Mine? No.

***

Buffy was striding through one of Sunnydale's numerous dark alleyways when she heard another set of footsteps match hers. Turning with her stake in hand, she was relieved to see not some blood-hungry goon but her on-off undead paramour, Angel.

"Hey, put that thing down," he smirked. She returned his smile and stowed her stake away up her sleeve, standing on her toes to kiss him.

"Hey," she grinned.

"Are you patrolling?"

"Nope," Buffy said lightly. "It's a researchy night. You're welcome to join if, y'know, you wanna spend your whole night buried in big musty stacks of books."

"What's the topic tonight?" Angel questioned. Two leather-wearing vampires appeared from either side, and Buffy calmly staked one while Angel beat the other to the ground.

"New breed of vamps," she replied, stepping over Angel to dust the other with little effort. Brushing off her hands, she continued, "At least, they say they are – do you know anything about vamps who glitter in the sunlight?"

Angel furrowed his brow. "Glitter? Never heard of such a thing. Are you sure they're really vampires?"

"I'm not sure at all," Buffy admitted. "They don't turn, they don't have fangs, they seemed kinda… sissy. But they claimed to be vampires."

"How many?"

"I saw two last night, another today," Buffy said. "And there's a girl with them. Human."

"Captive?" Angel asked, pausing to reflect on how he might once have behaved in similar circumstances in his soulless past life as Angelus.

"One of their girlfriends," Buffy explained. "She said, anyway."

"Human girl dating a vampire," Angel shook his head. "Doesn't know what she's getting herself into, I'd bet. Stupid of her."

"Real stupid," Buffy said pointedly, giving Angel a Look that translated to, pot calling the kettle black much? They walked along in awkward silence for a minute or two.

"Where are they?" Angel finally asked.

"Staying at the Sunnydale Motel. But the girl and the guy she was with got taken off by Spike's thugs. I'm not sure if the two I saw last night are still around or not."

"Spike's men?" Angel echoed. "What would he want with them?"

"Any number of perverse, Spike-type things, many of which I don't care to imagine."

"Are you going after them?"

"Not until I know more about them," Buffy replied, approaching the front doors of Sunnydale High and heading in. "If they're just as evil, they deserve each other, and I'll dust 'em when they surface again. If not, we make a recon plan."

The pair entered the library and saw the rest of the gang hard at work. Or rather, Willow and Giles were hard at work, while Cordelia and Xander were nowhere to be found and one of the bookshelves in the back of the library seemed to be shaking slightly. "Hey, guys," Buffy said.

"Hi, Buffy," Willow chirped. "Hi, Angel."

Angel waved in his characteristically awkward way.

"Is Angel going to help us research?" Giles queried dryly, already setting aside a stack of dense texts for him to rummage through.

"Yep, he's a helpful one," Buffy smirked, sliding onto the counter and picking up the nearest volume. Angel sat at the table across from Giles and opened a book as well. "Found anything?" Buffy asked.

"Not much, I'm afraid," Giles muttered. "Not one of these texts so much as mentions glittery skin. Are you sure they aren't just some sort of demon? Or even, dare I suggest, delusional humans?"

"That glittering skin was definitely beyond human," Cordelia declared, emerging from the stacks and hastily tugging at the hem of her shirt. "No amount of makeup could achieve that Christmas-lighty twinkle."

"No useful texts back there, then," Giles sighed. "I just don't understand. This blatantly contradicts virtually everything we know to be true about vampires. Every text we've – I've – read, every firsthand experience we've had…" He trailed off, disgruntled, and dove into the next book in his pile.

"What ended up happening with Spike?" Willow asked, coming to sit by Buffy on the counter.

"He and his men took Sparkle Boy and his honey," Buffy replied, leaning back on her hands and sighing.

"He's bringing them to Drusilla," Angel announced flatly. "I'd bet anything he is."

"Yes, I do recall him saying something about toys, mentioning Drusilla's name," Giles nodded.

"Geez," Xander cut in unhelpfully, appearing at the top of the stairs and taking a seat.

"That's all well and good for the vamp," Angel mused in a gloomy tone, "But his girlfriend could be in serious danger."

"I'd almost guarantee it," Buffy said dully, startled to realize how very little she cared what happened to the insipid brunette and her sparkling boytoy.

