Chapter Twenty-Three: Shamed

A/N: Edited on 9/2/15

InuYasha refused to stop. He ran. He couldn't stay to help Kagome; he was too afraid what Inuhidoi would do to her next. InuYasha felt his enormous body move with such speed and he thought he was not even running on the ground. The disgusting wings dragged behind him, InuYasha made no attempt to fly with them. He had no idea how.

InuYasha begged for the tears to come, they did not. He cried in himself with everything he had. He couldn't cry with this cursed body that Inuhidoi had made for him. InuYasha had seen Kagome's face, and it ate every part of his soul. It was sick what Inuhidoi had done to her, and he couldn't do nothing to stop him.

"I feel annoyed that woman brought you back in control."

InuYasha said nothing, he just continued on running. InuYasha felt no need to rest. He felt like he could run like this forever until he found the pit to die in. He wanted to die; Kagome the one person he promised to protect with his life could not protect her from his own body. He felt the wings throb behind him. Oh Kagome, I know you will never forgive me, I can't see you again. InuYasha thought.

He had left her unconscious on the forest floor, open to other dangers, but he knew nothing could be more worse then himself. He hoped Kouga or his companions would find her. Kouga you can have her, InuYasha thought. She does not deserve a low-life like me.

InuYasha felt the wind change and the rolling of clouds overhead. Rain was coming, and InuYasha desperately wanted to turn back and take Kagome to shelter. But she was better off without him, how could he look at her the same way again? He raped her! It sickened his every thought and every inch of his body.

Fuck you Inuhidoi, InuYasha thought. You can take my damn body if you want, but taking Kagome's body? Hell no! Just run InuYasha, just run until you can't run anymore.

The thunder rumbled above as small drops of rain pelted down on his bare body. He had been in such a hurry to get away from Kagome, that he left his fire rat pants, or what was left of them, in the clearing. He didn't care if he had no clothes, he felt barer in his own body then on the outside. InuYasha could not jump in great leaps like he used to do, the damn wings behind him held the weight down and made it impossible to jump very high. InuYasha had no idea why those things were even there. He felt tempted to cut them off, but he knew it would be just be like cutting a leg or an arm off.

He was glad Inuhidoi was quiet, and if he talked, then InuYasha would do what Kagome did all the time. Give him the silent treatment. He knew Inuhidoi could read his thoughts, so InuYasha decided to keep his mind as blank as possible. But not thinking was giving him a headache. He though about getting shelter from the rain first.

Sniffing the air InuYasha could feel an empty space in the cliff of a mountain ahead of him. Inuhidoi's senses were above any that InuYasha had ever had. He could even smell Sesshomaru from here, even thought his brother was extremely far away. The mountain came into view and InuYasha didn't stop running until he was safe in the cave. He wanted to stay here until he died. InuYasha found a nice moist spot in the corner. It was uninhabited and InuYasha was glad. He sat down and curled into a ball, his wings hanging off to the sides.

Crying was not going to come, so he let the rain be his tears. The rain he hoped had pelted Kagome's beautiful face. He had hurt her, it was his fault he could do nothing but watch. He had been expected to be panting for breath for running such a long way, but his body didn't even show a hint of exhaustion.

InuYasha glared at the black wings that hung from his side, he hated them. They were nothing more then a disgusting reminder of what Inuhidoi was. InuYasha cracked his claws. He wanted to chop them off of his back and bleed to death. He didn't care.

"Bad idea."

InuYasha ignored him. The strong words he once had for Inuhidoi were gone in one instant. InuYasha stayed silent.

"If you really want to die, then break."

InuYasha was half tempted to snap back at him, he was not going to break and let Inuhidoi have his body to do what he pleased. InuYasha bit his lip and buried his head in his knees. He felt the slight movement from one of his wings. When he had seen everyone look at them they all had the same face of horror, even Sesshomaru. InuYasha was glad for one thing when he saw that Sango was alright. He had no idea the old was flea was with them, and was glad that Sango's death was not on his hands.

InuYasha's ears flinched at every sound. He could hear a bug crawling from miles away. He would know if any of his companions came within a few miles from him.

InuYasha leaned his head against the wall of the cave. The cave itself even reflected his mood. The walls were wet like tears, it was cold and bare like his body, and it was small. He closed his eyes and thought about being a child again in his mother's arms. He wanted her sweet comfort that he knew Kagome or Kikyo would never give him again. Tessaiga, his father's fang wanted to be in his hands. He wanted to feel the comfort of the father he never knew.

What he had done to Kagome was inexcusable. He would never see her again. Even if he managed to kill Inuhidoi, how would she look at him? He raped her, it was not in a way he wanted their relationship to go. She was a his companion, his best friend. He had begun to have feelings for her, but not enough to pursue such a close relationship. Kagome was someone to protect, he was not ready to love her like that yet.

No! That was Inuhidoi's lusted feelings! Not his! InuYasha had no feelings for anyone like that, those feelings were disgusting and under him. Call yourself a half-God? InuYasha thought angrily. You're nothing more then a pathetic lusting fouled up pig! InuYasha expected to hear Inuhidoi's laughter, but the half-God stayed silent. InuYasha looked at the finger he knew Kagome had bitten. There was no marks where Kagome's teeth had sunken through his skin. She was so desperate, she had tried to use force to keep him away.

InuYasha sunk one of his claws into his arm, and what he saw come out of his arm is what he saw go into Kagome's mouth. It was poisonous blood, and it had burned Kagome's poor skin. It was like an acid. I guess for protection from enemies, InuYasha thought bitterly.

