Still not mine. Peace.
***
"Am I the only one who thinks glitter people are less scary and more of a cosmetics accident?" sighed reigning bitch and Scooby Gang hanger-on Cordelia Chase, tossing her brown hair over her shoulder. "Sounds like they didn't get the memo glam is over."
"Disco demons," chuckled the resident goofball, Xander Harris. "Hey, Will, finding anything useful?"
"Not much," Willow said despairingly, peeking out from behind the computer monitor. "I can't find anything on glittery people that doesn't seem to do with, well. Body glitter, or, or like Cordy said. Glam rock or something."
"Well, this is Major Tom to ground control," Xander quipped. "Mission seems futile. Can we just call it a day? Shockingly, I agree with Cordelia." She rolled her eyes at him; he rolled his eyes back, then they both proceeded to fantasize about making out in a broom closet with each other. "This isn't screaming danger to me," he continued.
"If these guys were fighting with Spike's lackeys, they're clearly not just a couple of kids," Buffy declared. "They could be more dangerous than they look."
"Buffy is right," Giles said, looking up from his tall stack of demonology books. "It would be best if we knew, at the least, who they were and why they're here."
"The usual Hellmouthy reasons?" Cordelia rolled her eyes. She was assiduously ignored, as per usual.
"I'm going back to that motel," Buffy announced. "I want to get to the bottom of this. Demon things or not, anyone who's fighting Spike could become allies, and if not, well."
"I'll go with," Xander eagerly exclaimed. Once again, Cordelia rolled her eyes; once again, she was ignored.
Within minutes the group had stockpiled a variety of weapons and squeezed into Giles' small Citroen car, Buffy calling shotgun and Xander crammed between Willow and Cordelia in the back seat. Both girls sitting next to him had thoughts about their proximity, and neither would ever share those thoughts. Ever.
Upon arrival, Giles turned around to face the trio in the back seat. "All right, Xander, Cordelia, it will be your job to distract the manager," he decided.
"We can pretend like we need to get a room," Xander suggested eagerly.
"I'm not pretending I need to get a room with him," Cordelia said, pulling a disgusted face although she secretly liked the idea. "Make Willow do it."
"Willow and I are going to wait for you guys to go in and check the registry," Buffy shot back. "If we need to hack the computer or something-"
"Yeah, whatever," Cordelia groused.
"So, once the manager is out of the way, as she said, it will be Buffy and Willow's job to find the rooms assigned to these – er, glittering strangers. They'll do what they can to milk them for information," Giles said sternly.
"Ooh, interrogation time?" Willow beamed. Buffy cast her a little smile, enjoying her friend's enthusiasm.
"Once you're certain they've got the information, you're free to abandon your charade however you see fit," Giles told Xander and Cordelia. "We'll rendezvous in the parking lot as soon as possible."
"Got it," the Scooby Gang chorused. Cordelia and Xander climbed out of the car (Willow watching with a little pout) and through the partially-unrolled window, Xander could be heard saying, "C'mon, if we're supposed to be a couple you should put your arm around my waist or something."
"As if I'd do that," Cordelia grumbled, though she really didn't mind.
A few short moments after they disappeared into the building, Buffy and Willow clambered out of the car, leaving Giles alone with yet more demonology books. Not knowing these sparkly newcomers hailed from the Pacific Northwest, he did not think to look into any Quileute myths, but, being Giles, he'd likely stumble on them anyway soon enough.
Buffy peered through the window, waiting for the manager to lead Cordelia and Xander upstairs, and upon their exit she and Willow snuck through the door and behind the front desk. Willow immediately pulled up the guest list on the computer, scanning it for names. "I heard one girl call the other one Bella," Buffy said, peering over Willow's shoulder.
"Bella… Bella…" Willow muttered as she searched. "Found an Isabella, think that's it? Room 117. It's registered under the same credit card number as the room next door to it, that room's under… lemme see. Jasper Hale, looks like." She scrolled around. "Seems like they're the only booked rooms on the entire floor," she murmured.
"They're probably our glitterbots, then," Buffy nodded. "Let's go."
Willow and Buffy made their way to rooms 117 and 118, each knocking on a door. There was no answer at 118, but Willow made a "yuck" face at the sounds coming (a-hem) through the door.
A pixie, Alice? More like a nymph(o).
The other door, however, opened a crack and a pale, high-cheekboned face leaned out. "Hello," he said warily, his accent awkward as if it was attempting to be American but partially failing.
"Hi," Buffy said, folding her arms.
"Are you with the motel?"
"Uh, yes!" Willow chirped, quickly grabbing linens off the nearest cart. "Turndown service!"
"No, thanks," the pale man-boy said tersely, and started to shut the door. Buffy stopped it midway, then forced it open.
