Hey guys, so I'm posting this a day early, I'm going to be super busy tomorrow so I wanted to be sure that this next chapter was uploaded for you guys. I would like to take a second and thank everyone one of you who has taken the time to read my story and I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Standard disclaimer I don't own Glee or any of its characters.
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"Quinn, are you okay!?" Brittany asks as she sprints up to Quinn, Rachel following closely behind.
"What? Oh yeah… I'm okay…"
"Are you sure, when you didn't show up for glee we came looking for you, we were worried that something had happened to you." Rachel says anxiously.
"I'm sorry… I… I meant to come but… I got caught up in…"
"Quinn?" Brittany enquires softly placing a gentle hand on Quinn's arm.
Quinn shakes her head to clear her thoughts and then forces a smile onto her face. "I'm sorry, I went to go see Sylvester…"
"Hey you're in uniform, so you finally got a hold of her, what did coach say?" Brittany asks nervously, already guessing the answer but hoping to be proven wrong.
"Your coach, not mine… I'm off the squad."
"Oh Quinn, I'm so sorry, I can go talk to her or maybe Santana can, she has to keep you on the team you're the captain."
"Not anymore, she made her stance on the situation pretty clear, she wouldn't even hear me out so I kind of snapped and I told her to fuck off-"
Quinn stops here and smiles as Brittany lets out a snort. "I'm sorry Q, it really sucks for you but I would have paid to see that."
"It's fine B, it just… it hurt more than I expected and I didn't really feel like facing anybody so I came out here to wait for you guys."
"Are you sure you're okay, I can talk to her, in fact I'll go talk to her right now and I'll tell her that I'll quit too if she won't let you back on." Brittany offers sincerely.
"Don't worry about it B, I appreciate the offer but really it's a relief, honestly, no more having to listen to her mad ravings, no more abuse, no more her, it's a blessing really." Quinn says lying through her teeth and from the look on Brittany's face she hadn't sounded all that convincing.
"And what about that lady who was just here, you looked really upset as she was leaving?" Rachel pipes in.
Quinn shrugs her shoulders in a flippant manner, acting as if it was nothing. She really doesn't want to talk about what had just happened with that woman right now. She needs time to think and to process everything that had been said. "Oh her… no idea, she just came up and asked for directions… she just caught me at a bad moment that's all."
"Are you sure Q-… I mean Quinn… sorry." Rachel corrects blushing at the use of her nickname.
"Q is fine Rach, and I'm sure, so let's just get out of here. I' m pretty sure Santana is bouncing off the walls right now, so let's go see how she's doing besides I'm ready to get out of here and just be done for the day."
"Okay… if you're sure," Rachel says uncertainly, "you know you can talk to us if you need to, I know how much the cheerleading meant to you and how upset you must be right now."
"I know Rach, and thank you, really, but I don't want to talk about it right now, I just want to get out of here. So what's happening in glee club, I'll have more time to devote to it now that I'm officially off the cheerios so why don't you guys catch me up?" Quinn offers up as a change of subject.
"Well everyone is pretty disheartened right now, you've been gone for a while and everyone is really worried, especially now that they've heard what's going on. No one has forgotten what you did for the club-"
"Rach… you know what was really going on with that, so please don't say it like I'm some kind of hero-" Quinn interrupts only to be interrupted herself.
"All I know is that the club was falling apart and then you stepped in and helped bring us together and I won't hear a single word otherwise from you or anyone else." Rachel says firmly.
"She's right Quinn, I know I was angry about it when I first found out but you did the right thing in the end so don't worry about it and stop feeling guilty, okay?" Brittany adds.
"Okay…" Quinn says softly, a small but real smile forming on her face.
"So where was I, oh yeah, so everyone is missing you and worried about you. And now Finn and Santana are both out for the next two weeks so we're down three people until you are ready to come back, so that makes it hard to do any big number practicing, not that we have been anyway. Last week I did as you said and helped Tina reach the high notes that she was struggling with, and while if I were the one to have been given the part it wouldn't have been an issue, even I must admit that she did an admirable job for someone so inexperienced. So anyway it seems like for the most part that everyone is just kind of waiting for the dust to settle and for things to calm down a bit, it's not like we can get ready for any competitions without twelve people to compete, so we're waiting for you to be ready to come back, take your time there is no rush, and for Finn and Santana to be un-suspended. Oh yeah, and the assignment for this week is ballads. And that's what you missed in glee." Rachel finishes breathlessly, a big smile on her face.
