Hey my lovelies! I'm truly sorry for not updating in so long, but I had a rare week of freedom from University and work and decided to have a life and visit some friends. Travelling light, there sadly was no way to update. However, I'm back to my old dull routine, so updates will become more frequent again.

I want to give a huge thanks to all of you who have reviewed and kicked my ass to update again. I needed that.

Alright, enjoy!

TRIS POV

At dinner that night I hardly manage to swallow any of the plain Abnegation food. I was nauseated by the thought of what already happened today, as well by what will still happen in the night. Honestly, wasn't my day not bad enough already?!

When the kitchen is clean and everyone gathers in the common room to spend time together before going to sleep, I excuse myself and head for the girls dormitory. I know that I can't risk falling asleep and being late, or even missing my appointment with Marcus. But this way, I at least have a little private time to prepare myself for what is to come. I know I can't put on my make-up just yet, as there is the danger that others would see. I can, however, put on the lingerie that I found in the bag. It would be covered by my pajamas.

Being done with that, I just lie down and pretend to be asleep. I know that this behavior must seem weird to the other initiates, luckily, they'd never be nosy and ask questions. Good for me now, but no wonder that something like child abuse can go unnoticed for so long in Abnegation, with nobody daring to ask questions in the fear to seem selfish.

It is well past ten when the breathing of the others has even out and I'm positive that everyone is asleep. I silently get up and tip-toe to the bathroom.

With fleeting hands I pin up my hair and start on my face. I'm shaking all over and mess up a lot before I finally get it right. In the end, my eyes are very irritated because I accidentally poked them with my mascara. Yes, I was shaking that much. Another glance at my watch tells me that it is half past eleven by now and I know that it's time for me to leave the house.

I listen carefully at the bathroom door, making sure that no one is out there and could see me. Again, as quietly as possible, I unlock the door and head downstairs towards the back door. For a moment I think I saw someone in the kitchen and turn around hastily, taking a closer look, but at this second glance nobody is there. Huh. Odd, but I'm still relieved that no one saw me.

On my way to my old 'home' I make sure to avoid most main streets and keep in the shadows. Of course, even if I walked in the middle of the street nobody would be able to see me, it is in the middle of the night after all and all the lights are out. I can barely navigate myself, but with the moonlight and my knowledge of the streets, I manage just fine.

The first thing I do upon arriving is to look somewhat longingly at the window of what used to be Liz' and mine bedroom. Hopefully, she lies peacefully in her bed, dreaming of solely peaceful things. For a moment I imagine this was just another family visit, without any violence, but filled with love, comfort and laughter instead. I'd tease Liz about her ongoing crush on this dauntless guy and tell her happy stories of my initiation.

With a sigh, I shove those thoughts aside; they won't help me right now. Instead, I knock and face my fate.

Marcus checks me out as soon as he opens the door. Secons later, he slaps me across the face.

"Your make up is messy, those lines are all over the place. That is repulsing not hot."

Well, hello to you, too.

"I'm so sorry. I'll do it again if you want. I…I"

"Stop stuttering. That's pathetic. And we don't have time for you to do again. Just don't dare to mess it up again. Understood?"

Not even waiting for an answer, he grabs my arm and drags me upstairs, again into Tobias old bedroom.

I try to remember everything Louise has taught me about seducing and put on my 'sexy face' and begin to slowly unbutton my dress, fighting back the nausea that threatens to overtake me as I do so.

Marcus just growls and tells me to "Hurry up and drop the act; I know exactly how pathetic you are, you can't fool me with that supposedly sexy façade."

That has me confused, because I thought that I needed to learn all that just because of him, and all of a sudden, he doesn't want that!? How would that make any sense? Before I can control myself, and despite my better knowledge, I blurt out

"What? Then why am I learning that?" My words earn me another slap and a kick, but surprisingly, also an answer.

"I know how pathetic you are, but I have friends all over the city that don't. And many, many of them also have needs that need to be satisfied. So we have reached an agreement – they make my work as a leader a lot easier, while I, or better, you give them what their bodies crave. So next week, when you follow me as my 'assistant', you will fulfill my side of the agreement, but I need you to be fit for that. Therefore, the lessons." I gasp and breathing fails me.

I'm shocked and far too speechless to bring myself in further trouble. Marcus, my supposedly selfish 'father' sold me for his own gains? And, knowing Marcus, his so called friends will not be an ounce better. I'd never thought that this would happen to me and that this was part of the bargain I had with Marcus. But of course, even with this knowledge I most probably wouldn't have refused; for Liz and for Tobias.

My next intake of air sounds like a strangled sob. All I want to do right now is curl up somewhere safe and cry and wallow in self pity. Clearly though, that isn't an option. In fact, it is not like I have a safe place to be. So I mentally count to three and tell myself to get a grip. I can't be weak. I can't break. I must be strong. I am strong. For Liz. For Tobias.

These thoughts help me not to panic as Marcus himself rips my dress away and throws me onto the bed, still wearing the red lacy lingerie I put on earlier. Once again, he straddles me, but his attention is on his left hand, that picks something up from the bedside table. With his right hand, he takes my left and moves it above my head. Then something cold and metallic wraps itself around my wrist – handcuffs. When I realize what it is, I start to struggle again, despite knowing that it is pointless and probably even turns him on more. It it's worthless, of course, and he quickly gets a hold of my right hand as well. When my wrists are well secured to the bedposts, he gets up and proceeds to my feet. Instinctively, I move them upwards, against my chest, but there is no way to escape him.

With my freedom taken away from me in such a physical manner, I felt as if I can't get enough air and start to panic and squirm around, trying to get out and flee somehow. I'm way beyond any reason and just blindly thrash around as Marcus approaches my face again and begins to kiss me, with his hands freely roaming once more.

Then, as if my body has hit its limit of panic and fright for one day, I just shut down. Somewhere deep in my mind I'm still aware of what's happening and of the pain it causes me, but I don't see, I don't hear, I'm not really there.

When he is done, he is so exhausted; he doesn't even demand anything from me. He just unties me and leaves. I go through the next motions robotically, finding my dress, putting it on again, leaving the house, going back to the initiates' house. I reenter through the back door, too tired and done with everything that I don't even bother to check if anyone is there.

Only when I'm in the bathroom and try to wash the entire make up away without a mirror, I realize I'm crying. I don't know how to stop and I don't even care, so I just go to bed, curl up into a tight ball and close my eyes. I have no idea when did I fall asleep or if I ever did; I just lie there with my eyes closed dreaming of a better life with the ones I love. Living with the freedom and happiness that had been stolen from me.

Alright. What do you think? I promise, the depressing stuff will not go on forever and there will be more light-hearted moments in the future.

Aaaaand I just decided to let Tris pay a little visit to dauntless in the next chapter. So stay tuned to find out how and why and how it goes!