Hi Friends!
First of all, I want to thank all of you for your well wishes for me and my family. I appreciate your understanding and compassion as we went through a hard time earlier this month!
Second, I want to thank you all for reading, following, and favoriting this story. It was a long journey but it is finally over. I hope you enjoyed the ride and I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts and comments along the way.
Warning: Mild spoiler for Season 10 Episode 1 at the end of this chapter. It really won't give anything away from the episode but I pulled the scene directly from the show.
Please forgive my editing mistakes!
Enjoy!
"Reid, you are a part of all of our families."
The others murmured their agreement with Hotch's statement.
"Yeah kid…you're pretty much the brother I never had," Morgan said as he sat on the bed by Reid's feet.
"And you're already a part of my family. Being Henry's godfather makes you as good as any other blood relation," chimed JJ.
Garcia, not to be outdone, laid her hand on Reid's shoulder and said softly, "You've got to know that I consider you to be my brother too."
"And I – I see you almost like a son…," Rossi explained with a crack in his voice.
Spencer's, hearing the emotion oozing in his fellow profilers' words, peek his discerning eyes out from behind a few curly brown tendrils that had fallen down over his forehead. "Really?"
"Yeah, kiddo. I – I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable…but I never – never got to know James…and I would like to think that he would have turned out a lot like you," Rossi uttered gently, unaware of how closely his words echoed Blake's final ones to Reid a few months ago.
The genius sniffled a little and wiped his nose again. He could feel an overload of sentiment tugging at his mind. His thoughts were screaming at him to believe his team; he wanted to believe his team. His brown eyes gazed around the room and took in the looks on everyone's faces. They were all shining with honest to goodness love and concern. Seeing their unadulterated compassion helped the conflicted profiler make up his mind.
He rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes and lowered his hands as a broken smile came to his face, "I'm so sorry."
The profilers each scrunched up their faces, confused as to why the boy was apologizing.
"Reid?" Hotch's deep voice questioned with concern.
Spencer shook his head and looked back down at his hands. A few seconds later he opened his mouth and emitted some of the hardest words he had ever spoken, "I'm sorry that it took me so long to believe you guys. I-I know that you've told me this before…but…but I never allowed myself to accept it. I was afraid. Afraid that if I did and it turned out to be a lie that I wouldn't be able to recover from that kind of betrayal. So – So, I'm sorry for shutting you all out and not trusting you…not having confidence in your words."
Garcia was the first to react to the younger man's admission, "Oh sweetie, we understand. You don't have to exp-"
Whatever she was going to say next was cut off by Reid's quick lips, "No, you guys don't understand."
The cheerful woman's face fell at his abrupt words.
Reid noticed how the blonde had deflated at his tone and chose to avert his gaze toward the window instead of maintaining eye contact with her. "I mean…how could you guys understand when I wasn't even completely sure how I felt myself? My mind has been at war for the last few months. A part of me was saying that you guys were unintentionally ignoring me, that you were just busy with your own lives. But another part of me – a louder part – was screaming at me about how I was being abandoned, left behind…basically forgotten by everyone that mattered. I started to think that you all had left me alone…just like everybody else in my life had done before. Once I allowed myself to fully believe that I began to withdraw from you. You know…to make the abandonment easier on myself."
He paused shortly after those telling words, his eyes remaining focused on the stars shining outside the window. "Then…then you guys started noticing my distance and some of you were persistently trying to appeal to my senses," Reid pointedly looked at Rossi and Morgan in succession before turning away again. "I started to let myself believe that you guys were being genuine, that I could trust you to be there for me. So…so when I woke up all alone in here…I guess…no…I know that all my doubts came rushing back to the surface."
As he spoke those last words he could feel the welling of more tears in his eyes. "So that's why I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I let my past alter my perceptions. I'm sorry that I've put you all through so much. I'm sorry that I never thanked you guys for staying by my side no matter how hard I tried to shake you."
They watched as he paused again and licked his lips. "I-I think that I'm most sorry for that. Because the truth is…I can't stop this disaster that is my life, but the one shining light, the one thing that always pulls me through my troubles is…is you guys. So, w-when I felt the last wave of water wash over my head my biggest regret was that I was never going to get a chance to tell you all how much I appreciated you. "
"Pretty Boy…we knew," Derek said softly, patting Reid's right leg.
Spencer's big eyes looked up at Derek's questioningly.
