Miss Harper's POV:
It made me frustrated when her eyes wouldn't meet my own. What was going on? What had I done to deserve the silent treatment? I hopelessly tried to get her attention, feeling like an idiot for being bothered by it. So what she was ignoring me, it shouldn't be a big deal. But no, I went from frustrated, to agitated to angry. I had no right to be, I knew that, but I couldn't help it. I wanted her to look at me like she usually did, not wanting to consider the possibility that she had just been fooling around and I didn't realise it. No. I knew that look that she gave me and I no doubt gave her back. Attraction, lust, desire. I wanted her to look at me almost as much as I wanted her. I resorted to hurt when her eyes met mine eventually, void of the flirtatious sparkle they usually held. What the hell was going on? It had been ten minutes and I was already going out of my mind crazy, just thinking about her shrugging me off as if it was nothing. It wasn't nothing, even if I sometimes tried to convince myself that it was. It wasn't nothing to want to have sex with someone and my frustration messed with my hormones, making me want her more than ever. Right in that moment, I knew that if the opportunity arose I would fall into bed with her, not concerned about the repercussions. I had Lilly, but I knew that in the moment I probably wouldn't give her a second thought. I was beginning to think that our relationship was beyond salvageable.
Was it illogical to find her more attractive now that she was avoiding me? I took her in, looking at her face first. She looked distracted, her features tense and her jaw locked into place, but her regal eyes were wide open, looking at a blank spot on the wall. Her lips were turned upwards and they looked almost unable to remain in a straight line. They were parted slightly and her pink tongue pushed between them and licked over her bottom lip. God, I wished that was me. I trailed my eyes down to her chest, admiring her boobs. They were large and I imagined they would be firm in my hands. The rest of her body was concealed by the desk but I thought back to Friday when she had bent over to reach her bag, showing me her thin pink cotton panties that prevented me from seeing the parts of her I really wanted. I shook myself and reminded myself to stay mad at her. How dare she? She just, she waltzed into my life and shook it whether intentionally or otherwise and then she has the audacity to ignore me. She was treating me like Lilly did and she had no right to do that. Her behaviour was catching me off guard and I desperately wanted to justify it, understand what I'd done wrong.
She left homeroom just as soon as I dismissed the class, not giving me a first glance, let alone a second. I sighed and pushed my fingers through my hair, welcoming my next class. My distraction was apparent. I would be lecturing and have to stop mid-sentence, unsure of what I was even saying. She was on my mind way more than usual and this time I couldn't seem to put it to the side. "Sorry, class" I mumbled with an uneasy smile, starting my explanation. It only got worse the closer I got to fifth period, planning on talking to her then. My head was with her completely, going over anything I could have said that would have made her mad. "Are you okay Miss?" Artie said, snapping me out of my thoughts. That's right, I was lecturing my Calculus II class and it appeared that I had just stopped mid-sentence and stood there, letting Santana consume my mind again. I nodded slowly and set them work, knowing that I didn't have it in me to continue teaching.
I sighed, relieved when she walked into study hall an hour and a half later. Putting her things on the desk and taking a seat. I didn't waste a second more, needing to get it over and done with and within five seconds I was up and out of my seat, walking towards her. I stopped not too far away from her, a group of her cheer friends crowding her and asking her if it was true that she slept with one of the jocks the night previously. Maybe that was it? I gulped, unable to stop myself from getting jealous at the mere thought. She'd set this up I thought, enlisted the help of her friends so that I couldn't talk to her. She hadn't anticipated what they were going to say because her head snapped up, her eyes searching for mine. When she saw me and how close I was, she looked away, looking down. I sighed and turned on my heel, walking back to my own desk.
