Back From the Dead Chapter 7: All These Lies You Made Me, an agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. fanfic

Back From the Dead

Disclaimer:
I own nothing.

Rating:
T

Genre:
Romance/Hurt/Comfort

Pairing:
Coulsye

Lyrics Used:
Lennon "Done to Me"

All These Lies You Made Me

As the sun peeked through the window of Skye's bunk, Phil looked down to see the young woman in his arms fast asleep. Torn between leaving and letting her wake up alone and the worries of what she might think if she woke up to him in her bed, Phil finally decided to let his need for caffeine make the final call. Very carefully and gently disentangling himself from her, he couldn't resist the small smile as his hacker settled back into the blankets. Slipping silently out of his bunk, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he suddenly came face-to-face with their pilot, Agent Melinda May.

"Long night?" The stoic pilot asked, quirking an eyebrow, suggestively.

"She was scared and didn't want to be alone." Phil replied, firmly, leaving no room for argument. "After everything she's been through, she needed some comfort." Pushing past the agent before him, Phil began to make his way into the galley with Melinda hot on his heels. "She needed me and I've already failed her once-and lost her as a result of that failure." He elaborated, as he set to work making the coffee for the rest of the team. "I won't fail her a second time."

The determination in Phil's piercing blue eyes told Melinda far more than his words ever would. "What do you mean 'everything she's been through'?" She asked, carefully, her voice calculated. His silence and refusal to meet her eyes told her more than she thought she wanted to know. "Phil?" She prodded again, hoping for a reaction.

"I think it's best I discuss that with the the whole team, together." Something was amiss in the senior agent's voice. "But, first, I have a few things I need to discuss with Skye in private."

As a knowing smirk played across her countenance, Melinda just walked away. "Yeah, you do..." She mumbled under her breath.

Skye awoke not long after Phil had left. Stretching her tired limbs, she was mildly disappointed to find she'd woken up alone. But, she had known that Phil had spent the night with her as he'd promised. That was enough for her. Smiling gently to herself, she rose to a sitting position before rising from the bed. Slipping her robe over her shoulders and tying the belt around her waist, she smiled as the smell of fresh coffee hit her nose. The rest of the team appeared to still be in bed, and she figured that AC would be up in his lab. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she settled into one of the couches in the common area.

Soon, she found herself joined by their resident bio-chemist, Jemma Simmons. "Morning, Jemma." She greeted, brightly, smiling at the science officer.

"Morning, Skye!" Jemma chirped, mirroring Skye's prior actions as she poured herself a cup of coffee, joining the hacker on the couch. After the two women sat in a comfortable silence, sipping their coffees, Jemma spoke again. "It's been great having you back, Skye."

Nodding, Skye took another sip of her coffee before replying "Believe me...It's even better to be back..." It was true. Hawaii had been nice, but, she was ready to be back with her team. Though, she couldn't escape the feeling that something wasn't quite right about what she remembered about Hawaii-especially after the events of last night. Deciding that a solid workout was just what the doctor ordered to clear her head, she finished the rest of her coffee before rising to her feet to return to the galley to dispose of her empty cup. "Well..." She called out, returning to the common area. "I think I'm gonna get dressed and head down to the gym." She added, stepping back into her bunk.

Standing at the top of the stairway leading down to the gym, Phil watched his beloved hacker working the punching bag. As he watched the sight before him, he couldn't help feeling torn. He was thrilled to have her back...But, at what cost? He knew, all too well, the pain she'd endured during her resurrection-even if she didn't, yet. But, he also knew that she had a right to know what had been done to her. Drawing a steadying breath, he watched as she took a break from the punching bag and saw his opportunity to approach her. Descending the stairway, he came to a stop behind the unwitting owner of his heart.

"What's up, Phil?" Skye asked, breathlessly, taking a long swallow from her water bottle. Setting her bottle down, Skye suddenly noticed the change in Phil's demeanor. "Phil? What's wrong?" She asked, more worriedly.

