A.N. Earlier today I posted chapter 10 and I received a review that said, among other things, that my story was retarded and that I should stop writing, if you wish to read the review, I didn't delete it and it should be up with the other reviews whenever, whatever time it takes to get through the system finishes. Here, however, is my response to this review.
Standard disclaimer, I don't own Glee or any of its characters.
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Chapter 11
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Quinn couldn't imagine how this day could get any worse. Puck, fucking Puck, had joined the glee club. This club was going to be her one respite from him, the one area in the entire school where she could safely assume he would not be. Yet there he was, he just showed up, and Quinn just wanted to scream. As soon a glee let out she left the room as quickly as she could, making sure that he didn't have a chance to talk to her.
Quinn sent up a short prayer of gratitude that it was Friday and that the week was finally over. She was going to spend the weekend over at Brittany's. She didn't want to go home until she had a plan of some sort on how to handle her parents. She didn't bother calling or even sending a text asking permission to stay at her friends place, if either of her parents were actually sober enough to think of her they would have contacted her already. That was one plus side to her situation, she never really had to get parental permission to do anything, just wait until they were too wasted to care.
No matter how much she wanted to avoid it, she had to tell her parents and soon. She wouldn't be able to hide it much longer and she was already starting to show. Not enough to draw any attention yet, but definitely enough for her to notice. And after she told her parents, and assuming she survived the encounter she had to figure out what she was going to do about school. She needed to start prepping and getting things set up for when she finally took that fall from the top. Still she couldn't worry about that now, 'One thing at a time.' She tells herself.
First she needs to worry about her parents, then she can move on from there. As she is contemplating her next action she is brought out of her thoughts as Brittany and Santana walk up to her. They both have such a somber and serious expression on their faces that Quinn can't help but make a joke. "Jeez you two, who died?"
When they just continue to stare at her, lost in thought, it kind of freaks her out.
"Oh my God, no one died did they?" Quinn asks in alarm.
"What, oh no…" Brittany trails off.
"Q, Querida, is…" Santana also trails off awkwardly.
A few seconds pass as both Brittany and Santana continue to stare at her in silence, slightly fidgeting as they struggle to say whatever it is they are having trouble saying. "You guys, you're really starting to freak me out, what's wrong?"
Finally Brittany breaks the silence. "Quinn, who's the father?"
Quinn can't help but roll her eyes in frustration. "This again, look I know you guys are curious, but it doesn't matter who the father is, he's not going to have anything to do with the baby and it's better that way. Now please, just drop it, if it helps-"
"Is it Puck?" Santana asks, her eyes hard as she interrupts her best friend.
Quinn freezes, there is no way that they could know that, not unless… "He told you?" Quinn whispers.
"No, but you should have." Santana replies.
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xXx-Scene Break-xXx
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You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Quinn sat on the edge of Brittany's bed, head down and her hands in her lap as she waited for someone to break the silence, nobody had spoken since they had left the school. Brittany sat at her desk facing the other blond at a loss for words on what to say, but trying to think of something. Santana was by a dresser near the door, glaring at nothing as she silently fumed.
Finally it was Santana who broke the silence. "So do you fuck all of your friend's boyfriends or is it just mine?" The Latina snarls.
"Santana!" Brittany yells as she glances at Quinn who looks like she's just been slapped.
"San… I…" Quinn starts to cry. "I'm really sorry."
"Oh, you're sorry, well then I guess that just makes everything okay then." Santana sneers.
"Please San… I didn't-"
"Didn't what Quinn, betray me, I know I played it off cool, but damn it I didn't think that one of those ho's that Puck was getting with would be my best friend!"
Quinn buries her face in her hands and begins to sob, uncontrollably.
"Santana! What the hell!?" Brittany yells. "What is the matter with you!?"
"What's the matter with me is that I thought I could trust my friend not to betray me, to have enough respect for me to not sleep with my boyfriend!"
"He's not your boyfriend anymore! And besides you and I got together all of the time when you and he dated, how is that different?" Brittany asks seething.
"It's different because I was in love with you, and because I was confused about my feelings, it's different because Quinn who is supposed to be my friend and someone that I thought I could trust, went around behind my back and slept with my boyfriend and then tried to keep it a big secret! She has absolutely no respect for me, or my feelings, or what I was going through, how the hell am I supposed to trust her again!?"
