Disclaimer: i am NOT stephenie meyer..i DO NOT own twilight or those crazy twilight kids, although i DO own twilight ticket stubs (yes plural stubs) and a red alabaster heart paperweight which was handmade in volterra, italy (thanks to my vamptastic beta) which i'll cherish forever and forever and forever.

Author's Note: So here it is kids the next installment! *jumps for joy* For Christmas I've decided to box the Cullen boys up and send them out to each and every one of you. HA! You wish...we all wish..if only..hahahaha oh well.

As a side note the title for this chapter is actually an amazing song by The Used. I suggest you check it out, "Yesterday's Feelings" by The Used..amazing I tell you!

So I don't belive I've thanked my vamptastic beta Katie M Cullen in quite some time..so thank you hun for ALL your hard work, for dealing with my CONSTANT flow of emails and text messages, and RANDOM phone calls when I get inspired on my way to work..THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Dedicated to you? :D of course it is!

Enough me..here it is..tissue?

BPOV:

"Be good for Grandpa Charlie Leilah." I said as I handed my father Leilah's backpack. "Maybe if you ask nicely he'll read to you."

Leilah's eyes lit up. "Really mommy? Do you think he'll read Madeline?" she exclaimed. Ever since last week when Alice took her shopping and bought her the books she's been obsessed with it. Maybe it was a good thing Edward hadn't been over in awhile, otherwise he might be dreaming of twelve little girls in two straight lines.

"You'll have to ask him yourself." I said. I watched as Leilah turned to Charlie for approval.

"Sure thing sweet pea, maybe after lunch." He answered her. Poor Charlie, my little girl had him wrapped around her little finger. She smiled and turned to look at me.

"Mommy, do you think that maybe when Uncle Edward comes to sleep over he'll read to me too?" she asked and I froze. It was the first time since the day after the party Edward was even mentioned around Charlie.

I walked into the kitchen of Charlie's house. I looked around at the hideous yellow cabinets, they needed to be repainted, but I knew he wouldn't dare touch them. It was one of the last few things around that reminded him of my mom.

"Hey dad." I said as I took a seat at the table. He smiled as he poured me a cup of coffee before sitting down across from me.

"Morning Bells. Leilah's still sleeping." he said sliding the mug across the table.

"No problem. Thanks for watching her last night by the way."

"Of course. How are you feeling? Is everything okay?" he questioned. I could detect a hint of worry in his voice.

"Fine dad. I think my body is trying to fight something." That was a good enough lie right?

"Bella…" he said sternly. "What happened? Come on, I'm down with you."

"Down you with you? Dad? Really?" I questioned looking across at him. He had a grin on his face.

"What? Isn't that what you kids say nowadays? You're supposed to respond with a 'you're the bomb dad', right?"

"Oh yes dad, you're the bomb." I said rolling my eyes, "What are you talking about?" I added trying to play the innocent card as I sipped my coffee.

"You run in, frantic. Minutes later, Edward runs in frantic, looking for you. Maybe half an hour later, he comes back into the hall, drenched from head to toe. You should've seen Alice's face when she saw him, she was livid. All I know is he spoke with Esme briefly before leaving." he explained, his eyes never once straying away from my face.

Dang, he caught me.

"Dad…" I whispered. He put his hand up, as to stop me from talking.

"Bella, I'm not stupid. I can put two and two together. You think that the first time you came to me asking if Leilah could stay with me on Wednesdays, I didn't think something was up? Leilah's not stupid either Bella. She's quite the story teller. You guys should give her more credit."

I blushed. "What has she said?"

"Oh nothing bad, don't you worry. She's just excited about the days that Uncle Eddie comes to sleep over. He reads her bedtime stories, tucks her into bed, they cook breakfast for you together. I'm not blind, Bella. Last night's actions just affirmed my accusations." he chuckled.

"Are you mad?" I questioned

He shook his head. "Of course not, Bella. You deserve to be happy. Edward makes you happy, he always had. Just please be careful. I was worried about you last night, Bella. Especially after I saw Edward run out after you."

"Dad, thank you for understanding. Edward, he-he's helped me through a lot in my life. It's amazing we didn't realize what we could've had earlier. The bond we share, is extraordinary. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. It's different." I explained.

I'm pathetic. Here I was pouring my feelings out to my father.