"Listen, Skye..." Finally Phil decided to just rip the band-aid off and get it over-with. This wasn't going to be an easy conversation no matter how he approached it. "There's something important that I really need to discuss with you...privately." He explained.

"Okay..." Skye replied, eager to hear whatever it was that had Phil so shaken. "Okay, yeah, sure...How about I shower and meet you in your bunk?" She offered, knowing that the senior agent's bunk provided the most privacy of on The Bus.

"Sure." Phil replied. Something about his voice put Skye on edge as he turned to leave. Shaking it off, the hacker gathered her towel and water bottle before returning upstairs for a shower.

Twenty minutes later, Skye had showered and re-dressed herself and found herself standing anxiously outside Phil's bunk. She just couldn't wrap her mind around what could possibly have her AC so on edge. Finally deciding to find out, once and for all, she took a deep breath and opened the door to the bunk. "AC?" She called out, gently, before she found the senior agent sitting nervously on the edge of his bed.

"Come on in, Skye." Phil offered, trying to keep his voice light. Though, he suspected the young hacker would know him better than that, by now. Following his orders, Skye entered the bunk, sliding the door closed behind her, before approaching the foot of the bed where Phil currently sat. "Have a seat." He offered, gently.

Sliding down next to the agent, Skye finally voiced the question on her mind. "AC, is everything okay?" She asked, worriedly. "You don't seem like yourself..." She added, lightly resting her hands on his forearm.

"Listen, Skye..." Phil sighed, slightly. "I...I have a confession to make." He admitted, shamefully. The hacktivist was tempted to ask what the confession was about, but, sensed that Phil wasn't finished speaking, yet, and just remained silent. "After you rescued me from Raina, you asked if I...If I learned anything back in that room..."

"Yeah..." Skye replied, hoping to see where AC was going with this. "What about it?" She asked, gently.

"Well...when I told you that they were just messing with my head...I lied..." Phil admitted, guiltily. Unable to face Skye's reaction, he simply hung his head in shame. A heavy silence stretched between them before Skye spoke.

"You lied to me." She spoke, simply, with the subtlest hint of betrayal in her voice. "Again." She couldn't believe that Phil would lie to her again, after everything he'd come clean about in regard to her parents. She thought she could trust him, again. But, she knew he must have had his reasons. The very least she could do was to hear him out before passing judgment against him.

"When I was in that machine...I...saw things..." Phil began, not quite sure how to phrase what he was trying to say.

"Whaddo you mean?" Skye asked, more curious than anything else. "What things?"

"Memories..." Phil replied, simply, his voice sounding more lost than Skye had been prepared for. "They were memories of what they did to me...to bring me back after the battle of New York."

Something about that admission blew Skye's mind. "What did they do to you?" She asked, quietly, sliding her arm around his back, drawing him into her side.

"They dragged me through seven different operations." Phil replied, his voice completely void of any emotion. "Dr. Streiten said that they had kept me conscious to monitor brain activity. He told me that I..." He couldn't bring himself to relive the hell that was 'Tahiti' as his voice trembled and broke.

"That you what?" Skye prodded, so gently that Phil nearly had to strain to hear her. Turning to look into her eyes, Phil Coulson never knew it was possible to feel simultaneously completely safe and completely guilty.

"That I..." Phil replied, shakily, never once breaking the stare he shared with his beloved hacker. "I had...I had lost my will...to live..."

Skye was left utterly breathless as she processed the bomb that Phil had dropped on her. "Oh...oh wow..." She breathed, dropping her gaze to her lap as she attempted to digest what she'd just heard. "Phil, I..." Looking back up into his baby blue eyes, Skye finished her thought. "I'm so sorry..."

Taking Skye's hands in his, Phil replied "It wasn't your fault. Please, don't apologize for what they did..." Skye was moved by the warm sincerity in the senior agent's voice. "You know, it's ironic..." He mused, softly. "Dr. Streiten explained that...They used this...machine...to give me back my will to live..."