I felt like an idiot for pining after a child, demanding her undivided attention. Who was I to get jealous over her sleeping with someone else? She wasn't a child though as much as I tried to convince myself that she was. She was, she was, she was. To remind myself of how pathetic I was, I thought about how at 26, all I had thought about recently was how to get a girl into bed, no matter how illegal and immoral it was. I'd dressed for her that morning, wanting to look even more alluring than usual, even when I'd told myself that nothing could ever happen. I was wearing a tight fitted pencil skirt that accentuated my curves, showing off my hips that she often watched. My shirt was bustier than anything I had ever dared to wear to work before and it angered me that she wasn't even appreciating it. I put my head in my hands, trying to block her out, figuring that it was best that I let this crush pass.
Santana's POV:
It was more difficult than I imagined it would be to ignore her. Perhaps it was because she looked the sexiest I had ever seen her look today and I salivated every time I dared look up. Sure, I could think and maybe look at her and admire how attractive she is, but there was no way things could continue how they had been going. I made sure that I wasn't looking at her when she looked at me, meaning that I rarely got to check her out. I was flattered and also surprised by her attention, having never experienced it on such a huge scale. It figured that her interest would grow just as soon as I found out what I had.
I left homeroom as soon as she dismissed us, heading to class. I couldn't stop thinking about her. How she'd looked hurt when I didn't give her my attention like I usually did and how I wished that I could just give her what she wanted. I was overcome with desire, something that I'd never experienced before and it was heightened by the fact that I couldn't just have her like I wanted to. I was jealous that she was taken already but not because I wanted her all to myself. I didn't think that I wanted anything serious with her, I just wanted to act on my feelings and feel her thighs tightening around my head. Where was the harm? I was thinking so hard that I found myself walking right by my classroom, Mr Mitchell calling after me and giving me detention for trying to skip class. I wasn't even trying to skip. With nothing more than a shake of my head, I walked in behind him, feelings everyone's eyes on me. I sat in my seat and rubbed my temples, pleading with my brain to give me a break from thinking about her. I was unsuccessful.
I mulled it over all day, changing my mind over and over about the decision that I was making. I arranged with some of the girls to help them with their work if they came to study hall so that I wouldn't be alone, open to her for conversation. I knew she had questions that she probably needed answers to, I just didn't have the heart to answer them. I regretted my decision to surround myself with people immediately upon walking in to her classroom. She brightened up when I walked in, jumping impatiently out of her seat. I looked down, refusing to look at her. The girls piled in, crowding around me and I felt her come to a standstill, probably watching, frustrated and angry with me. "Is it true that you slept with Brody last night?" Amy asked and my head snapped up to find Miss Harper. It wasn't true. I looked at her and she looked upset, turning on her heel to sit back at her desk. I felt like the worst person on earth, but maybe it would be better for her to think that I had slept with someone, maybe it would turn her off of me. I hoped not.
I figured by Calculus that she had given up though, because she didn't make any attempt to look at me or talk to me and I thought about her reaction, about how severe and serious it was. It was playful what had been going on, but it turned decidedly more serious the second I tried to stop it. It became real and it was obvious she wasn't happy that I wasn't behaving my usual self. It was obvious her mind was elsewhere because each time she spoke to us, she had to pause to gather her thoughts, eventually sighing and giving up on words, setting us a task and telling us to get on with it. Suddenly I wanted her attention again and it seemed as though the both of us were getting tired of this back and forth behaviour. I tried to work, slowly working my way through everything she had told us to complete, careful not to make any mistakes. I could feel her eyes and looked up. She was staring so intently that she didn't even realise that I had lifted my eyes to look back at her. She had the charm of her necklace between her fingers and the chain was between her parted lips as she moved it from side to side. I sighed and looked down again, leaving her still sat there long after the bell had rang and I had headed home.
I wondered whether she'd sorted out her car trouble yet.