"Yeah kiddo," Rossi said as he sat opposite of Morgan on Reid's bed. "You know what they always say…the eyes are the window to the soul. And I don't know if you know this but your windows are easy to look into…if you know how to peek through the blinds, that is."
The genius allowed a small smile to play on his lips, "I guess I'm not as good at compartmentalizing as I thought I was."
"No, you are good. But perhaps you forgot that we're profilers too?" Rossi quipped.
"I can't -"
"Yeah, we know. You can't forget," Morgan laughed, cutting off his best friend.
Reid's smile got a bit bigger at Morgan's words and the other profilers let out a few chuckles. The air in the room seemed to clear a bit with the familiar sound of laughter.
The sounds of merriment slowly died down and soon the room was encased in silence once again. Only this time the noiselessness was soothing and not uncomfortable.
After a few minutes Reid broke the silence with a cough, "Um…so what happened to Damien?"
No one answered right away and the genius noticed how everyone seemed to glance at Hotch for guidance. He felt a twinge of worry surge through his body at their reluctance to respond, "Did-did he get away?"
The seasoned profiler stepped forth and took charge of the question, "No Reid. Actually, West won't ever be able to hurt you again. I killed him."
Shock covered Reid's face at his superior's confession, "You killed him? He-he's dead?"
"West decided to resist arrest and tried to run. I attempted to apprehend him but he pushed me into the water. I pulled him in with me and in my efforts to subdue him I accidently pushed him into the boat's running propeller. It decapitated him," Hotch explained stoically.
Spencer let out a deep breath of air and looked down at his lap. Confliction dominated his mind as he tried to process how Damien's death made him feel. On one hand he was glad that he wouldn't have to worry about another attack but on the other hand he felt remorse that his safety had to come at the price of another man's life. Even more, he felt terrible that his boss was placed in the position of having to kill in order to protect him. "I'm really sorry you had to do that. I never wanted him dead."
"I know and it wasn't your fault Reid. He made his own choices and it was an unfortunate consequence," the older profiler said, trying to assuage the boy's guilt. "Besides, you do whatever it takes to protect your family and like I said earlier Reid…Spencer…you are a part of my family."
Overcome by the usually stern man's words, Reid whispered a heartfelt, "Thank you."
Hotch's eyes softened at the boy's tender expression and he nodded back his acceptance.
Reid placed his right hand down on the bed and pushed his body up from the cushiony pillows, "Thanks to-to all of you." He didn't realize it but a wince disturbed his angelic face when he put some weight on his exposed wrist.
"Oh sweetie, what's wrong?" Garcia cried out, seeing his painful grimace.
Reid sheepishly brought his arm up to her viewpoint and said, "I put too much pressure on my wrist."
She clicked her tongue in disdain, "Why isn't this bandaged up? I can't believe the nurse would have only wrapped up one wrist."
"Yeah, and why aren't you hooked up to the oxygen? The doctor said you were going to be on it for the next three days," JJ postured as she stepped over to the machines positioned at the head of Reid's bed and started rifling through the tubes and wires.
Spencer blushed at the negative attention and said, "The cannula was bothering me so I took it off and…and I wanted to see what it looked like underneath." He gestured to his wrist before flashing his big puppy-dog eyes at the girls.
"Oh no, mister. Those eyes aren't going to work on me! You put that oxygen cannula back on right this instant and Morgan hand me that spool of gauze. I'm going to wrap your wrist back up for now and we'll send a nurse in to redo it when we leave."
Reid felt a smile break on his face at Garcia's motherly ministrations. "Thanks," he said through a yawn.
The technical analyst finished wrapping up his wrist and laid his arm down by his side. She patted the top of his hand and said, "You're welcome. Now I think some of us should skedaddle and let you get some sleep."
"Some of you?"
"What? Did you expect us to leave you all alone? Nonsense!"
"But you guys don't have to…I mean…I don't want to inconvenience -"
"It's no problem kiddo," Rossi quickly cut him off. "We want to be here. Now you just relax and work on getting better."
Reid blushed, "Alright…I will."
"Good. Now before I go I want you to promise me – us one thing." The elder agent stipulated as he put on his coat.
"What?"
"If you ever find yourself feeling like you have over the past few months you'll come talk to us?"
"Yeah Spence. Please don't just stay silent and hide it all away," JJ entreated. "Sometimes we get caught up in other things and don't even realize that we're drifting apart. Trust me, say something and we'll fix it."
