A/N: edited 31/12/14
Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favourites! You guys are da bomb(s), honestly. Yet another doubled-up chapter, but I don't think any of you mind, right?
Chapter 14: Baby Bump
Katniss
"Are you going hunting tonight?" Prim asks me later that day. I look up from the meal I've been reluctantly eating for the past twenty minutes. I'm still craving cheese and haven't eaten any to satisfy it.
"I don't know," I sigh, leaning back in my chair. "I'm really annoyed at Gale at the moment… and worried. What if he notices, and reacts badly?"
Prim shoots me a rueful smile from across the table. "If he does notice, just explain to him what's happened. If he's truly your friend he'll understand."
"And beat Peeta to a pulp. He's halfway there already."
"Why do you think he tripped Peeta?"
I roll my eyes. "Who knows? Boy logic. Probably thought it was funny."
"You are okay, aren't you?"
"I'm fine."
"So you're not feeling any pain?"
"None so far," my sister frowns, tapping her pencil against her bottom lip as she stares at me, observing – no, examining – like Mom does when she gets a new patient. "What?" I ask, bringing my hand up to touch my face.
"I think Mom should give you a look over anyway."
"Why?"
"You fell, Katniss. What if the baby is hurt?" I bite my lip guiltily, rubbing my stomach. Maybe I should. If not because of today's events but for a general check-up. I haven't had many of those and anything could be happening with me even knowing it.
"You seem to care an awful lot about my baby, Prim." I observe, raising an eyebrow. Prim squirms in her seat.
"Well, yeah. I am your sister," She says. "And I'm interested in stuff like this…"
"I feel like everyone else seems to care more than I do. I'm not fit to be a mother."
"You managed to bring me up, and I turned out alright," Prim grins. "You'll be a great Mom."
"I'm not so sure. Peeta will be a great Dad, I'm certain. But I'll always be the one who doesn't know what to do."
"Katniss, you'll wage a war against the weather if your kid has the slightest cough," Prim giggles. I roll my eyes.
Prim's words do nothing but skim the top of the mountain of worries that are building up inside my head. I wasn't lying when I said that I was sure Peeta would be a great father when the time comes. I've seen the way he babies Prim on the rare occasions that we've been to the bakery in the past, and when he's been around our house. These thoughts make me feel a little more reassured, but then I think of myself and how I'm more like my mother than I want to admit. I don't want to slip into a depression like she did. I don't want to abandon my family.
I've been told many times that I have a permanent scowl on my face, and that my surly attitude isn't fun to be around. Mothers are kind, smiling, gentle people who show their children the joys of life, protecting them from the looming shadows. Sure, I've protected Prim as best as I can to give her the childhood I never had but I don't think I can do that to one of my own. I'm not soft and made of rounded edges. I'm hard and cold and sharp.
Money seconds my list of concerns. I sigh, running my hands through my hair. When the baby comes, it's going to need food, water, clothes, diapers, a crib, blankets, and bottles and not to mention toys. Hunting and trading alone will never cover the costs of raising a baby. It's barely enough to support my family. Another mouth to feed will be another struggle.
Winter is coming and the ice and snow will send many animals to further reaches of the forest or even other parts of Panem that are warmer or put them in hibernation, impossible to find. I can distinctively remember the first winter after Dad passed. We were so hungry, unable to get food. All three of us, Mom, Prim and I, spent our time huddled in front of the fire; trying to dry sticks and branches I'd scavenged, sipping slowly at mugs of boiled water and mint leaves.
Prim's ribs sticking out from her pale skin as she shivered, Mom's sunken cheeks- skin hanging of her bones, the gut wrenching feeling of an empty stomach haunt me to this very day. I can remember being afraid to go to sleep. What if I didn't wake up? What if exhaustion finally took me away? Luckily it didn't, but the terror is still fresh in my mind like a wound that just won't heal.
