"Chapter Three: Emerald"
PASSIVE OR AGGRESSIVE. These were the two courses of action I'd thought about this morning at breakfast. I figured I could approach Finn with the same nonchalant attitude he'd been showing me ever since the kiss, or I could take action and confront him about it. Assuming that the former wouldn't get me anywhere, I'd made the decision to choose the latter. Besides, I'd shown passivity when Finn caught me with Jack last night. The memories started to form in my mind…
Jack and I had been swimming without our trunks on in the blissfully cool water. We'd had a little too much to drink and things had spiraled out of control. We were splashing one another in an array of movements and screaming at the top of our lungs – enough to bring attention to passerby's. Unfortunately, Finn had heard us and had come to see what all the ruckus was about. I thought I was imagining things when I seen him looking through the gate that surrounded the courtyard, my mind a swath of thoughts and feelings. Jack was beyond bladdered at this point, so it came as no surprise to me when he called for Finn to join us. Finn politely declined, and eagerly rushed back to his room, and I knew that something had gone terribly wrong because Jack, in his drunken stupor, raced for his swim trunks and we'd called it a night.
I'd spent a majority of the day at VidCon. Today was the last day that we'd spend in Anaheim, California, before VidCon would come to a close. The day was met with a mixture of sadness and relief. Living in Canada didn't provide me such warmth, nor am I able to spend time around my YouTube friends. However, the stress of events and signings were beginning to tax themselves unto me, and I figured I'd enjoy some time to myself. This is where my day began: filming a vlog for my channel. I figured the downtime would be an advantage, as it would allow me to sort my thoughts concerning Finn Harries.
He's just so beautiful, I think to myself with a sigh. His smile…his jawbone…his chestnut hair….
Shaking myself from my thoughts I decided to take a walk along the beach. It was now just before supper, and most of the other YouTubers had decided to go out for the night. Luckily, Jack and Finn had decided to film some new footage for one of their short documentaries, so they had stayed back. If I were going to confront Finn about our first night, it'd have to be tonight. Not knowing would kill me.
And that's exactly what I did.
I began walking toward the pier, where Finn was currently filming and I could sense that he immediately tensed up. Turning off his media, he turned to me in surprise. A flash of those pearly white teeth and I was a goner.
"Hey, mate" he spoke softly, sliding his hands into his pockets and biting his bottom lip. He was dressed in a grey t-shirt, with skinny blue jeans and TOMS. I noticed that he was also wearing a black belt under his shirt, which currently rested just above the buckle. Perhaps caught in the wind, perhaps a coincidence. His eyes were mesmerizing in the summer sunset. The sun was hanging high enough in the sky to keep the surroundings alight, but it casts a shadow on the pier, clipping Finn's face diagonally. I could see his green eyes alight in the glare, which were prominently watching me with intent and what mimicked delight.
"Hey, Finn. I've been looking for you all day! Things got a little hectic during the events and I haven't had time to say anything…you know…about the other night and how we stand." I watched as a smile tinged the side of his lips and his eyes dilated in the shimmer. "We're cool, right?" I added. I followed suit with my hands, placing them firmly in my pocket, the tension almost overflowing. I could feel my nerves tingling, my hands sporadically beginning to shake. I'm acting like a baby, I reminded myself, before heaving a small unrecognizable sigh.
"Of course, look, mate, I should have said something sooner," Finn began. I raised my hand toward him as I went to interject but he continued: "I guess I just didn't know what to say…or how to say it." His shyness rarely protruded between his overall confident demeanor, so I felt almost at-ease in the moment. This was a first for both of us, after all.
"Should we just forget about the kiss?" I suggested. It felt odd to say it out loud. I'd kept the kiss to myself for weeks, without telling another soul. Even in my drunken stupor with Jack, I'd managed to keep my mouth shut.