"Well I know that I keep saying this, but this time I mean it for sure, tomorrow, I will be there no matter what, in fact, Rach, B, after we meet up with Santana why don't you guys help me prepare something for tomorrow?" Quinn suggests.
"That sound fantastic!" Brittany says excitedly.
"I'm game." Rachel agrees.
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xXx-Scene Break-xXx
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Both Brittany and Quinn had long since dispensed with actually knocking before entering the Lopez house, and the same with the Pierce house hold as well. All three girls pretty much had a cart blanche invite to come and go as they pleased in those houses, although Quinn had to suppress a smile at how uncomfortable Rachel seemed at the thought of just entering the house. Which Quinn could understand quite well, it took her a while before she felt close enough to the two families to be comfortable with doing that as well.
What was a little unusual was the shouting and screaming in Spanish. The Lopez home was bilingual, so the Spanish wasn't unusual, however Maribel for the most part didn't allow swearing in her home, and while the occasional slip up was okay, if she had heard anyone swearing up a storm like this in her home then that someone was going to get it.
Both Quinn and Brittany headed towards the game room, curious as to what all of the screaming was about, with Rachel following nervously behind. When Brittany opened the door both she and Quinn came upon, what they would later describe as one of the strangest scenes they had ever witnessed. Santana was standing over Finn, her face red as she screamed obscenities at him in both Spanish and English, while he was rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that his face was also red and it looked like he was having trouble breathing. A quick glance around and Quinn saw the source of all of this. The record board was up for one of Santana's 'Street Fighter' games and it looked as if Santana had been losing, badly. They had already played thirty rounds and Santana hadn't won a single match.
Both Brittany and Quinn learned quickly to never play these games with Santana, she became super competitive, almost like she was possessed and if she didn't win she got super pissed and if she did win she got extremely obnoxious. Santana for all of her great qualities was a hard person to compete with and not completely hate by the end of it and she was doubly worse when it came to these games so both Brittany and Quinn always did their best to get away with not playing with her. Which suited Quinn just fine, she was no good at them any way and so if she ever did play she just mashed as many of the buttons as quickly as possible hoping something would happen. As for Brittany, she was good at them but she generally found these games boring and both girls agreed that it was better to listen to Santana whine about them not playing with her than it was to have to put up with her attitude if they did.
However it seemed as if Santana had finally found someone who didn't mind playing with her and from the looks of things found her attitude to be hilarious, because Quinn couldn't recall a time when she had ever seen Finn laugh this hard.
"Having fun?" Quinn asks, causing both of them to look up at them startled.
"Oh hey guys, just give me a second I have to kill this jackass." Santana snarls, still glaring at Finn.
"Don't be mad, just because you can't hack my "L33t skillz"." Finn says sticking his tongue out at the girl.
"Don't stick that tongue out at me, I'll fucking rip it off!"
"Yeah well if you fight like you play this game I'm not that worried."
"THAT'S IT!"
"SO!" Brittany interrupts. "It's nice to see you two getting along."
Quinn can hear Rachel whisper in the background. "That's them getting along?"
"Yeah, yeah, I've told you guys, Finn's a pretty cool guy and he came by to hang out while our parents are out since we're both suspended, so Finn pick up the damn controller I want a rematch and the last one didn't count!" Santana says all of this as she plops back down next to him on the floor and grabs her controller.
"Uh huh, sure, that's what you said the last time, and the time before that and the time before that and-"
"Just shut up and play, so Q how was school today, everything go okay? Are they spreading the news of my badassery?"
Quinn takes the seat on the couch behind Finn, fighting the urge to go sit behind Santana but opting to allow Brittany to have it, 'Brittany is her girlfriend.' Quinn reminds herself. "It went fine, missed you today though and yes news of your "badassery" seems to be spreading just fine, yours too if you're interested Finn."
He just waves his hand dismissively as he selects his character. "Meh."
"That's cool, anything else?" Santana asks distractedly as the game starts.
Quinn hesitates a moment, both Santana and Finn seem in such good moods that she doesn't want to bring them down, but there's no reason to keep this a secret and while they can't help her with how she's feeling about having the baby they can help her with how she's feeling about cheerios. "I'm off the squad, Sylvester made it official today."
"What!? Are you fucking serious!?" Santana yells as she drops the controller and turns to look at Quinn, anger written all over her face. "That bitch, hell no, I'll go talk to her tomorrow and tell her she can take that decision and shove it up her-"
"Don't worry about it." Quinn interrupts, shrugging her shoulders and trying not to make it a big deal. "I figured this would happen, it just kind of sucks that I was right."