I can't let that happen to us this year. I need to stock up on food. Get money. Store wood. Prepare. Letting my baby die would break me, I think. It would rip me apart, knowing that I couldn't support life. Peeta works at the bakery, six days a week, but I'm not sure how much he gets paid – if he gets paid at all, for that matter. Even combined, we probably wouldn't have enough cash. I refuse to rely on hand outs. My pride runs to high, just like Gale.
A small voice in the back of mind reminds me that I've accepted charity before, when times were desperate. Although I hate to admit it, my conscious is right. The very father of my child saved three lives by throwing me some bread. He obviously cared. Has that care lasted all these years? I doubt it. I've seen Peeta hanging around with Delly Cartwright a lot. I assumed that they were a couple. But I guess they're not anymore, considering everything happening between Peeta and I.
"Katniss?" Prim asks me, waving hand in front of my face. I blink.
"Yeah?"
"So you'll let Mom check you over?"
"Yeah, alright. Tomorrow, after school," I sigh, causing Prim's lips to turn up into a huge smile. I look back down at my dinner.
The following day, I arrange to meet Gale at our usual spot before school starts to fit in a bit of hunting. I wake early, press a kiss against Prim's forehead, and duck out of the District. The walk through the forest is cold and crisp, the ground crunching beneath my feet. I'm glad I wore two pairs of socks.
My lips purse when I spot Gale at our usual meeting spot overlooking the valley, his hands deep in his pockets. Great. Sullen Gale today. I roll my eyes, walk over, pulling my father's jacket with my hands, trying to make my swollen tummy less obvious.
Everywhere I go, I feel like I'm being stared at and judged. It's frightening, feeling people stare and not having a clue at what they're thinking. Though the imaginations of most of the people in 12 are so limited, their thoughts probably aren't that difficult to figure out. I can imagine them assuming that the baby's father is Gale. I'm not completely obnoxious, I can hear the whispers that have been circulating about the two of us for the past few years. They think that hunting isn't the only thing we do beyond the fence. They think we're a couple.
I hope that Gale's trading business; reputation and possible job prospects won't be ruined because of me. Peeta is stuck, now. He's going to have this burden hanging over him for the rest of his life.
"I've a got a bone to pick with you," I mutter, sitting down on the top of a lichen-covered rock.
"I believe the correct pronunciation is; Good morning, Gale. How are you?" he snaps.
"I believe the correct pronunciation is; 'You're a complete dickhead, Gale Hawthorne, and you don't deserve civility'." I retort, narrowing my eyes. Gale smirks that smug, annoying smirk he does so well. I punch his arm, frustrated.
"Well? Are you going to apologize?"
"Apologise for what?" Gale continues, feigning innocence.
"You know what!" I exclaim, burying my hands in my pockets in an effort to keep them warm. "You tripped Peeta and we fell over. It hurt!"
"It's not my fault Dough Boy can't walk properly."
"Peeta can walk just fine. It was you who was being an idiot."
Gale scowls at me, his grey eyes stormy. "What's up your ass?"
"Nothing, I'm just saying that it was mean," I hiss. We fall into a stubborn silence, each of us waiting for who will break and talk first. I win.
"Why was he carrying you in the first place?" Gale bursts out.
"I told you, I fell and hurt my foot. You know my balance hasn't been good recently."
"And where did this happen?"
"Just outside the fence. There was ice."
"So, you're telling me that Mellark was conveniently at the fence at the right time?" Gale asks, his brow furrowed. "Bit weird if you ask me. Was he following you? It's creepy."
"He isn't a creep. He was actually looking for me. We're partners in the Games and he wanted to know when we were swapping the flour sack," I fib quickly, twisting the end of my braid with my fingers. I stand, securing my quiver over my shoulder. "We better get going." I say, walking down the hill. Gale snorts from behind me.
"Whatever."
"It's true, Gale. Why don't you believe me?"
"Because I know stuff you don't."
"Like what?" I ask, hiding the fear that sparks up inside me with a blank expression.
"That Mellark's been fawning over you for years," he snaps. I freeze, but brush it off.
