I just wanted to take a minute to review Bella's character. She has never really felt loved by anyone. Renee is not a bad person in this fic but she is just a flighty free spirit that has gotten a little too involved with a search for a perfect man.
Yes I did make Bella a bit of a whore, but it is more for the need to emphasize that she was searching for affection. The truth is that sometimes the thing we are searching the hardest for, we never see.
I hope you like the chapter. I'll be working on the next one as soon as I get a free minute.
Also, links are on my profile for the dresses, music and such.
I've added the pop-out playlist to my profile as well if you would like to use that.
Playlist
Paramore - Miracle
Robert Pattinson - Broken
Chapter 2
Restitution
res·ti·tu·tion [rèsti tsh'n]
1. Giving back: the return of something to its rightful owner
2. Paying back: compensation for a loss, damage, or injury
3. Restoration: the return of something to the condition it was in before it was changed
10 years later
"Bella, what the hell are you doing!"
"Alice! Language," I yelled back at her from my bedroom.
An eruption of laughter made me shake my head as I heard Nessie demanding money from her Aunt Alice for using curse words in front of her. That little girl was very stubborn. I wondered where she got it from, and then sighed. She was too much like me to deny.
"Mom, Aunt Alice says that she's not going to pay me because she doesn't have any cash on her!" Nessie said stomping into my bedroom as I tried to zip up my dress.
I felt like the designer must have been a sadist who loved to watch people suffer. There was no way to bend myself in that direction to get that angular zipper up right.
"Ness, can you help mommy zip up and then I'll go tackle Aunt Alice for you?" I pleaded.
My nine-year-old daughter walked over to me and huffed. "Mom you have it all tangled in the fabric. No wonder you couldn't get the darn thing up!"
I groaned and at this point Alice felt the need to walk in and appraise the dress that she had forced upon me. I heard her muttering under her breath. I knew that I was a walking fashion faux pas but I was already nervous enough about my looks without her belittling my inability to dress myself.
"Alice why are you telling my daughter that you don't have any money to give her? You are always carrying a few dollars on you."
"Don't change the subject Bella; look at what you did to this zipper. What did fashion ever do to you?" Alice chided as she finally pulled the zipper up.
I spun to shoot her a stare only to see here holding up a pair of death traps and a grin.
"Uh-uh, no way, no how am I going to put those things on my feet. I'll die before I even get a chance to walk out of the apartment." I said pacing to my closet to look for my trusty flats.
"No way Bella, you are not getting out of this! You wanted me to go with you and this was my stipulation!" Alice had her game face on now, and I am so screwed. With any luck, I would only break an ankle and not the whole leg like the last time.
"Nazi pixie," I grumbled as I sat on the bed next to Nessie who had been watching the whole exchange like a tennis match and had a huge grin on her face.
"I think you look nice mommy!" She piped up and hugged my arm.
How do you argue with that?
"Yeah mom, you look great!" Alice chimed in sitting next to me. "Oh what did you put on under there? Please don't tell me you went with the plain under-crap that I know you have!"
I felt my face heat up. I'm wearing stockings for crying out loud! She acts as if I'm going out to pick up and sleep with any random guy at the bar. I refused to go down that road again. I had too much responsibility to act like that again.
"You are wearing granny panties and that old strapless bra aren't you?" Alice began to move the dress folds to inspect my undergarments.
I bolted off the bed and almost fell into the door courtesy of those high heels that she had forced me into wearing. I knew it was a ploy of some kind, but it's not as if she would get anything out of killing me off. Well she was Nessie's Godmother but it's not as if she didn't get to see her all the time now.
"Isabella Marie," Alice scolded. "You will not be dressing as a frumpy housewife. I refuse to have you wear anything that unappealing."
I looked down at my feet. To be honest I didn't really think about what was going on under the dress. It's not as if anyone could see them, and it wasn't that bad. The black satin and lace boy shorts were comfy and somewhat cute while I didn't really have a choice with the bras. I only owned two strapless and the other was more like a corset. I was uncomfortable enough, thank you very much.
Alice was convinced that you had to feel sexy underneath to help radiate the feeling. Maybe that was my problem. It had been a little while since I felt sexy. I bit back the groan of how badly I really needed to get laid. Nessie was right here and I was not having this conversation in front of her, much to her disappointment.
I shot a look from Alice to Nessie and suddenly my best friend clammed up. Thankfully, she realized where this conversation was heading. I know it was a mean ploy to use my daughter as a shield, but after being tortured into wearing these heels I felt slightly vindicated in my choice of arsenal.
