== Reconciliation =

Chapter 3. Earth: Night 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or any of the characters or concepts within. I make no money from this story or any other about Transformers.

This is pretty emotional/angst/drama. With a touch of fluff.

Seeker devotees, I hope you like it!

Warning: Implied slash, adult themes, course language

Author: Designation Skywarp. Elite Aerial Combat Unit. Position: Second in Command

Location: Earth. First Dark Cycle.

It was impossible to recharge.

Apart from anything else, it was all so – alien.

I remember the scene well. The one Earth moon was high up in the sky. It was shining very brightly, and it made the desert floor and the rocks and the bushes either glow in a weird, silvery light or be in shadow. It was eerie. Creepy. I remember thinking there was no light from any of the moons of Cybertron that was ever quite like that.

Coming from the main camp, behind the rock outcrop, an argument was going on. I couldn't make out the whole conversation but every now and then Starscream's unmistakeable vocaliser could be heard shouting things like: " ... Autobots ...," " ... dead now ... " " ... if it wasn't for me ...," and Megatron's equally unforgettable one could be heard yelling things like: " ... fool ...," " ... waste of energy ...," "... damned well do what I say ..." I remember that the sounds came floating through the night air, and that every now and then I could hear Soundwave intoning things as well.

I remember turning over on my back and flattening my wings underneath me and trying to filter the sounds out of my audials and get comfortable. It wasn't exactly an easy proposition. There was grit in seams and cracks I'd hardly known existed which had got in there during the day's march and they were itching and irritating. The ground was really uneven and I had rocks and bits of Primus alone knew what else sticking in me everywhere. And there were all these strange noises: Earth creatures calling out and bugs clicking and cracking and things creaking in the ground and the rocks. And it was cold. Freezing! My internal heating system had kicked in and I could feel a light condensation forming on my exoskin.

And there was something else too; a faint smell in the air, a burning smell, and it was vaguely familiar in a disturbing sort of a way but somehow I just couldn't quite get my circuits around exactly what it was.

Ravage kept slinking past. In some ways that was reassuring. We didn't exactly know a lot about that place and anything could have been out there; and I knew she'd be doing a sweep and would pick up any problem right away. But she was passing very close. Too close. I remember thinking that there was absolutely no need for that cat to be passing that close and that it was just another indication of how Soundwave and his mob just could not mind their own slagging business, and how when we got back to Cybertron and did whatever we were going to be able to do as a result of what we were going to get from here then I wasn't ever going to have anything to do with him or any of his miserable creations ever again. I remember fastening on that thought train, in fact. It meant I didn't think so much about the rest.

Beside me, TC was really restless; he kept turning over and grunting and sighing. It was making things just that bit worse, because his body moving around like that and the noise of it scraping on the gravel and his wings rustling made me uncomfortably aware of the fact that I hadn't connected to him, or anyone else, or had an overload for two million or so vorns; and I remember thinking: and that is a fraggin' long time.

I remember he was still for a moment, and his back was to me, and I looked at him lying there in the moonlight, intakes hissing away, and I thought how long it was since I'd seen him, and I really wished he hadn't said no to me earlier. I thought about making the offer again, but then I thought no, you knocked it back before and damned if you're gonna get the chance again. He would come to me for it anyway before too always did.I made a great effort to divert any thought pathways connected to that sort of thing elsewhere – at least for the time being.

I remember then that again from away in the main camp there was a noise like something falling, and I heard Soundwave mutter something and then there was a squeak that sounded like it came out of Frenzy's vocaliser. Then there was a rustle and a flapping nearby and it sounded like something winged took off into the night and then TC shifted again and the bugs clacked and then the cat went past again – even closer; then the sound of Megatron yelling some more, words like " ... I have reached the end of my tether Starscream ..."

.... and I could stand it no longer.

I let out a sigh and propped my hands behind my head. Crossing my legs I said in a loud voice into the night air: "Well there's nothing like a peaceful dark cycle on a weird alien world on the other side of the universe, huh TC?" My vocaliser sounded strange as it echoed off the rocks.