"Esme's noticed it too. She mentioned it last night. Wasn't sure if I knew. We're all in agreement that whatever the two of you have, will be good for the both of you. Not to mention Leilah Anne. She looks up to him, almost should I dare say, as a father figure. She was too young when Jacob died to really hold on to any concrete memories."

"I know. Edward adores her, Dad. No one else knows." I told him. "We haven't told the others yet. I think Alice has an idea, but that's it. We'd like to keep it that way." I informed him. He nodded in understanding.

"Well you're doing a great job of keeping it a secret. I think that if it were anyone else other than the two of you people would start to question your relationship. The two of you have always been naturally close. Just be careful with Leilah, she tends to talk a little too much sometimes." he warned.

I glanced up at Charlie. "I'm sure he will sweetie. Why don't you go inside so Mommy can talk to Grandpa Charlie?"

She smiled. "Okay, Mommy!" she exclaimed running into the house.

"How's Edward?" he questioned as he looked at me. I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Alright, I guess. He hasn't been around as often as I would like. Ever since Emmett and Rosalie's big reveal at the party they're a lot more open with their relationship. They've started to notice him being gone more now." I said.

"Oh, gotcha. Well have a good day, Bella. Give Edward my regards." he said as he pulled me into a hug.

"I will dad. I'll pick Leilah up later, like usual." I said as I turned around on my heels and walked back to my car.

I was supposed to meet Edward at the house soon, but there was somewhere I needed to stop by first. I drove the few miles to the cemetery. Once I got there I stepped out into the cold air. Luckily it wasn't raining.

I found the familiar head stone and fell to my knees. Ever since that day with Rosalie I've been thinking. That could've easily been me. Yeah sure I was using birth control and such, but I'm sure Rosalie was too. Since then I couldn't help but start to realize what has been going on the past couple months.

The relationship I had with Edward blossomed at a quick rate. We are mature adults, we can handle it, but our situations weren't like others. I'm a widow, he's a recent divorcee. I couldn't help but think that we were moving to quickly. It was sad to think that I finally had the strength to let go of what Jacob and I had.

I ran my fingers down the cool marble in front of me. My fingers traced the etched wording. The marble was cold and damp from the morning dew. A tear fell down my cheek and I placed my hand over my cheek to wipe it. My hand lingered on my cheek remembering the countless times Jacob would run his hand down my cheek. The feel of his warm skin on mine used to be one of my favorite things in the world. Now that feeling was replaced by the cool touch of Edward's skin as he ran his hand down my cheeks as he tucked stray hairs behind my ears. My new favorite thing in the world.

The difference between the two of them was extraordinary. Jacob was a fun loving guy that I fell in love with in college. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't make me laugh. The feel of us touch was so warm, inviting. With Edward I felt safe. I was comfortable, to say the least, around him. In a weird way I knew that with Edward I would never have to worry about a thing. I knew he would always be there to take care of Leilah and I.

"It's me Jake." I whispered. I ran my fingers of his name that was etched in the marble once more. The cool wind blew and in an eerie way it was almost as if it was as if I could feel his presence there.

"I'm a mess Jake. I really am." The tears started to flow down my face. "I wish you were here, I really do. You would know what to do. I'm happy Jacob, for once, since you've been gone. He makes me unbelievably happy, Jacob. Edward makes me happy."

I paused for a second. Was it weird I was talking about this to Jacob's, well, headstone? I shrugged the guilt off and took a deep breath.

"The other day Rosalie came to me. She's with Emmett now. It's good to see them both happy and together. It's a little ironic now. You should see her Jake, you would be proud of her. She's the fun loving Rosalie I first met all those years ago. Emmett's changed for her, he's not the player you used to know. They care about each other deeply, it's refreshing. Although, she's pregnant. She came to me for help, we did the home tests, she went to the doctor's they've confirmed it. She's pregnant…" I said taking a deep breath. A hand flew to my flat stomach.

"I took a test too. At first it was positive, I was beyond freaked out, Jacob, beyond freaked. It turned out I picked up the wrong one, it was negative. Is it wrong? Is it wrong now that I've thought about it, that I wished it was positive? I mean, here I am asking my dead husband if it's alright for to wish a pregnancy test was positive. God I really am screwed up!" I exclaimed.

The tears were falling from my eyes freely. The cool wind blew once again and I tightened my jacket around my body. I could feel a slight vibration in my pocket, I reached in and saw Edward was calling. I rejected it and proceeded to turn my phone off. I wasn't in any mood to talk to him, I wasn't ready to face him. I shouldn't be scared or afraid. I did nothing wrong, but I'm not ready to face the fact that Edward and I could actually have a future together. A future with no complications. I looked at the headstone in front of me once again.