Santana was red with rage and she stands before Quinn. "You didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face, I had to fucking work it out for myself, you kept it a secret and then you tried to pull the wool over my eyes, you're no better than Finn. You just snuck around and then tried to hide it and pretend that everything was okay, that you didn't do anything wrong!"
"Santana please," Quinn begs, "Please, I am so, so, sorry, I… I didn't-"
"No you're not sorry, you're just sorry that you got caught, that you didn't get away with it."
"Please San, let me explain-"
"Explain what exactly!? What could there possibly be for you to explain, you went behind my back and-"
"Santana, let her talk!" Brittany growls, stepping squarely into Santana's space, placing herself between Quinn and the angry girl.
Santana's nostrils flare and it looks like she is about to lay into Brittany as well, Quinn knew that her friend had a temper, but she had hoped that Santana would take the news a little better. But the thing was, Santana was right she did betray her. It hurt Santana that she was never enough for Puck, that he slept around and made no secret of it. It had been humiliating for the girl to know that anytime she talked to another girl there was a chance that she had just been with Puck. Quinn was supposed to be her friend, and she had betrayed that friendship.
"Fine," Santana says, her voice full of steel.
Brittany matches Santana glare for glare, before turning to face Quinn her features softening to a more neutral if not sympathetic expression. She kneels down before her fellow blond who is still crying and takes her hands. "Sweetie, you need to talk, tell us what happened."
Quinn can't stop crying, she is pretty sure that she had just destroyed her friendship with Santana because of her mistakes, she just wanted to crawl into a whole and die, but she owed Santana an explanation. She owed it to her friend to tell her the truth, that because of one bad day she betrayed her friend and ruined her own life. If Santana was going to hate her, she deserved to know just how weak and pathetic she truly was.
"It… it all started with… with the asse- sembly."
And with that the dam burst open. She talked more than she ever had or thought she ever would about what happened. She talked about finding Finn and Rachel together and how much it hurt. She talked about how she had run into Puck and how he had been so nice and sweet to her. How she foolishly, stupidly, went home with him. How he gave her a drink, and then another, and then another, until she was so drunk she didn't know which way was up, all the while telling her everything she needed to hear. How pretty she was, how wonderful she was, telling her everything that she wanted to hear because she didn't believe it herself.
She talked about how they kissed; she confessed that she let Puck go farther with her than anyone else ever had, how she, in her drunken haze had thought that it was the perfect way to get back at Finn. She told them how at first she had tried to stop it when Puck wanted to go all the way, how she told him no, but how she ultimately gave in, because she didn't want to be hurt like she had been again. That she, in that moment of weakness, had thought that maybe Puck had been right, that the only reason she was losing Finn was because she wasn't doing that with him. She tells them how she had asked Puck about protection, and how he had lied to her, and how painful and humiliating the next few minutes were. How degraded and disgusting she felt as Puck had sex with her.
She tells them how after he was done, just minutes later, how he had kicked her out of his house and she had to drunkenly stumble home, and how even weeks after it had happened that she hasn't felt clean since. That she can still feel his hands all over her body. She tells them, that she can't really explain why she tried to hide it from them only that she had to. She just couldn't bear the thought that they would look at her differently, that there are still times that she can't even stand to look at herself in the mirror. How she had lied to them because she had wanted to try and regain and maintain at least some form of normalcy after it had happened.
Her entire confession was said through her continued sobs and a torrent of tears. She felt so guilty, so worthless and disgusting. Her life was over and she had hurt, lied to, and betrayed the only people who had ever stood by her, no matter what. She could feel Brittany's arms around her, but it felt distant, ethereal, like it was more along the lines of the shadow of the memory of being touched. She can't even look at her friends right now and everything she is feeling, every single doubt and insecurity, every iota of guilt and self-loathing is brought crashing down on her, confirming to her, her opinion of herself when she hears the door slam. She looks up and sees that Santana is gone, that she has lost her best friend.
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xXx-Scene Break-xXx
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"Sup' girl, I knew you couldn't-" was about as far into his pickup line as Puck got before he was doubled over in blinding pain, holding his crotch and fighting down the nausea. He collapsed to his knees and fell over as tears welled in his eyes.