Miss Harper's POV:
Jase picked me up from school. He'd driven into state to stay with me whilst this whole thing was going on. I was thankful for his support though I still hadn't opened up to him about Santana yet, unsure of whether I should or not. We picked up Chinese and he asked me whether I'd spoken to Lilly yet. I hadn't, not at all since she'd left with her things. I knew that I needed to, not even sure whether I was still in a relationship, but I was afraid of what she might have to say and in a sense, despite my unhappiness, afraid on being left alone. He worked on me all night though until I finally gave in and called her. I let out a shaky breath as I dialled her number and lifted my phone to my ear, Jase watching me. I felt nervous and uneasy and I wanted to hang up as soon as I heard her voice on the other end. "Dani?" she asked and I gulped. "Y-yeah.. Can you talk right now?" I asked, hearing shuffling on the other line. "For a few minutes I can, what's up?" she asked and I rolled my eyes. It was so rich that she only had a 'few minutes' to offer me and didn't seem to know why I might be calling. "I think we need to talk about what happened the other night, about us?" I asked carefully. She huffed and I could feel her conjuring up another excuse. "Look, I can't do this right now. Next time I'm home we can talk" she said and a single tear fell down my cheek. "When is that going to be though, Lilly? I'm going crazy. I can't just sit here and wait for you, not when I know that you don't love me anymore" I said quickly, wishing that I could take back my words. She was silent and it broke my heart that she didn't even deny it, she didn't say anything at all. "Okay" I said simply, hanging up the phone and collapsing into a crying mess in Jase' arms.
When my episode was over and I had managed to collect myself into something that vaguely represented a human being I decided to be honest with him. I told him about mine and Lilly's relationship and how it could barely have been called a relationship for the last few months. He looked sympathetic and understanding and that was what pushed me to open up about Santana. "There's someone" I told him and his eyes widened in surprise. "Well.. Not really like that but kind of" I tried to explain. He must have been intrigued because he sat up and cocked his head towards me. "I-it's complicated" I said, gulping. "Um. Her name is Santana and she's beautiful" I started, sighing. "She's one of the kids I teach, Jase" I told him, putting my head in my hands and ignoring his over-dramatic gasp. "What?" he almost shouted and I sighed. "She's one of my students. I tried so hard not to be attracted to her but it's impossible, she's a goddess. Nothing has happened, but I can tell that we both want it to. Well, I'm not so sure about her anymore, she's been avoiding me but I know that I want her" I told him and he looked shocked, still sympathetic. He pulled me close and held me, allowing me to rest my head on his chest. "Why am I so messed up, Jase?" I asked, he didn't reply.
I shamelessly thought about what more I could possibly do to get her attention. I couldn't stop thinking about her no matter how much I willed myself to just forget about her, push her to the side and think of her as nothing more that a student. I was fucked and I knew it.
Santana's POV:
I headed back to school after a sleep deprived night. I'd slept some but not much, my mind preoccupied with thoughts of a certain beauty. I expected that today would be the same. She'd go through phases of trying to get my attention and avoiding me at all costs and I wondered how much longer it would take for me to crack. I thought over my disappointment should she not try to communicate with me but shrugged it off again as it being 'for the best'.
