So I probably should have sent this out last chapter, but I would like to take a second and thank everybody who sent me reviews and messages telling me how much you have enjoyed my story so far, and just supporting me as a writer. I greatly appreciated it and hearing from you guys makes it so much easier and a lot more fun for me to write and I hope that as I continue to write, it will be a story that you continue to enjoy. So thank you all so very much! Standard disclaimer I don't own Glee or any of its characters.
(Quinn singing)
s
When Quinn woke up she felt a warm body pressed up behind her and it freaked her out. She lets out a startled yelp and tries but fails to jump away from the other person, getting tangled in the sheets that were wrapped around her. All of this resulting in an almost drunken somersault out of the bed and her crashing onto the floor.
"Oh my God! Quinn are you okay!?"
It takes Quinn a second to orient herself and she realizes that she is in Brittany's room and by the sound of the other voice; the body that had been pressed up against her had been Brittany.
"I'm fine B." Quinn says awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment. "Sorry about that."
"It's okay, you aren't hurt?"
"Nope, all good."
"That's good, because that was hilarious." Brittany giggles.
Quinn laughs as well before saying dryly, "Yeah sure, laugh at the pregnant girl."
That stops Brittany's giggles immediately. "Oh, Quinn…"
"Its fine B, hey… where's Santana?"
Brittany checks the clock and is surprised to see that it's almost 10 in the morning, "Oh she just had to run home real quick, I'm sure she'll be back soon."
Quinn looks down, depressed. "You don't have to cover for her… I'm surprised your still here as well…"
"Quinn," Brittany moves down onto the floor next to her friend. "What happened to you, what he did to you… Why didn't you come to us?"
"What, come to you and tell you how I slept with my best friend's boyfriend, yeah no, that's definitely something that I wanted to tell people."
Brittany looks at her in slight disbelief, "Quinn, what Puck did, getting you drunk like that, it was rape. There is no way that anyone could be mad at you for that, it wasn't your fault."
Quinn is saved from having to explain to her friend that she wasn't raped, that she had brought it on herself, that she had known what kind of guy Puck was and that she had put herself in that situation, that it was her fault, when the door creaks open and Santana pops her head in.
"Hey, I'm back and… what are you two doing on the floor?"
Quinn watches Santana warily and slowly gets up and hesitantly moves to stand in front of her friend, still scared that Santana is still angry at her. "San… I really am sorry."
Quinn is surprised but also relieved when Santana pulls her into a hug. Quinn squeezes back, grateful that her friend is still here, that she hasn't completely destroyed their friendship with her actions. Quinn listens closely as Santana begins to speak softly into her ear. "No Quinn, you don't have anything to apologize for, I am so sorry that I left you like that, that I made you think that I didn't care about you. It was stupid and selfish of me and I am so sorry. You are my best friend and I should have handled it better, you needed me to handle it better and I let you down, and I am so sorry. I love you Q, and when I heard what happened to you I just wanted to… anyway, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me and I hope that you know that I am on your side one-hundred percent."
Quinn pulls back, "San, you haven't let me down and what do you have to apologize for, I'm the one who… well you know what I did."
"Look that's one thing that we need to talk about and… please know that I did this because I love you and I don't want you to keep getting hurt." Santana looks really skittish right now and Quinn is left more than a little confused.
"San… what's going on?"
"Please don't be too mad at me, I'm just trying to look out for you… C'mon they're waiting downstairs." Santana refuses to meet Quinn's eye and so Quinn looks to Brittany to get some answers, but Brittany won't look at her either.
"Guys what's going on?" Quinn asks again, really not liking where this is going.
s
xXx-Scene Break-xXx
s
Quinn followed her friend downstairs into the kitchen for, well it was a little late to say breakfast, but that's what it was. She was surprised to see not only Brittany's parents there but also Santana's parents as well and it doesn't take Quinn more than a second to figure out what happened. Quinn grabs Santana by the arm and glares at her.
"You told them!" She hisses, "You fucking told them, I trusted you!"