I watched Finn turn the suggestion over in his head for a second…two…three, before he responded: "I think that's best. We're leaving tomorrow morning, anyways," he reminded me. I nodded in agreement. The thought of not being able to get to know Finn better tugged on my emotions. I'd only known him for a few short days, but even now as we sit here on the pier with our legs hanging down toward the water, I feel like I've seen something in him that not too many people have. I feel like he's shown me a piece of himself that he doesn't often share with people, if at all. Our secrecy was both a blessing and a curse. It kept things interesting, but it also often left me feeling confused and angry.
"I'm Finn Harries, nice to meet you," he spoke teasingly, his voice soft. There he goes again: flashing those beautiful row-upon-row of brilliantly white teeth, serenaded by the slight smirk on the right side of his lips. It gave me butterflies.
"I'm…I'm…" I stuttered incessantly. I watched as his perfectly white skin, tinged with small freckles around his eyes, stared confusedly at me for a few moments, before I crashed into him.
I stopped thinking. For a small moment in time, I managed to act spontaneously. My lips met with his in a fury of emotion, ranging from pure passion to indescribable desire. I raised my hand to cup the side of his face, as he had done to me the first time. My fingertips brushed softly through his woven brown hair in a circular motion as I deepened our embrace. I felt my heart bursting with unspeakable craving. I had imagined this moment for so long, particularly within the last few days. I began to lower my hand down toward his chest, but he immediately broke the kiss and raised his hand to wipe at his lips.
"I'm sorry!" I said in haste. My mind was telling me that I was stupid, but my heart was telling me otherwise. I didn't know whether I should get up from where we were sitting at the end of the pier and run away out of embarrassment or not.
Finn tried to formulate a sentence for a few moments, stuttering and then looking toward the ocean to and fro. "Things are just complicated right now," he said defensively. He turned to face me again, but this time I didn't recognize the brilliance that had been within his irises so many times before. Now, the only sense I could see in his eyes was purely heartbreaking.
"What do you mean? Is it because we're leaving tomorrow?" I didn't know what to ask him, nor did I know what kind of answers I might receive. I figured I wouldn't like them, so I refrained from asking.
"That…and I'm just not ready…I'm not even sure that I'm…you know," he replied, casting me a confused glance. I nodded slightly, and turned to watch the sun setting over the water. We'd been out here for much longer than I'd thought. "I'm just in shambles right now, mate."
"Can I ask you something, Finn?"
"Anything."
"Don't be a stranger, okay?" I said, gravely.
"I promise."
He turned and gave me a kiss on the cheek before I got to my feet. I let my hand trail over his shoulder as I turned, and then walked barefoot back to the hotel across the beach. A single tear stained my cheek as it rolled down toward my chin.
I packed all my clothes and toiletries when I returned to my room. It had taken me nearly three hours to get everything sorted, between packing my suitcase and ensuring that my return-flight to Toronto Pearson International Airport was booked.
A knock at the door interrupted me. I cast a glance at the clock on the nightstand to see that it's nearly eleven. It's probably Caspar or Marcus, I tell myself with a half-heavy heart. With a sigh, I rush for the door.
"I'm really not feeling the movie tonight," I admit as I swing the door open. The words spill out before I see Finn standing before me.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, turning to leave.
"No, wait!" I scream. Finn turns back on the porch with a large grin on his face. "I thought you were Caspar," I confess with a mild laughter.
"He went out with Jack and some of the others," Finn replies with a smile. I noticed that he's not wearing the same grey t-shirt and blue jeans as earlier. Instead, he's now wearing all black. His shirt has a white letter "F" printed on it, while his jeans are tight enough to accentuate his muscular legs.
"I see," I reply slowly, abbreviating what seems like every single letter. The night sky is filled with an array of stars and a large, glowing moon that shines over the crystal clear water along the beach, casting an emerald glaze. I was about to suggest a walk down to the beach, when Finn welcomed himself into my room. "Can I get you anything? Bottle of water?"
"I'm fine, thank you. I was hoping we could talk," Finn admitted, before taking a seat on the edge of the bed. His statement sounded like a question more than anything, though I knew better than to reply unneeded.
