I open my eyes before I realize I'd closed them in the first place. I didn't dream last night. I didn't need to. My dream was in my arms. She fell asleep before I did, and for a while I just sort of stared at her. I was shocked. She had told me, indirectly, that she loves me too. The whole reason Eddie ended things was because she loves me. What else would it be? I watched her as she closed her eyes and slipped into her own dreamscape. I watched as the corner of her mouth curled up into a small smile and I watched her breathe. I felt her heart beat. I felt the warmth of her skin, and now here I am reliving the same thing over and over again in my mind and it hasn't even ended. She's still here. Smiling. Breathing. Beautiful.
I try to be as gentle as possible, lifting my arm and inching my fingertips toward the hair over her eyes. I tuck the hair behind her ear and move my thumb to graze her cheek. I didn't mean to wake her up, but her smile gets a little bigger and I know that I did.
I don't want to say anything. Any word that comes out of my mouth right now could ruin everything. If I don't bite my tongue, I'll probably say something that would change her current luminous expression, and I won't have that.
Slowly, she opens her eyes and turns her head to look at me, resting her chin on my chest. I run my fingers through her hair again. I could do this forever.
"Good morning." she says, letting out a little chuckle halfway through the second word. I'm still speechless. I open my mouth. Maybe I should say something, but nothing comes out. I've convinced myself that the only voice in the room worth listening to is hers, though she would say otherwise. She wrinkles her noise. "Oh... Work." Her chin ducks under as her face lays flat on my chest. "No." she groans, and I laugh. It's still pretty early in the morning, but nonetheless, we both have other obligations. Obligations I'd rather not think about. Obligations I didn't think about until just now.
She looks up at me again, chin on my chest, hair in her face. I brush it out of the way again, wanting to see her eyes. I stare too hard and too long into them, but they've always been a weakness of mine. Her smile. Her eyes. Her.
I feel like we're in a staring contest.
She narrows her eyes. "You blink first." We are in a staring contest.
"Don't boss me around." I keep my eyes open as long as I can, feeling them get more and more dry with every second that passes.
"Barry. It stings. You blink first." she looks frustrated now. Frustrated in an adorable and sarcastic sort of way. Her usual attributes.
"You're not going to win this." My eyes are in so much pain.
"You wanna bet?" she says, raising an eyebrow.
"Absolu-" and then her lips are on mine. I've closed my eyes and immediately my left hand goes to her hair. The kiss is soft and short. Too short. I don't have much time to process it, actually because as soon as it begins, it ends and she's smirking at me.
"I won." she says in two swift syllables, and then lifts herself up off of the couch. I immediately feel the cold that accompanies the absence of her body heat, and I don't like it.
"That is not fair." I can't keep myself from chuckling at everything that just happened. She's in the kitchen, fluttering from corner to corner, preparing a pot of coffee and smiling to herself with pride. I'm trying to pretend it doesn't bother me that our first kiss was a quick trick. I stand up from the couch and find my way to the kitchen so I can look at her some more. Coffee is the priority. No, sorry. Winning a staring contest is the priority. Then coffee. "You cheated! You used my weakness against me." She turns around and shrugs at me.
"We didn't set any ground rules." she says slyly.
"But-.. Well I-... No you're right we didn't." I'm staring at the ground now. Why am I staring at the ground? I look back up at her and watch her float around the kitchen like a feather. I'm not nearly awake enough to be as graceful as she somehow is, but I've also never fully grasped the concept of grace... Or the concept of being fully awake in the morning.
"Coffee?" she says, grinning at me and holding a mug in her hand. I shrug. Then I nod. At this point, coffee feels more like a necessary medication than a customary morning beverage. Maybe I'm still asleep. Maybe she didn't actually kiss me and maybe I don't have any logical reason to be upset. But even if I'm awake, and she did kiss me, I probably still don't have any logical reason to be upset. She kissed me. I should be ecstatic. It was a kiss from the girl I've loved my whole life.
"You probably oughtta get ready though. You're more than likely to be late if you don't get a head start." she says, pouring coffee into my mug. She turns and hands me the mug, then throws in the same smirk as before. "Not that anyone would be surprised."
I take the coffee from her and sip it. "I'll be fine." I say. "I can get ready pretty fast."
She doesn't even bother to pour herself a cup of coffee. The coffee was mostly for me. She's done this before, but it was always platonic. Platonic coffee. The coffee never tasted quite as good as it does this morning. Knowing she loves me sweetens everything. It makes getting up feel more like a gift than a burden. It makes smiling ten times easier and frowning almost non existent. It makes coffee taste better.
I can't help thinking about the kiss, though. It was much too quick. I feel cheated, which is completely illogical, unfair, and ungrateful, I know. But the thought won't leave me.
She rushes to get ready, leaving me alone with my thoughts. It doesn't take her too long to put together her flawless appearance. She doesn't have much to get ready with. She only arrived last night with a little bag of clothes, and what I assume was makeup, which she dropped next to the door when she hugged me. She doesn't have to do anything to her appearance for me to be distracted though. She's angelic to me in every form. I wouldn't be surprised if Iris wore a trash bag dress and banana peels on her feet, and I still thought she was the most stunning woman I'd ever laid eyes on.
"I.. Have to go to work now." she says. She appears faster than I'd anticipated, tapping her fingernails on the wall and walking slowly toward the door. The closer she gets to the door, the stupider I feel for sitting here with the coffee mug still in my hand.
I set the coffee down and dart toward the door, getting ready to open it for her. She smiles at me, and I purse my lips. Suddenly, everything feels tense and awkward. She slips on her shoes, and I open the door for her.
"Thank you." she says, stepping out. There is a moment of silence. Another chance for me to stare at her much longer than I should.
"Iris..." I say under my breath. Then, her lips press against mine again, but the kiss is deeper this time. Still soft, but deeper, and lasting longer than before. My hands go to cradle her face and we breathe each other in for a few short seconds. When she pulls away, I am still holding her face in my hands and she sighs quietly.
"Give me a little more time to.. Process everything." She says this as a sort of question. Like she doesn't understand what there is to process. I love her. She loves me. But we both know it isn't that simple. I don't feel like I have the right to ask for anything more now, so I just nod, and let her go. "See ya, Barry." She says.
"See ya." I reply, and close the door. The last thing I see is her smile, and I can't help thinking about it still locked on mine.