"When will you be home mom?" Nessie asked as she walked around me and pulled my hands so that I was sitting at the vanity.
"I'm not sure honey. I shouldn't be too late, but don't wait up anyway. I'm just going to see the live bands and take some notes on these new musicians so I can get the article written."
"And," Alice added. "We're going to have some fun." She winked at Nessie. "You're mom's the only one I know that doesn't work at a bar but does all her work there. I mean really, Bella, you need to cut loose and have some fun!"
"I know," I sighed. "So maybe a little late," I conceded. I turned to face Nessie. "That means you will be in bed by the time I get home!"
"Oh alright," the bronze locks hid her eyes as she pouted.
My job was a talent scout of sorts for the local music magazine. I went and checked out bands that they want articles on and then I write reviews of the music. It's my dream job that I landed by complete accident.
I was working as a temp-receptionist for the magazine and read one of the articles written by my predecessor in the break room when I realized that she had no clue what she was talking about. I voiced my opinion to the guy sitting next to me and said I could do a better job in my sleep. Later that afternoon he handed me an address of a bar and told me to put my money where my mouth was. Needless to say, I had impressed the hell out of them and took over Victoria's spot the next week.
Nessie's voice pulled me out of my daze.
"Oh, well can I have ice cream for dinner?" She pleaded up through brown eyes that matched my own.
"No but you can have some for dessert if you eat all of your dinner." I compromised.
While I was talking to Nessie, Alice began applying some make up to my skin. A soft smoky look to my eyes and a paler color to the lids made my eyes look sexy and mysterious all at once. It looked good, just like every time Alice did my make up. I sometimes feel like such a failure as a woman. I can't even get mascara to look okay and she made me look ready for the runway in less than ten minutes.
A knocking at the door disrupted any further thoughts of self-depreciation.
"Nessie! Don't you dare answer that without seeing who it is first!" I yelled as I stumbled on my heels with Alice giggling behind me.
"Mom, it's only Emmett!" Nessie yelled back at me as I made my way to the door and saw her opening it to my formidable neighbor.
"Pipsqueak!" He yelled as he threw Nessie over his shoulder and took off running her into the living room.
"STTTTOOOOPPPP, EMMMMMEEEETTTTT! I'm go-n-na puke!" My daughter yelled as he just laughed.
"Emmett, she pukes you're cleaning it up!" I said as I watched him playing airplane with Nessie.
He stopped and looked at me before plopping Nessie down on the couch. A low whistle sounded out of his lips as he did a twirling motion with his hand and I spun to show him the dress.
"Damn Bells! I knew you were pretty but that's mighty hot!" Emmett said with a Cheshire grin.
I walked over and gave him a hug; he reciprocated with a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. It was nice to have him around. He had moved to Seattle shortly after I did and we had both bonded over the crappy weather and our over the top rent. For the past four years, he's been one of my closest friends. It was too bad there was no real chemistry between us. He loved Nessie and was a great guy, but when we had hooked up it had been too uncomfortable for both of us. He said he didn't have a sister but that was the only thing he could compare the feeling too. I had to agree.
"Alice, looking lovely as always," He walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She responded with an enthusiastic hug.
"See what I did to Bella!" Alice asked excitedly.
"Really Alice, you're starting to give me a complex." I moaned.
She turned to Emmett. "She wanted me to go with her tonight because she's tired of getting hit on all night when she sits alone. I told her she had to dress nice for me to go with her." Alice held her hands up like Vanna-freaking-White at me. "And voila here we have a club presentable Bella!"
I just groaned again and grabbed my purse and phone. I gave Emmett and Nessie one last hug. "Emmett no ice cream for Nessie unless she finishes her dinner. It should be ready in about ten minutes. Just listen for the timer."
"Aye aye captain!" Emmett said saluting with Nessie copying his move as I closed the door. The chorus of laughter that ensued from the other side of the shut door was enough to make me feel better that Nessie was in safe hands.
Emmett had watched Nessie on several occasions but I hated to stick him with babysitting. He was a young single man. There were limits to what he would be willing to do with a nine-year-old girl. Of course, that was until Nessie kicked his ass in Rock Band. Apparently that was all the bonding they needed.
Now it wasn't unusual for him to stop by, have dinner with us, and stay up late to play games or watch movies.
I know I should have curtailed Nessie's nighttime activities more, but she was too much like me in that respect. She was a night owl and during the summer, I found no reason to punish her with an absurdly early bedtime if we didn't have anywhere to go in the morning.
