I'm back again. I know, I have been lazy, but so have you, my lovely readers. I just received like 3 reviews, which is alright, but I know that they give me a little pressure to update sooner, sooooo

However, I can't promise anything since recently I have been accepted into the University I've dreamed about for over a year now and I'm overly excited and am currently planning my moving there and everything, so I promise to update whenever i can pry my mind of University-stuff.

I still have millions of ideas running through my head and I'm also very excited to share those, so don't worry about me quitting. It's just the updates that might be less frequent... I never really prewrite anything. I just need to share the newest chapter, sooooo.

And I want to seize this opportunity again to thank and praise my lovely beta Lynda! Shout out! You're great! And you'll rock your exams. :)

Alright, it's late and I'll just leave you to chapter 12. Enjoy!

Tris POV

The rest of the week passed in more or less the same manner. Learning in the factionless sector with Louise and Mick. Dinner at the initiates' house and then the night at Marcus'.

My first day of initiation was also the last day I had cried. That, I have sworn to myself. I have decided that a certain emotional numbness would help me to get through this. It was actually Louise who gave me the idea. I'd asked her if her profession and life bothered her at all and she answered that she had learned to weigh the pros against the cons and that she was at least glad to live a somewhat comfortable and dignified life. Dignified to the extend, that she was still able to decide with whom of her customers to sleep and where and under which conditions. Many other young factionless girls had it worse. She also told me that in the beginning it was torture to her and she used to chant to herself that she was doing this to survive and that I'd be better eventually and that she shut her emotions deep inside her.

I thought about what she said and buried all the pain and hurt and worry deep inside me. In the afternoon, I managed to have sex with Mick without any emotional outburst, neither positive nor negative.

By now I am mostly indifferent to the world around me. I simply endure everything and refuse to recognize any emotion. There is only one thing that is of interest to me anymore, and that's my siblings and their wellbeing. It's only when I catch a glimpse of Liz at Marcus' or think about Tobias, that I feel something stir inside me. It is the one thing that I refuse to give up. It is and always has been my source of happiness throughout my life and even though I have given up about everything for them, I refuse to cut them out of my life.

It is now the next Monday morning and I'm about to begin my week as Marcus' personal assistant. It is the first time I step into his workplace and I'm not really surprised by the usual gray that greets me there. I ask someone where I have to go and get help immediately. Of course.

I'm about to knock at Marcus' office when the door bursts open and I'm face to face with my stepfather. I'm having a déjà vu and ask myself if from now on I'll start every week with such an impeccable timing.

"Beatrice! You're here! Great! I was just about to look for you, because we have to leave soon, we have to attend a meeting with the leaders of Dauntless. I'm really sorry to put this upon you this early, but I'm sure you will be just fine. If you'd rather not want to come I could find something else for you to do. If that's what you want."

For a moment I'm perplexed by his friendliness and consideration, but then I remember that we're in public and that he'd have to put on this façade of a caring father and leader.

"No no, that's fine. Of course I'll come and help you." I answer just as friendly for appearances' sake and smile.

He informs me that we'll take one of the government's cars and are to leave immediately. So we walk outside once more, and on the street there is now a car parked. We both get in, him on the driver's side and me on the other side. I'd never actually thought that he could drive and that he doesn't have a driver. But, oh well, Abnegation. What more is there to say? It's a wonder we don't walk all the way to Dauntless Headquarters.

When the doors are closed and we drive off, the pleasant façade of Marcus drops in an instant and there's not even the hint of friendliness left in his features.

"Listen here, the plan is as following: the meeting lasts from 10 to 14 o clock. You will be invisible at my side and write protocol. No talking and no eye contact with anyone, just concentrate on the protocol. I want to have it in every detail.

Afterwards, I have a private meeting with Max where you won't be required. Instead, you will have another… meeting with one of my friends. He is among the leaders and you will just follow him afterwards. His name is Eric and I expect you to please his every need, understood?

You'll find everything you need in the bag on the back seat. Change now and apply the make up later, no one should see you with it. And if I hear even the slightest complaint about you, you know what's coming for your sweet little sister, right? So you better give your best."

