Edward can't sleep that night. The stress of the pending mission weighs on his chest, suffocating him, pressing him in to his mattress. His eyes hurt from fatigue. Keeping them open to the dark hurts. Closing them hurts. His hands tingle warmly as they rest on top of his comforter. It sticks tightly to his sweaty skin.
"Fuck," he whispers to the empty darkness.
After saying goodbye to Bella so she could transform in private, he met with Colonel Cullen. The officer politely listened to Edward's "plan," though his eyes remained down with disinterest. It was only when Edward finished speaking did Carlisle look up at him with a piercing stare.
"That's it?" he asked.
"Yes sir," Edward said.
A tense, ponderous pause.
"There's a location on the ARMS for you to install the Kill Switch," the Colonel said, finally. He looked back down to the tablet. "You leave tomorrow night."
"Is that all, sir?"
"Good night, Captain."
With that, Edward got up and came home. Colonel Cullen's tone continuously echoing in his mind as prepared for bed. And now, it keeps him awake.
He grabs his phone off the night stand, and pulls up the contacts. Its blue glow floods his face making him squint momentarily as his eyes adjust.
He thinks back to before Lilim. So many times he had been invited out by other soldiers. All the times he turned them down. After his parents died, loneliness seemed the safest place. Now, all he wants to do is be with anyone who isn't a part of Lilim. Some family. A friend. The bars are closed. His past is gone. The sparsely populated listing of contacts shines brightly in his face. The sun begins to glow over the horizon before sleep takes him.
The mid-afternoon sun peers in his window when he wakes, the weight from last night still on him. He ignores the need to get out of bed until an innate sense of duty compels him to take a shower. It runs longer than normal. Hotter than normal. A hundred streams of water pressing him not to leave. He shaves, dresses and heads to the facility.
In the Lilim lobby, he's surprised to see Jacob standing in front of the iron memorial hanging on the wall.
"Hey sir," Jacob says. There's an undercurrent of seriousness in his voice.
"Afternoon," Edward says, standing beside him. "What's up?"
"We have a mission." Jacob shrugs. "I always come here before a mission."
"Why?"
Biting his lip, Jacob points at a name on the wall: 'William Black.'
"Is that your dad?" Edward asks. Shame that he didn't know that Jacob's father served with Lilim replaces the heavy concern about the mission.
"Yeah."
"What happened?"
"Don't know." Jacob gives his care-free, infectious smile while he continues to keep his eyes on his father's name. "Never knew him. He met my mom while he was with Lilim. They knew all about me. Once puberty hit, Colonel Cullen paid me a visit and explained everything."
"Is that why you're here?"
"Yep. If Lilim had military brats I would be it." His brow curls down in thought. "My dad was already on the wall when I got here."
"I'm sorry."
"You don't need to be," Jacob says as his smile returns. "I'm actually proud he's on this wall."
In silence, Edward stands beside his soldier and scans the names. He's never paid attention to it, or really thought about it. What type of creatures were they? Are there any humans? He reads the translation at the bottom: "May their course be lifted." Did the people on the wall think they were cursed? Does his team?
Am I cursed? he thinks.
After a moment longer, Jacob nods with satisfaction. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Edward says, breathless with consideration. "Let's go."
The clacking of the disappearing lobby wall covers the sound of their steps as they move across the lobby.
"Did you're father serve with Gamma team?" Edward asks over the sound of the noise.
"No," Jacob says, thoughtfully. "I'm not sure which team he was with. Bella and Emmett say they didn't know him."
When the quiet comes, the two of them head down the empty corridor to the conference room. Alice leans against the wall by the door, reviewing the nuclear site's plans on her tablet. She smiles and embraces Jacob tight.
"You good?" she asks.
"Of course," Jacob says, flippantly.
She purses her lips and gives a slight wink. Her hand runs down his back as Jacob heads in.
"Are you good?" Alice asks Edward, stopping him as begins to follow Jacob in to the room.
"Yeah," he says before thinking about his response. "I'm good."
"I know you are," Alice says. She cocks her head, her bob of hair bouncing to the side, and grins as she slides in to the conference room before him.
It makes him chuckle. Not loud or full. It's just enough to lighten the pressure in him that refuses to let go.
"Is the Colonel not coming?" Edward asks. His team is there, in their usual spots, but Colonel Cullen's chair at the head of the table is glaringly absent. He pulls out his phone and checks the time; just after five.
"This is all you," Emmett says.
Confused, Edward looks to Bella.
"He never sits in on the meeting before we leave," she says.
It's something Edward has never experienced, a commander completely disregarding a team before they leave. His tongue curls in his mouth as he considers it. He was prepared to again explain the plan to the senior officer, as he has always had to do. Repetition. Some semblance of empathy from the person who was ultimately responsible for him. Was this an insult or a show of trust?
Trust, Edward thinks. Hopes. I can't ask anymore questions.
"Alright," he says, sitting down. He looks around the table. "Anything?"
"You going to give a pep talk?" Jacob asks.
"Do you need one?" The jovial nature of Jacob's question calms him.
"No," Emmett says, quickly.
"Tough shit," Edward responds. His comfortability grows. "You're getting one. Does anyone have anything I need to know?"
"We'll be tracking everything from here," Alice says. "I've already checked that everyone's GPSs are active."
"Good," Edward says, absently. It takes him a moment to remember that the bombs implanted within his team can be tracked.
"Edward," Bella says, grabbing his attention before he can think about the Kill Switch, "Our ground contact is meeting us there to give us an update."
"That's great news," he says. Hopefully they can get actual details.
"Since we'll meet him after I've transformed," she continues, "You and Emmett are going to have to talk to him."
Edward leans in his chair, casually resting his entire body on one arm. "Okay."
"His name is Clear Water. He knows Emmett. But you can't take any weapons with you."
The stipulation stops the tide of good news. He looks around the table. "Why is that?"
"The yunwi aren't big fans of government agents with guns," Alice says.
"Yeah," Bella agrees.
"Ah." Edward finds himself grinning at the obvious simplicity of the reason. His focus returns to Bella. "That won't be a problem. You and Jacob will watch the weapons."
"Of course." Bella smiles. It's nice to see the decisive, eager Edward back. She appreciated his honesty last night, but that wasn't what they needed. Not now. Not for this.
"Anything else?"
The team exchanges looks. Nothing.
"Okay," Edward says as he stands. He leans over, palms planted flat on the table's surface, and looks Emmett with wide, challenging eyes. "Pep talk."
Glowering, Emmett shifts back in his chair while the rest of the team smirks.
"You know what you are doing," Edward says, standing upright. He scans his team, and meets of their eyes. Their confidence, in him and in themselves, is inspiring. "Do what I need. Don't get killed. We'll come home." He sits.
"That's it?" Emmett asks, bored and incredulous.
"That's it."
"Alright," Jacob says, stretching his arms above and behind his head.
"Do what you need to do," Edward says, "Ammo, food, whatever." He leans forward and reaches across the table, turning her tablet so he can see the time. "The sun sets in about an hour. We leave twenty minutes after dark."
He waits for acknowledgement from his team before continuing. One by one, they nod.
"Any other questions?"
They all shake their heads.
"Good." He sits back, satisfied. The pressure is little more than a tightness in his gut. The Colonel's absence, the potential for failure, it fades in his mind as he looks at his team. He doesn't miss his past. Not now.
"Break!" Jacob says, extending his hand forward and bouncing it in the air as if they were in a huddle. He meets Alice's patient head-shake with his wide grin.
"Don't do that," Emmett says, as he brusquely stands and exits.