Ch.6
"Now then, now that we're done with that, here comes the easy part." Edward walked back out into the bedroom, leaving a very confused Roy behind to slowly wonder into the room as well. Edward lifted his suitcase onto the bed and undid the clasp. Roy gazed in silent surprise as he saw how empty Ed's suitcase was.
There were only a few pairs of underwear, an extra pair of pants, some sandals, toothbrush, hairbrush, his journal, and parchment with pens. Roy blinked at the mostly empty case. Of course, the boys had no home to speak of, meaning that they didn't have very many personal belongings. Still, Roy had expected more than this. Edward grabbed the brush and the shut the case. He walked back toward Roy and he motioned for him to sit on the floor in front of the bed.
Roy raised an eyebrow, but he knew now that arguing would get him nowhere. Literally—as he couldn't argue well with the boy without his voice. He settled down in front of the bed and grinded his teeth out of boredom. He listened as Ed got on the bed behind him and he grabbed the Colonel's forehead, gently pulling him back slightly.
Roy's eyes shot open as the brush ran across his hair. All of his feathers stood on end. What… What am I doing? I'm not… Why is my body reacting on its own!? Roy felt a tickle in his throat and he jumped. He shook himself from Ed's grasp, his breath quick and slightly shuddered. No… I'm not an animal! I don't care how badly these instincts are; I am not—!
"Uh… Mustang? You okay?" Edward had his head tilted and sat, loosely swinging the brush around in his hand. Roy blinked rapidly. He shook his head, the now neat bangs getting messy again. Edward huffed a sigh of annoyance. "You know, it's okay to get help from people. Pride isn't everything. Coming from me, you know I'm being serious." Edward smirked. Roy shook his head again and the grin disappeared.
"Is it something else, then?" Roy nodded and he coughed slightly into his feathered wrist. His tail twitched back and forth, as though being forced not to. Edward looked from it back to Roy and noticed the concentration Roy was having even though there was nothing to focus on.
"Are you trying to control the animal side?"
Roy squawked in surprise and immediately buried his face in his wings. He hadn't meant to make a single sound at all. He tried to hide his face behind his feathers as he silently snarled and bit at the invisible animals who tried to command him. He heard their thoughts in his head. He didn't know how but he could understand them, despite the intelligence and language barriers…
Petting. Master petting. Master good. Master nice. Love master. Petting nice. Love petting.
The naked skin is small, weak, bigger than self, but not strong. Could eat once dead. Not a problem, and half of it is shiny. Self like shiny. Shiny gets good mate and makes good offspring.
Too big to hunt. Loud, but not annoying. Nice to me. Me like too-big-to-hunt thing. Hair like eagle pelt. Shiny. Strong. Too-big-to-hunt like eagle. Eagle scary. But too-big-to-hunt is nice eagle.
… Hungry. Need eat. Empty. Hungry.
SHUT UP, WILL YOU!? ALL OF YOU, SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF EDWARD.
Ed…Word…? What Ed-Word? Bad word? Good word? Ed-Word pets, so Ed-Word good word!
Self still does not understand how other addresses skinned one. What is the importance of this term 'Edward' and why does it matter? Self is confused, but could care less.
Too-big-to-hunt has species that isn't eagle? Edward is a species? Looks human…
Hungry… Eat something… See no bugs… Hungry…
Roy snarled, though verbally this time, and he heard Ed gasp quietly at the sudden action. He turned to the teen, and Roy's face was covered in a veil of horror and sorrow as he looked at the boy. Edward frowned and leaned forward to try and calm the chimera from whatever he was fighting inside of him. The man shook under the boy's hand, struggling between leaning into the hold or pulling away.
"I can't begin to imagine how much having animal instincts must suck…" Roy turned to the boy. He scoffed warmly and he shut his eyes. All of the animals inside were growling, hissing, and barking at the comment. Since one of the animals was Roy and could understand human speech, they could too.
They weren't exactly pleased with the idea that their instincts 'sucked.'
Roy smiled once they quieted down… Well, all except the Hungry… But the poor thing was so naturally at a disadvantage with its tiny intelligence. It never thought much else, if anything at all. Roy felt the urge to shake, though this instinct was accepted, and he did so. Edward pulled his hand back as Roy's feathers blurred in front of him.
