Standard Disclaimer, I do not own Glee or any of its characters.
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Quinn rode in silence with Rachel to school. After Santana had left Quinn felt better than she had yesterday but she was also feeling conflicted. That dream that she had was really throwing her off and while a huge part of her, the part that she was fighting tooth and nail to go with, wanted to chalk it up to just pregnancy hormones and leave it at that, another part of her, a part that she was trying very hard to ignore was wondering what it would be like to actually be with Santana like that.
'No, don't dwell on it, you were vulnerable, Santana was there for you like she always is and you're feeling depressed about Rachel and Finn. Do not make it any more than that. It was a freak accident, a once in a blue moon dream. Your hormones are running wild and you are not going to confuse that with having actual romantic feelings for Santana. Besides even if you did have those feelings for her, and you don't so get it out of your head, nothing can ever happen between us anyway, she's with Brittany, your best friend, your sister in all but blood. You don't have romantic feelings for women, you like men, you have always liked men, just because you can appreciate the female form, and Santana has a body that can be appreciated more than most, doesn't mean that you are suddenly craving the lady loving. So get your head in the game, you have too much to deal with already without having to worry about feelings that just don't exist. So stop it!'
And with that final silent admonition to herself Quinn turns her attention to Rachel who has been quiet all morning. "Hey Rach?"
"Yes Quinn?" Rachel asks politely, but Quinn can see the nervousness in her eyes.
"I'm really sorry about yesterday, I've never been slushied before and well, it was really bad and it really hurt and I was just so caught up in my own stuff that I kind of just shut down, you know it really hit me that I did that to people and so I was throwing myself a bit of guilt trip, but anyway I'm really sorry if I worried you and I hope that you know that we're still friends, I just needed to work through it."
Rachel smiles a little at this. "Don't worry about it, having been the victim of one of those before and on numerous occasions I am well aware of how badly they hurt and I can't imagine how much worse it must have been with your face still healing up and everything, so no apologies are necessary there, I'm just… never mind."
"No what is it Rach?" Quinn asks curiously.
"Well it's just, we're friends right? You and me, we can talk to each other and when I was in trouble you were there for me so why couldn't I be there for you, why could you…"
"Talk to Santana and not to you?"
Rachel nods her head feeling a little guilty.
"First, if you'll remember, I couldn't talk to Brittany about it either. So please believe me when I say that it was nothing against you. It's not that I didn't trust you or don't think of you as a friend. And I know that you'll be there for me if I need you, hell you have been there for me. I guess part of it was the fact that what they did to me, I did to you, it really hit me just how awful having a slushy thrown in your face is. So I guess I was feeling guilty and kind of like I deserved what those two did to me and so how could I face you since I was one of the people who had done that to you."
"Oh Quinn, you know I have forgiven you for all of that right, that being your friend, you and Brittany and Santana bringing me in and including me the way that you have, being my friend, has more than made up for anything you have done to me, both perceived and otherwise. And let's not forget that I'm not exactly little Miss innocent when it comes to you and I."
"Thanks Rach. But I guess the point in all that is that Santana gets me, Brittany and I are best friends, we'd do anything for each other and we do understand each other, but Santana gets me… I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how it feels. I could have talked to you or Britt about it, but I don't know that you could have gotten through to me, and until Santana came by I didn't even know that I needed to talk to her. That I needed her."
Rachel's eyes widen a little at that declaration and she looks a little surprised as she studies Quinn out of the corner of her eye. It actually starts to make Quinn feel a little uncomfortable. "What?"
"Oh… it's nothing, I just think I get what you're saying." And with that Rachel seems to go back to normal as she puts a warm smile on her face. "So I think that everything should be okay today, between Santana and Finn I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to try and hurt you again. It was kind of scary actually, I've never seen a real fight before, well I didn't see a lot of it, as soon as Finn and Santana started swinging I ran to go get Mr. Schuester… I… I never really thought that… I mean I know she talks tough but…"
"Rachel, you aren't scared of Santana are you?" Quinn asks with concern.
Rachel glances at her apologetically. "A little, I've never seen someone react that violently before, I mean I get that she was protecting you but… it was a little scary to see, I'm sorry…"
"Look Rach, you know that she would never do anything to hurt you right, I mean I was assaulted and she stood up for me, you don't have to be scared of her, she would never hurt you and she doesn't normally react like that you know, it was just a kind of breaking point for her. Santana doesn't do anything half way and that includes caring about people. If you're in, you're in, there is no middle ground and I had been piling drama after drama on her and she wanted so badly to help me and she wasn't able to, that this was kind of like that final straw you know. Please don't be afraid of her, there is nobody who can be as kind and as sweet or as understanding as Santana. She's the best person I know, I promise you that she would never ever hurt you, and I also promise you that you'll never have a better friend than her." Quinn says desperately, really bothered by the thought that Rachel was scared of Santana.
