I've been trying to clear my mind and focus on what's important, but my mind won't give me an option. Every thought is Iris, Iris, Iris.
Her fingers on my chest, curling around the fabric of my shirt.
The softness of her touch on my arm, intoxicating.
Her breath on my breath.
Her lips on my lips.
Damnit, Barry, you've got work to do. You have people to save, you have a job.
But her lips meet mine once more in my memory. What use is it to resist?
At work, I must have looked pathetic. Jumping around and grinning like a kid at Christmas. Joe never dared to ask me what happened. He looked at me like I was crazy most of the time, rolling my eyes whenever I wasn't paying attention. I guess I was crazy. She makes me crazy. There's nothing I can do about that.
Joe knew that Eddie and Iris weren't together anymore, the only thing he knew past that was that Eddie had made her cry, and Joe hardly even peeked at Eddie all day. Professionalism is as far as they went in conversation, except for one thing.
I heard Joe giving him a speech about Iris. He said it was his duty, as a father, to be pissed at the guy who made her cry, at least for a couple days, and Eddie understood. I can't help laughing about it. I probably shouldn't. I wish I felt more guilt. Eddie isn't a bad guy. He doesn't deserve this. But I don't remember what he lost as something he lost. I only remember what he lost as something I gained. Something I've wanted forever and now it's finally mine. It's like prince charming lost the princess to the farm boy, and the farm boy couldn't possibly be giddier.
My cheeks are sore.
The moment I finish work, I head over to the café. Iris is still there, cleaning up after everyone like usual. Being her normal, perfect, helpful self. I can't stop myself from looking at her before walking through the door. She isn't cleaning anymore, though. She's sitting at the table with her laptop. Writing something. I don't know what, but my assumption would be that it involves the flash. She stopped writing about him for a while after the Flash's encounter with Eddie. I don't know what sparked it, but she's back online.
She doesn't notice me for a while. Her hair all falls on one shoulder and she has it pushed behind her ears. Her fingers hit the keys like rain drops.
When I can't hold back anymore, I walk in. The room is quiet and Iris turns around immediately when she hears the door swing open.
"Barry." she says, but her expression is a little less enthusiastic than I'd hoped and my heart skips a beat for fear's sake.
"Hey. Are you alright?" I ask. She licks her lips and looks at the floor.
"I'm… I've been better." she says. Her fingers fidget with the seat of her chair. I notice that her laptop isn't even on. I sit down next to her, motionless for a few moments. I stare at her nervous fingers rubbing against the chair and then finally I break the awkward silence, reaching for her hand and relaxing it in mine.
"What's wrong?" She avoids eye contact.
"Eddie was here… Just before you." She looks at me and waits for a reaction. I think my eyebrow is twitching and I can't get the damn thing to stop.
"Yeah? What- umm…" I reach up to scratch my forehead. Stop twitching. "What did he say?" She takes her hand away and stands up, pacing back and forth between me and the counter.
"Just that… He's sorry for hurting me… For being so harsh about everything." She pauses for a moment and it looks like she's lost in thought, then she scuffs her feet on the floor, twiddling her thumbs and chuckling. "I guess Dad got to him." I laugh along, pretending to be unaffected.
She looks shaken, now. Staring long and hard at nothing, and chewing on her bottom lip like she hasn't eaten in years. She looks confused, like she's trying to solve some puzzle. She looks like she doesn't know what she wants and she's not prepared to decide. She looks concerned. I want her to be happy. I want to see her smile and be as giddy as I was all day. I want nothing more than for her to have everything she wants in the world. I don't want to have caused this. I don't want to be the reason she's dealing with any sort of distress or confusion or pain. I don't want to have made her life difficult. Maybe I never should have told her. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and not said anything. Maybe she still wants to be with Eddie. Maybe—
"Barry…" She interrupts my thoughts, and I realize I've been staring at the ground as well, rubbing my knuckles raw. "Barry stand up." I squint at her, but nonetheless do as she asks. My feet are shaky and my knees may not hold the rest of my body for much longer than a few moments. Every part of me is shaking more than it should be, and I'm beginning to worry I'll give something away, but I haven't. At least not yet. She walks over to me and takes one of my hands in hers, holding it up so that I can see it rattling. "What are you thinking about that you shouldn't be thinking about?" She raises an eyebrow.
I pause for a moment and look at her, opening my mouth to say something, but failing to find the words. She brings her other hand up, wrapping it around mine, and places a gentle kiss on my fingertips.
"Don't worry about me." One corner of her mouth curls into a half smile, and instantly I'm calm, my knees have stopped trembling and my hand is completely at rest. I bring my other hand up to meet hers and rub my thumb against her knuckles. "You're always worrying about me."
"I just… I know that you love him," I feel my shoulders getting tense, and my hands starting to rattle again, "and I know that he's still around and he loves you too and I mean that's probably not going to go away for a while and that's—" she interrupts me with another kiss. Gentle, and calm, not rushed or pushed, but sweet and tender. She changes my whole world with every second she kisses me. Then she stops, and I'm calm again, hanging on to every second I'm staring at her gorgeous eyes. Dwelling on every moment her hands warm mine.
"I want you, Barry." She chuckles, and then her eyes grow more sincere and her smile shrinks. "I love you." she says, resting on the words as if they were her last.