"So… Do you always act on those instincts, or do you choose them?" Roy nodded. He smiled graciously. I'm glad Edward came here… At least someone has an idea of what's going on with me… Any other soldier wouldn't have a chance at figuring it out.
Edward brought the brush back and rested it still on Roy's head. "Well, if you're having trouble with instincts, just let them loose. I won't care. I know you're still in there whether or not you're acting like yourself." Roy let a look of worry flash on his face, but Ed grabbed his chin and shook it gently. "Hey, don't worry about it, okay? Like I said, I won't care. I know it must be hard keeping those things inside you in check. All that effort and brain work must be wearing you out. You could all of a sudden stop to rest and then BAM! They'd be in control and doing something you might not agree with."
Roy narrowed his brows. Edward was right. That was why he had snapped at him that morning. All of the animals were in fight or flight mode from the nightmare—of which none of them had ever had before they were part of a human mind. No dream had ever felt so real before, and they had acted like it was real. Once they awoke (all but Roy) they all tried to rid themselves of the monster that had murdered them in that pipe.
If what Edward was saying could actually happen, then who knows what Roy would be blamed for doing? He shuddered at the thought as the Self imagined Edward's corpse. Roy could see the image of pecking the eyes out and tearing at the bloody flesh. He blinked back the mental image.
He would never do that.
But would the animals?
"Hey. Colonel Bastard. Hello? You're getting a little too cuddly."
Roy snapped back to reality, and he realized that his face was up against Ed's chest. He yanked himself away from the teen and he whimpered as he shook himself. When did that happen!? I wasn't… Oh great. WAY TO GO, GUYS, THANKS A LOT.
All the animals gave a feeling of either regret or smug attitude.
Well, except Hungry... He felt nothing except hunger.
Edward fixed his bunched up shirt and he clicked his tongue. Roy turned around slowly, his eyes looking droopy. "Hey… You okay?" Roy shook his head. Ed went back to brushing the feathers and hair back to a more 'formal' fashion. Roy felt the bristles scratch across his skin and tiny waves of joy and pleasure echoed in his body. He felt Word get excited and Me took pleasure from it as well, though noticeably more lax.
Stupid… Animals… And your… Freaking… Petting… Fetish…!
Roy felt his throat tickle and he heard a soft, chirping purr escape his mouth. His tail slowly wagged across the floor. He tried to fight the urge of the animals, but instinct, as nature intended, is stronger than the mind. He eased into Ed's brushing and he purred louder. He looked up as Ed with apologetic eyes.
Ed chuckled. "Hey, at least you aren't jumping on me like a dog would! But I guess you're part cat judging from the purring thing you're doing." Edward grinned sarcastically. Roy gained enough power to shake his head in response. "Wait… Are you not?" Roy shook his head again before the animals decided to rub his cheek across Ed's flesh hand.
Oh, this is so wrong on so many levels.
Edward sighed with a smile and he proceeded to pet the chimera's head and neck. He tried so hard to keep himself from laughing at Roy's face. He seemed to be fighting an inner war again, though now it seemed to be 'enjoy the petting' or 'oh my God, just kill me now this is so wrong.' The chimera opened his eyes and looked apologetically at the boy.
"Oh shut up, you're not doing anything wrong... So you like getting some attention, huh, puppy dog?" Edward put the brush down and he scratched madly behind Roy's head. A loud chirp and a poofing of feathers showed Ed that he had definitely hit a soft spot. "Oh, is that where you like it? Little attention whore…"
Roy closed his eyes.
Okay… Maybe these animals are onto something… This… Is… Oh, it's nice…!
Roy gave up trying to fight the instinct and he gave in to Ed's petting, cooing at the feeling of fingers scratching at his neck. He heard Edward laugh awkwardly as he felt himself move further into Ed's hands. "O-okay, Mr. Casanova, snap out of it. No more."
The animals controlled Roy's voice and gave a whimper, much to Roy's embarrassment. He certainly was getting embarrassed often. He couldn't help it, though. After all, being stuck with animals fused to your mind for over a week and suddenly having to try and regain your composure for people around you… It wasn't easy.
