So here is chapter 2, its angsty and a bit harsh, but it had to happen. lol

Alex fights for survival, fights to get herself away from the clutches of the drug abuse.

X0 Shay

"How many shots does it take, to make my heart stop, and my body start to shake? If I should die before I wake."

Alex stood at the door, shaking and shuttering, her teeth clattering together. The pain shooting through her body sent wave after wave of shocks, causing her body to writhe beneath her. She couldn't think clearly, sweat felt like it poured into buckets and her intestines ached from lack of food and drugs, as she stood still.

She managed to keep her addictions under check for two years, making sure never to use too much to the point where she'd lost herself. The shaking plagued her body, as she felt bile building up in her throat. She had managed to make it through twenty, far-from-pleasant, minutes throwing up non-stop, and she clutched at her stomach as she fell to her knees. Grasping the cool porcelain white toilet, she knew.

She had lost herself.

At this point, she knew she wasn't fooling anyone who knew her well enough. She knew she couldn't fool herself anymore, her usage towards heroin had grown to an alarming state over two years. First, it was one shot to the veins, the warmth spread like a hot knife through her body. Preventing her from sleeping on her weekends and feeling like absolute shit the next day. Then it came to two shots a day, three days a week. She started to screw up a lot with Kubra's business in order to get her fix more regularly. Then. It was… every… fucking… day.

When the effects of the heroin wore off and she couldn't feel that feeling of being weightless and forgetting everything that had ever happened to bring her to this, she was cooking up another shot of heroin and sticking the needle in her veins. It came to the point where she was putting the needle in any spot she could find a strong vein. She always told herself she would never be one of those kinds of users. She had met some sketchy users in her past, those of who would be more than willing to go to the extreme as to put the needle into their abdomen, or even worse. Their genitals. Looking back on the promise she made herself, she felt embarrassed to have to come to that point several weeks prior.

Her friends who were actually good for her, the kinds of people who kept her out of trouble, had left her behind. They slowly watched the calm, collective, and in control Alex Vause grow agitated easily. They watched her starve herself until she was barely able to stand, and they watched her wither away into nothing, while having to deal with her major mood swings when she needed to get her fix right then and there. They stood back and watched, until finally it was too much and they couldn't see her do this to herself any longer. They walked away.

Walked away, just as Piper had. Stupid bitch, she's the reason this is happening to me, Alex had thought as she continued to retch up the contents of what was in her stomach. She didn't have much in her stomach to begin with so foam and liquid was all that came out. Breathing in raggedly, feeling exhausted, Alex placed her hand over her cell, contemplating on whether to ring Piper up and start screaming at her for this, but thought better of it as her back met the outter part of the tub.

Whom was she fooling? She knew that Piper hadn't been the one to first inject the terrible drug into her veins that very first time. She knew her misery on behalf of Piper leaving her behind was the reason to all this and she had only herself to blame for it. As she thought about Piper walking out of the hotel that day and taking her leave out of Alex's life for good, she glared. There was no excuse for Piper to leave the minute she did.

Piper had been her lover, the one most important person enough to Alex for her to give her her heart and soul. She was this entity, that she knew back then, she had took for granted, and regret for being the way she was plagued her heart. But Piper had also been the closest most dearest friend to Alex, as well. When she left Alex behind to pick up pieces in order to bury her mother six feet in the ground, Piper hadn't even had the decency to stay and be there for her when she needed her the most.

Neglected and thrown out. Alex became this freak creature in Piper's eyes, and remembering the look Piper gave her before she left, the memory of it broke her heart. Over and over again.

Getting fed up with the thoughts of Piper, and what had gone wrong on both sides, Alex got to her feet shakily and grabbed her phone.

Dialing the number she knew so well, she held the device to her ear and let it ring until someone on the other end picked up. It was a woman's voice.

Alex's patience wore extremely thin as she spoke a shaky voice, "Who the fuck is this? Put Fahri on the fuckin phone!"

The girl on the other end huffed in an annoying way that made Alex's jaw clench, but the girl handed the phone over, and Fahri answered.

"What the fuck do you want? It's one in the goddamn morning!" exclaimed Fahri, not even asking who it was that was calling.

"Hey. I need some stuff," Alex, said into the phone, feeling agitated once again further to the whole party's annoyance.

"Vause? What the hell, I knew you wouldn't be able to do it," his voice becoming softer to hearing hers, "I had hopes you might pull through, but you're in too deep kid!"

Fahri's laugh mocked her, and she knew he had meant to be a complete prick about it. Tears pricked her eyes and she held back a gutt wrenching sob, "Just get the shit here, Fahri, stop fucking around with me!"

This only made Fahri laugh harder and Alex pressed the button to end the call. Sure, Fahri could be a real asshole, condescending at the worst of times, but he and Kubra had always had a soft spot for Alex. For whatever reason, she couldn't fathom why, but she knew Fahri would have the herion delivered to her as soon as he could. Still, his reaction to her caving into the addiction, as if it were a monster calling to her to do everything just the way it wanted, hadn't helped her feel relief. Just intense agitation, and to this she threw her phone across the room.