When the doorbell had rung and he had answered the door he had been surprised, but pleased to see Santana there. After the emotional beat down that Quinn had given him he had been really down in the dumps. Seeing Santana there had lifted his spirits, because it could only mean one thing, he was about to have sex. The girl had broken up with him a while ago, stating something about financial security as the reason, but he knew she would be back. No one could resist the Puckasaurus' charms and he was in the process of telling her so.
It was an incredibly rude and painful awakening when he hadn't even finished his sentence, when Santana had taken all of her cheerleading skills and prowess and had delivered an upward kick of epic proportions right to where he lived.
Puck had been is some fights in his day, broken a few bones, and had even been hit in this area before, but all of that paled in comparison to the pain he was feeling right now. "What the hell!?" He screams and sobs at the girl, while trying to suck in the breath to speak. "What the fuck is your problem!?"
"My problem!? My problem!?" She screams at him, while making a move to stomp down on him and continue her assault. Luckily for him he manages to roll out of the way and stagger to his feet as he stumbles back into his house and away from the irate girl in front of him, who was advancing menacingly.
"My problem is you fucking raped my friend! That's my problem!" She then charges at him taking a swing at him.
Puck tumbles over the couch to avoid the strike. "What the hell are you talking about!?" He screams. He quickly staggers into the kitchen as Santana chases after him, her eyes wide with a madness he hadn't thought the girl possessed, as he puts the kitchen table between them.
"What I'm talking about," Santana snarls as she grabs nearby stool and flings it at him, Puck quickly ducking out of the way, "is Quinn! You raped her and you fucking thought you were going to get away with it!" At this she grabs the table and with a strength that belied her small size she flips it out of the way. Puck as quickly as he can, moves behind the island counter in the kitchen.
"What the hell are you talking about!? I didn't rape her, you crazy bitch, now get out of here before I call the cops!" For the first time in his life Puck was actually scared for his life. He knew Santana had a temper, hell he had laughed about it before, and had even teased her about it. He had no idea that she was capable of this kind of rage though.
"Good, fucking call them! B's dad is the sheriff, I can't wait to tell him how you raped someone he cares about and got her pregnant! I may go away for a little bit for beating the shit out of you but I'm going to have my mom push for the FUCKING DEATH PENALTY for you!"
Santana lunges across the island and claws at Puck, and he quickly gets out of the way and moves around the island when Santana gives chase, until they end up on the opposite side of the island they had started out on.
"What the hell has gotten into you!? I didn't rape her! I didn't hold her down or force her; she could have left at any time!"
"You got her drunk!" Santana screeches.
"So! You and I did it all of the time when we were smashed, how was that any different!?"
"The difference, asshole, is that I went with you knowing we were going to fuck, I was under no illusions about what was going to happen. I had an itch that needed to be scratched and you were convenient! Quinn had no idea what was going on, you just kept feeding her booze until she couldn't think straight and then you pushed yourself on her!"
"She didn't say no, I didn't force her to stay!" Puck yells, trying to defend himself. "She must have want-"
"You finish that sentence and I'll kill you, I swear to God above that you will not live to see another day." Santana's voice is as cold as ice. "You impaired her ability to choose, you manipulated her, and then you got her so shit faced drunk she couldn't think clearly. I know Quinn; she would have never agreed to sleep with you unless she was seriously messed up in the head."
"She… she didn't, she could have-"
"No she couldn't have, you may as well have slipped her a roofy, you took away her ability to think clearly, to make an informed decision and then you raped her. Quinn wasn't in her right mind, she was drunk, and you didn't care, you just stuck your tiny prick in anyway, you didn't give a single damn about anything other than yourself. I knew you were capable of some pretty stupid shit, that you weren't exactly the poster boy for good behavior, but I never, not once, even in my worst nightmares ever thought you were capable of something like this. And then you just kicked her out onto the street, where anything could have happened to her. She could have been abducted, or killed, or raped again-"
"Stop saying that!" Puck screams. "I didn't rape her… she never, she could have said no."
"Is that what you tell yourself to sleep at night?" Santana sneers. "How many other girls have you done this to? How many times have you gotten a girl drunk and then raped her? Because make no mistake, that's what it was. How many other girls have you cast out on to the street, or was Quinn a special case?"