Ed frowned at the whimper. "I said no." He tapped the brush on Roy's head and a soft chirp showed it hit home. Roy shook his head and blinked rapidly. He looked back to the boy and smiled nervously. "So was that you or the animal?" Roy shrugged and looked at a piece of wallpaper that he pretended was the most intriguing thing he'd ever seen.
"What do you mean 'dunno'? Was it both?" Roy shrugged again, but noticeably more protective. Edward groaned and stood up. "Okay, well, aside from your tail you're all ready to go. Just so we're clear, YOU are taking care of the tail." Roy raised a brow. Not that I care, but why is that?
Edward turned to the door and put his hand on the knob, a tiny squeak coming from the automail. "Well, hurry up!" Roy barked in surprise and he quickly shook his tail out and brushed through it with his talons. Edward was opening the door when he finished and he motioned for him to follow.
"Okay, Colonel, here's the deal. These soldiers here… They aren't exactly… Erm… Thrilled. With the idea of you being… You know. I guess what I'm trying to say is around them, you DO need to keep those instincts in check, and you also need to ignore whatever you hear from them that isn't official business." Roy followed Edward down the stairs, using his wings as slight balancing weights as he hadn't used stairs in his recently new body. He got to the bottom step before pausing. He looked up at Ed and gave a confused sort of cooing sound. The blonde turned around and he rested his hands on his hips and sighed.
"They aren't exactly quick on keeping opinions to themselves and will say things without realizing how heavy their words actually are. Considering most here aren't fond of chimeras in general… And I know for a fact some here aren't fond of you as a person… So just try and keep your cool and uh…" he trailed off. "I dunno. Just try and act as much like your old self as possible and ignore their comments. If any of them get really offensive or hurtful, let me know so I can whip'em into shape."
Roy tilted his head at the comment.
"Oh yeah. I guess you don't know huh? I'm the boss here and I'm actually head of commanding these guys in town."
Edward laughed as Roy's jaw dropped. If it weren't attached to his body, it'd be on the floor. "Yeah, I know! Me, Edward Elric, 15, ordering around a bunch of soldiers! But I guess I was next in command under yours so…" Ed began walking toward the dining hall. The chimera smirked. He really knows how to take charge when push comes to shove…
The two walked down a hallway. On the walls hung ornate paintings and many tiny tables held vases of flowers and spices. On the wall a few paces before the dining hall entrance hung a long, portrait-styled mirror that stood taller than Roy by a foot. Edward passed by without looking at it even for a moment, but he stopped when he heard silence behind him. He turned around and saw Roy staring blankly at the reflective glass.
"What's wrong?"
Roy blinked rapidly and he stepped backwards, his knees starting to wobble. Edward's heart tugged at him hard as he realized the horror Roy was experiencing. "H-hey! Hey it's okay! Colonel, it's okay. Don't worry about it, all right? Have you not… Seen yourself in a while?"
Roy whimpered and Ed could swear he heard a whispered word under the chimera's breath, but it was too faint to identify. He held his face in his hands, trying to bring his focus away from the mirror. Roy barked at the touch and he pulled in on himself and he shielded himself on pure reflex. His feathers bristled, making a low hum as he tried to protect himself from the non-existent threat.
Edward bit his lip. "Mustang… Hey. There's nothing to be scared of here. Relax. Ssh… Ssh…" Edward stroked the hair atop Roy's head as the creature calmed. It looked up from behind its hair and wings and it clenched its jaw tight. Edward smiled. "There. You're safe, and you have nothing to worry about."
But I'm a monster!
"See? Nothing here can hurt you, Colonel."
Look at me! I'm hideous! Awful! A murderous creature!
"Now, don't worry about how you look because I certainly don't."
How are you so BLIND!? I'm a MONSTER! A MONSTER!
Edward ruffled Roy's hair, unintentionally ignoring Roy's inner grievance. "C'mon! We've got to find you something to eat. And like I said, just act like your old self, ignore the soldiers' words or looks, and just relax. You're safe with me." Edward smiled and grabbed Roy's wing just around what seemed to be the thumb. He began to pull Roy behind him as he tried to get the chimera to follow, but its gaze was still locked depressingly on the mirror and his reflection.