So this is it, my first appointment. I'm scared as hell. Mick at least is gentle and somewhat likeable and with Marcus I can just lie there and pretend to be somewhere else; but with this Eric I'll really have to act and participate and remember everything I have learned and I'm scared of what will happen if I fail. However, I also feel like vomiting at the thought of giving myself to some stranger, who is Marcus's friend. I mean, that fact says it all, right?

My thoughts frantically race through my head afterwards; it is a mess of memories from 'sessions' with both Mick and my 'stepfather', pure fear and repetitions from stuff Louise has told me. So much for the numbness I adopted in the past few days. All of them gone in an instant with the words from the man beside me.

I come to myself again when we pull into a small parking lot at the entrance of a multi-story house. For a moment my anxiousness is forgotten, I realize that I finally get to step foot into Dauntless. Sure, not in the way I wanted, but still.

It is dark and cold, and at first I don't see much, but when my eyes adjust to the darkness, I can make out different tunnels and the faint glow of light at the end of each. I also see the person standing in the entrance of one of the tunnels. As he comes nearer I realize that it is a man that looks only a few years older than me. He has greasy black hair and a burly stature, but what stands out most about him is his heavily pierced face. It seems as if there is more metal than flesh there and it is grueling.

He inclines his head slightly to Marcus and welcomes him to Dauntless; ignoring me completely. Not that I mind.

Marcus returns the nod. "Eric. It's nice to see you again. Oh, and this is Beatrice; you know, the girl I told you about."

This makes Eric look more closely at me and I make sure to keep my eyes trained on the ground. I really don't want to look the man I was to 'please' later in the eyes just yet. Still I can nearly feel his gaze on me, taking in my thin body and my baggy, gray clothes; lingering on my nearly inexistent curves.

"Ah, Beatrice. Well, I'm already excited to get to know you better later. We will have a lot more time to talk later." He says with a lustful smirk on his lips. I can feel the bile rise in my throat at the thought of what he will do to me later. Somehow I don't think that he is simply sexually frustrated. He seems by far too… sadistic for that. With this thought, my breathing accelerates and I feel the panic once more take control of my body. But this is neither time nor place for this. 'Focus, breathe, focus' I tell myself and slowly, one by one I rebuild the walls I have made around my emotions and let the numbness rise. Only this time, the walls are thicker and I made sure that they won't come crumbling to pieces around me again.

As we walk towards the meeting room I trail behind, listening idly to the conversation Eric and Marcus are having. I hear pieces about Erudite and reports and Abnegation and a new serum, but I can't really make sense of any of this.

While wandering through the maze of hallways that is Dauntless, I also try to imagine Tobias living here. It is strange and at the same time easy and hard to picture. This new, stronger version of Tobias must fit here well, but the Tobias I knew, the kind and lanky boy that comforted me at night, this Tobias would've been miserable here. Not only because of the smalls hallways, that make me feel claustrophobic, and surely him as well, and all the heights he was so afraid of, but also because of the emotional coldness that creeps into me with every turn we take. Our siblings were all we had and we believed in the strength we had together. We never needed to shout it out, it was more of a quiet reassurance that we are here for each other and will love each other no matter what. Tobias was ripped away by the society and I left out of protectiveness, but I still know deep inside that there are two people in the world that love and care for me. They are my safety net. We all know that of each other, so there is no need for words. Words could never fully emphasize the feeling we shared.

Here, however, words never seemed to run out. Everyone was shouting and gesturing excessively. If I was one of them, I would have probably found it exciting, new and great. But as a bystander, it frightens me and I wonder if these Dauntless still believed in their manifesto or if it was just pure recklessness that drove them now.

The dynamic between the members are odd as well. There are groups everywhere and yet everyone seems to live for themselves. It is so different from what I know in Abnegation. There, loyalty and friendliness is genuine even without a single word uttered about it. Here, there are many, many words but also a lot of selfishness.

Eric and Marcus stops in front of a door and knocks, effectively breaking me out of my reverie. When the door is open, I peek inside and see five people sitting there, looking up at us upon our entrance. I freeze and gasp in shock, because two familiar dark blue eyes bore into mine. Tobias.

FOUR POV

I'm sitting nervously in the meeting room, going over my notes and instructions once more. Ever since I returned from Abnegation the last time, I was thinking about how I could possibly help Tris without hurting Liz or endanger Tris even more. So far haven't come up with much, but I decided that a position that held more power and more insight in the workings of Dauntless and the whole city might help.