I looked at her and she looked at me back. I wanted to slap myself. Her gaze wasn't like it was before, it was hesitant and unsure and I wondered if that was my fault. I smiled and she smiled back only slightly and we were dismissed. I decided to go solo in study hall, figuring she probably wouldn't try to talk to me again after yesterday, sitting down with my earphones in my ears, eyes shut as usual. I felt her before I saw her, her delicious booty sliding behind me to the filing cabinet, this time my head did fall back though not intentionally. I felt her thrust away from me and panicked, apologising even though I couldn't actually hear what I was saying or how quiet I was saying it. She pulled my earphones out and I frowned, turning to look at her. "That wasn't appropriate" she said and I wanted to roll my eyes, like any of this was appropriate? "I know... sorry, it wasn't intentional" I told her and she looked kind of disappointed. She walked back towards the front of the room and got a calculus textbook, sitting down in front of me as though she was about to tutor me. I shook my head, this wasn't a conversation we should be having. "Are you okay, Santana?" she asked concernedly. I was confused and nodded slowly and she looked at me, doubtful. "It would seem as though you haven't been your usual self the last couple of days" she commented and I half wanted to tell her that my 'usual self' didn't flirt with teachers. "Yeah... sorry" I told her, not denying that things had definitely been off between me and her in the sense that I wasn't treating her as I had before. "You can talk to me about anything... any problems I'd be happy to listen" she said, sounding so formal and I raised my eyebrow at her. "You wanna talk about your fiancé?" I asked, immediately regretting it. Her face softened and contorted to something I had never seen from her before, guilt or something similar. "No.. I don't want to talk about her" she said quietly, looking around the room to make sure that no one was watching their interaction. "Figures." I scoffed, shaking my head. "So, in answer to your question.. I'm not my 'usual self' because I can't be" I said, lowering my voice before continuing. "I just... I think you should try to control your behaviour. I don't think you should... talk to people as you have been um, talking to me I guess." I told her. It was true. She raised her eyebrow and opened her mouth, shocked as though I had just offended her and I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "You're um, you're right" she said, getting up quickly and walking away. She sat down at her desk and put her hands on her forehead. She looked upset and I wondered whether I had missed something important. It wasn't me telling her that I didn't want her because believe me, I still did. But how could I mess with something as complicated as an engagement and continue to be around her on a daily basis afterwards? I couldn't.
Miss Harper's POV:
I knew that I shouldn't have talked to her, I knew it. Everything was up in air and I wondered how she knew about Lilly, assuming it was because of the ring I had worn on my finger up until a few days ago. But still, she had flirted with me when I had the ring so it seemed ironic that it was only a problem now. Even so, I missed talking to her as I had and having her give me the attention that she did. I half wished that she would swap places with Lilly as my fiancé. Going towards marriage, I thought I was supposed to feel different about the rest of my life. Lilly was supposed to be looking at me like I was the only girl in the world, making me feel amazing. But I didn't. In fact, the thought of spending the rest of my life with Lilly made my heart sink, I didn't want it anymore, I'm not sure I even wanted it when she proposed to me.
I just couldn't stop thinking about Santana and how different she was to anyone I had ever met and how if I could override the law that pushed us apart, I probably would pursue her further than just sleeping with her. I still needed to do that. It just sucked that now I had finally found someone I was so intrigued by, she was so out of reach. I couldn't wait to talk to Lilly so that I could talk to Santana again.
She stayed after calculus and I was confused, looking at her awaiting an explanation. "I wish you weren't so... you" she said, checking me out from where I was stood. I raised my eyebrow and let out a half laugh. "That's too bad" I replied, making sure to not flirt like she told me to. "You know. You're really fucking beautiful and it drives me insane" she said and I blushed, looking down, not able to meet her eyes. "You really have no idea how beautiful you are." she told me and I wondered what she was doing. "I just, I can't stop thinking about you." she said and she sounded uncomfortable saying it. "..Santana" I started, looking back up at her. "You don't have to say this" I told her. She shook her head "You're not told enough, I don't think." she said and I wondered whether she was flirting with me again. Neither of us said anything for a minute and she ended up being next to speak. She walked towards me and lifted my chin so that I was looking into her eyes. I smiled, nervous and sighed. "I want to kiss you" she said and I gasped, hardly believing what I was hearing. Before I could even react properly, her soft, supple lips were on mine, her arms wrapped around my waist, holding me. I moaned instantaneously, I'd wanted this for so long, kissing her back. My left hand was on her face, my right on her neck and I kissed her back, even though I knew I shouldn't. She was passionate and her want was conveyed through her kiss. I was stunned to say the least, standing in the middle of my classroom, kissing Santana Lopez, finally.
Author's Note:
Your reviews astound me. Sorry for the wait, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you - N