"Hey, Bastard, focus. Come on, the dining hall is in here." Roy slowly peeled his eyes off of his reflection. His new face haunted his mind. He knew he had different anatomy, and that he didn't look too human anymore, but he hadn't expected to be so…
So scary.
He carefully followed the teen, cowering his head as too try and hide himself; despite the fact that he knew he was a huge black-feathered creature with massive wings and a long tail. He cursed inwardly and the animals inside him felt his sadness and anguish. Word tried to comfort him but he only fluffed his feathers to hide himself more, signaling the animal to stop trying.
The dining hall was larger than Roy had expected as he didn't know how big the hotel was. Judging from the huge sparkling chandelier hanging above a stage and piano, he quickly deduced it was larger than he had thought. He was now walking beside Edward, and he felt both the discomfort of holding his subordinate's hand and the kindness of a warm hand that he hadn't felt in what seemed like forever. He slowly wrapped his clawed finger around the hand, gently, softly, and he hooked the claw around the edge of the hand like a cup handle. Edward looked over and saw the chimera looking away from him, avoiding his gaze. Edward turned back toward the kitchen where he heard the clatter of tableware being made. He carefully squeezed Roy's talon back, and he pet it with his thumb.
To anyone else, this would seem very strange, as it really was. But Riza wasn't the only one who had a secret language with Roy. Edward and his boss never really vocalized their true conversations, but they did communicate through actions. A clench of the left side of the jaw—'be careful because these guys are on another side and will use your words against you.' A scratch of the back of the neck with the right hand—'okay, I'll be careful, but if I need help you better be there and be ready for it.'
The holding of hands? That was rare. They had only used it once before and it was when Edward was alone with Roy after the Barry the Chopper case. Roy had taken Ed's hand and he did what Ed was doing now, and it communicated flawlessly between the two his silent words.
The holding of hands—'you're alive. You're alive and safe. Remember that. You're under my protection, and I will never, EVER, let you down.'
The chimera looked at the blonde and he walked a little closer next to him. He could smell the food being made in the kitchen, but the smells of cooking were almost foreign to him. In fact, he actually felt slightly sickened by the aromas. Edward pushed open the swinging door and held it open for Roy to enter.
The man slowly made his way into the kitchen, careful to avoid any flames or oils or a possibility of a mess caused by his awkwardly large tail. He looked over to where the sound of clattering dishes was being made and his feathers flared quickly before he settled them back down. Riza looked over at the two and she nodded Hello to them before closing the cabinet.
"Hello again, boys. You certainly look better, Colonel, if you don't mind my saying so." Roy would've blushed at her smile if the smells in the room weren't so overwhelming. He blinked away stinging tears from the spices and he smiled back, nodding to her as well. Edward pulled his hand away from Roy's wing and he walked over to the woman.
"So, what's cooking? Smells like curry…"
Riza wiped her bangs out of her eyes and she sighed. "It's supposed to be stew, but I messed up the ingredients and so now I have no idea what the hell it is." Edward chuckled. "Well, was it the spice?" The woman nodded.
The teen went to the icebox and pulled out a small carton of milk and grabbed a salt shaker and some cinnamon. He worked on the 'stew' and carefully checked the taste as he stirred. "There! That should do it. Just have to find an ingredient that will cancel it out without making a noticeable taste."
Roy tilted his head. He had no idea this kid could cook. Well, he did, but not actually cook for real.
And don't you HATE milk? Why the hell did you use it then? Are you intentionally torturing yourself?
Edward put the food items back where they belonged and he looked over at Roy. "C'mon, there should be a table out back that isn't so… fancy." Ed waved a hand for the chimera to follow and he began around a corner to the door near the back. He held it open and waited for Roy to walk through it before following suit and closing it.
Roy stood still, and his expression was completely void of emotion.
Edward pulled out the iron chair and sat down, expecting Roy to do the same, but when no such thing happened he looked over at him. "Hey, you alive over there, Colonel?" Ed joked. But no response came. "Mustang…?" The chimera slowly turned back to Ed and he looked back and forth between him and the sky. He shook his head and neck like a dog would and he headed over to the table.
