A/N: And Ender meets his elf. Yes this is sure to be loads of fun for everyone involved. Oh, and I know nothing about physics or science so I copied this little spiel off the internet from people much smarter than I. If you enjoy the story feel free to leave a review. I don't believe in holding stories hostage for reviews, but it lets me know if people liked what you read. Thanks in advance, and a huge Thank You to my regular reviewers. You make writing so enjoyable.

You Better Not Pout

Ender reacted to June's gift with the level of enthusiasm Peter expected. Which meant none.

"Elf on a Shelf," he read in his lisping little accent. "What's it for?"

"He's from the North Pole. He watches your behaviour and flies back to Santa every night to report on whether you've been naughty or nice," Peter repeated what Neal had told him, trying to sound more enthusiastic than he felt.

Ender stared at the elf then back at Peter. "If he's from Santa, why does he come in a box with a Barnes and Noble price tag on the back. And Santa charges $39.99 for him?"

"How do you think Santa gets the money to make all his toys each year?" Peter snapped, a little harsher than he meant to. He would blame Neal for already setting him on edge.

Scrunching his face, Ender stared at the toy then handed it back to Peter. "Santa Claus doesn't exist. It's a scientific impossibility. Even if he doesn't visit Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist children he'd still have to deliver presents to around 108 million homes in only 31 hours. That's about 968 visits per second..."

Peter pressed a finger over Ender's lips causing the kid to go silent, and interrupting what was sure to be a rather lengthy and boring monologue. "Please tell me you have not gone around school repeating this spiel to your classmates?"

Ender gave a distinct scowl, one that said he was unhappy with the way the world worked. "Mrs. Stanton forbid any discussions about Santa Clause to…" he gave finger quotes, "…ensure the tranquil learning environment of the classroom."

"Your teacher sounds very smart," Peter told him causing Ender to pucker his lips in anger.

"It's not like we're discussing the existence of extra-terrestrials or anything, where the debate could go either way. I mean…I am offering scientific proof Santa Claus can't be real. It's physics. If his sleigh were to actually fly, he'd be crushed by 4,314,015 pounds of force after his reindeer were vaporized from the air resistance created by travelling at 560 miles per second." Ender nodded matter-o-factly, but Peter was too used to Ender quoting some random fact of knowledge to really be impressed.

He was more shocked by the first part of Ender's statement.

"So you don't believe in Santa Claus, but you believe in aliens?" Peter stared at him.

Ender nodded, "I'm Catholic, I also believe in God. And can we go to Christmas Eve mass this year?"

"Why? Are there going to be aliens there?" Peter asked him.

Ender gave him a distinct glare, which said he knew he was being made fun of. "I'm just telling you alien's are a different. You can't absolutely prove they don't exist, so that means they could. And God exists because miracles are real. Santa is a different story. No one can park a sleigh and deliver presents in 1/600 thou…"

"All right, I get it," Peter held up his hands. "Santa Claus is not real. Glad we've figured that one out."

They were both saved from further argument by El walking in with an armful of business papers she had been sorting upstairs.

"What's that hon?" She asked, only half watching them as she continued to rifle through her notes.

"Ender got an early present from June," Peter held up the box for El to see.

That statement was met with a humph, and pouting from Ender. "Some present, Daddy wants me to believe that piece of plastic flies to the North Pole every night to tell Santa if I'm good."

"So, you do believe in Santa," Peter pointed out, the flaw in Ender's last statement.

Giving an indignant huff, Ender all but shouted, "I do not, I'm simply telling mummy how mental you're being by suggesting I'd believe in something that stupid."

At the screaming El finally put down her papers and looked up. "Do not yell Ender, you know I won't listen to anything you say when your volume goes above 60 decibels. And Santa brought you Cafall last year," she pointed out, taking the Elf in her hand.

Ender stamped his foot. "He did not, you bought me Cafall. Santa doesn't deliver live animals because they'd freeze to death during the journey."

Raising an eyebrow, Peter commented, "This is the Santa you don't believe in."

By the puffing of his chest and the look on Ender's face they were 30 seconds away from a major meltdown.

Fortunately El was pretty good at heading off any tears before Ender got himself completely worked up. She placed a hand on Ender's head running fingers soothingly through his hair.

"Well since Santa doesn't exist it won't make a difference if we put him on the shelf or not, and have him watch your behaviour. Or better yet, we could do a science, experiment. See if him watching how you act affects what you get for Christmas this year compared to last year?"

Ender whipped wide eyes to her face.

"I mean, if Santa isn't real, what you do won't matter, will it? But if he is…" she let her voice trail off expectantly, giving Ender a moment to think about what she was saying.

Peter watched as Ender looked at the elf with big eyes, lips pursed, clearly thinking over her last statement. It was obvious he was struggling with the dilemma of the science he could do in his head, and the chance, however slight it might be that the elf really could affect what presents he received by reporting on his behaviour.

El waited another moment before carefully picking Ender up balancing him on her hip, and walking over to place the elf on the living room bookshelf, so he could have a view of the whole of the room.

"There, now he can see everything that happens." El smiled at Ender, and kissed him on the temple. "And you love science sweetie, so this is the perfect experiment for this time of year."

Ender gave the elf one last wide eyed stare, then stuck his thumb in his mouth, and rested his head on El's shoulder, a move that clearly said he was agitated but unable to do a thing about it.

El walked towards that kitchen, winking at Peter as she passed him, Ender still in her arms.

As they entered the kitchen Peter heard Ender ask from around his thumb, "If I'm good do you think Santa will bring me a four-wheeler for Christmas, if I ask him?"

He could also hear El's reply. "I don't know, four wheeler's are kind of big and it might not fit on his sleigh. I'd hate for those reindeer to be vaporized from pulling too much weight."

To which Ender whispered, "But maybe he uses magic to deliver his presents. Magic is real, isn't it? So I could maybe possibly get a four-wheeler if I'm extra, specially, really good?"