"So are you ready to have fun tonight?" Alice asked as I held onto the railing of the front steps to avoid face planting and starting our evening at the emergency room.
Surprisingly I felt a smile come to my lips. "Yeah, I am ready to have a good time tonight!"
The trip to the club took almost a half-hour due to some road construction and it was on the other side of town. It didn't matter; Alice was great at talking and could keep me entertained even if some of her stories were shopping related. It felt like a good night to be out and have some fun while doing some work.
The bouncer led us into the club when I showed my credentials. One of the benefits of being with the music industry, they pull the strings so they can get you into shows without too much hassle. I might not get front and center seats all of the time but I usually was able to hear the music well enough.
Alice led the way to the bar and I followed, infected by her good mood. It was nice to have someone to hang with while I worked. We ordered gin and tonic's and found a table in the center of the room. The staff was setting up a piano, drums and a guitar. There was also an acoustic guitar in a stand by the piano. My curiosity peaked at the assortment of instruments. Generally, people used keyboards these days and it was rare to find a piano outside of the jazz and blues bars.
"So who is playing tonight?" Alice asked as she zipped her eyes back and forth across the establishment. "Please tell me they have the potential to be good."
"There are two performances I'm checking on." I said as I pulled out my notepad to check the names. "The first one is Breaking Dawn, the second is somebody called Wallball."
"Oh I like the name of the first one. It's original without sounding tired." Alice said as she sipped back more of her drink. "We really need to find you a man Bella. I think you should call that guy that you used to be friends with in your hometown, Knives was it? I remember his name was Ed…" She trailed off as I shot her a look that clearly said that was not up for discussion now.
I didn't need her to bring this subject up again. I had been drunk and told her all about the one who could have been more but got away. Why did God feel the reason to smite me when things were going well? I hadn't had a thought about Edward in almost two weeks; which was probably close to a record for me.
When I moved away from Forks, Washington, the day after we… made love? I was in pieces. The move was sudden. My grandmother had passed away and Renee wanted to be there for her father in Phoenix. I wanted to let Edward know I was leaving but Renee had us mostly packed by the time I came home that night. An hour later, we were on the road to Phoenix. She didn't want to hear anything about my saying goodbye to anyone, even Edward.
I knew that I was legally able to live on my own at that point, but I was also scared of the idea. Even though my mom and I butted heads about a lot of stuff, I still loved her. She was the only family I had and somewhere deep inside I felt that if I had left her or stayed behind, I would have lost any hopes I had of a happy mother daughter relationship.
The word of my promiscuous activities reaching her didn't help matters in the least, and she didn't want any of my boyfriends trying to call. Therefore, I had no phone privileges for the first several months.
I guess I couldn't blame her when a month after the move I was experiencing morning sickness and hadn't gotten my period. I was pregnant and she held it over my head like a sin, especially when I couldn't be sure who the father of my baby to be was. After a few months, she had calmed and been supportive. It was the best bonding experience we had ever had. In some ways, Nessie was the best thing to happen to me. I had to learn how to take care of myself better. It was trying and sometimes horrible, but in the end, I think it was worth it.
My grandfather was initially caught off guard but became a bigger support system then even my mother was. He wasn't able to do a lot for himself but he was good at making me feel better about myself. He was my first real father figure, and I respected him more then he ever knew. Many nights he and I would sit awake and talk about random things. He was one of the only people besides Edward who had ever listened to me.
When I was finally able to make calls and try to contact people I had decided against contacting Edward or anyone else really. I didn't want to tell him I was pregnant because I was a slut. I'm sure he would have still spoken to me even if it had been a few months, but in the end, I remembered my resolve that he had needed so much better then I could give him. With that resolve, I tried to lock up all thoughts of Edward Cullen.
Months past and it didn't seem to matter that my brain didn't want reminders about Edward. I would see something funny or hear a smart person and he was the first name my mind came to. I missed him horribly. It didn't help when Renesemee was born either. I named her after the mother figures in my life. Renee was sour that Esme had been included, but I didn't care, Esme had been around for me a lot when I was growing up and deserved the namesake. Nessie was my daughter and I wasn't budging on the name. Nessie had similar hair to Edward's and I could only wonder if he would be the father, but brushed it off because we had only been together that once.
I did finish high school and got into college at Arizona State. It was great and I met many new people and began to experience things that I never knew life had to offer. I had direction and purpose. I studied writing and literature and was able to excel at both. I also met Alice, my best friend and lifesaver.