"What was that about?" Edward leaned on the table with his elbows. Roy sighed and he got into the opposite chair, though he sat on his haunches. He let his wings relax and his feathers sprawled out against the concrete. His head fell against the metal table causing Edward to wince and the table to ring out in a soft hum. Roy looked over at the boy and his brows knitted together before he shook his head and looked away.
"Hey, is something bothering you still?" Roy huffed and he nodded, looking farther away from the boy. "Is it your appearance?" Roy shrugged. It was really a mix of emotions he was having right now. He wasn't the only one who was shocked by the appearance; all the other animals were terrified by the creature, but Roy was only shocked and depressed by it. When the other animals realized that it was themselves they were seeing (thanks to Roy's recognition and thoughts they heard) they all grew silent and they gave an aura of sadness.
But now it seemed they had completely forgotten the event and now instinct was screaming at Roy like a train horn put straight to the ear. They all wanted to hunt. To kill. To eat. Roy felt his blood pound in his body, adrenaline rise, and he internally moaned as his head grew more and more pain from the stress of keeping the creatures back. He glanced back at Ed and moved his head upwards in a tiny motion.
Edward looked up at the sky and back down to Roy. He turned his head, keeping his gaze on the chimera, and he raised a brow. "I don't get it, what's wrong?" Roy growled and he raised his wings and barely flapped them before lowering them back down. "Oh! OH! You wanna fly?" Ed's attention was now completely absorbed that he didn't notice Hawkeye walking outside with a tray of food for the three of them.
Roy straightened up immediately and he looked away from the woman. She set the food down in front of each of them and she settled herself down before she began eating. "Thank you for fixing my crappy food, Ed." Edward laughed after getting over the shock of realizing she was now suddenly sitting next to him. "Don't mention it, it's fine! Trust me, I'm a terrible cook!" She and him joked around as they ate.
Roy kept his head turned away from his friends and he watched them eat. It was really strange. They were so calm. They were so happy. And they acted like nothing was wrong.
Or they were avoiding the fact.
When Hawkeye and Ed finished, the lieutenant stood and grabbed her bowl and then stacked Ed's on top of hers. She started to grab Roy's, but she stopped mid-reach. "Colonel Mustang, why haven't you eaten any of it?" Edward's eyes quickly locked onto the chimera, who was now cowering slightly at the sound of his subordinate's words. Edward reached across the table and he poked Roy's head with his finger and waited for him to turn around before speaking.
"You need to eat, Colonel. You know this. So why aren't you?"
Roy frowned and he turned his head so that his face was laying against the table and it wasn't visible to either soldier. He looked through the grate at his wings and he frowned more. Trust me, I'm starving, but I'm not resorting to eating like an animal.
"Hey. Answer me. Why aren't you eating?" Edward bit his tongue out of regret when Roy shot him a glare. "Uh… Well, I mean answer in a way you can." Roy rolled his eyes and he stared at the bowl of now lukewarm stew that lay inches from his face. He felt his insides tighten and twist from both repulsion and hunger.
He was starving. Literally starving. Had he been lacking feathers, his discolored skin and scales would be like wet paper over his bones. There was no point in trying to tell Edward or Riza the fact that his metabolism was now triple that of the average man; he had no way of doing so. The stew in front of him would last probably an hour or two before he would need to eat again.
But not eating for (what seemed three weeks) over a week had practically ruined his appetite and he felt if he ate anything it would kill him. All the animals inside him screamed and yelled for him to just bury his face into the soupy food and gobble it all in one fell swoop, and then go out to the sky and find something else to kill and eat.
He held them back, avoiding instinct as hard as he could.
It was hard holding them back, let alone when they all urged for the same action (which was very rare of them as they all had different mindsets) but he struggled anyway. He still had his dignity… What little he had.
Edward whacked him on the head with the dull side of the fork. A loud yelp escaped the chimera's mouth and he fell to the ground. His eyes were wide and empty as he tried to crawl away from the boy. Edward grabbed him on the shoulders before he could, and he shook him to force recognition.
