CHAPTER 11

Lucas sat in his room pondering. It was a few nights ago that he'd first slept in Peyton's room and every night since they'd been doing the same thing. He'd go in late at night and they'd lie together talking about music or art or literature, anything that crossed their minds and it was perfect. Every night he knocked on her door softly, walked inside, lay down on her bed and every time he got butterflies. He hadn't forgotten his dozing promise to himself about telling Peyton how he felt and he had tried, he had really tried. Honestly, he had. He'd been beginning to think that he was looking a little stupid; he always stuttered and then changed the subject. The night before last had been the worst, their topic of conversation had just closed and they'd been looking into each other's eyes and he knew that it was the moment. So he started to say it and then suddenly his throat went dry, he'd taken in a deep breath…and promptly had a coughing fit. Peyton had had to smack him on the back several times to clear his air passage. His cheeks had been practically luminous in the dark and he'd decided that he wasn't going to humiliate himself twice in the same night. Lucas blushed just thinking about it now; Peyton had been teasing him about it most of the day. That, and the moment at the cinema, were definitely top of his embarrassing moments this summer.

Then last night, he'd built up the courage again. Last night was going to be the night. They'd been talking even more intently and before they'd even realised it her head had made it onto his chest and his hand was fingering her hair, gently sweeping it off her forehead. He'd taken a deep breath and after several minutes of battling with his pride and his nerves he'd said,

'Peyton, there's something I want to tell you… I've been feeling… lately I've found that… what I'm trying to say is that I like you, really like you. I mean… we've been hanging out right? And I've enjoyed it and I was just wondering…you know…'

He was stuttering again and he remembered furiously cursing himself. But then he realised that not only had Peyton not answered him, but she hadn't even raised her head. He lightly moved to look at her face and saw that he eyes were closed, then he heard her steady breathing and he'd groaned.

She'd fallen asleep! He didn't know whether he was glad about that fact or not. At least she hadn't heard him stuttering, but now he actually had to go through telling her again…when she was conscious.

He remembered wrapping his arms around her though, his hands locking around her waist, his chin resting on her head and the feeling being totally incredible. He knew that if he told anyone he would have sounded incredibly cheesy but she fit so easily into his arms that he could have held her forever. Unfortunately just when he was drifting off to sleep she'd promptly whacked him around the head. He'd chuckled as she turned over then looked at her sleeping peacefully for a few minutes. He remembered how her face looked so angelic and how it looked so different when she'd found him looking at her sketches. Then smiling he'd eventually leaned down to push her hair off the side of her face and kiss her cheek before rolling over and attempting sleep himself.

One of the things that had been going through Lucas' head when he made his way to Peyton's room on the fourth night was that hopefully it would be fourth time lucky. He was actually going to make sure she was conscious this time, and make sure he didn't stutter. Again he couldn't suppress the feeling of excitement and nervousness as he'd crept down the hallway to Peyton's room and slipped inside. That was a full hour ago and they'd done their usual bout of talking.

Lucas propped his head up with his hand and turned to face Peyton as their conversation topic (who was better; the Foo Fighters or Dashboard Confessional) ended.

'What about your past Peyt? You know everything about Dan, my mom…Nathan as well. What about you?'

Peyton rolled onto her side to look at him as well, looking into his eyes she couldn't lie, after all he'd opened up to her.

'My pasts a little…shall we say shady.'

A small frown flitted across Lucas' face but somehow Peyton knew it was because he was concerned not judgemental or hesitant. She took a deep breath looking away from his piercing gaze. She wasn't proud of her past and she didn't want Lucas to think less of her because of it. Lucas reached out and took her hand in his own giving her a reassuring squeeze, she looked up into his eyes again and saw nothing but warmth and that was what prompted her to continue after another deep breath.

'When I was eight, my mom died.'

As she said it, she felt her eyes welling up. Lucas backtracked quickly.

'I'm sorry, Peyton. We don't have to talk about this.'

He'd never seen so much pain in someone's eyes at that moment. Peyton's eyes were something he'd always loved about her, the way they were so brilliantly green at one moment and then an equally beautiful hazely colour and although he hated seeing them well up with tears he was enthralled at how they still looked so… tragically beautiful.

'No, it's ok…' She paused slightly and Lucas gave her a slight smile and her hand another small squeeze. 'She was coming to pick me up, and she ran one red light because she was running late. One and she was-'Peyton stopped, unable to say the actual words. Then carried on in a trembling voice that made Lucas want to wrap her up in his arms forever, 'Millions of people must run them everyday.'

A small tear rolled down her cheek and Lucas gently wiped it away with the pad of his thumb, waiting for her to continue. He somehow knew that she needed to get this out and interrupting her wouldn't help, so he stayed silent.

'My dad was devastated understandably. He looked after me for a few more years but when I reached my teens he threw himself into his work, going away for months at a time. I-I took it the wrong way I guess, I blamed myself for my mother's death and I blamed myself for my dad leaving. I was lost at that point, completely.'