"Did it work?" Skye asked, curiously.

Smiling softly, Phil replied "No." Taking Skye's confusion as a cue to elaborate Phil added "I mean, I thought it did...But, what really gave it back...was you."

"Me?" The softly spoken, disbelieving response drew a small warm smile out of the senior agent. "I gave you back your will to live?"

"Yes, you did." Phil replied, smiling, until Skye voiced her next question.

"Phil..." She began, a heavy tone to her voice. "Don't get me wrong. I'm...beyond flattered..." She began, hesitantly. "But...Why are you telling me all this?"

Sighing heavily, Phil knew this was coming. Hell, it was the whole reason he'd asked to speak with her. "Because, Skye...Everything you've told me since you got back...It all just sounds...a little...too familiar..."

Studying the expression in Phil's eyes, the true meaning behind this whole conversation hit her like a freight train. "Oh my God..." Skye breathed, turning away from Phil to stare straight ahead at the wall in front of her. When her gaze finally returned to him, Phil saw the same lost look in their warm brown depths that he had felt, himself, when he'd learned the truth behind his own resurrection. "You don't think..." She began, unable to complete the thought.

"I didn't want to say anything until I was certain..." Phil began, gently. "But, after the nightmare you had, last night...I realized it was time that I came clean with you. You deserve to know the truth."

"I wasn't really dead for forty seconds, was I?" Skye asked, rhetorically. "It was a lot more than that, wasn't it?" She asked, her eyes desperately pleading with him to help make sense of this whole mess-begging for answers that he just didn't have.

"I honestly don't know." Phil replied, helplessly. "They lied to us just as much as they did to you..." He offered, lamely, before jumping to his feet, pacing angrily. "I mean, hell...They held a damn funeral for you, for Christ's sake! They let us think you were dead!"

Watching Phil's reaction tugged at Skye's heartstrings as she rose to halt his pacing. "Phil...I...I don't know what to say..." She offered, at a complete loss for how to respond to what Phil had just told her.

Staring into the doe eyes he'd once thought he'd never see again, Phil knew what he had to do. "There's nothing for you to to say..." He replied, gently, lightly gripping her arms in his hands. "But, I think that it's time for the rest of the team to know the truth." He added, thoughtfully. "And, then, I need to have a little chat with Director Fury."

Staring into the piercing blue eyes of the man that had unwittingly stolen her heart, Skye knew he was right. She hated secrets and she was tired of hiding them from her team. Nodding quietly, she remained silent as Phil drew her into his arms, cradling her against his chest. Everything had changed for them. As terrifying as that thought was, Skye knew she could handle it with her AC on her side.

"You wanted to see us, Agent Coulson?" Jemma greeted, as she and Fitz joined Coulson, Skye, May, and Ward in the common area.

"Yes, Jemma..." Phil replied, gesturing for the two science officers to claim the two remaining seats. "Please, have a seat." As Fitzsimmons complied, Phil drew a steadying breath before beginning with his reason for gathering the team, together. "Listen, everyone...The reason I've gathered you all here is...Well, it's difficult for me to talk about so I'm going to ask you to let me get through what I have to say before asking any questions..." He began, nervously. Glancing around the room, he saw the rest of his team nod in agreement before he powered onward. "The reason I brought you all together...is because I...well, I think it's time you all knew the truth about me-more specifically, what happened to me after the battle of New York."

To Jemma's credit, she had tried, valiantly, to heed Phil's orders about waiting until the end of his speech before asking any questions. But, the scientist in her was just too damn curious. "You mean...after you were killed..." She hedged, carefully.

"Yes, Jemma..." Phil relinquished. After another deep breath, Phil continued with his story. "After I was killed...I was led to believe that they treated my injuries, and-after some time in recovery-I was sent to Tahiti on R&R..."

"But...you weren't?" Ward questioned, still trying to wrap his mind around the bombshell that still hung in the air.