"Quinn… I… I didn't know what else to do… I-"
"Should have kept your damn mouth shut, what the hell did you tell them!?"
Santana still won't meet Quinn's eyes. "I told them everything, what Puck did to you, you being pregnant… about your parents…"
Quinn flinches at the mention of her parents and lets go of Santana and takes a step back. She looks at the other occupants of the room all staring at her like she is some kind of wounded, wild animal, and she hates it. They think she is weak and broken, and she can see the pity in their eyes and she hates them for it. She hates them because she knows they have every right to look at her like that, like she is less than what she was, like she is in fact some broken, wild thing. She's pregnant, with no father in the picture, her parents abuse her, and she is so scared right now, with no idea about what to do. The truth about her is a far cry from the visage that she likes to present.
Still it doesn't change the fact that she can't stand the looks that she is receiving. She loves these people, she really does. Aiden and Ben have been more father-like to her in the past few years than her own has since as far back as she can remember. And when Maribel or Phoebe tell her that they love her or that they care about her, she never has to wonder about whether or not it's the alcohol talking or them. She loves them and there are nights, most nights if she's being honest, when she wishes that they really were her family.
These feeling, however, don't change how she feels right now. It doesn't change the resentment or the anger that bubbles up inside her because it's easier for her to believe that her friend's parents care about her more than her own. She wishes now, more than ever that she could just run home and crawl into her mother's lap and have her tell her that everything was going to be okay. To have her daddy wrap her in his arms and protect her from the world. But she doesn't have that, she has never had that and she probably never will, and she can feel her resentment and rage coursing through her like a poison, and as she looks at these people who truly care about her, that truly love her, she finds that she hates them for it. And she hates herself for hating them.
"No." She says firmly to all of the people around her.
"No." She repeats once more.
"Quinn please, why don't you and I go for a walk and we can talk-"Maribel says calmly and soothingly, but Quinn is having none of it.
"No, no, no, no, no! This is not happening, I am not doing this." Quinn then begins to storm away from them, intent on leaving. She needs to get out of here; she needs to get away from these people. She is in trouble and she needs help and there they are, a room full of people who want to help her, to be there for her and she has no idea how to deal with it, how to handle it, it's just too foreign a concept for her.
"Quinn wait!" Santana yells, as she catches up to the girl just as she reaches the door. "Please, Querida, you need help and-"
"Shut up!" Quinn screams, "Just shut up! I trusted you, I begged you not to tell anyone, I needed to figure this out, and you went and told everyone about me!" Tears well in Quinn's eyes. "How can I go in there and even look at them!? How am I supposed to even talk to them, now that they know just how fucked up I am! I don't know what to do, and I am so scared right now, and I needed my best friend to just be there for me, to just stand by me, while I worked things out! Not go and blab to her parents!"
"Quinn… I… I'm sorry, I… just wanted to help you… to make sure… that you would be okay." Santana says, tears falling from her eyes. She was so scared for her friend and she had no idea how to help her, and Quinn had been in a downward spiral for so long that Santana felt that she had no other choice but go to her parents. She had no idea what else she could have done for her best friend.
Maribel walks up slowly to the two girls and lets her hand lightly hover over Quinn's shoulder, not actually making contact, wanting to give the girl her space, but also wanting to let her know that she wasn't alone. "Quinn sweetheart, please we are just here to help, we love you and you don't have to be alone in this, you have options and-" But the close proximity and her calming words have the exact opposite reaction that Maribel was hoping for.
"Don't touch me!" Quinn screams and takes a large step back from the mother and daughter, her eyes wild with fear.
"Please Quinn; I'm just here to help." Maribel says gently.
"Help! Help!? What the hell do you think that you can do that someone else hasn't tried!? I've seen this song and dance before, and I know how it ends! Everybody says they want to help, but when it comes down to it you don't ever get jack shit done, and I'm the one left to suffer the consequences! You want to help me, you really want to help!? Then butt out and just leave me the fuck alone! All of you just leave me alone!" And with that Quinn flings open the door and storms outside, trying to get home and as far away from this place as she can.
s
xXx-Scene Break-xXx
s
Quinn was eleven years old the first and the last time she tried to change things about her home situation. She knew that when her parents drank they weren't particularly nice and Francine spent so much of her time away from home that Quinn was left to deal with the brunt of it. She liked to hold on to the hope that her parents loved her, that it was just the alcohol that made them so mean.
