Hey guys - truth be told I'm not terribly happy with this chapter, but I've got to get past it and move on. I've kept you all waiting for too long. Once again, so sorry for the wait - but be assured that I will finish this fic no matter how long it takes me. We all complain about real life, so I know it's nothing new to any of you and it sure as hell isn't an original excuse - but that's about all I've got right now. So, if you can find it in your hearts to forgive me then please enjoy and keep your fingers crossed that I can get a few more chapters written over the upcoming holiday! Thanks for reading.
Finding success on their jog is sort of the turning point for Sam; the point where he realizes this isn't just about helping Dean to adapt to his new life, but that it's also about helping Dean recover parts of his old life that he's missing. And by early the next morning Sam's got another idea steeping in his over-worked brain.
He's thrilled; Dean's going to love this - absolutely love this new plan. It's really all he can do to keep from waking his brother up and dragging him out the door, and instead Sam putters around the kitchen trying to keep himself busy and his mind occupied.
To Sam's surprise, not only was Bobby excited over his idea, but the mechanic has the perfect spot to carry it out. Dean won't see it coming, and it will go a long way toward continuing to boost Dean's confidence in himself. Now he just has to wait for his lazy ass brother to get out of bed and start moving.
Nearly an hour later, when Dean finally appears in the kitchen, Sam is nearly jumping out of his skin and big brother doesn't need his sight to notice the change in atmosphere. But he isn't given the opportunity to ask about anything as Sam quickly shoves food at him and insists that he eat - quickly.
Thirty minutes later, Dean's been pushed back upstairs to get showered and changed and then shoved back out the front door to the car - still with no hint whatsoever as to what his crazy little brother has up his sleeve.
SUPERNATURAL
"Alright, Dean, we're here. Why don't you scoot on over."
Dean picks his head up and flinches, reacting to Sam's odd request the only way he can, and then slides over closer to the passenger door.
"Not that way," Sam eagerly corrects him. "Scoot over to the driver's side. Behind the wheel."
"Where are we, Sam?" Dean asks suspiciously. "What the hell are you talking about?" His face is a mixture of confusion and anger as he juggles his emotions. His brother isn't making any sense, hasn't since they left Bobby's, and Dean's about thisclose to calling someone up and hauling him off to the looney bin.
"You hearing this, Bobby?" Dean demands, hoping the older man isn't participating in Sam's cockamamey scheme. "Is he out of his mind or what?"
"Not out of his mind," Bobby's gruff voice cuts through the air from the back of the car. "Just a little bit off his rocker. But he's worked out the details here. He knows what he's doing."
"Does he, now? And what is it exactly that you're doing, Sam?"
"I just thought you'd want to get back behind the wheel of your car for a bit."
Sam notices his brother flinch, a look of fear and horror crossing his face before he quickly hides it behind his usual stoicism.
"And what, sit here and listen to music?" Dean asks, snidely.
"No," Sam is quick to answer. "Thought you'd like to drive it."
There is a heavy silence weighing down the air, lasting for ages before Dean finally growls out, "Is this some kind of a joke? Screw with the blind guy? Haha, Sam, real funny. There a video camera in the car to document this?"
"Absolutely not," Sam protests, horrified that Dean would think such awful thoughts about his character. "I just thought..." He sighs, runs a hand through his hair as he deflates. "I don't know what I thought. I just figured you'd like the opportunity." He goes silent, listens to the sound of Dean's heavy breathing, before muttering under his breath, "It worked for Pacino."
"What did?" Dean asks after a beat.
"Driving. Blind. In 'Scent of a Woman' he gets the other guy to let him drive the car and he manages just fine."
"That's a movie, Sam. In case you haven't realized this is real life."
Sam sighs and his breath hitches. "Yeah, which is exactly why I brought you here instead of putting you out on the road. There's no one else out here. No other cars to worry about."
"But I still can't see, Sam. I don't know where I'm going or how I'm supposed to figure that out. This isn't a good idea."
"I'll be your eyes," Sam protests, trying to suppress the exasperation in his voice. He huffs and jumps out of the car before turning back around and calling out to Dean. "Look, just scoot over and sit there for a few. Just give it a try."