"No, Agent Ward..." Something had changed in Phil's voice that none of his operatives could quite identify. "I was dead for several days while they dragged me through seven different operations. Most of which are still blank. But, the final one became clear to me after I was subjected to Raina's machine." He elaborated, shuddering at the memory. "After you all brought me back, here, I went to speak with Dr. Streiten who explained that they covered up what they did to me by...essentially...surgically implanting more...pleasant memories. They gave me memories of a trip to Tahiti in hopes that those would...replace what I had lost..."

"With all due respect, Agent Coulson..." Jemma began, carefully. "What, exactly, had you lost?"

Staring directly at the bio-chemist, Phil replied in a dead monotone that chilled even Agent May to the core. "My will to live." The entire group fell into the same heavy silence he'd experienced with Skye when he'd told her the story. "By the end of the seventh and final operation, I was screaming...Begging and pleading to die...They used a machine to implant false memories...They changed my memories of what they did to me...Gave me pleasant memories of a tropical island in hopes that those memories could restore my will to live."

"With all due respect, Phil..." May interjected, speaking for the first time since they'd all gathered together in the conference room. "Why, exactly, are you telling us this?"

"Because they did the same damn thing to me." Skye interjected, jumping to her feet.

"What?!" Simmons, Fitz, May and Ward all demanded in unison.

"Skye, please tell me you're joking!" Jemma begged, helplessly.

"Believe me, Jemma..." Skye sighed, heavily. "I really wish I could..." She offered, just as lost and helpless as Jemma. "Nothing would make me happier, right now...But, the truth is...After Coulson told me about what happened to him...Everything suddenly...Made sense..." She shrugged, at a loss for how to explain her situation. "Ever since I got back...I've been having these really weird dreams. At first, they were pleasant enough...In the beginning, I was always on the beach in Hawaii...getting massages...sipping fruity, tropical drinks...But, something about them never really felt...right..." She paused, searching for the right words. "I couldn't describe it...But, it felt like...Like that's what I was supposed to remember. Like it didn't feel natural." Watching his hacker wrap her arms around herself in an attempt to shield herself against the cold only she felt, Coulson stepped over next to her, gathering her into his arms. "And, then, last night...Last night started off the same way as all the others did...But, then...somehow everything changed. Everything went black and I-I couldn't think..." She shuddered against the memory. "My mind was too clouded with pain. I must have been screaming in the dream-as well as in reality-because I heard someone shouting 'This is wrong!' and 'The hell with Fury! Throw my ass under the bus, I don't give a good God-damn! Just-for the love of all that's good and holy-listen to her!'...But, his voice didn't sound right...Like it was way off in the distance..." Still reeling from everything that had happened, she muttered "I just...I-I don't know..."

"It's okay." Phil assured her, gently. "It's not all gonna make sense, right now-maybe not even ever..." He added. "But, all you need to know is that...you're not alone." Shifting the hacker in his arms, Phil stared directly into her eyes. "And, you never will be..."

"Coulson's right." Ward replied, in an uncharacteristically gentle voice. "We may not be able to understand what you went through-what you are going through...or...even what you will go through..." He conceded. "But, we're always gonna be there to do whatever we can to help you through it..."

"Absolutely." Jemma replied, smiling softly.

"We're a team, Skye..." Fitz added as Skye shifted her gaze over to him. "But, more than that...We're a family..." He added, mirroring Jemma's smile. "We'll always have your back."

"Definitely." Melinda added, unable to resist a small smile, herself. "We'll always have your six."

Looking around the room, Skye couldn't believe how lucky she'd been. Before she'd known that S.H.I.E.L.D. had been involved in her life, she'd never thought she'd have any semblance of a family. But, now, she was surrounded by family willing to help her through a trauma that no human being should ever have to endure. For the first time, in her life...she was home.

Author's Note:
So, I was going to include Coulson's confrontation with Fury in this chapter...But, it's currently a quarter after two in the morning...I need some sleep. So, I bring you this little offering to tide y'all over until I get the confrontation written. Enjoy!

~Skye Coulson