A couple of days had passed since their movie night. The three Eds parked inside of the junkyard, one of the odd times that they had to unwind and reflect on their current situation. The junkyard served as a place where they could escape to figure out the solution to their problems. They were in the same van they sat in various times during their youth as well. The only difference was that the purple van was now operational and didn't reside in the junkyard like it used to. More nostalgic memories when Edd had seen what remained of their old cardboard city that stood abandoned and decayed. It was a reminder of their lost youth.
Something was on Eddy's mind. Edd could see it written across his face. When Eddy had dragged Edd and Ed into the van for a drive, he looked quite serious. Edd tried to ponder what was on Eddy's mind. After the movie night, Matthew had them working around the house and the yard. Eddy had gotten yard work while Edd had gotten household duties such as laundry, meal preparation, and cleaning. It was stuff that he was used to when his parents were still around. He took great pride at being able to keep things neat and organized.
However, there were a few annoyances that made doing what he considered second nature difficult – all of them revolving around Matthew. Edd can deal with the fact that Matthew would rather drink his weight in alcohol than help them with chores. However, the constant rear grabbing, spanking, sexual taunts, and general tomfoolery made it difficult for Edd to complete his chores. Edd gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the man's actions.
Ed's question broke Edd away from his thoughts, "why does the white knight talk backwards, Double D?"
"I honestly have no idea, Ed," Edd had no idea where the random question came from, but he was used to the random questions that Ed asked. "Victor's funeral is today. I believe that we should attend as a gesture of good will."
"Us attending a funeral for a goat? I'd rather watch Rolf trim his back hair," Eddy heard Ed sobbing in back over the news. Ed was lounged on the waterbed in the back when he heard the news. It was not a secret that the tallest of three was close to Rolf's animals, much to Eddy's and Rolf's chagrin throughout the years. It only made sense that Ed would've taken Victor's death hard, once he realized that Victor was not coming back. Eddy sighed, "Quit blubbering back there, Lumpy. Rolf will get a new goat."
"It's not the same," Ed sniffled.
"Eddy, try to be more understanding of Rolf's and Ed's situations. They lost an animal that they were both close to. I would suggest coming with Ed and me to the funeral this afternoon. It would do you some good to go." Edd suggested lightly, patting Ed's hand to get him to calm down.
"I don't have to do shit. I wasn't the one that ran over the goat," Eddy shouted, losing his temper, "besides; I'm more worried about what the hell you two are hiding from me!"
"What on earth are you talking about?" Edd asked, baffled by his friend's outburst.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Eddy retorted harshly. Edd felt cold sweat trickling down the back to his neck. He racked his brain trying to figure out which of the two secrets that Eddy found out about. "You've been keeping shit from me. You and Lumpy both have!"
"I honestly haven't a clue about what you're talking about." Edd yelped as Eddy leaned dangerously close, staring him down with his piercing gaze. Edd tilted his head to the side to avoid Eddy's gaze. He caught a whiff of the cheap cologne that Eddy loved to douse himself in after he had taken a shower.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Eddy exclaimed, "Ed's mysterious girlfriends and whatever you're hiding from me, Sockhead. Fess up!"
"Eddy, I'm not hiding anything from you. It's all in your head," Edd was now in a spot where he had to choose between pissing Eddy off by revealing that he made out with his brother, losing Eddy's friendship over his feelings for him, and infuriating Eddy with his silence. One option was as bad as the other.
Eddy made his way into the back of the van, "alright Lumpy. What's the name of your girlfriends?"
"I'm not telling you!" Ed protested, "Soap bad for Ed!"
Edd turned around and seen that Eddy had a bar of soap in his hand. "Drop the soap!"
"Not until Casanova spills the details about which girls he's been screwing." Eddy waved the bar soap at Ed. Ed was backed into the corner looking at the bar of soap with terror. His skin was as white as a sheet. "C'mon Lumpy! Give me the names."
This wasn't the first nor would it be the last time, Eddy used a person's phobia for his own personal gain. When they still attended Peach Creek Jr. High, Eddy used Kevin's Trypanophobia against him as a cruel practical joke. Eddy had also disregarded Edd's fear of the game of dodgeball quite a few times when he was either doing scams related to the game or just boasting about the game being what defines people as men.
Edd jumped on Eddy's back, pulling him down onto the floor. Eddy was much heavier than he was and Edd already started to feel himself lose oxygen, "S-stop it! Respect Ed's wishes! If he does not want to disclose who his girlfriends are then don't pry into his personal business!"
"Why are you touching the family jewels?" Eddy asked, lifting himself off of Edd.
Edd's eyes widened and he pulled his hand away. He yanked down his hat, blushing for the hundredth time that week. "That was never my intention." Edd muttered under his hat.
"Whatever. You two are lucky I'm dropping you two off at Rolf's," Eddy got back into the driver's seat. "I thought we would be more open with each other, but whatever. I'll be on you two like warts until I find out what you've been hiding from me!"
The drive to Rolf's house had only taken a couple of minutes. Edd and Ed had gotten out wordlessly. Edd managed to calm down Ed during the ride over by reminding Ed that Rolf's chickens were still at the farm. That seemed to cheer Ed up. Someone from the neighborhood brought in a folding table for Rolf to put several strange looking dishes upon.
All of the teens from the neighborhood also seemed to have attended the funeral. Everyone but Eddy and the Kanker Sisters was there. Sarah, Nazz, and Jimmy were talking amongst themselves. Jonny was chatting with Plank about getting his head stuck in a window earlier. Johnny had headphones around the back of his neck. Rolf was just finishing digging a hole to put Victor in while Kevin sat back and watched.