TC stirred again. He heaved himself over to face me, crunching gravel and the noise of stones scattering as he did it. He lay there looking at me for a moment and I can I remember thinking his expression was odd – like, I couldn't read it and that I felt puzzled about that. Then from the other side of the camp there was more shouting – something like: " ... incompetent idiot ...!" from Screamer's vocaliser; then a thump and a bang and a noise of metal making contact with metal followed by a loud crash and Screamer's vocaliser screeching "... afthole ...!"

A pained look came on to TC's face then and he shuttered his optics for a moment and gave a little shudder. Then when he reopened them he sighed and propped himself up on one elbow and looked straight at me. "Actually, Warp," he said, "we need to talk."

I remember thinking: Well that's great! You won't do anything with me that might make us able to put up with this pit, but you want me to have a flamin' conversation with ya! I remember laying there with my hands behind my head and looking away from him and staring at that inky sky and the stars and the moon. "About what?" I know I spat it out.

He was still propped up there and he said: "Warp. The – arrangement. You an' me an' Starscream. The point is - it ain't workin' out too well no more ... is it?"

I remember thinking: what a slaggin' stupid statement! How can it be "working out" when I haven't even been near them in I don't know how long? The Provinces were, after all, a long way from Kaon.

I said "Yeah. I'd say lately it ain't been workin' out at all, TC. Largely on account of the fact that until we got on that cruiser, I hadn't seen either of you for about a hundred vorns ..."

Somewhere in the night some creature made a howling noise. There were voices in the background again from the other side of the camp, but they had gone down to normal levels. Somewhere else, I thought I could hear somebody sobbing somewhere and I remember thinking and now the slagging triplets are at it – that's all we need ...

I remember TC sat up then and that the moonlight was shining off his wingtips. He looked at me again and he said: "That's not what I mean, Warp. I'm talking about - before that. Before you left Kaon. For quite a while before that; actually ... "

...................

I should explain. You see, TC and I were kind of like - an item - for I don't know how long. Not that it was ever just him; but he was the only one I used to come back to on a regular basis. Him and – well, there was Screamer, too. I used to go with him a lot as well. And TC – yeah, well - he also had Screamer sometimes too.

It wasn't as complicated as it sounds. You see, Screamer was always kind of like two personalities. One was full of all these schemes and strategies – and as an air commander, he was brilliant – and he'd be right up there on a high thinking them up and buzzing around and talking about how he was gonna put them into action; then we'd go out and bomb the scrap out of somewhere and then he'd be really up there. But the other Screamer – that was the one that kicked in when the schemes and strategies didn't come off - that one was the opposite. That one was right down there and depressed and like in a really dark space.

TC and I sort of had the thing with the two different Screamers. And, as you can probably guess, when he was on an upper, it was him and me that used to hang together. TC got the other one. The one in the dark space. It was like when everything went to Kell, Screamer needed him for comfort. Now that sort of stuff was hardly my forte! And I wouldn't have wanted that with Screamer anyway. Cos I had the most amazing experiences with him – wild sessions and flying and drunken times and the best connects and overloads ever, when he was high. And I was more than happy with that.

When Screamer was in between "highs" and "lows", or wasn't around, or my and TC's units got assigned somewhere together, then we two would hook up. We never talked about Screamer that much. We just sort of accepted that at some stage things would change and then one or the other of us would go off with him again. But there was no problem with that. All in all, it worked out very well.

But it did change in the vorns before we came to Earth. More like, Screamer changed. He didn't seem to have highs and lows as such any more. He went really weird. I can only describe it as being like a half crazed state which was some place between anger and hysteria. He got obsessed with Megatron, and what he reckoned was Megatron's incompetence in not getting the Cause on track. What Megatron did, thought and said seemed to take up his whole life. He reckoned he could do a better job than Megatron - and he started coming out with all this crazy stuff – schemes to take over and lead the 'Cons. One time I might have gone along with it; but the trouble was, most of this stuff was so off the wall that, quite frankly, it was a relief when Megatron put the kybosh on it.

That was when Megatron started putting him in his place in a way that was, I admit, pretty heavy handed. But a lot of the time I could see his point.

Screamer took it out on us. It was like everything Megatron put on him, he put on us. Well, I was damned if I was gonna put up with that, and I told him where to get off. I've always been straight up with Screamer. But TC put up with it. Yeah – even though Screamer was awful to him a lot of the time, TC was full of excuses for Screamer and he wanted to spend all his time with him; And Screamer seemed to need him and when the two of them weren't with each other they were both in a foul mood - and neither wanted to hang out with me. So, all in all, for a while there I didn't really spend much time with either of them.