He slams the door behind him and runs around to the other side of the car, opening the passenger side door before Dean's even had a chance to register that his little brother has left.
"Scoot over," Sam insists, as he climbs into the passenger seat, effectively forcing Dean to inch closer to the other side. "Come on, what have you got to lose?"
Dean stops just past the center line, still not lined up with the pedals and the steering wheel, but much closer than he'd been before.
"It's your car, Dean. Your baby. And it's perfectly safe."
"You don't know that for sure, Sam. Any number of things could happen."
"Not if you don't let it," Sam insists, giving his brother another little push towards the driver's seat. Dean allows himself to be moved, situating himself better on the seat and lifting his hands to the steering wheel. Slowly, his fingers curl around the steering wheel, as though meeting an old friend for the first time in years, trying to get comfortable and reacquainted. The rest of him is rigid too, unmoving, shoulders tense and tight, back stiff.
Watching Dean sitting so stiffly in the car, Sam finds himself questioning the logic in his once seemingly brilliant plan. Dean's gripping the steering wheel so tightly his fingers and knuckles have turned white from blood loss. He stares straight ahead towards the crater wall half a mile away, as though he can see the end to his joyride, knows the obstacle that awaits him. Yet in reality, Dean's eyes remain sightless and his leg bounces up and down, giving away his anxiety.
Knowing that saying anything at this point will only serve to agitate his brother more, Sam wisely keeps his mouth shut and hopes he can maintain enough composure to be a calming presence. In the back of the car, Sam watches Bobby doing the same thing, trying to appear relaxed with his arm laid across the back of the seat and one leg bent at the knee and resting on the seat beside him. The older man's eyes, however, gave him away. He is just as uncertain as Sam, now, as to wether his is the best of ideas.
It is Dean who ultimately breaks the tense silence, his head jerking wildly in Sam's direction on a fruitless effort to lock onto his brother. "I don't think I can do this, Sam." Dean finally spits out, disappointment clearly showing on his face.
At that moment, Sam finally realizes just what he's done to his brother, however inadvertent. In essence, he's just rubbing one more thing in Dean's face, offering it to him and than taking it away before he can actually grab on. Because going for a jog with Sam is one thing; Sam's life was never in danger as they ran through the sparse surroundings near Bobby's house. But sitting in the Impala, ready to put the beast of a car into motion, means putting Sam's life in possible jeopardy. It doesn't matter that Sam is assuring him they are nowhere near any obstacles. Doesn't matter that he's assured Dean the he will be his eyes. It is one thing for Dean to put his own life in his brother's capable hands, but another thing entirely for Sam to trust his life to his now blind brother. It doesn't appear to be something Dean can handle - and Sam should have considered that before setting this plan in motion.
"Dean, I'm sorry," Sam finally sighs. "This was a bad idea. I should have thought it out better."
His brother continues to grip the steering wheel, never relaxing. And was that disappointment on his face?"
"Dean?"
A hand shoots up, releasing its grip and silencing Sam. "Please Sam, just...don't."
Immediately, Sam looks back at Bobby, eyebrows raised in question. The older man shrugs, no more enlightened than Sam.
More silence follows, giving Dean the opportunity to wrap his mind around the situation. Sam doesn't dare speak again until his brother gives him the go ahead.
"You don't know what you're offering me here, Sam. You have no idea how much I want this."
I think I do, Sam thinks to himself, still knowing better than to interrupt. This is something Dean needs to come to terms with on his own.
"How far?" Dean asks again, in spite of the fact that Sam's already told him three times.
Sam is patient in his answer, knowing it isn't the time to show frustration. "Half a mile in any direction, Dean. It's that old strip mine right off of Old River Road. You know the place."
"What about holes or barriers? Rocks?"
"I've been all over this place. There's nothing that can hurt the car. And I will tell you when you get too close to the wall. Trust me, Dean, its perfectly safe."
"Says the guy who can see," Dean mutters dryly.
"It comes down to whether or not you trust my judgement," Sam finally declares, ignoring Dean's comment. He knows his own statement is a low blow, that it's bound to force a decision out of Dean one way or another, but they've already been sitting here for going on 45 minutes and its about time for Dean to choose. Shit or get off the pot.
