A/N: Warning: Implied rape but nothing graphic.

These are a portion of Fred's memories after drinking Mirana's potion. A lot of the background for this story comes from the screenplay of "Alice in Wonderland". It goes into much more detail about Horunvendush Day and it's a bit different than the actual movie. The Jabberwock was challenging the white knight, and triumphed then turned on the crowd. Iracebeth also comes across as much more evil and cruel in the screenplay.

Iracebeth's head is normal sized in this chapter.

"I'm bleeding, I'm fading
here in my final hour
when long-lost memories return,
and a voice keeps calling;
'All dead and gone'.

It's out of hand, life is in motion.
Time to wake up, face the truth..

No one lives forever,
all that really matters -
Blessed realm, this world is sacred.
I'm coming home.."

-'Sacred 2' theme, Blind Guardian

His name was Frederick Hightopp, but everyone called him 'Freddie'. He was the middle child of Laren and Ellen Hightopp. He had and older brother, Tarrant, and a younger sister, Elsa, three years his junior, who had passed away when she was only four. Freddie and Elsa had been especially close, and her loss had hurt him deeply, changing him from the extroverted, engaging child of his younger years to a quieter, more reserved version of himself. He was born in the highlands of Witzend, but his family had moved to Marmoreal when he was six as his father had received a commission as Royal Hatter to the King. Freddie had never quite adapted to life in the castle – part of his soul, even as a child, seemed to have been left behind in the woods and fields of his homeland.

Despite the comings and goings of the busy castle, there were only a small handful of children who resided there. The closest ones to him and his brother were the King's own daughters, Mirana, who was the same age as Freddie, and Iracebeth, whom everyone called 'Racie'. Racie was two years older than himself, one year younger than Tarrant. Together, they roamed the hillsides and valleys surrounding Marmoreal without a care when they were young – Freddie frequently venturing further than allowed (and often getting left behind because of it, none of which he minded).

The older he got, the more bitter with life inside Marmoreal he became. He was scarcely older than ten when the King and Queen took an interest in his strange ability to perceive other's thoughts and his uncanny gift of foresight. Many were the times he would be called to stand with the king while he talked with visiting dignitaries. The king meanwhile developed a reputation of knowing exactly what others were thinking and his wisdom was renowned throughout all of Underland. Only those closest to the royal family knew that the secret was Freddie. He was expected to let them know of storms, natural disasters, approaching armies, whether they should plant here or there, and this and that until he fully resented his talents and felt more as if he were one of the king's service animals, longing for his freedom, than a boy.

He discovered his first door when he was nine. It wasn't far from Marmoreal, though further than anyone knew he had explored at his young age. The simple brass knob had caught his eye as he'd passed by. It was in the trunk of a tree, the outlines of the door itself camouflaged by the bark. He remembered staring at it for what seemed like ages, worried that if he opened it some monster would pounce from within and eat him. Finally he mustered up enough courage to place his hand on the knob. He turned it and opened it just enough to peek through the crack. Through it he saw, to his dismay, a place he recognized. The door had opened into the valley just down from Hightopp Hill where he and the other children played during the special gatherings of the clans there. He stepped through to find himself transported through very space itself- Hightopp Hill was a day's journey from Marmoreal. Turning around, he found an identical door behind him. He opened it back up and saw the place near Marmoreal that he had just come from. So began the first day that was to shape the rest of his life.

He begged an extra journal from the tutor at the castle and spent the next year exploring the land around Hightopp Hill, making careful maps so as to be able to find his way back to the door. One day, when he'd journeyed further than he had ever dared, he found a third door. This one wasn't in a tree, but hung seemingly suspended from the air itself. Opening it, Freddie found a rolling meadow, sweet with the smell of hay in the summer sun. It struck him that if there were three, perhaps there were many doors – all opening onto new adventures. By the time he was fifteen, he had (with a bit of help from Chess) discovered and mapped out a complicated network of dozens of doors and could travel from one side of Underland and back in less than a day.

His almost constant companion on his journeys was, of all people, Racie. Though two years his senior, she was nothing if not rebellious. She couldn't see the doors (Tarrant was the only other one who could, but he wasn't interested in exploring), so she was forever watching him to see when he disappeared from the castle and would run and catch up with him before he got far. He didn't mind, for the most part she left him alone to sketch in his journals while she explored or napped. Over the years, they became close friends. Racie seemed to be the only one genuinely interested in his discoveries and she shared his vehement hatred of dreary castle life. She would pour over his journals, especially the ones of Underland's creatures, studying his notes and occasionally asking him to tell her the story of when and where he found it or to clarify something.