"Nah uh, no way, no bueno, you've been through enough already, she does not get to take cheerios away from you, I'll make her see reason, you'll see." Santana says with determination.
"I don't think it'll do any good San, I… didn't exactly go quietly." Quinn says softly.
Santana raises an eyebrow at her, silently asking her to expand on that, so Quinn goes into detail telling everyone in the room what had gone down between her and Sylvester and by the end of it everyone is staring at her in amazement. Finally after a few seconds pass Santana speaks up. "Damn Querida, I would have paid to see that."
"I know right, that's what I said." Brittany throws in.
` "Did she really say that shit about you, you know, throwing everything that's happened to you back in your face and that bit about rolling you on and off the field?" Santana asks.
"Yeah, pretty much, apparently I deserve everything that's happened to me." Quinn tries to say this nonchalantly, like it doesn't bother her.
"No you don't." Santana says angrily. "And I'll fucking cut anyone who says otherwise, fuck her, you don't need her and you know what, I'm not going to let her get away with saying that to you. First thing I'm doing when I go back to school is taking back my uniform and telling her where she can shove it, you in B?"
"You bet I am."
"Good then it's settled, we'll-"
"Wait! Hold on a second, look I appreciate the gesture but you guys love cheerios, don't deny it. Yeah it sucks for me and I am so grateful that you guys would do that for me but please don't. Don't give it up, not over this and not over me, it's not worth it." The unspoken 'I'm not worth it' was heard loud and clear by everyone.
"Yes it is and so are you." Santana says with finality.
"Please don't, you guys love it and it'll hurt worse knowing that I'm the reason you two aren't doing it anymore." Quinn tells her quietly.
"Damn it… fine, but is she says one thing about you to me or the team, one word and I'm gone, that was the last time she gets to fuck any of me and mine over, I'm not putting up with her bullshit anymore and if she has a problem with that we'll see how she does without us." Angry tears have built up in Santana's eyes which she quickly wipes away before picking up her controller. "So are we playing or what?" she asks Finn as she resolutely looks at the TV screen.
"Yeah sure," Finn gives Quinn and inquiring look, silently asking if she is okay, to which Quinn responds with a nod. As the two of them get back to their game, Quinn looks over and see's that Rachel is still standing near the door, shifting uncertainly as she anxiously glances around. Obviously unsure of her place right now.
"Hey Rach, what are you doing over there? Come on over here and sit next to me and B, these two will probably be at this for a while."
"Rachel!" Finn says surprised and a little embarresed at not noticing she was there. "Hey… um hi, how… how was your school, no wait, I mean how was school doing, I mean… um… hey…"
Santana crows triumphantly having taken advantage of Finn's distraction but Finn doesn't pay her any mind, focusing completely on Rachel and praying to God that she'll ignore the stupidity that just spewed from his mouth.
Rachel smiles, "My day was fine Finn and school went well, how was your day?" she enquires.
"Oh um… it was good, yeah it was good, just hanging out with Santana and stuff… you know…"
"Oh yeah, doing this… um, what I mean is the video games?"
"Yeah pretty much, if you want I can show you how to play… I mean if you want, you don't have to."
"No! I mean I would love to, it sounds like…fun, if you don't mind that is."
"No not at all, you can sit here… by me I mean." Finn says scooting over and making room for the girl, unintentionally bumping into Santana. "Oops, sorry Santana." Finn says sheepishly when he sees the 'I am not amused' look on Santana's face.
Finn gives her these big puppy dog eyes, silently begging her to let him play with Rachel.
Santana just rolls her eyes and reluctantly hands over her controller before getting up and plopping down on the seat between Brittany and Quinn. She lays her head down on Brittany's lap and lays her legs across Quinn's, effectively using them both as cushions. Brittany begins to gently run her fingers absentmindedly through Santana's hair while she plays on her phone and Quinn has to ruthlessly and savagely suppress the flare of jealousy that ignites.
Quinn swallows nervously and forces herself to look straight at the television screen. Wishing her heart rate would slow down and ignoring the urge to run her hands up and downs Santana's smooth legs. 'God damn that stupid dream, this is not okay, this is not okay!' Quinn curses silently, as the memory of it comes rushing back. It was all that stupid dreams fault, she shouldn't be feeling this way, Santana had done this before, hell, all of them had used the others as cushions at one point or another. It should not be affecting her like this, they had done it a million times. It's all that stupid dreams fault! Her own mind was messing with her right now and she had too much to deal with already.