She can remember the day that started it all, it was a Saturday and she was running around the house, just playing. She was excited to go to a sleepover at a girl from her class that weekend, and as it was her first sleep over ever, she was even more excited. She had been a chubby little girl, and had been a target for teasing and bullying because of it, but this last summer she had discovered sports, and dancing and had lost the excess weight and was now, finally, starting to make friends, she had even started going by Quinn, her middle name, rather than Lucy as a way to kind of commemorate her ascension from a loser into one of the cool kids.
She had been so excited that she had failed to notice the mood of her parents, in this case, particularly her father. She was laughing and giggling and running around and when she passed her father's office she failed to notice that he was there. When she ran past again, she was jerked out of her run by her father's tight grip and before she could register what was going on a sharp pain engulfed the right side of her face, and her vision went white and she started to feel a little dizzy.
"Stop your running around! I can't concentrate with all of that commotion!" He screams at her.
Quinn's eyes start to water, "I'm… I'm sorry…" She starts to cry.
SLAP!
Quinn's head snaps to the side and she's left in a kind of daze as her head scrambles from the force of the blow.
"Stop your sniveling, I can't stand it, now get out of here and be quiet!" Her father then releases her and slams the door to his office.
Quinn stands there in a daze until the shock of the situation wears off and she starts to cry, silently, because she is terrified that her father will do it again. She shuffles down stairs to find her mother who is in the kitchen. She is on the phone and so Quinn, trying to be as quiet as she can, goes over to her mother and tugs on her sleeve.
Her mother continues to ignore her, until finally she speaks quietly into the receiver. "Hold on just a second." She then covers the mouth piece with her hand and turns and glares at her youngest daughter. "Whatever it is I'm busy right now, what do you want?" She asks angrily.
"It… it's… daddy… he-"
"Oh my God, just stay out of his way, you know how he can be when he gets like this, and stop bothering me." She then turns away from her daughter and goes back to her conversation.
Quinn is stunned by her mother's reaction. She wasn't always the most maternal of people but she hadn't thought that she would get a reaction like this. Quinn makes her way to the bathroom, to clean herself up and to get ready for the sleep over, when she looks in the mirror. The right side of her face is a bright red and is starting to bruise. There is no way that she can go to the sleepover looking like this, like she got into some kind of fight.
Later, Quinn calls her new friends and lets them know that she can't make it because a family thing that just came up. She spends the rest of the weekend hiding away in her room, avoiding her parents and hoping that Francine will come home soon, that maybe she could do something about this. It isn't right, yeah she was being noisy, but he had no reason to hit her and it was wrong, and then her mother had done nothing about it, in fact she hadn't even cared.
This wasn't the first time she had been hit and it wasn't the first time she had been ignored, but she was finally old enough to realize that it was wrong, that it shouldn't happen. She can remember back when she was really young her parents hadn't been like this at all, but then her daddy had gotten this new job, and he started staying out later and later and then her mommy started drinking more and more, and things kept deteriorating until they had finally reached the point that they were now.
But again, now Quinn knew that it was wrong, and so she decided that on Monday she would tell her teacher what was going on and then he could get them to stop. When Monday morning came around and as she's getting ready for school her mother pulls her aside.
"You clumsy girl, what did you do to your face?"
A spark of hope appears in Quinn's chest.
"It… it was daddy-"
Judy roughly grabs Quinn by the shoulders and gives her a shake. "Don't say things like that, and what were you thinking, going to school looking like that, come with me." Judy then drags Quinn to the bathroom and applies makeup to help cover up the bruise on her face.
Later when Judy drops Quinn off at school she says, "I love you Quinnie." But Quinn doesn't respond, because for the first time she questions whether or not that it's true.