But as Freddie and Racie grew older and closer, and he was able to read her thoughts more accurately, he began to sense something strange below the surface. A darkness, almost a madness, that seemed to hide behind every word and every action. When she was 18, she began studying "dominion over living things". Each child tutored at the castle, even the royal children, were expected to cultivate their talents, but Racie's choice filled Freddie with dread. In a world where, as the king's daughter, she could receive anything she asked for, why would she need to learn domination? Despite his misgivings, he, like everyone else, chalked it up as Racie just being her usual rebellious self. She would do anything if she thought it might upset her parents or raise a few eyebrows.

The next year showed her to be a quick study, however, and the more she learned, the more interested she became. She would lock herself in her study for hours, pouring over musty volumes of charms and potions. Others commented on how studious she had become, believing that she was finally leaving her incorrigible ways behind her. On their travels however, Freddie saw the other side of the person she was becoming. Gone were the days of two friends leisurely exploring the secrets of Underland. Racie began asking him strange questions of the creatures they had seen - interested in characteristics not logged in his journals, such as the weaknesses of the larger animals, their fears, and how one would capture a certain specimen. She would slip away from him while he was sketching, secretly testing her spells on the animals she managed to capture. Freddie had followed her on one occasion, horrified to find her seemingly deriving great pleasure from forcing a smaller animal to pick a fight with the predator she knew would devour it. She began to haunt his dreams at night, becoming not the pretty girl with long crimson curls and a sweet smile, but a prowling monster with razor sharp teeth and bloody claws – her mind unreadable and unreachable as she hunted him.

He ended up trying his best to just avoid her, but she always seemed to know where he was. Her behavior became more and more erratic until one day when they were many doors away from home, she suddenly tackled him as he sat writing. She pinned him to the ground, siting astride him, and leaned over, her lips nearly touching his. There was a wild look in her eyes and such madness in her mind that Freddie wasn't sure if she was planning to kiss him or to bite him. His nightmares flashed before his eyes. She hovered there for a moment before hopping up, laughing, and telling him she was only kidding. After that day, Freddie reached out and felt for Racie's mind before he left so as to avoid her following him when he left the castle.

He managed to avoid her completely for several months until one sunny morning at the end of his seventeenth year. He left the castle alone, not sensing Racie at all that day, but as he approached the door that was his starting point for all the others, she was waiting for him. She had packed a lunch for them so he grudgingly allowed her to tag along. She suggested a path that would lead them into Queast, north of Marmoreal. Freddie had no specific plans for the day, only to escape the castle, so he agreed.

Their door opened onto a field of ripe grain taller than their waists. There was a small clump of trees in the distance and they slowly made their way towards it and the shade. As they walked, Freddie began to wish they'd gone to the mountains north of Witzend instead. The sun was unbearably hot and he would have rather gone someplace cooler.

About halfway to their goal, Racie passed him a canteen of water which he took gratefully. He drank deeply, too distracted by the heat to notice the slightly 'off' taste of the water. No sooner had he passed it back to her than his vision swam and he stumbled. Dragging himself into a sitting position as his head began to pound, he realized with horror that she'd poisoned him. Iracebeth knelt before him, smiling sweetly as the journal he carried slipped from his fingers, and his now catatonic body refused to move. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his cheeks.

"Freddie...sweet Freddie...," she cooed. "Do you know why I brought you here today? No? You know, you and I, together we'll have enough power to rule all of Underland someday. I've prepared a little demonstration today so that, in the future, you'll know exactly what I can do to you. Someday, when I'm queen, I'll ask for your help, and your answer had better be 'yes'. You seem to be avoiding me lately, which is too bad because this could have been so much more pleasant for you." She leaned closer, whispering in his ear while she unlaced his shirt. "That's okay, though...I'll enjoy it for both of us." She pulled back, face to face with him, "Kiss me, Freddie."

To his dismay, his arms encircled Iracebeth and his lips met hers without his own consent. Time seemed to stretch on unendingly as she forced his body to betray him, following only her commands as he screamed silently inside. He managed to close his eyes, vainly attempting to shut her out of his mind.

"Open your eyes, Freddie," she snapped. His eyes shot open. "I wouldn't want you to miss anything."