Dean pulls his usual silence, chewing on his lip as he contemplates the challenge. "I trust you with my life," he declares, then hesitates. "I'm just not sure I trust you with yours."
Sam's not sure how to respond to that, and a quick glance back at Bobby tells him the older hunter isn't sure either. But as he mulls it over, realizing it's something Dean has been dealing with his entire life, his brother speaks up again, making the decision for him.
Dean sighs, if possible, hands gripping the steering wheel even tighter than before. "Damn it," he screams, and Sam's not sure if its anger or frustration.
"Damn it," Dean repeats, a little quieter this time, a little more reserved. He gives the steering wheel a half hearted slap. "Okay, let's do this."
Of all the responses Sam was anticipating after that outburst, this is not it, and he sits utterly stymied and speechless in its wake.
"Sam?" Dean asks, hunting for his brother in the darkness. "You there?"
Sam clears his throat. "Uh...uh, yeah. I'm here. I'm– Go ahead and start the car. Key's in the ignition.
He begins with the utmost caution, requesting that Sam and Bobby secure their seatbelts as he latches his own. He gets his hand halfway to the rearview mirror before realizing it won't be necessary to adjust it, and the mood in the car is immediately lightened as Dean begins to laugh.
It takes Sam a second longer to feel comfortable joining in, but soon he's chuckling with Dean, and not long after Bobby adds his own hearty chortle to the mix until the whole car has erupted into laughter.
That seems to be exactly what Dean needs to let go of all remaining uncertainties and finally convince himself to start the car. He's noticeably more relaxed as his hand goes for the ignition again, movements rote & ingrained, and turns the key. For a time Dean just sits there, listening to the rumble of the engine and reminding himself what it feels like to sit at the helm of such a powerful car - at the helm of his baby.
"Half a mile?" he asks one more time, looking for that final assertion.
"Half a mile," Sam agrees. Nothing more.
Dean just barely touches the gas, propelling the car forward close to ten feet before he slams his foot on the brake and brings the car to an abrupt halt.
Several jokes run through Sams' head at that, and had it been any other situation - had Dean been able to see, he would have been quick to jump on the opportunity. But as it is Sam reminds himself to keep his mouth shut and instead places a solid hand on Dean's arm.
Dean doesn't seem altogether scared, or even anxious, but rather just in need of that final minute to come to terms with what he's about to do. He relaxes at Sam's touch and loosens his grip on the steering wheel.
"No obstacles?"
"None."
Another deep breath. "OK"
His foot goes back to the gas, pressing a little further and propelling the car a bit faster as he gains confidence.
"Tell me when to turn, Sam," Dean says, this time his voice lacking any of the uncertainty that he'd possessed before.
"You can turn whenever you want," Sam replies. "I'm only going to tell you if you get too close to something. This is all you, bro."
Dean nods, gaining more confidence and more speed, and then turning the wheel. They make an easy turn, about ninety degrees, and then he presses harder on the gas pedal again.
"This is awesome!"
Sam beams with pride, turning around to Bobby to share in the glory of an idea well played, and then returns his attention to the canyon.
"Bout 200 feet," Sam says casually when he sees they're nearing the wall.
Nodding, Dean turns the wheel again, spinning the car on a 180 axis and skidding the tires just a bit. "Whooooo hoo!" he shouts, smiling now from ear to ear. Sam can see that the tension in his brother's shoulders has completely disappeared now.
Dean controls the car smoothly and expertly, years of sitting behind the wheel in this very car trumping his inability to see. He knows her inside and out, knows what she can do and how to get the best performance out of her. He's known her with his eyes closed long before he was ever rendered blind, and it's no longer a question of driving sightless. He may not be able to see, but he's certainly not blind. No - he's in control.
OK, I was going to go just a bit further and leave this on a cliff hanger, but knowing my schedule as of late I decided not to do that to you guys. Next up - Sam finds a hunt that they can't turn down and Dean insists that he tag along. After all, if he can drive a car without sight then he can do anything.