Alex painfully flopped herself onto the couch, huffing and puffing, feeling like the oxygen in her lungs would cause her lungs to collapse and groaned at the pain. Grabbing the closest bucket a foot away, she curled up into herself and laid there until she felt herself dozing.

She dreamt. It was in black and white. Flashes of her mother came to her. She was younger, the wrinkles from working so much hadn't have taken their toll on her face yet, and she smiled brightly. In the dream, Alex couldn't have been any older than six years, and she sat with her mother in a valley. The valley itself was bright, sun shining through gaps of trees as the two built flower tiaras. Alex remembered this, it was one of the clearest memories she had had of her and her mother spending time together. The dream was a silent one, no voices were heard, no birds or swaying of trees in the wind. The dream switched to a memory of Piper.

Piper was laying in bed next to her, watching her intently back, with a beautiful breath-taking smile on her face, and Alex snapped awake when in the dream, Piper leaned in to place a kiss upon her lips. This bugged Alex immensely because, oh god, did her lips feel so fucking real, and when she opened her eyes, she found herself alone in her apartment. And Piper wasn't there. Her heart ached shortly before the bile rose up in her throat again, causing her to crash off the couch and onto the floor, heaving into the bucket.

The pain from the dry heaving caused every muscle in Alex's stomach to scream wildly at her, but she couldn't soothe the feeling of throwing up. As her body relaxed somewhat, she moved away from the bucket as she heard a knock on the door.

Getting up slowly and hobbling her way over to the door, she unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door, feeling rushed. Fahri stood there with a grin on his face.

His grin faltered when he looked at her closely, and spoke, "Figured I'd make a special delivery to you."

He paused, and Alex groaned stepping aside to let him in.

"You got pretty far, Vause. Two days? Usually junkies don't make it past the first several hours when trying to get clean," he explained quietly, and turned to her bringing a baggy of powder out of his pocket.

Alex stared at the baggy hungrily, chewing on her chapped bottom lip and moved to grab it from him. Before she could reach him, he moved farther away to a cupboard and produced a cup, and proceeded to fill the cup with water.

"Before I give you your fix, you have to drink this," he explained, holding the cup out to her.

Alex shook her head violently and started to groan, louder than she expected, grasping out for the baggy. Fahri swatted her hand away, grabbed her arm, and placed the cup into her hands.

"Im NOT fucking around here, Alex, don't waste yourself away like this, and drink the goddamn fucking water!"

Alex slowly brought the cup of water to her lips and swigged half of it down. Instantly, she felt the cool water start to churn in her stomach and she violently moved to the sink and started throwing it up.

To Alex's surprise, Fahri placed a hand between her shoulders and rubbed it gently in attempts to help calm her sick, while taking the cup and filling it in the extra sink that wasn't preoccupied by Alex.

After she calmed down and her stomach stopped flipping, she slowly gathered herself and moved out to get the baggy, but Fahri stopped her again and placed the glass of water back in her hands. Tears started to flow down her cheeks as she whimpered but willing took the glass from the man.

"It's better than throwing up nothing, kid," he whispered loud enough for her to hear.

She gulped the water down. And threw it up again. This process was repeated until she managed to hold it down, and Fahri handed her the bag of drugs finally.

"You've gotten this far," Fahri moved towards the door, preparing his leave, "You don't have far to go now. Fight for your life, Vause. This road as a junkie, you're playing a dangerous game."

Alex hadn't watched Fahri open the door and leave, she just stared blankly at the bag in her hands. She didn't want this pain that racked her body. She didn't want to be dependent on the drug anymore. She wanted to collect herself back. She wanted to be undefeatable again.

Moments of staring at the bag, she collected it off the counter and walked to the bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the tub of the ensuite, sobs shaking throughout her body. She finally cried. Finally cried for her mother. She missed her and needed her so bad at that moment. She wanted her mother to gather her in her arms and hold her. Sway her back and forth like she used to when she was a child.

She cried for Piper. She wanted the blonde so badly, her entire being ached since the day she left. And she wanted to bring back every broken piece of the two of them, to attempt to bandage it up. To make her stay. To convince her to continue to love her, because she needed Piper to do so. She needed Piper to love her. But she knew Piper wouldn't come back. She knew the blonde had had enough with her and left her behind for good.

And finally, she cried. She cried for herself. She unzipped the bag of drugs and broke it up with her fingers, smelling the powder on her tips.

As she stood, she slowly tipped the bag upside down over the toilet and painfully watched the contents fall into the water. She stood still, shocked at her actions, and dropped the bag itself in as well. Closing her eyes tightly, she pushed the handle down to flush the drugs down.

A tiny bit of relief rose up in Alex, and she knew caving in was not an option anymore. Her body started to shake again, and the pain shot through Alex's muscles and she groaned and whimpered.

Here we go, again, she thought to herself as she slumped down onto the floor and rode it out.