The wound healed amazingly fast, and there had been no pain. Why InuYasha did not know, but he knew this was not going to his body much longer. InuYasha shivered, why he had he been brought so low? Just a few weeks ago he had said he was bored and wanted to have a good fight. Well he got one, and it was not to his liking. He knew that the ambitious InuYasha would want to take advantage of the powers and hunt Naraku down and kill him, but this InuYasha had been brought to his knees in despair.

Miroku may be a Buddhist monk, but he may have never have prayed as much as InuYasha was now. He prayed for Kagome and her welfare, he prayed for Sango's improving health, for Kikyo's safety, and most of all his own soul.

"Oh please stop acting like a monk."

"Shut…"

InuYasha clamped his mouth closed; he refused to respond to Inuhidoi. He slammed his head to the wall. No pain. He had wanted to knock himself out, no avail. Fuck you! Fuck you! InuYasha screamed in his head. He refused to talk. He wanted to give Inuhidoi no pleasure of responding.

"Who are you talking to InuYasha? Me or yourself?"

Oh shut up, InuYasha thought bitterly. He ran his tongue over his huge fangs wishing they were not there. He felt the tips slightly sink into his chin every time he scrunched his face up.

InuYasha heard a skittering sound and perked his ears up. He smelled the air and realized it was nothing more then a small rabbit. It ran in the cave shaking its wet fur and hopped over to the other side of the wall.

InuYasha stared at the rabbit. It was so small, and he felt tempted to eat it. Instead he found himself staring at the rabbit in wonder. That small creature did not care what it looked like, its only purpose is to live, love, and reproduce. It did not have to appease others except for its partner. It did not care what he looked like and InuYasha was beginning to enjoy the small creature's company.

"At least nothing can cause you this much emotional pain."

The women he promised to protect was forced her against her will by his own body. He had broken her spirit, and he had broken his own as well. InuYasha felt Inuhidoi was going to take him over any second. The half-God stayed in his place, in the back of InuYasha's mind.

The rabbit shook its small body and he felt its black beady eyes glance in his direction. InuYasha looked back his red eyes burning into the small creatures mind. The rabbit didn't mind, it nibbled at some small grass that had been lying on the hard ground. It nibbled at its food, ignoring the enormous dangerous body that sat a few feet away.

InuYasha looked up at the dark ceiling of the cave. Its dark nothingness stared back at him, showing him no pity. InuYasha sighed and looked back at the small creature that took up the other part of the cave. How he wanted to have the rabbit's emotion right know, nothing to worry about but the rain. The rabbit nibbled its grass, InuYasha felt his stomach growl. He realized he had not eaten since Kagome's picnic. InuYasha was hungry, but when Inuhidoi had been in control he felt no hunger.

InuYasha slightly hit his head against the wall over and over. He thought about what would happen if Inuhidoi if he did take his body. What would he do? Would he really go find Kikyo and kill her? Would he do that to Kagome again? InuYasha shivered.

Moving his hand across the wall he felt his large claws barley scratch the surface. InuYasha sniffed them; he could make out the smell that had been hiding from him, until now. The God Tree, the barks distinct smell had been on his claws. It meant he had also attacked Sango as well, InuYasha thought. He had been human that night, and if Inuhidoi managed to make him a demon on his human night. InuYasha didn't want to know what more destructive power he did have.

"Get up."

"No."

InuYasha tried to restrain himself from talking back, but he felt he the urge to fight Inuhidoi again. His blood was boiling, the sadness that he had for Kagome's situation had boiled into a ball of rage that InuYasha could not contain any longer.

"You fucking piece of shit!."

"You're mad I see."

"I'm more then mad Inuhidoi. I want rip you to pieces and hear you scream in agony!"

"You're mad."

"If you say anymore, I'll chop my own head off!"

"And what will that accomplish?"

"So you can die."

"You would too."

"Do I look like I care anymore?"

"I see."

"Do you fear death Inuhidoi? Because I don't. So I have nothing to lose."

"What would that priestess do when she finds your dead body?"

"She'll never find me."

"Really? Rather harsh on the ones you care about. Not surprising since you are a descendant of me."

InuYasha sat upright. Descendant?

"I am in no damn way related to you."

"InuYasha I am your father's grandfather."

"Liar."

"Why would I make this up?"

InuYasha hated to admit it, but Inuhidoi had sounded truthful there. He was still nothing but a parasite. Fuck him, InuYasha grumbled.

"Whether you believe it or not InuYasha. That's up to you."

"YOU WILL LEAVE KAGOME AND THE OTHERS ALONE!"

"When have you had any say in what I do?"

"You could have done whatever the fuck you wanted when you had your own fucking body! This is mine, I will not let you do it again you son of a bitch!" Inuhidoi didn't respond. "Who's out of fucking words now!? Hue!? You piece of rotting shit!"

"You're in no position to talk half-demon."

"I HAVE ALL THE RIGHT IN THE FUCKING WORLD! You go fuck yourself and die in this miserable cave!"

"You're wasting your breathe."

InuYasha had never been more infuriated in his life. He could feel his own anger coming off him in waves. He clenched his fist and whirled his arm and sank all five of his claws into his left wing. He heard Inuhidoi's hiss of anger.

"STUPID FOOL!"

InuYasha felt the wrath of Inuhidoi coming up and suddenly felt the darkness fall back around him again. InuYasha was not happy Inuhidoi was back in control, but it was going to happen sooner or later.

InuYasha glared out through his trapped eyes at the rabbit. It still had not moved. He felt his body stand up and move his hand along the wall as Inuhidoi made his body emerge from the cave. The rain pondered on his body, but InuYasha felt nothing; he doubted Inuhidoi felt it either.

InuYasha feared for Kagome and his companions. Inuhidoi was going to go after them, but this time InuYasha would stop him. He had found Inuhidoi's weakness, they were his wings.