It's during lunch that she approaches her teacher about her parents. She goes in and talks to him and she wipes off the cover up and he seems shocked by what he sees. From there everything seemed to move in a blur. She was ushered to the principal's office where she told her story to her. Then a police officer came in and she had to repeat the story again, and then finally someone from social services was called in and she had to repeat her story yet again.
It was really starting to frustrate Quinn, she just wanted her daddy to not hurt her anymore and her mom to care about her, she didn't see what the big deal was and why she had to keep repeating herself. They were adults, she had been told that when she was in trouble that she should go to these people, her teachers, police officers, and that they would be able to help her. And then finally after what felt like forever Quinn was finally allowed to go back to class, but was told that she had to come back to the principal's office after school. She hadn't thought anything of it and had gone back to class and had spent the rest of the day carefree.
She had done it, she had told an adult about what was happening at home and now they would take care of everything, her parents would stop being so mean and they could be a real family. Only that didn't happen. When she was ready to go home for the day she went to the principal's office like she had been told to, however, waiting for her was her mother, who looked angrier than she had ever seen her.
Quinn was never completely sure what had happened, but from what she learned, after she had told her story, her parents had then been contacted and had told everyone that there had been some sort of mistake and that they didn't hurt and would never hurt their children. The social services person and the police officer had gone and questioned her sister about it, and she had basically told them that she had been lying, that their parents never hurt them. Quinn, at the time, couldn't understand why Francine wouldn't tell the truth, looking back on it however, it was probably for the same reason that Quinn no longer tried, she had learned it did no good.
They explained away Quinn's bruise by saying that she had been rather rowdy that weekend and had probably hurt herself on accident. When asked why Quinn would say that she was being abused they had said that both of them had been rather busy lately and Quinn was probably just looking for attention.
The next few days at home were tense. Her parents were both silent around her and wouldn't even look at her when in the same room. Finally one night she was summoned into her father's office and as she hesitantly entered the room she watched as her father stood facing away from the door. And as she cautiously moved closer she spoke.
"You wanted to see me?"
Her father turns to look at her, and he has a weird contemplative look on his face that she can't quite place. He takes a seat behind his desk and motions for her to come over and stand by him, which she does.
"Yes, I want to know why you told people that we abuse you." He says in a calm and commanding voice.
Quinn looks down, scared before mumbling her answer.
"Speak up and don't mumble, I want to know why you put this family through that, now answer me."
She looks up with a fire in her eye. If the adults won't do anything about it then she will. If she can just talk to her father and get him to see that what he's doing and how mom is acting are wrong then everything will be okay. Everything can still work out and they can be a family and maybe even Francine won't spend so much time away from home.
"Because you do, you and mom drink so much and when you do, you get mean, and you hit me and Franny and mom, and mom says mean things and Francine goes away and is never around anymore and it needs to stop!" She says fiercely.
"Your mother and I do not abuse you, yes I may discipline you on occasion and yes your mother may be busy at times and we do expect a lot of you, but we do not abuse you." He says angrily.
"Yes you do! You always hit me and mommy and Fran, and mommy is always saying mean things and she doesn't care that you do and it needs to stop!" She screams.
"Settle down!" He yells at her.
"NO!"
"I said stop it, behave yourself!" He shouts at her.
"NO, and I'm going to keep telling until it does stop!" She threatens.
"YOU WILL NOT SPREAD LIES ABOUT THIS FAMILY!" He screams, standing up suddenly, his face red with anger.
The next thing that Quinn knew was that her face was exploding with considerable pain. Her father had once again slapped her across the face but due to him standing up and the force of the blow and the angle at which he struck her, she had been knocked down and her face had slammed into his desk, her nose shattering on impact.
From there her memories are pretty fuzzy; she was told that she had a concussion and that her nose would need reconstructive surgery. After being hit her next clear memory is of being in the hospital room, and a police officer coming in to speak with her, the same one from before. He asked her how it happened and she lied to him. She told him it was an accident and that she had been running and that she had tripped. She already tried telling the truth, she had tried going for outside help and that had failed. And so she had tried to handle it on her own, and now here she was, in the hospital, waiting for surgery.
