I own several dust bunnies but not Twilight.
Chapter 28
Bella hadn't really ever thought about getting married. She just assumed that, with her past and her shyness, no one would want her. It had been easier to believe that she couldn't marry than hope for something that may never come. Hope was a precious commodity in Bella's previous life.
Bella didn't think she had anything to offer a man, no dowry or possession, no family home to inherit or history to share. She had been complete unto herself for many years. However, in the months that had passed since she left the orphanage she had changed a great deal. She was more outspoken, less withdrawn, able to hold her own in a conversation. She had stood up to people and held her ground. She was even wearing fashionable clothing, of all things.
She had been kissed by a man. A filthy, smelly man who was intoxicated, but a man nonetheless. A man who cleaned up very nicely indeed. He had proposed to her, for the wrong reasons, but he had proposed. Maybe her thinking was misguided.
There could be a shopkeeper or a farmer's son who might want a wife with Bella's talents. Perhaps even a school teacher she could raise her own children with, a kind man with simple tastes.
"Are there men out there who would want a bride who is plain and has no prospects?" Bella asked the two ladies, honestly, for she had no idea.
"What ever do you mean by plain? Bella, do you think yourself unattractive? Do you ever look in the mirror?" Esme could not understand, did the girl really not know of her own beauty?
Bella blushed, uncomfortable with the conversation.
"It's just that Step-mother always said I was ugly, hideous even, and I know she was insane but I figured that perhaps I was not pretty but average looking. The sister's never made mention of anyone physical bearing only of the love in their hearts. I've only met a few other ladies since leaving and they, as well as you, have all had a beauty I could see. Angela's quiet serenity, Maggie's fair face and riot of curls. Jenny has glinting eyes that capture one's attention. You, Mrs. Cope, have so much love emanating from you it makes you glow. Mrs. Esme, you remind me of royalty, of what a queen should look like. Rosalie has almost all of those characteristics put together. How could I compare to ladies such as yourselves? I have dull brown hair and muddy brown eyes, I'm not tall or regal."
Bella was starting to get agitated and, frankly, a little teary. She really wanted this discussion to be over. She'd rather talk about garden slugs than the subject of her own countenance.
She tried to turn away and head back towards the Cullen house but was stopped by Esme and Mrs. Cope.
"Oh, my sweet, I'm sorry to have upset you. Here, dry your eyes." Esme held out her lace handkerchief. The poor girl, she could see the beauty in others but not in herself.
"It is very seldom that one can see their own loveliness in a mirror for it is times when our hearts show that we become most beautiful to others. In everyday life, Bella, you are stunning but when you laugh with, or comfort one of the children, you are breathtaking. Everyone who sees you at those times can feel it. It is a wonderful thing to behold." Esme only succeeded in making Bella cry harder.
"How you look does not determine whether or not you can marry. You should marry because you care greatly for someone. Because you can't imagine your life without them in it. You should marry for love, Bella, you are worth it. And the rest of the world be damned if they think otherwise."
They all sat on a bench near the exit of the park and let Bella finish her crying jag.
She had never had anyone say such lovely things to her. People had complimented her work but never her looks. It had been much easier to hear bad things about herself than good. Perhaps because she was more accustomed to being belittled than being built up.
When Bella felt more put together she thanked the ladies for their kind words and actions. The trio made their way back to the house where the sound of little girls shrieking with laughter greeted them from the drive.
An: Bella is getting there, slowly.