"Hey! Hey, calm down! Look, I'm sorry, but you really do need to eat. Come on now, if anything just have one bite. Please?" Edward led the man back to the table and he tried handing the fork back to him. But when no attempt to grab it was made, the boy frowned. "Colonel. Eat." Roy looked at the fork but looked back to the ground.
Edward scowled and he yanked Roy's wing up. He forced the fork under Roy's finger and when he thought the chimera had a grasp on it he let go.
It clattered to the concrete below.
Roy wrapped his arms around himself and he turned away, looking abashed and ashamed. His claws dug into his shoulders, but he didn't care. He couldn't shower, he couldn't brush his hair, he couldn't open a door, and now he couldn't even hold a fork. He shut his eyes tight.
'Pathetic.'
He ignored the sound of hurried movements and the tiny clangs of the silverware against the cement. He didn't even react when he felt Ed's hands grab his shoulders, pulling his talons out of his skin before he bled. He felt a hand caress his forehead as Ed's voice mumbled words of apology in the background.
All he could focus on was keeping the animals back. Keeping the memories of his torturer back. Keeping his shame relatively unseen. Edward had asked him to act like his old self, and by God, he was going to. And being his old self meant keeping his thoughts, emotions, and pain away from the world. Being an introvert had advantages when in the military, but it was practically crap in normal life.
Guess it's a good thing I'm not normal then…
A strong shake brought him out of his mind and back to looking at his subordinate. He hadn't listened to anything Edward had just said, nor anything he had just asked of Roy. He swallowed nervously. Edward's expression changed from sadness to anguish and he brushed the fork clean and he grabbed the bowl. He picked out a piece of sauced chicken and he held out in front of Roy's face, of which had a confused expression.
"Here. I'll help you." Edward nudged the meat further in Roy's space causing him to jump back giving a face of aghast.
Uh, HELL NO! I can eat, just leave the area for a bit! I do NOT need to be fed by hand.
Edward forced the fork into Roy's gaping mouth. A muffled bark came from a shocked Roy and Hawkeye smirked as she headed back inside. Roy pulled away with the meat in his mouth and he scowled at the boy. Edward grinned and he got more food on the fork. "Good! Now another one." Roy swallowed and growled at the boy, making sure his uncovered teeth formed a cage around his mouth. Edward frowned. "Colonel…" No. "Colonel." No. "Colonel!" Nope.
"Mustang, you're just being childish! Just let me help you!"
I'm only acting childish because you're treating me like one!
"Colonel, we just wanna help you!"
Yeah, I know, but you don't have to be so forceful about it!
"Mustang, please! I don't want to watch you s…" Edward cut himself off and turned away. What? Watch me WHAT, Fullmetal? Tell me! The boy's amber eyes grew a bit pinker as he strained them against tears. He was a man. He wasn't going to cry.
"I don't want to watch you starve to death and leave us wishing we could've done something more."
Roy was speechless. And thoughtless. There grew such a silence that even the storm clouds in the distance stopped rumbling. Roy sighed and closed his eyes as he brought his brows together in defeat. He opened his mouth and he flinched when Ed put the fork on his tongue.
He couldn't bring himself to look at the teen, and he certainly didn't think he could handle it if he were still sad. It broke his heart seeing the child that way. So if being fed like a baby meant keeping the child happy, then so be it. The two sat in silence, and Edward in a confused concern as Roy didn't seem to chew the food, but rather swallow it whole. The lack of chewing metaphorically chewed a question out of the teen.
"Wouldn't it be better if you… Well… Chewed the food first before swallowing it?"
The glare that followed shut him up though.
The two continued in silence until there was one bit of food left in the bowl and Edward figured it time to lighten the mood from the darkening sky. He slowly brought the fork of chicken up near the colonel's face, of who had his eyes closed. He began to make noises out of the side of his teeth, causing the chimera to raise a brow. He kept at it until Roy finally turned toward him and opened his eyes.
"CHOO CHOO! HERE COMES THE TRAIN~" Edward grinned as the fork was twirled into the man's mouth. He pulled it away and ran inside with the bowl, laughing as he outran the chimera. He shut the door and slid to the floor laughing loudly as Roy glared through the door's window.
Oh, you are SO dead, Fullmetal.