Chapter Thirteen: Day One, Night On-Call

"Grey I need you to stay here tonight to keep a constant monitoring on a seven week prem."

It had taken all of Meredith's will power not to glare at Addison and say things that would make a sailor blush, so instead she had simply smiled cheerfully at her and nodded her head before saying, "Sure Dr Shepherd."

Addison nodded and handed Meredith the prem baby's chart.

"I'm going to need you to watch and record her vitals every hour and to keep her stabilised for me."

Looking seriously at Meredith, Addison looked at her with a slight threatening glint in her eyes, "Can you do this for me Grey?"

Meredith, feeling slightly nervous from how she was being looked at, nodded in silence.

"I don't want to return in the morning to find a dead baby Grey." She said is such a harsh tone that Meredith was actually slightly scared about whatever could happen if their patient really did die during the night.

"Addison I will try my best." Meredith said, not really caring about the fact that she had used Addison's first name instead of Dr Shepherd.

Addison blinked at Meredith in surprise but before she could say anything Meredith turned around and began walking away, in the direction of the ICU.

"See you in the morning Grey." Addison called out with a slightly cruel smile on her face.

Turning around and walking away, Addison went into an elevator and chuckled to herself as the doors slid shut.

She really did love being able to use her power as an attending to make an intern's life just that little bit harder.

But when the thought of Derek suddenly rose in her mind her smile disappeared.

He had been purposely avoiding her all day and she hadn't been able to have a chance to talk to him and see if he was all right.

All she could do was hope was that he was going to be at home she got there.

Meredith was sitting perched on a stool right next to the humidicrib watching her patient, Rosie Craft, with the utmost attention.

It didn't stop her from talking to the baby though.

In fact Meredith thought it she had been having a very interesting conversation with the prem baby who had been doing great for the past four hours after Addison had left.

"…and that Rosie is why you shouldn't get involved with boys till you are thirty." Meredith finished her one-sided conversation about boys and all of the troubles that came along with them. "Especially if they have a secret wife."

The conversation had started five minutes after arriving and it had been the only thing that had stopped Meredith from going insane or falling asleep.

Quickly checking her watch, Meredith sighed heavily when she saw it was 2am.

"Ok Rosie, we've still got another four and a half hours to go." She said with a tired smile. "I can only hope that I don't fall asleep because I have had a long day."

Meredith watched Rosie slightly wriggle in the crib and she could not help but smile and slowly reach through one of the hand holes and gently put her finger in her open fist.

Her heart flooded with warmth when the tiny baby's hand enclosed around her finger and squeezed lightly.

"You're such a strong girl." Meredith cooed, now grinning. "I think that maybe you're gonna make it Rosie if we get through the night."

Although Meredith knew the huge amount of complications that could happen due to being born prematurely, she could not help but have that huge bubble of hope when she just knew that things were going to be ok for once.

"You know Rosie, you're a very lucky girl." Meredith said quietly, her smiling slightly disappearing.

"You haven't had to face the world yet. You're safe inside your humidicrib and don't know what it's like outside here."

Meredith stopped talking and felt her sadness rise within her. She hadn't felt it all day but she knew it had been going to happen sometime.

It was just the sadness of missing Derek, the betrayal and heartbreak, and the knowledge that to make a change she was going to have to give up the familiar and family she had made with her friends.

But it was her only shot to become a good surgeon.

"But it means I won't be seeing my McDreamy again." She said sadly, a tear slipping out and falling down her face.

She didn't bother wiping it away because inside that tear was all she was feeling.

Here, now, in the room in the silence and privacy she was allowed to feel and express her feelings without being under scrutiny from someone else.

Seldom did she get these moments and Meredith took full advantage of it.

Even if it meant she was crying in front of prem baby she was observing.

"You don't mind Rosie that I'm crying in front of you do you." Meredith said, looking at Rosie with a smile again.

She sniffed slightly and wiped away her tear.

"You know Rosie, I wonder what I'd be like if I ever became a mom one day."

Meredith quickly looked behind her at the door just to make sure it was still closed. She really didn't want anyone to hear her talking to a prem baby about such things, but Meredith was really too tired and focussed on Rosie to fully care what other people thought.