To be honest, I was pretty jacked off with them both. But then I got sent to the Provinces and there was – let's just say - other entertainment - there, so I didn't really think about it too much. I just assumed that Screamer would get through this and everything would go back the way it used to be. But now TC was saying this I had to admit that it hadn't. In fact, if anything, things were worse. And so, no, the "arrangement," as he put it, wasn't working out. And I also realised that it was, in fact, what I was so jacked off about here on Earth.

..................

I said: "Well, TC, if you're referring to the fact that back on Cybertron you two just about had to be prised apart the whole fraggin' time then I guess that's so ain't it?"

At that moment, there was another loud noise from the direction of the leaders area and I heard Screamer yell something like "it won't work, I'm telling you ..." and the sound of Megatron yelling "you know, you just can't help yourself, can you ... "

TC winced again. I said: "I'm surprised you ain't over there now holding his hand!"

Now TC was looking at me very intensely and he was saying: "Don't make light of it, Warp. He's – not been well. He needs me ..."

And now I thought about it, the way TC handled the whole situation really jacked me off as well. This treating of Starscream like a sparkling. It seemed to make Screamer come out with even more crazy things. And, from what I could see, it made the situation with Megatron even worse.

I sat up. I said "For Primus sake TC, he's a grown Seeker! You're not his damned sparkling carer. He brings a lot of it on himself. It's his choice to carry on like a half witted turbohawk!"

Frankly, I'd thought, back on Cybertron, that Screamer would have been much better off coming out with me and me giving him some good premium grade and a good frag and telling him not to be such a friggin' idiot. Besides which, in the past when we'd been busy with that, it had kept him out of Megatron's circuitry.

From across the camp I thought I could still hear the faint sobbing and I could vaguely hear Soundwave intoning something. Then there was the sound of Screamer saying something I could not decipher and Megatron's vocaliser rang out: "... no - that is my final word ..." And it obviously was, because after that there were a few noises which sounded like stuff being moved around, but then, apart from the bugs still clicking here and there, it was silent. A short way away a dark shape slunk past, paused and moved on. Red optics burned in the darkness.

"Yeah, keep going Ravage!" I said. That was the last thing we needed right then. "I hate that cat," I said.

"Don't change the subject, Warp!" I remember TC was just sitting there in the Earth moon light and he looked at me again with that unreadable look, and then he looked away and his intakes gave a huge sigh.

I remember I laid back and said "Oh come on TC! I'm not going down this path. You know how I feel. Frankly it would be better if ya just backed off a bit. Let Screamer work things out for himself."

And that was when he said it.

"I can't. I love him Warp!"

And that was when the energon froze in my circuits and my neural functions literally glitched and stopped functioning for a few astroseconds; that was when it was like my spark lurched in my chest and the whole weird Earth scene was suddenly gone because it was as though the universe stopped. I sat up again.

"WHAT....?" there was nothing else to say.

He said it again. "I love him."

My energon pump missed a beat then, but then I steadied it. Because, no, I surely couldn't be hearing this right. You see, that was the one thing that had just never come into the whole set up with us. I mean, I loved hanging with Screamer cos I just had the best times with him that I ever had with anyone. And TC – yeah, well he was kind of like – my best friend.

But love? No way! I'd only ever felt that once – or thought I had – and it had hurt so much that I'd spent vorns getting it out of my memory banks. And that was exactly what had always been so good about the whole thing with Screamer and TC. No going down that path again. No love stuff. No hurt. Just good fun and wingmateship.

So I said "Are my audials malfunctioning or did I just hear ya say the most ridiculous thing I think I've ever heard in my entire existence?"

I remember some Earth thing cried out into the night then and it made me jump, and TC started, but I was aware of the cat passing again, not so close this time, and I relaxed. Then TC got up and walked slowly across to a nearby rock, and he sat down and folded his arms and looked at the ground. The moon was that bright, I could see him quite clearly. He had that stubborn look on his face, the one he got when he was determined something was going to be a particular way and there was no talking him out of it. TC's more easy going than me in a lot of ways, you see, but when he really makes his mind up, that's pretty much it.