At that moment she had resigned herself to her fate. She would suffer through this, do everything that she could to just survive and when she was old enough she would move out. Trying to get help, trying to change things, just made her situation worse.
When her parents were finally allowed to visit her, they had fussed over her, and it would have been nice if she hadn't figured that all that they were doing was covering their tracks, still she soaked up the attention because this was exactly how she wished they were all of the time. Her daddy apologized and she forgave him because what else could she do, she was trapped with these people until she was eighteen. She had even apologized for causing trouble and for making them worry. Her best bet at survival was to play the dutiful daughter and just grin and bear it. And even still, after all of that, after everything that she had gone through she still held on to the hope that they would change, that things would change and that she could actually be a family with them. A fool's hope, but one that she held onto dearly. She still had to believe that when it came down to it that they would be there for her and that she wasn't alone.
They moved shortly after she left the hospital. They said it was because her father had gotten a better job in a place in a small town called Lima, but Quinn knew that it was because people were starting to ask uncomfortable questions about the Fabray's home life. She didn't put up a fight about moving, and in the end the move actually worked out pretty well for her because very early on she made two new friends that would eventually become the very best friends that she would ever have.
But from this experience Quinn had learned her lesson, people always say that they want to help, that they are going to help, but when it came down to it, she was on her own. Adults talk a big game, but in the end that is all it is, talk. If she wanted her situation to improve, if she wanted things to change then she would have to play it smart. Just grin and bear it and when the first chance came, leave. But most importantly, she had to do it alone.
s
xXx-Scene Break-xXx
s
When Quinn finally got home she had calmed down enough to realize that she had probably over reacted. She was still angry and she still had no desire to accept their help, but rather than let her anger run rampant she had calmed down enough to focus it and use it. She was out of time, she was starting to show, and she didn't know how far that her friends were going to go with their meddling.
It was time to suck it up, and just tell them. Tell her parents that she was pregnant. She couldn't hide it any longer and she needed to know what her situation was going to be like. She needed to start going to doctor's appointments and getting the vitamins and other things that she will need to go through this pregnancy and she also needed to start figuring out whether or not she was going to keep the baby or if both she and the baby would be better off if she gave it up. There was the option of having an abortion but that didn't feel like the right choice for her.
So, she needed to decide whether or not to keep it or give it up, and to be able to decide that, she needed to know where her parents stood. However, neither of them were currently home, which was actually a relief to Quinn because she had no desire to actually have this conversation with them. She goes upstairs to her room and changes out of her old clothes and into one of her white sun dresses. When her phone buzzes and she sees that it is Brittany she ignores it and when it buzzes again and she sees that it is Santana she turns it off and sets it on her dresser.
She falls back on her bed and lays there eagle spread and as she lays there she allows her whole situation to come crashing down on her. And instead of consuming her and causing her to panic she feels a detached sense of calm. She has a plan, not a good one, but still she has something to focus on, and so she starts to hum quietly into the silence of her room before softly starting to sing to herself.
Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war
('cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead
(no)
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
Ooooooh
No I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight
('cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
No, not gonna let it get me down
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain
When she finishes singing and as she is laying there she allows herself to cry. However it's not the tearful sobs of grief and confusion and pain that they have been these past few weeks, but a silent stream of tears, that allow her to express and release all of her pent up emotions. She had finally decided on her course of action. She always knew that she was going to have to talk to her parents and the very thought of doing it scared her to her very core, but now that she had finally decided to do it she felt a certain calm about her.
She spends the rest of the day just wandering around her room. She falls into a kind of auto-pilot, she does a little homework, and listens to music, and surfs the web. None of it registers though; it all passes in a kind of daze. She continues on like this until the sun has finally set and she hears the garage door open in the distance. Her parents are finally home.
She heads downstairs and can hear them laughing as they come inside. She waits by the entrance and watches as they stumble into the house, holding each other up, as they giggle and stumble in together both of them a little tipsy.
"Quinnie!" her mom squeals when she sees Quinn. "Baby how are you?"