"I don't know if I'd be very good at it but I can promise you though that if I ever did have kids, I would never put my work before them like my mother did to me."

The usual uneasiness at mentioning her mother made Meredith immediately stop thinking about her memories growing up.

"I definitely would not do that to them. I'd even let them have ice cream even if they hadn't eaten all of their vegetables."

Meredith smiled again, "All of this doesn't really make sense Rosie because I'm only an intern still and I have to get through ten years before I can even think about anything like that."

Looking at Rose, Meredith noticed her patient had fallen asleep and must have stopped listening to her a long time ago.

"Alright Rosie, you just sleep. I can do fine without you having to stay awake and keep me company." Meredith whispered, although there was a slight grumble in her voice.

She was jealous of her thirty-three week old patient falling asleep on her.

How horrible was that?

"I'm not really jealous." Meredith quickly whispered, feeling rather guilty. "I just think I am going a bit insane at the moment."

Carefully Meredith removed her hand out of the warm crib and placed both of her arms on a nearby desk. Resting her head on its side on her arms, she relaxed and immediately the day's tiredness slammed into her body and made her eyes become drowsy.

Meredith kept her eyes wide open, "I'm not allowed to fall asleep or otherwise She-Shepherd will make me do rectal exams the entire time I'll be here if you die under my watch Rosie."

Repeating this mantra over and over, it worked for a full hour before Meredith's exhausted body finally won over. Her blood pressure dropped, her heart began to beat extremely slowly and the blood flow slowed down too. Her breathing deepened and she shut her eyes just for a second, but that was all it took.

Meredith fell asleep.

"Meredith…"

"Hmm…Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"I love you Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"I really don't wanna go but I love so much I have to…"

"Meredith you're dreaming…"

"No I'm not. I'd never say this to you unless I was dreaming."

"Meredith wake up…"

"Why did you choose her Derek…I said I love you…and you broke me…"

"Meredith…I love you too."

Meredith's eyes snapped open and she found herself looking deeply into deep blue dreamy eyes that were only a few centimetres in front of her.

Blinking a few times, his face slowly came into focus and Meredith couldn't help but smile in her sleepiness.

"Hello Derek."

Derek smiled back and had to resist the huge urge to gently reach up and run a hand through her long hair. He still had his hand on her upper back from gently rubbing her.

"You fell asleep." He replied softly.

Meredith sat up and rubbed her eyes, making Derek remove his hand off her although she hadn't really noticed. Looking back at Derek she could only hope she didn't look like a complete wreck despite the fact that she wasn't meant to care what he thought or cared about how she looked.

"God I did…" she grumbled, rubbing her eyes again. "What's the time?"

"Half past three."

"It's only been an hour? Crap."

Derek smiled at her then looked back at Rosie who was still sleeping.

"I watched over Rosie while you rested your eyes."

Meredith yawned quietly, "It's been a long day…"

Derek nodded with an understanding look, "Yeah it has been."

Meredith looked at him with a slight glare, "Why was your's so hard? I didn't see you having to do ten hours worth of paper work for someone else. That someone else having to be the wife of your ex-boyfriend and…"

While she was talking, Meredith saw his face expression melt into one of hurt and sadness. Immediately she stopped talking. She hated that expression and it was unbearable that he was looking at her like that.

Her face softened and she spoke again, "Why was your day so long?"

Derek blinked and looked away, grateful that Meredith hadn't completed her earlier sentence.

It took a little while for him to look back at her with a tired expression.

Where could he begin on how it had been a long day for him?

"Two of my patients died on the table today."

Meredith looked at him in shock then in sympathy.

"I'm sure you did your best. Sometimes it isn't enough."

Her voice was kind and supportive but Derek looked away again in shame.

"But that's the thing Meredith…" He said with such shame and sadness that Meredith looked at him with concern.

"What?"

He looked at her again and found that he couldn't.

"I couldn't save them. For the first time today my own belief in performing surgery and myself has disappeared."

His voice was strained and he looked at her with guilt etched deeply on his face, "I'm the reason my patients died on the table. It's my fault Meredith and I don't know how I'm going to manage today and tomorrow when I feel so guilty."