Puck just stares into space. It was just some harmless fun, it was sex, and he never forced anyone. He never held anyone down, anytime a girl wanted to leave he let them. The alcohol was just to help loosen their inhibitions. He would never… sex was supposed to be fun, to feel good. He would never want a girl, or anyone to go through something like… that.
"It's not… I didn't…" He had thought that Quinn's rant at him earlier had just been hormones, that she was just pissed that she was knocked up. He hadn't taken it too seriously, but right now he was truly scared. He didn't know what to think or feel right now, especially with Santana here calling him a rapist. He wasn't, was he? No, he never forced anyone… he didn't. So then why was this affecting him so badly, why did the words that his ex was screaming at him hurt even more than the physical attack.
Tears began to well in his eyes and his voice cracks as he tries to speak. "Santana… I didn't… it… it wasn't, I could never-"
"Yes you did." Santana interrupts him. "You did though… You… will never hurt Quinn again; you will stay as far away from her and the baby as possible, in fact, I plan to make sure of it. Get your shit in order because after-"
Santana's threat was interrupted by her phone ringing. She growls in frustration and ignores it, intent on finishing what she came here to do. However her phone doesn't stop ringing and so she grabs it to tell who ever the asshole is that's calling her to back the fuck off. Puck is getting handled today and she doesn't have any time for distractions.
"Whatever you want, I don't fucking ca-"
"Shut up Santana." Santana is brought up short, when she realizes it's Brittany and she can literally feel the rage and the venom in her voice.
"B?"
"How… how could you do that?" Brittany isn't yelling, she is talking in a cool voice that belies just how angry the blond is.
"What are you talking about, what did I do?" Santana asks really confused.
"How could you," Brittany pauses and takes a deep, steadying breath. "How could you abandon Quinn like that? You just heard what Quinn went through, and you…" A growl comes over the line. "And you abandoned her, after hearing what she went through, how she was raped, you can't seriously still be mad at her, you can't still fucking blame her!" Brittany screams at her.
Santana's eyes widen in shock and she feels like she has just been punched in the gut. "Of… of course I don't blame her, how could-"
"If that's true then get back here now, Quinn's inconsolable right now, she thinks you hate her, that she's lost you." Brittany's voice is still cold.
"Yeah… no, of course… I… I'll be right there." Santana hangs up her phone and glances over to see Puck still staring at her, with a look of fear on his face and can feel her rage start to bubble up once again. "This, this isn't over."
She then turns and storms out of the house, intent on getting back to Brittany's house and to Quinn as quickly as she can.
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When she reaches Brittany's house she quickly goes inside and up to Brittany's room. She can hear the muffled sobs of her best friend through the door and it's like a knife to the heart. Quinn, her Quinn, her best friend had gone through a horrible experience and had been trying so hard to manage it on her own and Santana had just made it that much worse.
When she had heard the whole story, any anger or resentment of Quinn had disappeared immediately. Her friend hadn't betrayed her, but she had been hurt in an unforgiveable way. She felt guilty and angry at herself for not seeing it sooner, that she hadn't noticed and guessed why her friend had been acting so weird lately. How she had been silently suffering.
After she had heard Quinn's story, she was consumed with one overwhelming thought. Her friend had been hurt and someone needed to pay. It had been a subconscious reaction on her part. She had barely even blinked and then suddenly she had been at Puck's house ready for a fight, she hadn't stopped to consider what her leaving would have done, all she wanted to do was hurt the person who had hurt her friend. Of course she didn't blame Quinn, Quinn hadn't done anything wrong.
She hesitantly knocks on the door and then peaks her head inside. There on the bed curled in on herself is a crying Quinn, and sitting next to her, gently running a hand up and down her back, trying to console and comfort her as she whispers softly to the girl is Brittany. But Quinn seems pretty out of it and none of Brittany's actions seem to be having an effect.
Brittany looks up and when she sees Santana her face morphs from one of concern and love into one of ice and rage. Santana can say with absolute certainty that she has never seen the blond cheerleader this mad before.
Brittany rushes to her feet and over to Santana, she pushes the girl back into the hallway and shuts the door behind them softly, fixing Santana with and icy stare. "Explain." Is the one word demand.
"I… I was just so mad… I mean its Quinn, our Quinn," Santana chokes back a sob, and Brittany's eyes and demeanor soften. "She's my best friend and she… she was…" Santana couldn't even say it out loud right now, couldn't finish the sentence.