"Hey sweetie." Her father says as he and Judy make their way over and he ruffles her hair. Both of them are a little buzzed and Quinn knows from experience that in an hour or two they'll both be completely plastered. This is about as close to sober as she's going to get them, so if she's really going to tell them tonight, now is the time.
"Mom, Dad, I have something I need to talk to you about."
"Sure sweetheart, let's head into the living room." Russell says placing a kiss on her forehead as he walks past her, her mother in tow.
Quinn follows behind them quietly. She is surprised by how calm she still feels; she figured that by the time she actually came to this point that she would be a nervous wreck. She wasn't sure how, but she felt fine, no not fine, numb. Which was probably a good thing, because it was better to do this calmly rather than emotionally.
Her father sits in his recliner and her mother takes a seat on the love seat and pats the spot beside her, motioning for Quinn to sit next to her.
As Quinn takes the spot next to her mother she takes a deep breath.
"What's going on Quinnie, what's new with you?" Her mother asks, squeezing her knee affectionately.
"Oh God… I don't know where to begin." Quinn says breathlessly.
"What's going on Quinn?" Her father asks.
"The… last couple of weeks I've been going through some things and… something happened."
"It's okay Quinnie, you can tell us." Judy says smiling.
Quinn looks away from her mother and stares straight ahead, avoiding looking at either of her parents, "I'm… pregnant."
The room is silent and Quinn is unsure of how to proceed. After what seems like an eternity passes in silence she turns to look at her mother. "Mom?"
SLAP!
Quinn is stunned when her mother slaps her, it was the first time in her entire life that her mother had struck her. "Mom-"
SLAP!
"Don't you mom me, how dare you, you little slut. We give you every advantage, we love you and take care of you and you… you go out and spread your legs and you get… pregnant like some little whore." Judy stands up and starts pacing. "How could you do this, how could you embarrass us like this, you have always caused us trouble, but this is so beyond anything you have ever pulled before."
"Mom please!" Quinn begs, "I didn't mean for this to happen, I-"
"Oh you didn't mean for this to happen, well I guess that just makes it okay then." Judy sneers.
Quinn stares at her mother in disbelief as tears begin to fall from her eyes. "Mommy please, I don't know what to do, I am so, so scared right now and I need you, please help me!"
But her mother ignores her pleas and turns away from her. So Quinn turns desperately to her father, who has just sat there in silence since her confession. "Daddy, daddy, please say something!"
Her father turns to look at her but as he's staring at her it seems that he is looking past her, not really seeing her. "I remember the day we brought you home from the hospital, it was the happiest day of my life. You were so little and so precious." He says in a distant voice.
"I couldn't believe that it was possible to love someone so much. You were my little girl, my precious little angel and I would do anything to protect you." His eyes focus and harden as he truly looks at her. "I don't recognize you, who are you? You are not my daughter, my daughter would never do something like this."
"Daddy please, daddy, I need you, I'm so scared right now and I need you and mom! I need you both! Please daddy!"
Russell Fabray stands up and begins to walk away. "Get out of my house, you are no longer welcome here."
"Daddy no, please don't do this!"
"You have twenty minutes to pack and then get out. I don't ever want to see you again."
As both of her parents are leaving, Quinn starts to panic. This can't be happening, they are her parents, they are supposed to love and protect her no matter what. This can't be happening, it just can't! They can't abandon her, they have to help her! Quinn rushes up after them and she latches on to her father's arm sobbing.
"Please daddy, please! Don't do this, I need your help, please, I love you both so much and I don't know what to do, I need you, please, help me!"
"Let go of me." her father growls.
"No, no, no, no!" She sobs, "Please daddy-"
CRACK!
A sharp pain shoots across the side of her face spreading out like fiery web. Her head spins as bright sharp lights spread across her blurring field of vision. And as the floor rushes up to meet her, she finds herself asking one question 'why?'
s
A.N. The song used is "Bring on the Rain" by Jo Dee Messina. Thank you for reading and I hope that you have all been enjoying the story so far, next chapter will be up on Friday.