"Sorry, manager's orders," she muttered, shoving past him and into the room. Willow followed and shut the door behind her. Noticing Bella asleep on the bed, Buffy added, "Better get your girlfriend up."
"Please leave," said Edward.
Willow scurried over to the window and threw the curtain open, letting sunlight filter in. Immediately, his skin began to sparkle, and he writhed with emotion as Willow exclaimed, "A-ha!" It was interrogating time, she hoped. She did love a good interrogation.
"Shut the window before my skin dazzles you!" he cried painfully.
"Repelled by sunlight, huh?" Willow said rhetorically, raising an eyebrow.
"But he's not burning up," Buffy observed.
"What do you think I am?" he moaned woefully.
Buffy and Willow exchanged pointed glances.
"SAY IT!" he growled.
"You're a… vampire?" Willow asked hesitantly, despite the fact that he wasn't yet dead of sunlight. Without further evidence, no claims could be made.
"Let's find out," Buffy smirked, lunging towards the sparkly fellow with her stake. Edward growled again, then promptly jumped out the window. Shrugging, Buffy and Willow ran out the door, having minimal interest in jumping after him.
As luck would have it, Edward happened to land on the hood of Giles's car, which upset the Englishman considerably until he noticed the glittering quality of his skin and realized immediately that this was one of their men. Cordelia and Xander, amidst some stupid argument, came ambling out of the lobby around the same time, and immediately ran for the car upon seeing Edward sprawled and sparkling on top of it. "Xander, grab him," Giles exclaimed, hurriedly unbuckling his seatbelt and climbing out to give him a better look-over.
Buffy and Willow were outside in no time, as well, and Edward noticed the blonde Slayer with apprehension. "I don't want to hurt you," he said in a low voice. "You don't know what I am."
"You're a vampire," she said, rolling her eyes. "Big scary deal."
"Yes," Edward nodded. "I am."
Bella came running out the door, having heard the noise of Edward smashing into the hood of Giles's car. She ran with a limp, result of twisting her ankle not ten hours before. Buffy and the others noticed with curiosity that she herself was not sparkling; that, combined with the limp, led them to conclusions.
"So who's the girl, Sparkle Boy?" Buffy asked, folding her arms.
"I'm Bella," said Bella plainly. "Edward is my one true love."
"Is he," Buffy said with an expression clearly reading 'what the hell?'
"How come you're not all shiny?" Cordelia asked in a bored tone.
"Edward my love is a vampire," Bella confessed dramatically (or as dramatically as she was capable of).
"We know," Buffy smirked. "He just told us."
"Bella is not a vampire," Edward sighed chagrinedly. "Our love is terribly complicated."
"He won't even – y'know. With me," Bella sighed mournfully. "I bet Mike Newton or Tyler what's-his-face who almost ran into me with his car would, but Edward will not. He does, however, watch me sleep. It is truly a pure, honest love we share."
"Uh-huh," Willow and Buffy chorused, Willow making her very best confused face and Buffy still wearing the 'what the hell' expression she'd adopted a minute ago.
"Then why are you limping?" Buffy asked.
"I twisted my ankle," Bella explained simply. "Running away from the frightening men with the awful skin last night."
"The vampires, you mean," Giles interrupted.
"They were not beautiful," Bella said confusedly. "Vampires are inhumanly beautiful, with pale skin that glitters in the sunlight. These men were unattractive and did not glitter."
"Geez, where'd you get your supernatural education?" Cordelia snarked. "Even I know that's not true."
"Cordelia," Giles cautioned. "It is possible that we're dealing with a – different type of vampire."
"AUGH!" Edward exclaimed despondently. "It pains me even to think of what I am."
"So. You are definitely a vampire," Buffy muttered, rolling her eyes.
"Yes," Edward confirmed.
"But it's daylight," Cordelia groaned.
"I'm a monster!" Edward exclaimed agonizingly. "This is the skin of a killer!"
"Is this supposed to scare us?" Buffy asked.
"Dude, be glad the real vampires can't come kick your butt right now," Xander chuckled.
"I've done terrible things," Edward cried. "I've killed people."
"So I think I'm going to stake you now," Buffy smirked. "Thanks for giving me a good reason."
"Yes, Buffy," Giles nodded. "Kill the sparkly ones. After all, you are the Slayer, and if he is a vampire…"
"Great, here we go," Buffy said, withdrawing her stake and aiming for Edward's heart.
Cordelia withdrew a pair of designer sunglasses from her purse. The glare from Edward's skin was far too extreme.
"Wait," Edward moaned confusedly, eyeing Buffy with confusion. "You don't love me? All mortal girls love me! I dazzle them!"