'Like what you're going to do with the baby.' She reminds herself quietly, the thought of that effectively, if not brutally, taking her mind off of Santana. Terri Schuester had brought up some good points. She had in fact destroyed her own life, she didn't have a future, not one that she should be looking forward to anyway, and she was in no position to raise and take care of a child. So what did she do? She didn't feel comfortable with the thought of giving the baby to that woman, something about her seemed off, I mean who comes up to someone and just asks for their baby. But then again, maybe her thoughts were biased, it wasn't any fun having all of your mistakes thrown in your face like that, and maybe her mistrust of the woman was stemming from her resentment of hearing it from her. After all, all the woman had done was point out to her and put into words exactly what she already knew, that her life was over and that there was no chance for her to salvage it. It was just another person giving voice to the truth about her life and her situation that she has to face.
And she wasn't in any position to care for a child. She was living off the unexpected and remarkable kindness of the Berrys. She had no right to ask them to help her with raising a child. She couldn't provide any real life for it, she couldn't take care of it on her own, hell she couldn't even take care of herself. She had destroyed her own life she had no right to destroy the life of the innocent child inside of her. But knowing this and accepting this didn't change how much it actually hurt her now that she had made a decision. Well it wasn't much of a decision, because really, she had no choice.
Quinn is startled when she feels something lightly brush her face and as she focuses she sees Santana has just wiped away a tear, looking really concerned. A quick glance around the room shows that everyone has stopped what they were doing and were looking at her with worry.
"Querida?"
"San… when is your mom going to be home?" She asks softly, her voice slightly cracking, her eyes gazing around the room looking at nothing and everything at the same time.
"In another half hour maybe an hour, why? What's wrong?"
Quinn focuses back on Santana. "I've decided," Quinn takes a deep breath, "I'm giving the baby up for adoption."
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xXx-Scene Break-xXx
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Quinn sat patiently in the kitchen as Santana worked on making her a cup of tea. Finn had left about a half an hour ago, stating that he wasn't technically supposed to be out having fun, he really was grounded and his mom was super pissed at him for fighting. So he had left, but not before giving her a particularly strong embrace and telling her how sorry he was that she had to go through this and that if she needed him he was a phone call away.
Brittany sat on her left and held her hand, not sure of what to say, but wanting to be nearby if Quinn needed her, while Rachel sat across from her in a similar state.
"I'm really sorry." Quinn says quietly, she had pretty much killed the fun with her little announcement.
"Don't apologize Quinn, I can't even imagine what you are going through right now." Rachel says.
"I know you've been trying to decide what to do, but what made you finally decide?" Brittany asks.
How does she even begin to answer that question? It's not even a decision she got to make, she only had one choice that was right for the child, and that was to make sure that it grew up with a life as far away from her as they could get.
"I've been thinking about it for a while now," she hadn't been, in fact she had been putting off thinking about it for as long as she possible could, but the confrontation with Mrs. Schuester forced her to think about it. "And it… it feels like the best option for all parties involved. I just, I'm not sure how to go about it so I want to talk to Maribel."
Santana sets the cup down in front of her a little harder than was necessary. "Then how come you were crying? If it's the right choice then why do you look like that, like your heart is breaking into a million pieces!?"
"I said it was the right choice, not the easy one… I, this is what I'm doing and I don't need your permission or your blessing!" Quinn yells, suddenly very angry. "You asked to be kept in the loop, you asked to know what was going on with me, to help me, then fucking help me! You think this is easy for me or that I'm doing this lightly!? This is the best choice for both me and the baby and if you can't support me on this then you can just-"
"Hey, hey, hey, no Querida that's not what that was about," Santana says startled, " I just, you looked so heart broken, I just want to make sure that you're going to be okay. If this is the decision you've made then of course I'm going to support you one hundred and ten percent, I'm just…" Santana shakes her head and rubs her eyes. "I'm just tired of seeing you with that look on your face, that look that says your world is ending, I'm tired of seeing it and knowing there isn't anything I can do about it. What you're going through is so far beyond anything that I know how to help you with, I'm just trying to look out for you. I didn't mean to make things harder for you or not support you, you've got to know I'm on your side, always. You know that right?" Santana asks meekly.
Quinn feels about three inches tall right now, "I do… I do know that, and I'm sorry I yelled." Quinn shakes her head in disbelief and forces a smile onto her face. "It's just, this is all turning out to be a little harder than I thought it would be."
