Chapter 4

I sat there picking through all the future's that could come to pass. I could see how such a thing could drive someone insane. One decision held so much potential, and yet it was now my decision to make. It seemed easy before when everything seemed to be happening but none of it could touch me, but now it was like sitting in detention with the teacher physically beating me with the failure I was surely going to be.

Everything I could imagine for the future inevitably ended in sadness or disaster. All this fear a worry weren't helping me. So what if Chaos was lonely? That wasn't my fault, and she's the most powerful thing in or out of existence. Besides she had said others had come before him so that means more will probably come and then they can free her. I'm not cut out to be the creator of everything anyway.

But am I really so cruel as to leave others with the same sadness she has now?

"You know," Chaos began, "I wasn't always Chaos."

That struck me in the chest. "What?!" How could someone or something so timeless not be the original?

She turned to me grinning. "I was once a mortal," she said. "The one before me wasn't the original either. I don't know how many have come before, but we've all experienced every timeline to the end and back and grown so tired that even oblivion sounded so restful."

This was bewildering news. "The Chaos before you, he told you about the loneliness didn't he? You knew what you were in for right?"

"Yes, he told me, but how could I really know?" she said. "I'd felt it as you feel it now but I couldn't imagine it was any worse than my mortal life feeling like there was no place I belonged. You see, many who come here do so because they feel they have no place in the world and give up. Once they're here though the begin to see how greatly they impacted the lives of those around them and return home."

"But you didn't feel that way?" I asked with an ever growing sense of dread.

"I couldn't see myself making any life I touched better," she said.

"But-," I fumbled with the foreign concept, "there had to be someone." Having had the weight of the world on my shoulders for so long now I couldn't imagine any part of that world might not be important. Even before camp I at least had my mother and though I knew I made things difficult for her at times I couldn't imagine ever giving her up.

"If there was I don't remember them," she said.

"So," I began, hating the thought leaving her with no place in the world, "where would you go if you went back?"

"I don't belong in my old life anymore," she said thoughtfully. "Perhaps I would take your place."

I laughed out loud and Chaos almost looked startled. "You would fit in great with my friends." Then I sat silent for a moment. It seemed that I really would be saving her by staying, but I still couldn't bring myself to abandon Annabeth. "Could I say goodbye?"

Chaos looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes that I recognize all too well having once been the keeper of hope. "Yes." She said. "Going back will strain you and the longer you are there the more frayed your mind will become, but as long as it is intact your instinct should tell you how to make the jump back."

"Then it's decided" I said as I rose to my feet. I looked Chaos in the eyes, "I promise I won't abandon you." I said it with conviction though I couldn't be so sure when the time came to face my friends.

We both shared a smile full of hope and faith before I felt it all fade knowing that if I returned to this place I would be watching over my friends instead of leaving them.