He said. "I can't stand to see what's happening to him, Skywarp. I'm afraid for him. And no, your audials ain't malfunctioning, you heard right. I love him."

Again my circuits froze, although not as completely as they had that first time. Then I relaxed. Obviously this was ridiculous. Stress, it must be. Yeah, that was it. The stress of being deactivated for all those vorns. And before that, the war and then coming to this place on short notice and getting fragged up on the way. Yes, it was enough to make anyone go a bit over the edge, I thought.

I decided to humour him. Getting to my feet, I said: "so, uh – so when did ya have this particular revelation, TC?"

He looked at me then and he said: "I've always loved him, Skywarp...."

And before I could even think about the implications of that or say anything else, he went on: "When this is over and we're back on Cybertron, he and I are leaving the Cause. I'm gonna take him away from all of this, and we're gonna have a new beginning."

Now this was too much. I mean, TC had always had doubts about the Cause. That was no secret to anyone. It was no real secret either that there'd been times when he'd only stayed in it because of us two, and I don't think anyone would ever have been that surprised to see him go.

But Starscream leave the Cause? Unthinkable! Whatever else, Screamer was committed to the Decepticons. He may have been, like me, a bit jacked off that the Cause hadn't done what it set out to do, and he certainly blamed Megatron for that. But leave it? No way! He persisted with these plans to lead it, for Primus sake.

And at that point something snapped within me and the whole thing just suddenly seemed completely ludicrous. I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing.

I said "Yeah, right! Does Screamer know about all this?"

But TC was not laughing. His face came over all dark and furious then, like it did when he ran out of ammo on the battlefield or that yellow twin showed up or he got his aft shot up and it was someone else's fault. He glared at me. "Of course!" he snapped. "We've been talking about it for a long time now!"

He was sitting there on that rock with the Earth moonlight gleaming off his surfaces and his wings fanned out behind him and his optics were glowing bright red. And I remember nothing else about that moment except the expression on his face as he was looking at me and I know that I suddenly didn't think it was funny after all; and a sort of chill went through my circuits then because it was like a small voice was saying Kell, he really means this pit ....

But I still refused to believe it.

Apart from anything else, it was impractical for Primus sake! How could they make a new start on Cybertron away from Megatron? He'd track them down, wherever they went; they'd never get away with it. Besides which, the place was fragged. There was nowhere to go – unless you wanted to live out in the Iron Hills or somewhere and scavenge turbo rats for the rest of your existence. All right, things might get better when we got back, but it would take a while, and in the meantime – well, somehow I just couldn't really see Screamer doing that.

I said "So – and where is this happy new partnership gonna take itself?"

TC was still looking at me as though daring me to even think about not taking this seriously. "Icthea," he said.

Now this was getting really stupid. Icthea. Second world in the Alpha Cetauri system. Oh it was liveable on once – in fact, we Seekers had lived on it long ago when we were Ictheans and before we were assimilated on Cybertron into Seekers. But there was nothing there now. The place had got fragged up when they took the resources off it and it had been nothing for aeons but a useless rock.

TC got up and paced a little way, his feet making crunching sounds. "It's our ancestral home," he said, and I saw that he had that I've made up my mind look again. He said: "There ain't much there but there's enough to survive. Besides, we Seekers have always had – problems. We dunno who we are, Warp. That's why Starscream and I are gonna go and find out. It will help him.. ..."

And now I fancied I knew what this was really about. You see, Icthea never interested me – I mean, why would it? I didn't remember it and I've already said how long it took Seekers – on account of their ex organicness - to get any respect at all on Cybertron. It was really only because of the Cause that we ever did. But Icthea fascinated TC. Always had. And he'd always wanted to go there. And now, the way I saw it, he'd just given himself the perfect excuse. And this, obviously, was what was behind this other scrap.

And then, I was jacked off. Because – apart from anything else - where was I in all this, their wing mate? I rounded on him and I said "I don't suppose it might have occurred to you, Thundercracker, in your love struck state, to include me in your plans?"

He turned to me. He said "Warp, come on, there's no way you would wanna go to Icthea. And anyway, this ain't about you. It's about what's best for Starscream .."

And I was suddenly furious, and I can't really say that until that moment I ever felt really protective about Screamer, but all of a sudden I did ...