Lucas nodded. 'I understand, I blamed myself for Dan leaving. I thought that maybe I wasn't special enough to make him stay.'

Peyton looked deep into his eyes, seeing a vulnerability that had been concealed the whole time she'd known him and she had a feeling that he'd never said those words aloud to anyone, not even his best friend.

'It's losing something or someone that does that to you.' He said meeting her eyes again.

'I guess. But at that point I went off the rails, I got in with the wrong crowd and did some stuff I'm really not proud of.' She stalled again and looked down at her duvet, taking her hand away from his.

'Hey.' He said gently, lifting her chin up with his finger and taking her hand in his again. He made sure she was looking into his eyes again before saying, 'Past is the past Peyt, there's no point being ashamed because you can't change it. All you can do is move on and I can understand that you might not want to talk about it but I'll just say one thing, nothing will change how I feel about you.' He reassured and Peyton felt her eyes glaze over again just at the sincerity of his words. However she wasn't quite sure what she was hearing… Nothing will change how I feel about you. Did that mean he liked her… or was that a strictly platonic statement?

Taking a deep breath she battled on quickly, if she did it fast maybe he wouldn't hear it all. However she underestimated how intently Lucas was listening. 'I ended up doing drugs, cocaine.' Peyton tore her eyes away from his for the third time, she didn't want to see the judgemental look in his eyes, but he lifted her chin once again to face him and she saw nothing but concern flit across his blues.

'But you got over it right?'

'Eventually, it took a while. But I'm over it now, completely; I was just overcome by grief and wanted a way out. I didn't want to deal with the pain you know, I didn't want to think about-'

'Shh, it's ok. I know, I know.' Lucas answered wiping another tear away. He pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms securely around her. Her confession hadn't daunted him at all, in fact it only made him feel all the more strongly for her. Peyton had been through so much and he admired her a lot, not to mention that he liked her an awful lot too. His feelings really were growing every single day and he was sure that this was the moment to which he could admit all… taking a deep breath he opened his mouth…

But then before he knew it she was sitting up and turning to face him.

'I bet you think I'm a right weirdo now.' Peyton chuckled weakly and Lucas grinned.

'If you're a weirdo… then I'm a weirdo.' He simply said. Peyton looked at his face, he was smiling serenely, a look of pure happiness on his face and before she knew what she was doing she had crashed her lips onto his... but then before he'd had a chance to react had pulled away again a hand covering her mouth in surprise as if he'd been the one to kiss her.

'I'm sorry, I don't know what-'

Before Peyton had finished her sentence Lucas had leaned over and kissed her again, his hand at her cheek, she didn't waste any time, kissing him back with just as much enthusiasm. He smiled against her mouth and she chuckled slightly hardly daring to believe that they were actually doing this. It was nothing like the spin the bottle kiss. It was like they were kissing for the first time, hesitant, short but sweet all at the same time, then both of Lucas' hands cupped her face to deepen the kiss which she willingly agreed to. As they pulled apart reluctantly he rested his head against hers, exhaling and waiting for his rapid heartbeat to go down slightly. They sat there for several moments, heads together and eyes closed, breathing heavily. Lucas eventually opened his eyes to see that Peyton's were still wistfully shut.

'So that was a pity kiss right?' Peyton asked eyes still shut and sure that it was because of what they'd just been talking about, as a way of making her feel better.

'No, I've wanted to do that for ages.' Lucas said honestly and Peyton's eyes snapped open.

'Wait…what?'

'Ever since spin the bottle. I haven't met anyone like you and I just couldn't wait to kiss you again, I've wanted to for so long. Seriously you have no idea.' Lucas chuckled slightly.

'So- what does- I mean- what are we- what does this- us mean?' She asked, half afraid to know the answer.

'I want to be with you, it's as simple as.' Lucas said honestly looking into her eyes to clarify he meant every word.

'But- but.' Peyton started, her heart was soaring but her head was bringing her down. She really didn't want to mention this but it was the truth. 'I leave at the end of the summer.'

Lucas swallowed, 'I know that, but is that any reason not to enjoy the moment, here and now?'

With a small smile Peyton quickly closed the distance between their lips and they kissed once more, Lucas leaning into Peyton so that her back was falling into the mattress their chuckles muffled by each other's lips.

TADAAA! So i guess i've been on updating overdrive this week, i've felt a bit guilty for leaving it so long in the past. But i'm thrilled with all the reviews, please keep them coming! :) And thank you, LPlover for wishing me a happy birthday. One week today hehe! Anywayss i have a question, now that LP are together... do you want everyone (Nathan/Haley/Brooke etc) to find out right away? Or do you want LP to wait for a bit to tell them and make things a little more interesting? Because i have the 'interesting/LP wait for a bit' one already written out partially but i am thinking of changing it... so i just wanted your oppinion. You guys rock, by the way. :)