Meredith's eyebrows furrowed with concern and worry. Despite her better judgement and her own logic, she edged herself closer to him and placed a comforting hand on his arm.

Instantly Derek looked at her with such a mixed expression that Meredith didn't know if she could speak.

But she managed to speak in a very clear soft voice, "Derek, you are the best surgeon I know. It is not your fault that your patients died. Everybody has bad days and unfortunately yours was today. And mine was too. But you can't let it put you into a box of fear that you can't operate. Don't do that to yourself Derek." She leaned in slightly closer, her green eyes staring deeply into his blue ones, "Ever."

Her face was close to his and Derek found himself lost in her eyes. He hadn't seen them this close for so long that he was always amazed at how beautiful they were. They seemed to look right through him and into his soul.

"So we're back to calling me Derek now are we?" he asked quietly with a small smile, warmth in his voice.

Meredith blinked at looked at him then quickly looked away with bashfulness, breaking the moment, "Umm…no Dr Shepherd. I was simply extending my support and concern for a fellow colleague."

Derek suddenly leaned in and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

Instantly Meredith jumped away from his mouth and turned to look at him in confused surprise.

"What on earth was that for?" she asked, her voice now showing slight anger.

Derek's smile widened, "That was a colleague's appreciative 'thank you' kiss for another colleague's support."

Meredith looked at him with weariness, "So you gave me that kiss on the cheek just to say thankyou in a 'work-related' way."

Derek looked thoughtful for a second before looking back at her with a mysterious, thoughtful but cheeky smile, "Yeah…I guess I did."

Meredith now looked at him suspiciously, "Since when did work colleagues share 'thankyou' kisses?"

Derek gave her a gentle squeeze on the arm before standing up and beginning to walk away.

"Dr Shepherd?" Meredith called out, causing Derek to stop walking.

He slowly turned around to face her, his hands in his pockets, smiling at her.

"Since now." He said and he walked out before she could answer, leaving Meredith more confused than ever.

Looking back at her patient, Meredith now saw that baby Rosie was awake again and squirming slightly in her humidicrib.

"Rosie you definitely should not get involved with boys until you are in your thirties." Meredith sighed in tiredness and slight humour.

Today had been very long and slightly eventful and Meredith had no idea how she was going to manage tomorrow now that Derek had managed to establish a 'formal working' relationship with her.

A working relationship that somehow allowed him to still touch her and give her small kisses on the cheek.

A working relationship that kept her totally clueless of how she should be around him.

Ah crap…

A/N:Hey Guys! Well this is an extremely quick update but I just wanted to end the first day because I got lovely reviews overnight. :) Thank you very much. :D

malfoyie456: Go Meredith indeed:D I hope you like the update. :)

InGreyEyes: No Addison isn't going to take pity on her. I thought that too while writing it but then I realised that the real Addison wouldn't do that so then the Addison in my story wouldn't either. She is showing her true colours, but I like the thought that Meredith would be able to withstand her. :)

MissRe: Hello again. :) I just had to have a moment between them. I just love writing it, thus the reason why there is another one in this chapter. Hehehe. But this moment is going to start things in motion for another tale between them, or so I hope if I can keep the story line going. Lol. Derek still didn't open his eyes in season two till Meredith was finally started to move on with Finn. He unfortunately isn't the character to do it overnight...I'm just going to have to put him through Hell first. :D Glad you like. :D

DeniseSB: Hello. :) I'm glad I've got Addison and Derek so on track, and trust me when I say I could have slapped Derek several times when I was writing him. Lol. So I know exactly how you feel. I'm also very happy that you are still reading and you are enjoying it. :) I hope you like this update too.

LittleMissKnowItAllTalksToMuch: Thank you very much. :D

sweetgreuy: Addison has ALOT up her sleeve. Never underestimate the She-Shepherd. And you are not over protesting. Protest away. :) Did she ever think though that Derek wouldn't find out how she is treating Meredith? We don't know but it we will eventually. :) I agree with Cristina to. :) LOL!

snv3: I completely agree with you about not having Meredith drinking and stuff. I'm glad you like it and I hope you will continue reading it. :)