I fronted right up to him and I burst out: "What a load of scrap!" aware that my vocaliser was probably fully audible on the other side of the camp and that Soundwave's Inappropriate Emotional Response Detectors were probably already firing on all circuits. I remember vaguely a squawk and from somewhere nearby another winged thing flapped and took off. I yelled: "This ain't about Screamer! It's about you, TC! You're nothing but a selfish piece of pit!"

"Warp!" he said "Shut up ..."

But I couldn't. "Well, y'know what?" I yelled, "you can do what you fraggin' well like, TC! Go and hang out on a dead world lookin' for something that ain't there. But don't drag him into it!"

TC came up in front of me, then; his feet made heavy crunching sounds. He gleamed in the moonlight. He looked really pissed now, and I could see that his fists were clenched. His optics were blazing.

He looked straight at me. "Shut up Warp!" He said "Shut up!" and I remember it made me really wild and I so much wanted, right then, just to plant my fist firmly in the middle of his face. But there was something else now about his expression – he had the I mean business look. And TC's about the only Seeker that I can't beat on the ground when he's really riled, and even though I was so angry I knew that, and I knew that I couldn't transform and take off either seeing as how I hadn't tested the alt mode.

So I just stood there glaring at him, and I know that my intakes were really sucking in air fast and my pump was hammering, but I controlled myself. Because apart from anything else, there was still the thing, too, that this just couldn't be real. That it was all a bad recharge vision and I was going to wake up any moment with him grunting in recharge beside me.

The cat went past again then. I know that she paused, sized us up, and kept going. But I barely noticed.

He was still looking me straight in the optics. He said. "Now you listen, Warp, and you listen good! I've done my homework on Icthea. We can live there. It won't be the Iacon Towers, but we'll get by. And don't you dare accuse me of draggin' him into nothin'! I'm taking him out of a situation which is probably gonna kill him if he stays in it."

His optics were boring into me. And it was then that I thought: this is just wrong ... I didn't ever remember him being quite like this and it was like something started to cave inside me. He went on: "I care, Warp! You understand? That's the difference between you and me..." He took his optics off mine and turned away. "The only thing you ever wanted from Starscream was your own gratification... anyway ..., "he sighed "... in some ways this is doing you a favour. You always wanted the Command. Now you're gonna get it."

And that was when I thought By Primus, he really does mean to do this thing, and it felt like things caved a bit more and there was a sort of icy horror and a chill went through my spark.

I know my thoughts spun and I felt dizzy and that I needed to sit down, and I remember making my way over to the rock TC had been sitting on before.

What he said about the Command was true. Sort of. But suddenly I - well, I didn't know whether I actually did want that. And suddenly I just felt – well I don't even know if I can describe it. Just – shocked and sick inside. Because it seemed now that things really had changed, and he did actually mean all this stuff; and then suddenly what that would mean dawned on me – that they would go away and I would never see either of them again, and that was just ...

I remember sitting down. And suddenly there were all these thoughts of them in my conscious pool, and most of all I was thinking of the times in the war when both of them had come close to dying and how awful that had been, and how even though 'Cons weren't supposed to cry I had sobbed and begged Primus to let them live. And he had, and I thought about how relieved I had been. Cos even if Screamer was a nutcase and TC was a miserable sod, they were just ... well, they were a part of my life. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be without them forever. I didn't want to imagine it.

And I did care about Screamer! TC had no right to say what he just said. I really cared about him and I wanted him to be all right just as much as TC did. I just had a different way of going about things, that was all. How dare TC just assume his way of dealing with it was better than my way of dealing with it? I could feel pressure then suddenly behind my optics. But I steeled myself. I thought. No I am not going to cry. I am going to stop this happening. He is not going to do it. He is not going to do it because I am not going to let him take Screamer away from me, and whatever is going on with him, Screamer would not do this to me....

And I made myself believe it. After all, Screamer was definitely not into all that love stuff any more than me. I knew him well enough to know that. I would prove that.

I said: "These feelings. This – love. It's mutual, then?"

TC looked at me for a moment. "Yes..." he said, and then he hesitated: ".....we've been talking about a bond..." and then that was just like the last straw. And the way he said it, everything I just been thinking sort of dissolved and my intakes gave a little choke. And I remember my energon processing chamber lurched, and I thought I was going to regurgitate, and something just caved in completely.

