(So sorry for the delay in updating, finals and Thanksgiving were both busy. I should mention in this chapter there is the OC moments but hello cut me some slack he tried to off himself no one is on their A game right now There are some episode spoilers for various season 11 and 12. The Admirals daughter being one (very good episode watch it if you haven't) as always there is a hint of one sided TIVA but Ziva is not painted well and I think that's it. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing I appreciate it so much. ENJOY)
Tony eventually cried himself to sleep and Gibbs gently laid the man back into the bed and covered him up. He bent down close to the younger mans ear and whispered, "Sleep, I will be here watching over you". With one last look at the now peacefully sleeping Tony Gibbs made his way out of Tony's room to with the intention of getting another coffee.
When Gibbs left the room the first thing he saw was a smiling Ducky sitting in the chair in the hall. "How is dear Anthony tonight?" while patting the chair next to him. "Aw Duck, he is a mess. I knew Ziver leaving messed him up but I didn't know how much. The kid is lost and alone and I, I just want to hug him and take all the pain away but I cant and it is bothering me. I can't fix this and God Duck I have never been so scared in my life. He is my family; my son and I can't do anything to help take the pain away. Parents are supposed to be able to do that."
"Aw Jethro, you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. I don't think any of us grasped the depth of young Anthony's pain. We know now though and together we will be there for him and we will help him through. I rather think the fortune of his ill aim was a second chance for us all. Oh I almost forgot (reaching below his chair grabbing a bag with food and clothes and a very large coffee) I brought these for you, thinking you might need them."
Gibbs smiled at the offering and the man that held them, "Thank you Duck and you are right this is a second chance for us all and I will not blow it this time. He is mine and I fight for what is mine."
"Here here Jethro. We shall all endeavor to rally around the lad and let him know he is far from alone. I called Doctor Cranston, Caitlyn's sister, and she will be by in the morning to have the first session with Anthony."
"Doctor Cranston has a better chance than any other shrink of getting through. I just hope he lets her help."
The night passed fairly uneventfully Tony did stir with what looked like the beginning of night mares but Gibbs did as he promised and he was right there stroking his head and whispering to him until he would settle back into a peaceful sleep.
During breakfast Gibbs broached the subject of Doctor Cranston's visit. Gibbs was shocked by Tony's reaction. "Doctor Kate's sister huh? I knew someone would be coming today. I think I might be able to actually talk to her."
Gibbs was to say the least surprised and when Doctor Cranston knocked on the door Tony asked Gibbs to let the two talk alone. "You sure, you are up for this I can stay no problem."
"No its okay boss, you helped me get through last night. Go home and sleep for a little bit. I am in good hands."
"Okay if you are sure. I will have my cell on me if you need anything call me okay. Even if you just need someone to listen okay?"
Tony gave Gibbs a tired but sincere smile, "I promise Boss and thank you." With a nod to Tony and Doc Cranston Gibbs left the two to their session.
"So Tony, been a tough year huh?"
"Yeah Doc you can say that. Things just have never been right since I left Ziva on the tarmac in Israel. God help me I really loved her and well I guess she didn't love me as much. I guess that is really the issue even more than Ziva, when is someone going to love me more than anything else. When am I going to be someone's everything? Am I that horrible of a person that someone can't see past the masks and truly love Tony? My Dad used to tell me that I was impossible to love and I would end up in the gutter thrown out like the garbage I was. At the time it made me pissed off enough to want to prove him wrong but (inhales a sob) he was right no one loves me and I don't know why and I just cant stand it anymore. I want to be someone's first priority not everyone's go to if nothing else is going on. So Doc that is the issues I have; you still up for the challenge of shrinking this brain."
With a laugh, "Yeah Tony, I think I am up for the challenge. First let me get some things straight. Your Father was an abuser. I am not sure if he used physical means as well as verbal and I am sure we will get into it. What he told you would qualify as verbal abuse in any ones book and if I EVER have the misfortune of meeting the man I may very well break his nose."