Five years ago, my grandfather passed away. I was distraught, but happy that I spent the time I did with him. He helped shape me into a better person.
Renee had been dating a guy named Phil and they were getting along well. It was about that time a baseball team in Florida offered Phil a spot if he was successful in try-outs. Everyone wanted to move on with their lives. Phil asked Renee if she would go with him, and she was ecstatic about the idea. I decided I wanted to go somewhere else too. Alice had received a job offer in Seattle and asked if I would like to go with her. She didn't know anyone there and I had told her a lot about the area from when I grew up.
Two weeks later, we were on a 1500-mile road trip with my five-year-old daughter. I looked forward to being closer to my old home, but never went back. Alice had tried on numerous occasions to get me to go visit, but in the end, I didn't want reminders of my past.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our first performance of the evening: Breaking Dawn!"
The lights came on and the music played. I couldn't see much of the stage from where I was but the sounds were haunting and beautiful. Where I'd imagine an electric guitar and piano in discord, the musician's played with a delicate resonance that made the entire bar stop and listen. There were no words with the initial song, but that didn't make the music any less interesting.
They played the next few songs and I saw Alice eying the guitarist like he was prime rib and she hadn't eaten in a week. I had to admit that he was very handsome. If Alice didn't look like she was ready to pounce on him, I might have given it a thought. However, as Emmett had so eloquently put it: Bro's before hoes!
They completed their set and I noticed that their drummer was a female. She had her hair tucked back but when she stood, I was able to get a better look at her. I also wanted to see this piano player. He sounded amazing.
That is when I saw him.
The air left my lungs and I'm pretty sure I was going to fall over on the spot.
My mind worked furiously but was only able to come up with two solutions: This was a dream or the man before me was a hallucination brought about by the now lack of oxygen flowing to my brain.
I know I was standing there and gaping like a fish but I couldn't bring myself to look away. He grabbed the acoustic guitar, the other man pulled two stools up, and they both sat.
He looked over the crowd and passed by my face before his head swung back in my direction. I could see the confusion and something else flit across his expression before he leaned over to the other man and spoke a few words to him. He looked back up and stared right at me as he began singing.
The song was sad and I had to wonder about whom he had written the piece. His voice was beautiful. I never realized how much I missed it until I heard it again. He had always been good at singing but now he was just amazing.
I stood through the whole performance before having to run outside. I grabbed the closest person and begged a smoke off them. I lit it up and felt the smoke curl into my lungs.
"Bella! What the hell?" Alice came up next to me and practically tackled me into the wall.
I took another long drag off my cigarette before looking down into her face. She must have realized that something happened because I could see the gears clicking together in her head.
"Is that… No Bella it can't be! You said he was gone!" Alice began to sputter.
I nodded my head in acquiesce. "That was him." I said in a small voice.
"Well why aren't you in there talking to him? You haven't seen him in ten years! My God, he looks amazing! I thought you were joking when you used to talk about him, but now I realize that you weren't kidding. I can't believe how much she looks like him." Alice marveled before she looked at my hand, as if she just realized that I was smoking. "I thought you quit?"
I let out a humorless chuckle. "Yeah I did, but damn-it I just needed one. I can't believe you want me to go talk to him." I never let the thought settle that he could be Nessie's father but looking at him had only compounded my problems. Alice had noticed the resemblance as well. This was not good.
"Well why not? It's been ages, who's to say that he hates you for what happened? You didn't make the decision to leave. If you tell him what happened maybe-"
"Maybe what Alice? Maybe he'll look at me and want to talk to me? Better yet, maybe I can just be like, 'Hey remember me, want a tumble in the sheets just for old times sake?' yeah that would go off like a charm I'm sure!" I was now trying to find another smoker with no luck. My lungs be damned I needed hard alcohol. "C'mon I need a drink."
"Bella, why do you think he hates you?" Alice pleaded as I ordered three shots of tequila.
"Did you see the way he looked, Alice? I know that I'd hate me for doing such a rotten thing. That man on stage wasn't the same boy I knew ten years ago. He has grown up and made a life for himself. What am I going to do just go up and say, 'Hi Edward! I know you probably don't remember me but I never forgot you.'"
Suddenly the smooth voice that was on stage was behind me. "I don't know that I could ever forget you, Isabella."
Thank you's to everyone who has read and special thanks to those who have taken time to review. I appreciate the comments!
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