"Yeah genius, I know it's hard for you to believe but we don't want to lose you any more than you want to lose us," Morgan added.
Touched by their tender request the profiler nodded and solemnly said, "I promise."
Garcia let out a squeal as she pulled Reid into another hug. "Ohhh, my sticky little gumdrop! You don't ever have to worry about being alone again. You're never going to get rid of us!"
Spencer pulled back from the bubbly blonde's crushing embrace and beamed at his friends. For the first time in his life he truly believed deep in his heart that he wasn't facing this world all by himself.
Three weeks later Reid was running late due to a power outage disrupting his alarm clock. He had woken up over fifteen minutes late and after cutting his morning routine short he narrowly managed to make the late train into work.
He dashed across the polished linoleum floor of the FBI headquarters as he made a beeline for the closing elevator doors. He flung out his bag in order to stop them from shutting completely and was greeted by the face of dark haired woman.
He held up his and apologized before boarding the lift and greeting her with a formal, "Hi."
"Morning. Which floor?"
"Ahh six – um…oh, you too," he stated after seeing the button had already been pressed.
He fell silent and allowed his eyes to wander over the other occupant of the elevator. She was dressed in a down-to-business suit and had her make-up done to a minimum. She also had a serious air about her but he could tell that she was slightly nervous based on how her fingers were playing with the seam of her pants. If he combined that with the fact that he had never seen her on the sixth floor before he was easily able to deduce that this was Hotch's next interview for the vacant spot on the team.
He was going to leave her alone to stew silently as they traveled up the floors but a niggling sensation tickled his brain. Huh…he could have sworn that he had seen her before. A flash of a memory skittered through his brain, bringing with it a vison of Rossi's favorite bar, loud music, and her face in the crowd.
"Ah, karaoke at the Benjamin?" he asked out of nowhere.
She looked startled, "Excuse me?"
"Ah, you were singing karaoke at the Benjamin the night it closed," he stated succinctly.
"I was…good memory. Billy Joel might have died a little that night."
He smiled at her playful banter, "Sadly he was not the only one. He got us started but we went on to do a six song set."
She laughed at the memory, "The eighties took a fatal hit, if I remember correctly."
He grinned in return and turned to look back at the doors.
"Have you seen the place that took over? It's like techno and twerking…"
"Uh…it's not really my crowd."
"What? You don't twerk?" she said incredulously.
Reid screwed up his face at her tone and felt a twinge of embarrassment at the fact that his tastes seemed to be social unacceptable for her. He looked away from her and an awkward silence enveloped them.
"I was-I was kidding," she said apologetically.
An uncomfortable smile came to his face as he gently said, "Oh."
Luckily the elevator finally arrived on their floor and the doors peeled open to reveal the bustling sixth floor. The two passengers exited and made their way to the glass doors that led the way into the BAU offices. Reid jogged in front of her and opened the door as manners dictate.
"Ah, a gentleman and a scholar," she said in a way of thanks.
"Agent Hotchner's is the first one at the top of the stairs," he pointed out with his hand holding his satchel.
She scrunched up her face and gave him a perplexed, "Thanks."
"Good luck," he called out to her retreating back.
He made his way over to his desk and set his stuff down. A matter of seconds later he heard the rest of his team enter talking about how Emily turned down the opportunity to work with them again.
"For what it's worth, Hotch is interviewing someone we met before," he told them as they got closer.
The team proceeded to discuss how there had been over nine candidates before this one and Garcia agonized over whether or not the newest contender was nice.
Reid stepped back from the group and listened to their comforting chatter. He rubbed his neck and felt the spot where Damien had tried leave his mark. Fortunately the man's effort had been in vain for the wound had healed over and disappeared without a trace. It didn't matter though, for the profiler no longer found the memories that the scar evoked disturbing. Instead they were reminders of how the people that cared about him were there when he needed them the most.
He smiled at that thought and couldn't help but marvel at what an amazing group of friends he had in his life. Right then he knew without a doubt that he was no longer the solivagant he once thought himself to be. For he no longer saw his life as an event he had to endure on his own but rather something he could celebrate in the company of these people, his family.
Well that is all from me for now. I'm 99% sure that my next story will be a sequel to "The Whipping Boy." It is a slash AU so I know that some of you won't be joining me for the ride. Beyond that I do have some other story ideas up my sleeve but they will have to wait for now. So I hope to see you again, be it for my next story "The Stolen King" (Thanks Gothina234 for the title idea) or one of the ones that comes after it!