Rachel looks at her a little knowingly, kind of like she had just a few seconds ago, before nodding her head. "Okay, it was just a little scary that's all, but I've gotten to know Santana and even befriend her and I know you're right, like I said it was just a little scary is all."
Quinn nods her head and smiles, relieved that she could ease Rachel's worries. She would have hated it if Rachel really had really been afraid of Santana. Santana had such a hard time letting people in that it would have really hurt her to learn that Rachel was scared to be around her. "You don't have to worry, like I said that was kind of a breaking point for her, that's all."
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"Hey Quinn!"
"Hey B." Quinn says smiling as her friend rushes over and hugs her as she is getting out of Rachel's car.
Quinn returns the hug, and rests her head against Brittany's shoulder for a second, feeling even guiltier for the dream and the feelings that had come with it. But as she pulls away she schools a warm smile onto her face, which wasn't hard because it was Brittany. "I'm really sorry about yesterday Britt, and thanks for being there for me."
"No, no, don't apologize, I can't even begin to imagine how hard that was for you yesterday, I was just so scared that you were hurt again… I've never heard you scream like that." Brittany finishes saying, her voice laced with concern.
"It hurt, a lot, but you were there the doctor said that it would be fine so no worries."
"But I do worry, you have so much to deal with and then that happened and I couldn't help you yesterday, I mean nothing I said or did seemed to help, I didn't even help San and Finn fight, I was too scared to leave you, it was Rachel who had to run and get a teacher, and I wasn't able to do anything. And are you sure you're okay, do you need anything, I want to be here for you and I failed yesterday and-"
This time it's Quinn who initiates the hug. "Hey now, first of all I'm glad you didn't fight, you might have gotten hurt and I couldn't stand that, plus then you would have been in trouble too and then you wouldn't be here with me now. Second you did do something, you stayed with me, the entire time. You didn't leave my side once, I felt your arms around me when it happened and it did help. Yesterday… I was just… it was more than the slushy that was bothering me yesterday and I just got stuck in my head. You didn't fail me yesterday and you've been an amazing friend since this whole thing began. Please, please, don't think otherwise, I'm really sorry I worried you but I'm doing better now."
"I love you Quinn." Brittany says softly, "I don't know if I say it enough and I know you'll probably just say that you already know that, but I just really wanted to tell you."
"Well you're right, I do know that," Quinn says with a soft laugh, "But I still like to hear it and you know what else? I love you too B."
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Quinn takes a deep breath before she knocks on coach Sylvester's door. She was supposed to be at glee club right now, both Rachel and Brittany were waiting for her, and she hadn't been to glee club since the night with her parents but she wanted to handle things with the cheerios first. She had tried repeatedly to get a hold of Coach Sylvester since this had all happened but the woman had been avoiding her and dodging her calls. She wouldn't even talk to Santana or Brittany about it so today it was decided that enough was enough. She was going to confront the older woman and find out exactly where she stood.
She was sick and tired of not having any control of her life, of things being dictated for her, for everything being just this giant mess. She knew she was probably off the squad, it wasn't like she would be able to perform the physical requirements once she got larger, but she was not going to put up with this passive aggressive bull shit. If she was gone then coach was going to have to tell it to her to her face.
As a way to make a bit of a statement Quinn had opted to stop by the locker room and pick up an extra uniform. And after she had donned the uniform she had marched straight to Sylvester's office with a confidence in her step that belied just how nervous she was. She loved cheerios, she loved the performing and the athleticism. She wasn't ashamed to say that she enjoyed the popularity that came with being on the cheerios and the respect that a position on the squad held for her. It was also a dream come true for her younger self, to be the head cheerleader. Lucy Caboosy was gone and in was Quinn Fabray, the most popular girl in school. For that little girl with no friends being the head cheerio had meant everything.
She knew that she was probably out, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to fight it. And there were still things she could do, she was pregnant not an invalid. She could still assist with the choreography, she could help run the drills, she could tutor the other girls. There was still a spot for her, she just had to make coach see it. Which was easier said than done, Coach Sylvester was a one of a kind personality, she could both simultaneously be your biggest critic and your greatest ally and you never really knew which side of her you were going to get. Still nobody got anywhere without first putting themselves on the spot and making themselves a target so when the woman didn't answer her first knock of the door she raised her hand and knocked even harder. When she still didn't get an answer she finally decided to take matters into her own hands and she opened the door and barged right in as if she owned the place. Her anger at being ignored vastly outweighing any fear she had of the other woman.