Tony had to laugh at the image of decorum that was Doc Cranston breaking his Dad's nose.
"You like that image huh? Well I also want to answer the other part. The part about putting you first, Gibbs is not a lover but he does place your needs above his own. To him you and your needs come first. Do you know he actually sat with me on the phone and talked to me about finding you and what it felt like not knowing if you would live and if you did if you would be compromised? Ducky tried to prepare him for you to have some traumatic brain injury and you may need full time care if you survived."
"Oh God poor Gibbs, I never wanted this to happen him to find me or suffer because of me I just wanted the pain to stop."
"Hey calm down, I know that and so does Gibbs. He was beating himself up for not understanding the depth of your pain. Back to the waiting room, you know what he told Ducky to the thought of you needing fulltime care? He looked Ducky straight in the eyes and said as long as my boy is still breathing I don't care. If he needs fulltime care I can retire and take care of him. He will not go through this alone no matter what shape he is in when he wakes up and he WILL wake up."
Tony smiled at a memory, "Last night when I woke up I got really emotional and Gibbs held me tight and called me the son of his heart."
"He did? Wow this REALLY must be effecting the man, I can usually only get him to say three words in a row at best. What is it you call him, a functional mute?"
Tony actually snorted a laugh, "Yeah he is a man of few words he likes for his actions to speak for him. I remember in Paris, I was sent over there to rescue an admirals daughter and I got in a world of mess, I honestly thought I wasn't going to make it home but somehow Gibbs got the freaking French national guard to come and save my ass at just the right moment. All I could do is smile and tell the shocked admirals daughter that the armed rescue screamed Leroy Jethro Gibbs."
"That is pretty cool but let me tell you what his actions have been the last 24 hours and you tell me what you think those actions say. He let your team wait with him till you were declared going to live and they did not think there was any significant damage then he put everyone to work. Your team right now is working to get ready for your release. McGee was tasked with getting you ahead a month on your paperwork, Abby was put on make 'Tony's room' comfortable for him and by Tony's room he means the spare room that he has officially designated as your room. Palmer is helping Abby and they will both fill the cabinets and fridge with food you like and Abby and McGee are going to set up a television and dvd for you to watch and hold onto your socks for this one he gave McGee and Abby the task of getting him set up with Wifi and getting wireless in his house. He is coming into the 21st century finally."
"He is really doing all that for me?"
"Yep, you still think no one puts you first?"
Tony was silent contemplating everything that the Doc said.
"I know what you want is the white picket fence and a family, Kate even told me that she thought the playboy act was smoke and mirrors. I want for you to have that too but until that time, enjoy what you do have. You have Gibbs who as he said is the father of your heart, spend this time getting to really know what it means to be truly loved by a father and to be the pesky big brother for Abby and McGee and listening to the wisdom of a Grandfather in Ducky. They all love you and when they thought that they were going to loose you especially at your own hand they were nearly inconsolable. You are a very loved man and I think this time will be beneficial for you. I think you need to learn what it means to be loved and to really let people past the masks and see the real Very Special Agent."
"I think you are right. I have no idea what it is to be loved and love in return. I am not sure about the Special agent thing though. I am not sure that this wont be the thing that Vance finally can get rid of me for."
"Okay if that is so then why was the first call I got from Vance. He told me he wanted me to start working with you immediately if it was medically possible so you can get back to your desk asap. He said that the agency needs DiNozzo and whatever he needs from us to get better it will happen."
"VANCE, said that to you? REALLY"
"Yep really pretty cool huh? I think that is enough revelation and therapy for today. I will be back every morning while you are in hospital and then we can set up a schedule for when you get out. I talked to the doctors; they think you will be in about a week baring any complications. They want to test your brain function a couple of different ways to make sure you are a 100% don't fight them okay please. Take the time and get better physically and mentally, okay? Promise no escape attempts"
"Promise Doc and thank you. This isn't going to be easy but this is a second chance at life. See ya tomorrow. I promise I will be here"