"Sure," I replied singularly. I walked across the small room to join him on the burgundy red comforter. He turned, whole-body, to gaze at me.
"You were able to ask me a question earlier, but I never had the chance to ask one of my own," he began. I nodded briefly, so he continued: "Do the others know?"
I had to process his question for a moment; unsure as to what context he intended it. "I haven't told anybody, and I won't, so long as you don't want me too." I figured he wanted me to continue, because he kept staring without reply.
"It doesn't matter—"
"It matters to me!" Finn called out, his eyes stricken with tears. I'd never seen him like this before. I wasn't accustomed to guys crying, especially not boys like Finn.
"Finn…" I started.
"Come with me," he said, head hanging low, a hand coming up to wipe away a tearstain.
"What?" I said, perplexed. I watched his whole body shudder, and I denounced that this was as new to him as it was to me. I had never been with a boy before, nor had I fallen so madly for someone in such a short time. It was like walking on eggshells. A simple misstep and everything could be ruined. So why was Finn leaping? I thought.
"Come with me…" Finn began. He must have read into the confusion evident in my expression, because he then added, "to London."
"Stop fooling around, Finn," I replied, exasperated. He could not be serious! We'd known each other for a short few days, and hardly knew anything about each other, despite the fact that there was something so evidently clear between us. I motioned to get up, but Finn's hand came down upon my own, and I turned to him expectantly.
"I'm not gallivanting. I'm serious. Come." Finn's evergreen eyes watched me carefully, assessing my every thought. I could feel myself gradually becoming more and more warm. In a few more minutes, I'd be scorching hot. My cheeks felt warm to the touch, and I was sure that a blush had formulated in the waking moments of Finn's proposal.
"What about Jack?" I asked. Finn hadn't been expecting that response, because I watched it physically take him aback. "What about my lodging? I mean, where would I stay?"
"With me?" he replied.
"Finn, I wouldn't expect that from you!" I hollered back.
"You'd be my guest. Besides, it'd give us time to get to know one another better."
"You're crazy," I began. "And I must be out-of-my-mind, because I'm actually considering it," I finished with a laugh.
"So it's settled, mate!" Finn alleged abruptly. "We fly out tomorrow morning. Do you think you can manage to change your flight in-time?" he called as he started for the door with newfound exhilaration.
"I'm sure I can book something last minute…" I began before watching Finn edge his way closer and closer toward the door, then coming to an abrupt halt. He turned to face me when he reached the door, his hand still idling on the door handle. I watch a smile come to his mouth, and then that cheeky look I'd grown accustomed too in such a short time.
"The others will be gone for a while…mind if I stay around for a while?" Finn asked.
"Well, if we're going to start to get to know each other better, we might as well start now," I replied happily with a smile.
In seconds, Finn rushed from the door to the bed and plopped down on his stomach, turned over, reached for the remote, and flicked on the television in the left corner of the room. He scattered through the channels before he carefully selected a nature documentary.
"First thing you should know about me: I'm keen for picturesque cinematography." His cheeky grin had returned to his face again, lighting up the room as he only could. It reminded me of the nights I'd spent watching him and Jack on Jacksgap before I became a YouTuber. I'd always found Finn's smile irresistible. Those perfectly white teeth, straight as could be, with a single pronounced tooth, I recalled while staring directly at them.
I crawled onto the bed to join him. What started out as a morning filled with confusion and an afternoon of goodbyes had now begun to end dreamily.
"First thing you should know about me: I like to cuddle," I whispered and crawled up close to him. The rest of the night was a dream in-and-of itself.
*Author's Note*
Thank you for your comment Impalawolf! Gave me the extra push to continue the story. I hope you all are enjoying it so far! Please, seriously, let me know what you like, what you'd prefer to see more of, what you dislike, and any pairings you ship so that I may potentially integrate them! Thanks, have a great week!