"You and me need to have a talk."
"It's you and "I" need to have a talk, and quite honestly I have nothing to say to you." Coach Sylvester looks up from her journal her demeanor remaining that of detached disinterest. "And what are you doing in one of my uniforms?"
"I wanted to show you that it still fit, that I am the same person that I was when you made me captain and that I can still contribute to this team. I know it's embarrassing for you to have a pregnant cheerleader on the squad but I can still help and I can still do what you need me to do."
"Change out of it, it looks like it's about to burst at the seams and I won't have you defacing school property and more importantly my property."
"You're out of line!" Quinn says angrily.
"Am I? What about you preggers, you come in here after all of this time and demand that I keep you on this squad, saying you can still do everything that you could before, please, give it a couple months and we'll have to spend our entire time rolling you on and off the field. Go, have your spawn, and don't bother me again. I gave you the opportunity to rule this school, to captain the number one cheer squad in the nation, to matter, and you threw it away for a quick tumble because you couldn't keep your hormones in check or even be bothered to use protection. I'm not embarrassed to have a pregnant girl on my squad because I don't have one on my squad, now get out."
"Coach please, don't take this away from me, I can still-"
"Leave."
"Coach, I can still do this, please let me be your assistant, I can help you plan the choreography-"
"Get out."
"I can help the other girl's learn their parts-"
"Fabray, leave."
"No, I can do this coach, please let me show you-"
"I SAID GET OUT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU IN THAT UNIFORM AGAIN AND YOU ARE TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS SQAUD, NOW GET OUT!" Coach Sylvester screams jumping to her feet and leaning over the desk her eyes wild.
Quinn's eyes widen briefly in terror but she manages to regain her composure. "Fine." Quinn whispers, barely suppressing her tears, her voice filled with agony and hatred.
"I don't know why I expected anything different from you, I don't know why I thought for even a moment I could count on you to act like a human being, you don't care about anything but these stupid trophies that are earned by girls a thousand times more talented than you!"
Angry tears begin to leak from Quinn's eyes. "Fuck you, fuck you and this squad, you have no idea what I'm going through, what's happened to me and yet you still have the nerve to talk to me like that! Like I asked for this to happen, you're just a bitter old woman whose best days are behind her, who's forgotten what it's like to actually have feelings! Screw you, you want me gone, fine I'm gone." And with a sharp turn Quinn left the office determined to leave with her head held high, not once looking back. If she had however she would have seen the tears falling and the look of regret on the older woman's face.
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Quinn didn't know where she was going and she didn't care. She was angry, pissed, hurt and all she knew right now is that she couldn't sit still. She had to keep moving. How dare she, how dare she talk down to her like that, like she asked for all of this to happen. Like she asked for her parents to beat her and disown her, like she asked for Puck to get her drunk and… like she asked to get pregnant, to lose her good reputation. Like she had asked for the world to fuck with her from day one and to continue on doing so for what felt like every single day of her life.
Fuck her, fuck the cheerios, fuck her parents, and fuck this school, and most importantly fuck that self-important bitch. She was Quinn Fabray, she was a fighter, if she wanted something she took it and there was nobody who could stop her. Except… that wasn't true, not anymore. She had fought and she had lost. She was now officially rock bottom. She knew that it had been an unrealistic expectation that Sylvester would keep her on and she had tried to tell herself that she knew this, but she couldn't help but hope that the little fantasy in her head, that she could have stayed on, would have come true.
After wondering around for what in her mind felt like hours Quinn finally found herself standing in front of Rachel's car. There was still ten minutes left of glee club she could go to, and she hadn't been in weeks, unless of course they were going to kick her out too, but she didn't feel like facing anyone right now. She goes to open the door and finds it locked.
"Figures." She mutters, leaning against the car. It seemed stupid to just stand around here but she didn't know what else to do.
"How far along are you?"
Quinn looks over to see some older woman, early to mid thirties, making her way over to her. She was pretty and had a kind smile on her face that didn't quite reach her eyes, which seemed slightly crazy with a greedy desire in them.
"Who are you?"
"That doesn't matter dear," She says in what Quinn instantly recognized as a fake sweet voice. "How far along are you?"
"Um… I don't know, nine weeks maybe ten, what do you care?" Quinn is really confused right now and feeling more than a little uncomfortable.
"And have you been to the doctor yet, are you taking the right vitamins?"