So the day of the choosing Ceremony, when Max summoned me once more, I finally agreed to take up the leadership position. Silently I hoped that I could be replacing Eric instead of working with him, but sadly, that's not the case. I was always reluctant to be a leader, because that would mean that I'd have to come face to face with my worst fear – Marcus. Yet, my little sister can do that and has to do that on a daily basis, so I can do this as well. Especially, when it might help her. That was the final nudge. And maybe I can even make steps to bring dauntless back to its old ideals, so that when Liz comes here, she encounters a less cruel and braver version of this faction. From now on, this would be my goal and this new determination I felt that night has yet to leave me.

For now I'm not even officially a leader, since I'm still the instructor of the initiates. However, they already gave me first instructions and told me that I would attend all meetings and learn the rest later. I will replace the oldest of the five leaders, who decided to retire. I was all in for that, until I heard that my very first meeting would be with Marcus of all people. Backing out is no longer an option and I won't give him the satisfaction to see the effect he still has on me. I'm determined to just be Four, the dauntless prodigy and leader, who is a strong man with hardly any fears.

Then, the door opens and I feel my façade slip away for a second, despite my best efforts. In the door there is not only Eric and Marcus, no, there is also Tris. We leaders were informed that an initiate girl which will most likely work in the government later was supposed to accompany Marcus today, but I haven't given her much thought. And it never even occurred to me that it could be Tris. When I thought of her, I thought of the situation she was in, and not the fact that she is also an Abnegation initiate. So her appearance here is a shock to me.

Especially since she is a version of Tris I can hardly recognize – she seems so isolated from everything that is going on around her and she has lost her glow and spirit. The Tris I knew was so alive and strong through everything that Marcus threw at her, but now there is no spark in her sunken in eyes anymore and she definitively has lost weight. I'm shocked by what I see and immediately want to run to her; engulf her in a hug and run far away with her to a place where no harm will come to her anymore. And at the same time I'm eaten away by guilt. Because all of this is my fault. I should have stayed and protected her. Then, I would never have to see Tris as this ghost in front of me.

Our eyes lock and I try to convey all my feelings with my eyes and at the same time examine hers for any trace of live and emotion, but I can't find any.

I'm about to get up and go to her, but she seems to see right through my intentions and shakes her head, barely noticeable, at me. I'm confused. Doesn't she want me near her; or doesn't she want to be associated with me, or… I don't know. Why did she tell me not to get up?

I'm confused and the tiniest bit hurt, even though I know that I have no right to this feeling at all. So, I try to suppress it, but judging by the way Tris looked down at the floor, her shoulders slumped, she must have caught it. Great. Now I hurt her even more. God, I'm an awful big brother why is it, that I can't ever do anything right?

All the way through the meeting I try to catch Tris' eye again and comfort her, but she wouldn't look at me, or anyone for that matter. She just gazes down at her paper where she takes notes and avoids any contact with anyone.

I have every intention of going after her when the meeting is done. I plan on getting her somewhere alone and safe for the moment, where I could be there for her and comfort her and plan her escape with her, but Max has other plans. He announces that there are still some issues which are between him, the main leader and Marcus, the government leader and that Eric was assigned to give Tris a brief run over how things worked around here in the meanwhile.

That raises my suspicions. Why would ERIC tell Tris about that? Even if she works in the government later, she doesn't need ERIC to tell her. Plus, I really don't want Tris to be alone in a room with Eric. And a look at her face tells me that neither does she. So I stand up and say that I could do that, since it is still fresh in my mind and I'm an instructor and somewhat experienced with initiates.

Eris just sneers at my suggestion and Laura, another leader tells me that she wants to go over some stuff with me and that I can't go and that Eric will do this just fine. I'm not ready to give up that easily, but then I catch Tris gaze for the second time today and for the second time her gaze tells me 'No, act as if you don't know me and don't get yourself in danger. I'm just fine'.

I want to ignore that request, wanting to safe her from that and wanting to have some time alone with her but her eyes plead and beg with me and with a sigh I nod at Laura and watch Tris and Eric leaving the room.

I'm such a failure.

Any thoughts? Please do share them. Oh and next chapter I might just put a little brotherly Fourtris in, if I'm in a generous mood, but uh-oh! Eric!