There were three adults that also were in attendance. Two of the adults bore a striking resemblance to Rolf. The man looked like he could've broken Edd in half like a twig if he wanted to. The man had muscles that could've only come from years of heavy lifting and back-breaking farming. Judging from the nasal wart on the man's nose and the similar facial structure that the man and Rolf shared, Edd guessed the man to be Rolf's father. The woman with the long gray hair had to be Rolf's mother. By the tales Rolf told everyone in the neighborhood, the tall, overweight, elderly woman with a wooden leg had to be Rolf's grandmother or "Nana" as he called her.
Edd looked around with discomfort. Funerals were never the easiest types of social environments to be in, including funerals for animals. He didn't think he would be able to say much to Rolf during the funeral, except for offering his condolences to Rolf's loss. Rolf had noticed the two standing by the wooden fence and waved at them. "It is nice for Rolf to see Ed-boys make an appearance. Are you going to stand there like cows or are you going to join Rolf in his dreary party for Victor?"
"Thank you, Rolf," Edd politely stepped over the wooden fence rails to the familiar pungent scent of farm animals and manure. "I'm terribly sorry for your loss."
"Where's the other Ed-boy?" Rolf asked.
"He couldn't make it. He's quite busy at the moment, but he sends his condolences." Edd lied. Telling white lies seems to be a new habit to teen. The lies he told Eddy and Rolf put Edd in a moral dilemma. Is it better to lie to spare someone the pain of the truth? Edd wished that he had an answer to that. Reading twenty encyclopedias on the subject of lying and human emotions would not even help Edd deal with the problems he had.
"Rolf suppose that Ed-boy was too lazy to come, yes?" Rolf gestured towards the food table, "there's plenty of food for couch creature Ed-boys until ceremony." Rolf noticed Ed heading towards his chickens and yelled out towards him, "Ed-boy! Why must you pester Rolf's fowl?"
"But I love chickens, Rolf!" Ed ran as Rolf chased after him.
"You know everything on that table is made from Victor, right?" The jock's voice startled Edd for a moment, "It's a tradition in Rolf's country to consume their farm animals after the animal has died unless the meat is bad or is infected with a disease. The funeral, food, and the cape that Rolf wears around are all a way of honoring the goat."
"I see," Edd nodded. Rolf and his family have so many strange customs that it was hard to keep track of them all. "You certainly know so much about Rolf's customs."
"I've been friends with him for years. You don't think I would've picked up a few things about him and his family, Double Dweeb?"
"Right, of course!" Having conversations with Kevin was always kind of awkward for him. Sure Kevin has bullied him and his friends since Mondo A-Go Go, but Edd still felt uneasy around the guy. "Is Nazz alright? I know that Rolf's been upset about Victor."
"Rolf can manage. He has Nazz and me to help him deal with the death of Victor. Nazz still has a couple of months in a cast. Nazz is a tough babe; she won't let a broken leg from a psycho get to her." Kevin spoke with such pride over Nazz. It was almost as if Kevin and Nazz were already dating. Of course, almost all of the guys in the neighborhood had crushes on Nazz at one point or another, but it seemed that Kevin still had a crush on her. With the conversation that Rolf and Kevin had in Eddy's backyard, Kevin's crush on Nazz became extremely obvious to anyone who heard what Rolf and Kevin said to each other.
"That's great to hear." Edd didn't know how else to respond to the news. It seemed odd that Kevin, Rolf, and Nazz never went forward to the police. Matthew could have received a Class E Felony for what happened to Nazz if he was tried in court. Not counting the additional charges of reckless driving, driving while intoxicated, property damage, and animal cruelty.
"So, how have you and Dorky been since that psycho moved back in?" Edd hoped that Kevin would not ask that. The subject of Eddy's brother was a complicated matter. On one hand, he did to seem to have his good moments. On the other hand, the man was not the most trustworthy individual that Edd knew and only did things when it best suited him. Plus the man was pretty slovenly, a miscreant, and not the best role model for Eddy or anyone else.
"He hasn't hurt Ed, Eddy, or me since he moved back. He did pull one of his despicable scams on Ed and Eddy and has a tendency of talking about indecent topics, but that's all." Kevin gave him a hard look. It wasn't out of anger or disgusted. It almost look like it was out of concern, but Edd did not want to assume anything. "I-I should go find Ed. It was nice talking to you again, Kevin!"
Edd dashed off to find Ed. He didn't want Kevin to even have an inkling of what he even kept a secret from Eddy. When he found Ed again by the chicken pen, Ed was sitting with Gertrude. The chicken rested peacefully in his arms. "I think she likes me, Double D!"
"Loveable Oaf," Edd smiled softly, leaning against one of the trees.
The rest of the funeral went along smoothly. Rolf's father delivered a tearful eulogy in his native tongue near a burlap sack that contained Victor's remains. Rolf broke down and wailed into Kevin and Nazz's shoulder. Rolf and his family really cared about their livestock and it shown on each of their faces as Rolf's father carried Victor's remains and rolled it inside of the deep hole Rolf had dug. Edd consoled Ed while Rolf and his father covered Victor's remains with dirt. Edd's shirt had gotten wet from Ed's tears. Edd patted Ed's head gently as he watched the hole getting filled.
The only ones who ate after the hole was filled was Rolf, his family, Ed and Jonny. Edd didn't have the heart to tell Ed what actually he was eating. He figured Ed had enough sorrow for one day. The sun slowly started to set on the Cul-de-Sac.
A/N: I want to thank everyone again for the reviews and favs. You guys are awesome!