It's funny what you remember. I could still hear the faint sobbing and I know it occurred to me then that it was an a sad, alien sound and did not sound like one of the Triplets. I know it crossed my thought pathways also that this could be an Earth creature out there, making that sound and that because of what I was feeling it affected me, and I felt connected to it in some way. But what TC had said was was basically blowing me apart so much that that I didn't pay it that much attention.

He had his back to me. I looked up at him; I said: "You don't know Starscream like I do, TC! He won't go, I'm tellin' ya! He wants the leadership. He'll never give up on that. Even if he dies trying..." and I was able to believe that, because I was sure it was true. I also knew, though, that TC would have an answer to it.

"Well I'm not gonna let that happen ...," he turned and I saw in his face that he was now very emotional. He looked at me and his optics glistened.

I could not look at him. I looked instead across away from the rock outcrop between us and the camp and in the other direction. There was no movement anywhere. The moon and the stars shone brightly and the structure we were going to destroy tomorrow shimmered in the distance. I remember that between us and the structure, there was a mist hanging in the air, and I just caught that faint aroma of burning. Sweet scented, it was. And I thought of all the times that Screamer and TC and me had had together and the things we'd done and it was suddenly too much to bear. I remember thinking I can't fly with you tomorrow, I don't care what Megatron says, because right then I didn't know how I was even going to keep functioning here, let alone anything else, knowing that as soon as we left and got back to Cybertron I'd never ...

I could not think it. But I couldn't not think of it. And I couldn't help it. I started to weep.

TC was just standing there saying nothing, then. The only other thing I remember is that it was deathly quiet, and cold, and that the other sobbing seemed to have stopped at last.

TC said: "Skywarp .."

And I said "Shut the frag up, TC! Don't even talk to me ...."

And he said: "Look, Warp, I'm sorry I shouted. I knew how you were gonna feel about this. And I was hoping I could tell you sorta differently, I ... Oh frag it! I wasn't planning on coming out with it tonight," and his vocaliser sounded all choked. I remember just feeling angry and thinking well why did you then?

His com crackled then, and it sounded loud in the night air. Through it, Screamer's vocaliser said "Thundercracker ...?" and it sounded tired and anxious. When I heard it, my spark gave another lurch inside my chest cavity and I just felt like everything collapsed inside and I just cried even more then.

I remember TC saying: "Yeah, hang in there, I'll be right over ..." and his voice sounded all soft and caring and at that moment my energon chamber gave another spasm and I very nearly did regurgitate. He clicked off the com.

He came and knelt down beside me and he said: "Warp, I have to go ..." and I looked up and saw that he still looked sad, but there was a look of something else about him now, of urgently needing to be somewhere else. It was sickening. He put a hand on my shoulder, and his touch was almost unbearable, and I remember wincing at it. He said again "I'm sorry, Warp. I really am. We can talk about this more tomorrow .."

But I didn't want to talk about it. And suddenly, I didn't want him touching me either, or anywhere near me, and I pushed his hand away and stood up and said "get off me ..."

I remember then I thought how in all those vorns could he feel that way about Screamer and Screamer about him and they never said anything to me, and I was angry again, and before he could leave I said: "

"Just outta interest,TC, did ya ever love me?"

He looked at me and his face came over all sad again, but he kept his distance. "Yes, I did once, Warp," he said softly, "yes, very much."

I was crying a lot now, and I felt completely irrational, and I didn't really know why I was asking this, but for some reason I had to see it through. I said: "But not any more?"

"No," he said. "You needed me once, Warp. You haven't needed me for a long time now."

And then he turned and crunched away, a great winged form, moving quickly into the shadows beside the rocks, so I could not see him so well.

Anger welled up in me then, and before he disappeared altogether I yelled at his back "well that's a fraggin' relief! I just want you to know that I never loved you!"

He turned back briefly and I could just see him in the shadows. "I know ..." he said. And then he was gone.

And I just sat there on that rock and it felt like my whole life had just been a complete disaster and something in me just let go then, and I didn't even try to stop the fluid which was pouring out of my optics; it made little pools on the desert floor.

Will Skywarp cast himself over the edge of a cliff in despair? Does Starscream really share TC's desires? What is the cat up to? And what of Mirage? Stay tuned!!!! A x