeping up.
Today, however, it feels like only seconds until lunch break arrives and therefore the Aptitude Test. My heart pumps in my chest and for once I am really glad and thankful for the silence at our table and about the fact that I would be just left alone.
The whole scenery somehow feels unreal to me. I am very aware of what is going to happen and yet my mind seem to refuse to accept that with tomorrow my life will change, no matter what choice I'll make. And today we lay the base for that. While still struggling to come to terms with that I watch numbly as people first leave the room and then return in a steady rhythm. Leave and return. Leave and return. Until suddenly, my name is called and I make my way to join the pattern. First, leave the room.
Still buried in my thoughts I mechanically walk into the testing room, only taking slight notice of the mirrors there. I make Smalltalk with my Test Administrator, Tori. She is from Dauntless. I briefly wonder if she knows my brother but decide against it. What good would it do?
Instead, I drink the serum and take the test I have been fussing about for quite a long time. When I come out of the simulation I'm greeted with a frightened expression on Tori's face. Before I can really ask what happened she tells me to stay put and that she will be right back. Waiting for her return, I contemplate that I actually managed to project a frightened expression on the face of a Dauntless member. What an accomplishment.
"Beatrice" Tori reenters the room and looks at me gravely. "You have to listen to me now and you can't talk to anyone about this. Ever. Do you understand?" And then she tells me about my result, or rather results. Plural, since apparently there are three instead of one. While she explains about Divergence and the dangers that come with it, three words circle in my mind – Abnegation, Dauntless, Erudite.
When she is done, she tells me to head home, to pretend that I'm sick. But I refuse; thinking of what will await me at home. Also, I want to go home together with my sister one last time, so I tell her that it's alright and that I have to wait for my little sister. I stand up and turn to go, but Tori raises her voice once more.
"Oh, and Tris? I am to tell you that your brother sends his love and that tonight will be as scheduled. I can't tell you what is meant by this, but I thought I'd pass the message." She says with a wink. I feel myself smile at the thought of Tobias. How sweet, that he'd make sure that I feel good right after my test. I nod my head at Tori, thanking her, and leave the room.
Back in the cafeteria I think about what Tori told me. Supposedly the Erudite are after Divergents since they, or we, to their opinion, pose a threat to the whole system. And order has been given out to all the factions that Divergents are to be turned in to Erudite. So it would be suicidal to transfer to Erudite. Not, that I was really planning on that.
I wonder if Marcus knows about Divergence, he is a faction leader after all. I don't have a chance to follow that train of thought for now, as everyone has taken their tests and the younger students have finished with classes, as well. I spot Liz in the crowd and make my way to her. On our way to the bus stop I can feel her giving me sidelong glances, but I choose to ignore them. I guess my sister knows me very well and so she doesn't ask me any questions and tries to distract me instead. She tells me about this one Dauntless in her maths class, Dave that she likes very much. She goes on and on about his looks and how he is a great person, because he is outgoing and yet doesn't feel the need to put others down. I tell her that he seems like a great guy and that I am happy for her. And I really am. Plus, it would be great for her to have a dauntless friend to be there for her and protect her when I can't.
We then talk about this and that until the bus arrives in Abnegation and we have to get out. At this point Liz really has succeeded, as I haven't thought about all my problems for the past few moments. I am very grateful for that.
We part ways once more, because Liz has signed up for volunteering work today, while all 16 year olds are to go home and contemplate their choice for tomorrow. As I head home I realize that Marcus will be there as well, since everyone is in preparation for the Choosing Ceremony, which will be hosted by Abnegation. Therefore, Marcus is not required at work today.
I stop at the door and take a deep breath. I can do it – I have done it before I think, as I open the door and step in.