"You make Angel look manly, dude," Xander cut in, laughing.
"Hey!" Buffy exclaimed. "My boyfriend you're talking – okay. No. It's true."
The sun was beginning to set, and the glittering gradually decreased with it.
"B-but… you don't want to have my psycho vampire baby?" Edward questioned, shocked.
"That's my job!" Bella moaned in agony. "She's not even pale and clumsy!"
Buffy turned to Giles and Willow in frustration. "Have you guys ever heard any of this lore before?"
Both shook their heads. "It's not in any of the books," Giles said with a slight shrug.
"I didn't see it online, either," Willow announced. "Sounds like a hoax to me."
"Staking time, then," Buffy said with a sarcastic smile. Once again, she lunged at Edward, and this time he did not wuss out, but began to fight her.
"As if you could ever beat me in a fight," he shouted angrily. "I am a monster, I have the strength of a killer –"
"Well, I'm the Slayer, and I've beat down jerks way more intimidating than you," Buffy shot back, landing a blow in his stomach that sent him flying backwards into the motel wall.
"My love!" Bella cried tearfully. "Your perfect glittering six-pack will bruise! Or it would if your perfect marble skin could bruise."
As they continued to spar, Buffy's Slayer training far trumping any of Edward's innate vampire strength, and the others watched (the Scooby Gang in mild amusement, Bella in terror), they did not quite notice the sun begin to set.
"If you knew what was good for you, you'd leave me alone," Edward exclaimed despondently, attempting to shove Buffy off of him.
"Yeah, I'm not much for the running away," Buffy rolled her eyes, pinning one arm behind his back and kicking the backs of his knees so he fell to the ground in pain. "Nice try, though."
"Well, well," a familiar British voice not belonging to Giles called out. Everyone, including the Slayer and the sparkler whose ass she was kicking, turned to look. "What have we here? Looks like the Slayer's found our nancy boy after all."
Spike, flanked by his three thugs, had approached, likely from a nearby sewer tunnel, and he folded his arms across his chest in amusement. "Now, I just came here to find this featherweight, but this is so much better," he continued. "Think how happy Dru will be when I bring her the shiny new toy and a bruised and bloody Slayer to play with."
"Will, Xander, Cordy, get out of here," Buffy said in an even tone, never once breaking eye contact with Spike. "Giles – get them back to the school. See if you can find anything else out. I'll meet up with you once I've taken care of this."
Only too happy to book it, Xander was the first in the car, this time calling shotgun in Buffy's absence. Willow and Cordelia slid seamlessly into the backseat, Willow looking mildly terrified and Cordelia's expression reading more as abject boredom; Giles was already halfway to the getaway car before Buffy had finished speaking, and sped off in his dented Citroen the instant the other three had slammed their doors shut. That taken care of, Buffy focused her attention to her bleach-blond British nemesis, all the while still kicking the crap out of Edward.
"These aren't the kids who fought us earlier," one of Spike's posse declared. "The girl was smaller –"
"Pixielike," Bella prompted ridiculously.
"And the guy was more of a blond," the vamp continued. "This is the girl who ran, though."
"She's an okay little bit, isn't she," Spike said wryly, eyeing Bella up and down. "She might be a nice surprise for Dru, too, don't you think."
"Don't talk about my love that way," Edward exclaimed heroically. "She may have the most delicious, addictingly-scented blood in all of the world, but only I am allowed to objectify her!"
"Ain't we gonna get a bite, boss?" the wittier vamp asked impatiently.
"Not if you just stand here talkin' like a bunch of girls," Spike shot back. "You two get nancy boy and his little accessory here down to the lair, you check this sodding wreck for the others, and I'll take care of the Slayer here."
But while he was barking orders, Buffy had let go of Edward and carefully loaded up the trusty crossbow Giles had left behind and aimed it at the heart of one of Spike's thugs. He vanished in a cloud of dust and Spike swore under his breath. Bella and Edward let out identical high-pitched screams.
"Namby-pamby brat," Spike muttered disdainfully, and promptly slammed Edward's head into the wall, rendering him more or less unconscious.
"My love!" Bella shrieked annoyingly. She made as if to run towards him, then promptly tripped over a pebble and fell face-first onto the concrete.
"Well, that made my job a little easier, now," Spike smirked, turning to his thugs. "Get the toys outta here, men. I'll be with you in a minute."
"Sooner rather than later, hmm?" Buffy chirped.
Before he could attack Buffy, she kicked him backwards into the other men, causing the lot of them to fall on top of the manhole they had emerged from. The one carrying Bella slid down first, followed by the one carrying Edward; Spike rolled his eyes and followed after, grumbling and sliding the manhole cover back over his head.
Oddly, Buffy didn't really care to go after them.