"I was just so angry, she was suffering all of this time, and he! " Santana spits out, "He's been walking around like nothing happened! I wanted him to pay, to suffer… I wasn't thinking, I, I didn't mean to hurt Quinn… I would never hurt her." Santana breaks down, and Brittany has her girlfriend wrapped in her arms in a heartbeat.
She gently runs a hand up and down Santana's back while cradling her head to her chest with her other. She holds the girl for a few more moments before pulling away and kissing her softly. "You need to go in there and talk to her, tell her that you aren't mad at her, that you don't hate her. She's been through so much and you leaving destroyed her." Santana flinches at that.
"I didn't say that to hurt you, I just wanted you to know what you were dealing with." Brittany says softly kissing the girl again. "I'll wait out here for you okay?"
"Wait, do… do you think you could wait inside?" Santana asks meekly, afraid that if she goes in alone she'll make it worse, and that she'll hurt Quinn even more.
"Of course." Her voice shaky and her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and it hits Santana that Brittany isn't taking the news about what happened to Quinn any better than she is and now Santana feels even worse than before.
"Britt I-" Santana starts but Brittany cuts her off with a shake of her head.
"No, Quinn first, then us."
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"Quinn, Querida, it's me, Santana, can you hear me?" Santana asks softly as she kneels by the side of the bed and places a hand on Quinn.
Quinn doesn't answer, but she does open her eyes and stares at Santana as she tries to choke back her sobs.
"Hey Q, I am so sorry I left, I'm not mad at you, not at all and I am so, so, so sorry that I made you think so."
Quinn just closes her eyes again and curls further in on herself, and continues to cry.
"Q, sweetie, its okay, everything is going to be okay, please talk to me." Santana pleads.
"I…" Quinn takes a deep gasp of air and tries to calm herself enough to talk, but fails to do so.
Santana moves to sit next to Quinn and begins to gently run her hand through her friend's hair. As she is doing this she begins to whisper reassurances and apologies to her friend, trying to calm her down. It takes a few minutes but it seems to work and Quinn begins to settle down.
"San?" Quinn chokes out.
"Yeah, I'm hear Q, I'm here." Santana reassures the girl. Santana is scared; she has never seen this extreme a reaction from Quinn before. 'Of course, it's an extreme reaction!' Santana scolds herself. 'She just told you she was raped and you leave her, how else is she supposed to react estupida!'
"I… am so… sorry, please, please… don't hate me… please." Quinn begs.
"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no Querida, I don't hate you, I could never hate you, I swear. I am so sorry, please, please forgive me for leaving. I didn't go because I was mad at you, I promise I wasn't mad at you, please believe me, I love you so much… please forgive me."
"How?" Quinn asks as she starts to cry again. "How can you not hate me?" She questions, her voice a whisper as it breaks off into a quiet squeal at the end.
"It wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong-"
"Of course I did… I… slept with your boyfriend. I knew how much it hurt you when he… he… fooled around… when he cheated. I never…. I didn't mean to betray you… oh God… I am so sorry… I never wanted to… hurt you."
"No, shhhhh, shhhhhhhh, its okay, it's all going to be okay, I promise. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't betray me Quinn, how can you even think that? He raped you, it wasn't your fault." Santana tries to tell her friend.
Quinn violently shakes her head no. "No, he… he didn't… it was… was my fault… I… I went… went with him… I didn't…. fight… fight him off, I let him do it. I am so sorry, please… please forgive me."
"Q, he got you drunk, he took advantage of you…" Santana trails off when all Quinn does is continue to cry and shake her head no, over and over again. Santana looks over helplessly at Brittany who looks just as lost as she did.
Santana lies down next to Quinn and pulls her close to her and the blond girl responds by clinging to her shirt and burying her face into her chest. Brittany comes and lies down on the other side of Quinn and runs a hand soothingly up and down her back. Santana and Brittany share a look, unsure about what to do next.
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A.N. Hey, sooo… two chapters in one day… don't expect it to happen again, but nothing is impossible I guess. I have posted to my profile, my feelings about this site, and writing and reviewing stories in general and so if you are interested in what I have to say, check it out, and if not, I won't bore you with it.
Thanks for reading… again… and the next chapter will be up "next" Friday.