"What are you-"
"You don't want the baby to come out ugly do you?"
"Who are you?" Quinn asks angrily, finally having enough of the invasive older woman.
"Oh, I'm sorry, do forgive me. My name is Terri Schuester and I have a proposition for you."
The other woman smiles at her in a patronizing manner and it causes Quinn's eye to almost tick, she hated being talked down to. "Look whatever you want I'm not interested so just leave me alone."
"Now, now, don't be hasty, you haven't even heard what I have to say."
"I don't care, now go away before I go get someone, you're really creepy." Quinn moves to leave but is brought up short by the woman's next words.
"As creepy as being a homeless pregnant teenage girl who is well on her way to destroying two lives?" That soft tone that the other woman was using never changed, but Quinn could definitely hear the challenge in her voice.
"Because that is what you are doing, you've already destroyed your own life, I've heard all about you, you're homeless, your parents kicked you out and really who could blame them? It had to have been really hard for them to learn what kind of girl their daughter was, sleeping around like some common-"
"Shut up."
"Well it must have come as quite the shock to them-"
"Shut up!"
"Hey now, I'm here to help you. You've ruined your own life, you've pretty much guaranteed that you are going to spend the rest of your life in this little town working whatever minimum wage dead end job that you can get."
"That's not… I can still…"
The other woman laughs, "Oh sweetheart, you don't honestly think that you have a future anymore do you? I mean really, how many people actually go out and fulfill their dreams, and of those few people that actually manage to, how many of them were homeless and pregnant? I mean right now you are living off the kindness of two gay men who already have a kid of their own, can you imagine the strain that you must be putting on them?"
"Well they… I mean… they haven't said anything…"
"Of course they haven't sweetie, they sound like good people, but still think about it, you and this baby have got to be quite the strain on them. Chances are this is it for you. You'll have high school and if you're lucky and manage to save up you'll probably be able to go to Lima Community College after a few years, but you won't get much further than that, all the while your friends will go off and realize their potential and forget all about you."
"What do you want, why are you here?" Quinn feels like her heart is in her stomach because this woman is putting a voice to everything that she is worried will happen, that she knows will happen.
"It's too late for you sweetie, but it's not too late for that poor, innocent, little angel you're carrying. They can still have a chance at a real future. If you act now and take me up on my offer you can contain the damage that you've done to only your own life and not theirs."
"Wh… what do you mean?"
"Give me your baby." Terri says as if it's the simplest solution in the world.
"What!? No!" Quinn says as she starts to walk away. This didn't feel right, something was wrong here, but Quinn couldn't deny that what this woman was saying was striking a chord with her.
Terri Schuester quickly moves to intercept the younger girl. "Wait a second, just think about it for a moment. You're life, your future, is set, you haven't got one and you have to accept that, but you can do the right thing for your baby. Will and I will give it a good home and take care of it and provide for it in a way that you will never ever be able to. And you can spend the rest of your life knowing that you saved them from a life of hardship and desperation. That you weren't selfish and didn't ruin their life the way you've ruined your own."
Terri Shcuester places a hand on Quinn's shoulder. "Who knows you may even be able to scrape together some sort of future for yourself since you won't have worry about this baby that you are in no way prepared for and you can be happy in the knowledge that they do have a future that you actually did something right for it. Instead of, well you know, destroying their life like you've done to your own."
Quinn leaned against Rachel's car unable to look at the other woman, desperately clutching at her heart which she could feel breaking into a million pieces. She was right, she was also quite possibly a little psychotic, but she wasn't wrong. Her life was over, she had no future, high school was it for her and even that was pretty much shot now. There was no way she would be able to take care of a baby, she couldn't even take care of herself. She was a huge burden on the Berrys and even if she moved in with Santana and her family or Brittany and hers that wouldn't change anything. She would just be a strain on them instead. And she was already considering putting the baby up for adoption, maybe this was the best route to take, she was just so confused right now and she had no idea what to do.
"Quinn!" Quinn thinks she hears someone calling out her name in the distance, but is too lost in thought to pay attention to who it was.
"Think about it Quinn, you know I'm right, so here's my number," Terri says quickly handing Quinn a folded up piece of paper. "And you call me when you've come to a decision, and I know that you'll make the right one, not only for you," Here Terri places her hand gently over Quinn's stomach, "but the baby as well."
And with that final word from the older woman Quinn was left alone with her thoughts. Her mind a whirlwind of uncertainty, doubt and fear.
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So there you have it, chapter 22. I hope you all enjoyed it and the next chapter will be up on Friday.