***

"Princess," Spike called out, sidling into the dusty chamber he'd had decorated so nicely to suit his ailing ladylove. He found her lounging languidly on the king-size bed, idly toying with her dolly's curls.

"It's dreadful cold in here," she murmured by way of greeting. "Miss Edith is coming over in shivers."

Ignoring his urge to mention that Miss Edith was, in fact, a doll and therefore unable to shiver, he bounded over to the bed with a wicked, joyful expression and planted a kiss on Drusilla's cheek. "Guess what, luv?"

"Mmm, the cavalry is coming and we must ride away before they find us?"

"Guess again," he purred, pressing his lips against her neck.

"You haven't killed the naughty mean Slayer, I'd have known if you did that, mmm, what can it be?"

"Close your eyes real tight, pet, and don't open them till I say so," Spike grinned. Drusilla placed her hands over her eyes with a smile, but quick as she did, she spread two fingers apart and playfully peeked out. Spike laughed and moved to cover her eyes himself, chiding, "Wicked little princess, no looking yet."

"It's a surprise, innit? Oooo, I hope it's a lovely surprise."

The two remaining members of Spike's posse dragged Edward and Bella's unconscious forms into the bedchamber, and Spike whispered low in Dru's ear, "Lookit."

Eagerly, she clawed at Spike's hands and took in the sight of her two new gifts. "Oooo, Spike, they're wonderful," she declared, jumping up to get a better look.

"Promised I'd bring you some shiny new toys, didn't I," Spike smirked.

"But there's more of 'em, still loose like wild dogs," Drusilla proclaimed. "And this one doesn't even sparkle," she added, frowning at Bella.

"Well, y'see, luv," Spike said cautiously, "Turns out the shiny poof's claimin' to be a vampire. That one's his still-livin' baby love."

"But I don't sparkle, we don't shine like hundreds of diamonds all sculpted and glaring," Dru pouted. "Is he broken? Mmm, or has everything changed so dreadfully in such a short time?"

"No, luv, he's not broken, not yet," Spike replied, grinning evilly. "That's all up to you."

"It's been so long since I really tortured anyone," Drusilla sighed, circling Edward and Bella with a faraway look in her eyes. "What if I'm out of practice? If there's some new game I haven't yet learned?"

"You'll be fine, pet," Spike assured her. "'Sides, you've got a nice snack to get your strength up, eh?"

"And how lovely she smells," Drusilla said happily, all woeful thoughts apparently forgotten. "Blood like candy, mmm, sweet and decadent and unspoiled. No fair biting till she wakes, though. That takes out the fun and I do so want this to be fun."

***

Back at the Sunnydale Motel, Alice and Jasper had finally stopped making love, their room disheveled and torn apart. Alice was adjusting her pixielike hair in the mirror, because these vampires still had reflections. Jasper had found a guitar in the closet, logic be damned, and was softly strumming an old Confederate fight song while staring at the tiny, only semi-clothed figure of his beautiful wife.

Suddenly her topaz eyes went black, and she turned away from the mirror. She stumbled uncharacteristically clumsily onto the bed, her petite hands grabbing desperately for a pen and paper. Jasper handed her a page ripped from the back of the Gideon's Bible in the drawer, unfazed by the religiosity of the cross on the cover, and the pencil some stranger had left behind for storytelling convenience.

"What is it, Alice?" Jasper asked worriedly, rubbing Alice's bare shoulders and calming her empathetically.

"Bella and Edward are gone," she said monotonally, hastily yet detailedly sketching out a room on the paper. "The men we fought took them somewhere."

"Are they with James?"

"No – these men are working for someone else – I see Bella and Edward unconscious, some…" She finished her drawing, staring blankly at the cavernous bedroom on the page in front of her. "Some blond man, a woman…"

"Is there danger?"

"Yes," Alice replied darkly. "You wait for Carlisle. I'll go ahead. If I'm not back in an hour, come after me."

"Where has Carlisle gone?"

"Probably to go do good deeds by cover of shadow," Alice nodded sagely.

"Where are you going?"

"They're – beneath our feet," Alice murmured dully, pulling her clothes on and heading out the door quickly.