Santana steps forward and takes Quinn's hands in her own. "Don't do that."
"Don't do what?" Quinn asks confused.
"Don't pretend to smile when you're not okay, you don't have to put up a front around us, around me, if you're not okay then tell me. I'm here for you, even if it's just a shoulder to cry on, all I'm asking is that you be real with me, okay?"
"Okay…" Quinn takes a calming breath. "Then this is me being real here, the way I see it there is no good option here. I can't… I won't get an abortion, it's not the right choice for me, but in that same breath I am in no way ready to be a mother and as for… well… him,"
Santana scowls at the mention of Puck, but her face softens as Quinn continues to speak.
"I don't want him near me or the baby, so he's not an option either, so really what choice do I have? If I won't get an abortion and I'm not ready to care for it… I mean I'm struggling just to keep my own head above water, I can't be responsible for another life as well, so if I'm not ready to care for it either, then what other choice do I have? I need you… I need you to tell me that I'm doing the right thing here, that I'm not being selfish and making everyone's lives worse, that by doing this that I am making the right choice for my… for the baby." Quinn stops herself from saying my baby and corrects herself. It's 'the baby', not 'her baby', it's the only way she can live with not keeping it. Force herself to think of it as the baby and not her baby.
Santana is speechless and she looks at Quinn helplessly, having no idea at all about what to say or how to respond to this. Her friend, her best friend, her Quinn, is in so much pain right now and she is trying to be so strong that it physically hurts and all Santana wants to do is wrap her up in a warm bubble and protect her from the world. But she can't, she can't do anything to help, all she can do is stand here completely useless.
"San… am I doing the right thing, is this the right choice to make?"
Santana feels like she's been shot in the heart. How the hell does she answer that, how the hell does she know what the right thing to do is? "I… I don't know… I don't know how to answer that."
"I know." Quinn says. "And I didn't expect an answer because that's exactly how I feel all of the time right now. I don't know how to answer that. I don't know how to answer any of the questions that I'm being asked. What do I do about the baby, about school, about my family, about my life? I don't know how to answer that, but you see, the thing is, I don't have the option of not answering. And sometimes, when I force that smile onto my face, when I pretend that I'm okay even when I'm not, sometimes it's just as much for my benefit as it is yours and everyone else's. If it's a choice between faking a smile or falling to my knees, screaming because of how unfair everything feels right now then I need to smile, because it gives me that little bit of control over an uncontrollable situation."
Quinn rests her head against Santana's shoulder. "I don't know what the right decision is, but I have to make one because no one else can make it for me. But I can't do this without you San, I can't. And I don't expect you to know what to do or have some kind of sage advice, but if you can just stand by me through this, just so I don't feel like I'm alone then maybe I can find it in me to feel like things aren't as bad as they seem."
Santana wraps her arms around Quinn and hugs her as tightly as she can while crying for her friend. "I'm with you Quinn, I'm with you whatever you need. If this is what you think you need to do, if giving the baby up for adoption is what you feel is right, then do it and know that I've got your back and that no matter what happens you're my girl and I love you."
"Thanks…"
"Santana you're supposed to be grounded could you at least pretend you are and have people gone before I get home, and what's wrong?" Maribel asks, switching gears instantly when she sees how upset all of the girls seem when she comes walking into the room.
"Can I talk to you?" Quinn asks meekly, "It's important."
"Of course you can mija, what's going on?"
"I've made a decision and… I… I need your advice."
"About what sweetheart?"
Santana can see her friend hesitate and begin to curl in on herself. "Go ahead Quinn, do what you got to do, we're here for you."
Quinn nods her head and smiles gratefully at Santana. "I've decided on what to do with the baby… I'm giving it up for adoption but… I don't know what to do now."
"Oh mija…" Maribel can feel her heart constrict, hating that someone so young had to make such a tough decision, heck that anyone has to make that kind of decision. "Okay, come on, let's head into my study and we can go over all of this."
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So that was chapter 23. I know these past few chapters have been on the heavy side, but that's life, but I'm also aware that life is not all bad stuff either, so I don't feel so bad in telling you that while things are hard right now, it's going to lighten up a bit real soon. Sometimes this story takes on a bit of a life of its own, but I'm putting it back on track. And please know that no matter how bad things may seem in my stories, at the end of the day I'm the kind of person who believes in happy endings. So while it may be a struggle for the characters to get there and they may hit some extreme lows, I do think that they should all end up in good places. I may make them super earn their happy endings but they will get them. Next chapter should be up next Friday.