Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of these characters.

Disclaimer #2: I don't mean to discriminate or otherwise pick on anybody who speaks English as a second language, but, as you know, Darth has no patience.

Luke turned down a visit to Toshi's station after school with Mark, saying he wanted to go home and sleep. Mark didn't blame him.

Leia headed straight to the back of the bus after school and sat down next to her brother, forcing poor Mark to find a seat elsewhere. "Was that you that Jabba was harassing at lunch?" she asked her twin, wide-eyed. "Why was he picking on you?"

"He was teasing me because I got sick in front of the class."

"Are you feeling better?" Leia asked him, concerned. "Why didn't you go home?"

"Because I wasn't sick with a virus or anything, I just needed to calm down. I'm okay now, just tired and a little shaken." Luke paused "Why were you sitting with Han Solo?"

"Because Carrie told me that if he doesn't pass his classes, he won't graduate, and he'll be at school next year, too. One more year to harass me."

Luke looked dumbfounded. "Leia, that hasn't crossed your mind at any point? He's the laziest, stupidest senior at school."

"Well, he was on the football team! Don't they have to watch their grades?"

"Only until football season is over," Luke reminded her. "And then their grades can go to shit. Which is exactly what's happened. But don't think he's going to take this offer as you just being friendly. He'll hit on you the moment you both sit down in the library together."

"I know." Leia bit her thumb. "Maybe I should just start doing all of his homework for him. You think his teachers will notice?"

The bus finally made it out to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru's.

Leia sat down to do homework while Aunt Beru make Luke comfortable on the couch with a glass of ginger ale, telling him not to worry about doing any chores. Before they knew it, their father was there to pick them up.

"Darth! How was New Mexico?" Owen greeted his stepbrother.

Darth just breathed loudly through his respirator. "I hate the CEO the board of directors has hired. If they don't watch it, someday they're going to find themselves destroyed. This Bantha fodder of a man-"

"Bantha fodder, Darth?"

"Insists we all meditate at the start of a workday. And he talks backwards, which annoys the hell out of me. I have no patience for-"

"What do you mean, Dad, that he talks backwards?" Leia was dragging her duffel bag down the stairs.

"He saves his verbs until last. Instead of saying, 'Have a good day,' he'll say, 'A good day, you will have.' Total moron."

"Well, maybe English is his second language," Beru pointed out.

"It is his second language. I don't know where he comes from, but judging by his name, somewhere in Asia. His name is Yoh Da. That sounds Chinese, doesn't it?"

Great, Luke thought, rolling his eyes. He'd had to put up with his father complaining about his job for the last umpteen years. It was time to get ready for umpteen more.

"And he's a short man, maybe three feet," Darth continued. "I can easily pick him up. One of these days, I may just pick him up and toss him to the Sarlacc."

What the heck is a Sarlacc? Leia wondered. It sounded like something from a comic book that Luke would read.

Beru insisted on taking Darth to the kitchen for a drink (at least a pretend drink) while she informed him of what had happened to Luke in school that day. Darth simply ruffled Luke's hair. "It's okay, kiddo. At least you tried. I'll have you practice reading your speeches in front of the minions at the office, and by this time next year, you'll be a phenomenal public speaker."

Luke went pale.

"We'll get that fear right out of you, Lukey." Darth put a mug of iced tea up to his mask and made a slurping sound as if he were actually drinking it. "Okay, princess. Lukey. Ready to go home?"

Darth thanked his stepbrother and sister-in-law for watching his children, and helped his kids load their luggage into his Escalade. The Skywalkers started home.

Luke dozed off in the back of the Escalade, but sat up as soon as he heard Leia gasp. "DAD!" Leia shouted in alarm. "Who IS that?"

Luke opened his eyes and stared out onto the Skywalkers' front lawn. He knew who it was even before he saw the telltale rusted out station wagon parked at the curb.

It was Han Solo. He was gazing at what he thought was Leia's bedroom window—but was actually their father's bedroom window—and singing a terrible off-key version of a Whitney Houston song.

"And I….." he drew out the "I" for about twenty seconds… "will always LOOOOOOVE YOUUU!"

His singing was so bad that Luke covered his ears in protest.

Before Darth could even stop the Escalade, Leia had jumped out of it. She was stalking across the front lawn in anger, and finally gave Han an unsuspecting shove. "ARE YOU INSANE?" Luke heard her yelling.

Darth cut the engine to the Escalade and hopped out. He flew over to Han and Leia, his black cape billowing in the spring breeze. "Mr. Solo," Luke heard him grunt. "Prepare to be destroyed!"

Han, meanwhile, was giving a very comical explanation of how he thought Leia was home and might want to go out that evening.

"My daughter is going out with no one tonight," Darth breathed in a deadly tone. "How get off my property before I place your neck in a deadly chokehold!"

"I love you, Leia! Call me!" Han protested as he walked backward toward his hunk-of-junk station wagon, staring at Leia with pleading eyes.

"Dad," Leia told her father as they stood together on the front lawn. "Han thinks I'm in love with him, but really, all I want to do is get him to pass his classes so that he'll graduate and be out of my hair for next year."

Darth gave a few heavy breaths on his respirator. "Do what you will, princess," he told his daughter. "But if that young man ever steps foot on this property again, I'll-"

Leia cut him off, not wanting to hear it. "But I can't control him, Dad!"

"Then he will just have to be destroyed."

They went back over to the Escalade, where Luke was cracking up. "Wait…wait until I tell Mark about this!" Luke was laughing so hard he was practically choking.

Leia, knowing that Mark was so shy he wouldn't tell a soul, fumed. "If you tell anyone else other than Mark," she told her twin brother, "and I'll kill you."

"I won't. Cross my heart, and hope to die."

Darth opened the trunk of the Escalade to unload the luggage. "Kids today," he said, shaking his head with disdain.

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