Her cruel experiments with the animals flashed across his memory – Dominion over living creatures. Now he was her helpless animal, trapped in the palm of her hand as she humiliated him over and over again. He had sensed the darkness in her soul before, and now he became inextricably linked forever with it as her madness washed over him. And in that madness, he saw all the years she'd spent befriending him, seemingly interested in what he was doing, had all been a lie. Everything from the beginning had been an elaborate scheme for future power. She'd been using him then as she used him now. He cursed the day he'd been born - a freak of nature - as she stole his innocence from him beneath the hot summer sun.

She left him alone (and who the bloody hell cared where she went!) with the admonition to "Remember who you belong to, Freddie." He lay for hours in the field after she had gone, until the potion finally ran it's course, and he was able to move again. He dressed and traveled back through the doors to Marmoreal. He entered entered the castle, quiet and sunburned, gathered his possessions, and left. He spoke to no one and left only a short note, explaining nothing, for his brother in his workshop.

He traveled by door until he found himself in the furthest reaches of the Outlands. There was little known about these lands in Underland proper and it was here that Freddie disappeared, traveling from place to place, occupying his mind with the things he found there. He didn't think of home – in his mind he had no home, and he swore he would never again set foot in Marmoreal. Time passed and though his spirit healed, the darkness stayed - lingering like the edge of a waking dream. He was in the Outlands for more than two years and was well into his twentieth year before he returned to Underland proper.

He went back to Witzend, to the land of his birth. He kept to himself, avoiding situations where he would be forced to talk about his previous life. Underland had changed considerably in the time he had been gone. The king had died, the kingdom split into Red and White. He was surprised that Mirana, the younger child, had ended up with the larger part encompassing Marmoreal and the Tulgey Wood while (that other one) was left with the lesser part of Crims.

What would eventually become his profession began with a festival. It was harvest time in the plains regions of Witzend and Iplam and members of all the clans living there had joined at Hightopp Hill. He avoided the adults like the plague, too many of them knew him well enough to ask about his travels. He didn't mind talking about the Outlands, but then they invariably got around to asking him why he had gone there in the first place. As far as Freddie was concerned, no one would ever know why.

The festival lasted for three days. On the first day of the festival, in order to escape having to be social, he began to tell a few children fantastic tales of creatures from the Outlands. Before his story was finished, a small crowd had gathered around him, enraptured by his adventures. The next morning, Freddie found a large group of children waiting for him, anxious for more information. He decided to take them on a hike around the Hill, pointing out the rarer plants and animals that they saw along the way, showing them how exciting being in their own land could be if they just kept their eyes open. The next morning, to his chagrin, the clan elders were waiting for him, offering to pay him to teach their children to do what he loved to do.

Teaching offered him an opportunity to venture wherever he wanted, and the only time the darkness in his soul retreated completely was when he was with his students, exploring the mysteries of Underland. Those days were among the happiest in his life. It also gave him the excuse to keep away from the social life of the clan whose gossip seemed to center largely around which girl he would eventually marry, not that he talked to any of them. Despite his former oath, he found himself visiting Marmoreal occasionally, if only for short visits with Tarrant and Mirana. These visits were always in an inconspicuous place such as the kitchen where he didn't have to deal with anyone else, though Mirana seemed to have quite a habit of introducing him to some girl she hoped he'd approve of.

It wasn't that he was disinterested in women as most of his friends seemed to believe. He was afraid - afraid of what might happen on the day that Iracebeth came calling for him. He knew, with a sickening predictability, that the day would come. She would find him, she would have him brought to her, and he would die a horrible death, because he would never help her again.
What then did he have to offer anyone? A wife without a husband, a family without a father? No. He would never burden anyone else with his pain. Loneliness was better to live with, and sleep came easily at night when his was the only life in danger. He had three years of peace before his premonitions were realized.

It was a beautiful rest day, and the weather had just turned warmer with Spring in the air. Freddie was planning to journey back to the Outlands. It was a series of 6 doors to get there, always starting at the same one and from there having the choice of two within a short distance of the first.

Ten Red Guardsmen were waiting for him as he exited the first door. They knocked him cold, bound him, and escorted him back to the fortress at Crims where he was thrown into the dungeon before he even regained consciousness. He awoke, bloodied and bruised, into his own personal nightmare. It was a full day before anyone came for him. Finally, he was escorted to the throne room.

He hardly recognized the woman sitting before him. Something strange had happened to her head – it was no longer shaped normally, but grotesquely inflated. Her face was white, with a red heart drawn over the lips and almost comical eyeshadow. He had never seen her wearing makeup.