"I love him, Jacob. I won't lie to you, it's true. It scares me. I wasn't supposed to fall for my best friend, it's not supposed to be like this! I was supposed to live the rest of my life at your side, obviously fate has its own way of doing things. It scares me because it's all happened so quickly. I'm afraid it's just going to disappear, get washed away with the rain. I loved you Jacob and you left me, you left me dammit! How am I supposed to trust love this time? How tell me? I'm terrified that if I allow my heart to be free, to run its course that I'm just going to end up hurt in the end, again. In a way I feel that if I let myself fully love Edward he's going to leave me. Everything I love leaves me…"

My memory must hate me because I found myself remembering that, fateful, day...

I looked up at the man lying there, lifeless, on the hospital bed. Tubes and wires attached to him everywhere. The room was silent, only the sound of our breathing and the faint beeping of his heart monitor could be heard. I held his hand in mine resting my head on top of them.

"Bella…" his voice said and my head shot up.

"Jacob! Oh my gosh, I was so worried about you. It's going to be okay. You're awake, you're here with me now. I can take you home, I miss you." I rambled on. Somehow Jacob managed to let out a small laugh.

"Whoa, Bells. Not quite, listen to me." he said sternly. I looked up at him his eyes staring at me.

"I love you Bella, I always will. Take care of Leilah Anne for me please." he pleaded.

No he wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to let him say goodbye not yet.

"Jacob stop this! I won't let you do it. I won't let you say goodbye. You're not allowed to leave me dammit. It's not allowed, I can't do it not by myself. Don't leave me." I sobbed. Tears flowed from my eyes down my cheeks.

"Bella, baby…" he whispered. He slowly brought his hand up, wincing in pain, to wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Jacob, no. don't do this, please I beg of you."

"Bella, take care of my baby girl please. Take care of yourself. You're a strong woman, you can do it. I believe in you, always remember that. I love you Isabella forever and always." He said as he placed the palm of his hand against my cheek. I covered it with mine and sighed. The feeling of his warm skin against mine sent chills down my spine.

"I love you too Jacob." I whispered.

"Come here."

I stood up from the chair I'd been sitting in for hours and leaned over Jacob's body. He slowly picked his head up, placing his hands on either side of my cheeks and kissed me softly.

"I love you Jake, please don't leave me. I can't do it." I said sliding back in my chair, burying my head into his hands.

"Bella you can and you will do it. I love you…" he said. I looked up at him and he tried to smile, but I could tell he was in pain. He put his hand in mine and gave it a light squeeze.

"I love you Jacob Black, never forget that." I whispered.

The room was silent for a second. Then the loud beeping noise of his heart monitor flat lining filled the air in the room.

"No! No! Jacob! Please, come back, come back!" I yelled.

The door to his room was swung open and a flurry of doctors and nurses flew in.

"Ma'am I need you to back away." A nurse said motioning for me to step aside.

"No, he can't be…" I said standing up. My breathing was heavy. Slowly it became harder and harder for me to breathe. I placed a hand over my mouth. My vision became blurred by the constant flow of tears falling from my eyes. I felt my knees buckle, but instead of my body collapsing and meeting the floor, a pair of arms caught me and picked me up, cradling me against their body.

I could barely make out the face.

"Bella…" Edward's soothing voice said. He pulled me tighter into his arm, I tucked my head tightly into his chest. I could feel him walking backwards and then sitting in a chair.

"He's gone Ed-dward, he's-he's really gone. Oh my g-gosh, what am I going to do? What's going to ha-happen? He's go-one…" I sobbed. I would be surprised if he could even understand me.

"Ssh, Bella it's okay. We're all here for you, we'll get through this together." He comforted, rocking me back and forth.

"I dream about the life I can have with Edward, Jake. A life filled with the laughter of our children, growing old with him, family vacations, plans. God I can't do this, Jacob. I know, I know, I deserve to be happy. But how am I supposed to be happy when I'm afraid of letting the one person in my life who is willing to love me in to it? I was supposed to live the rest of my life with you Jacob, but I've come to terms with the fact that you're never coming back to me. It's just ah!" I screamed. I stood up and began to pace back and forth mindlessly mumbling to myself. I finally sat back down, this time my back was leaning up against the marble headstone.

"I can't do this right now. I'm not ready for this, for my happy ending. I just can't do it." I exclaimed. I felt a cool, wet droplet of water fall on my cheek.

"Great!" I exclaimed as the small droplets multiplied. I rested my head against the headstone and sighed. I sat there letting the rain envelope me. I rested my head on my knees.

I needed to break away from Edward, from this happy ending. I loved him with all my heart, but it's just a little overwhelming. The fact that there's nothing holding us back from that fairytale ending scares me. Was I ready for it, again? The fact that I was waiting to wake up from the dream to find myself cold and alone didn't help at all.

"Bella?" the velvety voice, I'd grown to love, asked. I looked up and saw him standing there. A huge black umbrella sheltering him from the rain. His green eyes looked at me. His forehead was scrunched, he was confused, worried.

"Edward…" I managed to get out. He bent down moving the umbrella so it covered the both of us.

"What are you doing here? It's pouring, Bella, you'll catch a cold, love."

"Edward we need to talk." I said sternly as I stood up. He followed suit, standing up, still holding the umbrella over us.

"About?" he questioned.

"Edward, I, I…" my eyes wondered off from his face. I couldn't do this looking at him.

"Bella, you what?" he said, placing his hand on my arm. I placed my cold, wet hand on top of his.

"I can't do this anymore." I managed to blurt out.

"Do what? What are you talking about, Bella? Is everything okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I love you Edward, I really do. There's no doubt about it, but I think everything moved so quickly, so fast. I'm afraid of loosing you. I'm afraid that one morning I'll wake up to find you gone. It's so surreal I don't know what to believe. There's nothing I want more than to live the rest of my life with you, to be with you, have a family with you, but…" I trailed off.

"Bella, about that family…" he said. "I know."

He knew? Knew what?

"What are you talking about Edward?" I questioned. "What do you know?"

He looked me straight in the eyes. "The baby…." His voice trailed. His eyes wondered down to my stomach.

"Baby?!?" I exclaimed. "What baby are you talking about Edward?"

"Last week I came home and saw the pregnancy tests in the trash. How come you haven't told me Bella? Is that what this is about? The reason why you can't do this. You think that I don't want a family. Bella, you're wrong. There isn't anything I want more than to raise a family with you." He admitted.

Then it hit me, I realized what he was talking about.

"Oh my gosh, Edward. Those weren't mine, believe me if I was…" I paused for a second. The word was a little harder for me to say out loud now. "-pregnant I would've told you, Edward."

"Then whose tests were they?" he questioned. The expression on his face dropped. It was as if someone picked his dreams out of his future and squashed them.

Was he stupid? Did he honestly have to ask that question?

"Rosalie." I whispered. "But don't say anything. I don't think she's told Emmett yet."

He nodded, pulling me close to him. "So if you're not pregnant what seems to be the problem, love?"

"It's all moving too fast for me, Edward. I love you with all that I have, it's just. I think I need a break from all of this, from us." I sighed.

"Okay." he whispered. I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"Edward don't get me wrong I love you. I love the idea of us, it makes me so happy, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. It's just…" I paused, taking a deep breath. "I think I need some time to let it all soak in. I need to know that this is real, that you're not going to leave me. I'm afraid to love you and have you leave me. The past few months have been emotionally crazy for me. I just need some time by myself. Please understand." I took his hands in mine.

"I love you, Isabella don't you ever forget that. I would never in a million years leave you Bella. Believe that, let me love you, let me take care of you. I'll be here for you whenever and for whatever you need. If this is what you want, then so be it. I'll wait for you, I'll wait forever." he whispered, bringing my hand up to his lips kissing it softly.

He smiled. "You ready to go home or are you going to hang out here a little longer?"

I looked at him then turned around to the headstone. I knelt down in front of it. Ran my fingers over the wording. I brought my hand to my lips, kissing it and then placing the hand back on the stone. "I love you Jacob Black. I always will." I quietly whispered. The wind blew, sending chills down my spine.

I stood up and looked at Edward. "I'm ready to go home." I stated. He nodded and walked me to my car.

Tissue? Don't hate me..please? I promise all will work out. I'm all for happy ending, I really am. It's just, yes..yes...that's all I'm going to say about that. Just yes.

You know what to do guys...review, review, review..I want to know what you think. Again I ask..don't hate me, please? :D