"Bow before your queen," ordered a Red Guardsman, racking him behind the knees with his spear and causing Freddie to fall to the floor.

"No," said Iracebeth, as Freddie stood back up defiantly, "that won't be necessary. Frederick and I are old friends, aren't we?" He said nothing. "So, Freddie, dear...I'm sure you remember the question. I'm waiting for your answer."

He spat in her face, earning him another blow from the guard, knocking him back to the ground.

"I'm sure you'll change your mind soon," she said. "Take him to Stayne. He can deal with him."

He was dragged to another room in the dungeon, his shirt torn off, and his wrists chained to two posts anchored in the floor of the cell. The earth around the posts was stained with the blood of many, and the entire room smelled of filth and vomit. A tall man, with long scraggly black hair entered the room. His face was marked with a scar that ran over one eye which had been concealed with a heart shaped patch. He swaggered over to the posts, grabbed Freddie's hair, and yanked his head back to look at him.

"You must be the famous Freddie Hightopp," he said, his voice soft and snakelike. "I am Ilosovic Stayne, and I'm going to show you what pain really feels like."

Freddie lost count of how many times the whip cut into him. He refused to cry out as the tears coursed down his face, and his own blood stained the ground beneath him. He knew it wouldn't be long before he was a dead man, so he tried valiantly to hold onto the only thing he had left - his pride. The beating finally ended and he was tossed back into his cell – to live, or to die and rot – Freddie didn't care. No one came for him the next day, or the next, or the next. During all that time, he refused to eat or drink anything that was brought to him. He knew all too well it would be laced with something. He might have died from thirst had the heavens not opened up on the fourth day and sent such a downpour that water ran in rivulets down the walls of his prison. Freddie drank what he could of the rainwater.

On the sixth day, he was once again brought before Iracebeth who asked him her question again. He stared back at her in silent determination. She leaned over close to him, her madness wrapping around his mind, and whispered.
"Know this, Freddie – today is the day you will curse for the rest of your life. In the future, when you think about I did, I want you to know that it was all your fault." She motioned to the guards. "Cut him loose."

"What are you doing?" he asked, confused.

"I'm letting you go," she said flippantly. "Tomorrow the Jabberwock flies to meet the White Queen's pathetic excuse for a champion. Tomorrow, Underland will be mine."

Fred found himself tossed (literally) out of the gates of the Red Queen's fortress. Painfully, he made his way through the doors that would lead him to Marmoreal. There, in the inner court, he collapsed.

When he awoke the next morning, his wounds had been bathed and treated. Mirana and Tarrant were both by his bedside, their faces watching him anxiously. He tried to warn them (without telling them the whole truth) that something was going to happen that day, something horrible. They already knew about the challenge Iracebeth had made to Mirana's champion, though, and so brushed off his concerns as pertaining to that and nothing else.

"That's not it! You're not listening to me, that's not what she meant!"

"Freddie, dear," said Mirana, "There's nothing to worry about. The white knight can handle the Jabberwock. You've been though a lot the last few days, you should rest."

Freddie left Marmoreal against Mirana's wishes and journeyed with the other's to the Tulgey Wood where the Jabberwock was to meet the White Queen's champion. The Clans from Witzend and Iplam gathered on Hightopp Hill, confident in the champion's abilities. On the battlefield, the White Queen's champion stood, awaiting the summons. The Jabberwock approached, his huge black wings blotting out the sun. Faced with his moment of truth, the White Champion dropped the Vorpal sword and ran, only to be skewered by the claws of the great beast. The fight should have ended there. It was an unspoken oath, a bond, that only the champions were to fight. An uneasy silence settled over the crowd.

Freddie's vision suddenly skewed and he saw everything as in slow motion. He saw everyone on the hill, everyone in Witzend and Iplam slaughtered. He saw the Jabberwock, it's eyes of flame, burning the villages of his homeland, leaving a land of death and desolation. He saw the children dying and bleeding. His vision ended and he screamed, "Run! Run! Run!" and ran himself, but his vision was of the future shortly to come, and no one in the waiting crowd was listening to the crazy lunatic running towards an invisible door in the valley of the Tulgey Wood.

That day, Iracebeth of Crims slaughtered nearly everyone that Freddie had ever known.

A/N: If you check out the "Visual Guide to Long Journey Home" (link on my profile), Take a better look at the chick with Rik Mayall from the cover of "Dancing Queen". It didn't even occur to me until I'd planned out Freddie's Story that Helena Bohnam Carter is the one who played Iracebeth. She's so much younger in that movie.

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