"I don't think so. He doesn't like me, he puts up with me. There's a difference."
"Yeah, I put up with you. It doesn't mean that I don't like you," Gale shrugs. I raise an eyebrow. He backtracks, opening and closing his mouth.
"Calm down, Hawthorne. I know what you meant," I say, and his shoulders tense and then relax.
"Good, so you know that Dough Boy's a complete weirdo who lusts after you?" Gale asks, putting extra emphasis on the word 'lust'. I blush.
"What do you know? Peeta and I are just friends," I say. Yeah, because friends have drunken sex and end up being parents. He bends down to cut a rabbit from a snare on his trap line, handing it to me. I shake my head. "You take it." I say. He straightens up after resetting the trap, balancing all the little components carefully.
"I think you're right." Gale says, a smirk on his lips.
"What do you mean?" I ask him. Gale's eyes flicker down to my stomach. I feel my eyes widen.
"Whatever you've been eating, it's making you fat," he says boldly. I lock my jaw, trying to hide my panic. "Sorry, maybe I should've used bigger, or wide load." Gale laughs. I dig my elbow into his ribs as he walks away.
Does he know? Is he just playing it cool, waiting for me to spill? Or maybe he just thinks I'm getting a bit chubbier. I've noticed that besides my out-of-proportion-to-the-rest-of-my-body belly, I've been getting a tad bigger. And for the first time in my life, I've actually got breasts that don't like pebbles on a road.
My paranoia continues all throughout the day, and I end up bugging Madge so bad that she ends up nearly pulling her hair up in frustration. However, as we get changed after Gym, I catch her staring at me again.
"Please Madge. Tell me what you're staring at," I beg her. She looks down at the floor, tying her shoes, trying to ignore the question.
"Nothing, Katniss."
"It's obviously something," I say. Madge bites her lip, looks around the nearly empty changing room and looks at me.
"Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but your tummy is kind of sticking out," she whispers. I look down in horror and see that yes, my stomach is indeed sticking out from under my shirt.
"You didn't think anyone noticed?" I ask, frantically pulling my jacket over my head.
"No, I don't think so," Madge shakes her head. "But Katniss, it's good to see you putting on some weight. I know winters are tough."
"But I haven't been eating any better." I suddenly realise that I need to confide with someone. If I don't I think my head will explode.
"Oh," she says with a frown that looks wholly unnatural on her cheery face.
"If I tell you something, will you promise not to judge me? Or anyone else? Or tell anyone?" I ask Madge. She nods frantically. I take a deep breath and then just say it: "I'm pregnant."
"What?" she exclaims, her eyes wide. And then she clicks her fingers. "Oh, Katniss! It all makes sense now. You feeling sick. The lavender in your locker, you getting a bit bigger."
"Please don't tell anyone," I beg. Madge takes my hand.
"Do you really think I would?" She asks.
"No!" I flounder. "It's just that, you know…"
"How far along are you?"
"Four months-ish."
Madge looks down at my stomach. "When did it happen?"
"After Bron's party," I confess, feeling filthy.
"Who's the father?"
"I thought you were asking me one thing!" I whisper.
"Come on, I'm curious."
"I don't want tell you. It'll ruin everything. And I doubt he wants anyone to know."
"So it isn't Gale?"
"No!" I exclaim. "Definitely not."
Madge studies me intently. "Merchant?"
"I'm not saying nothing." I mutter, regretting saying anything. Peeta and I should've discussed whom we told. I know he's told his family and he knows that I've told mine. But I don't want too many people knowing before we've talked and got a bit more organized. To be honest, I'm still reeling from his sudden proposal.
"So it's a Merchant," Madge deduces. I frown. She smirks at me "You have this look in your eye when someone guesses something you're trying to hide," he tells me, and I cover my face with my hands. If that's the case, maybe I should be going around with a bag over my head.
"Please, Madge. I can't handle this," I mumble softly. Madge wraps her arms around me.
"I'm here for you, Katniss. You know that I will never judge you. I'm your friend."
"Thank you. But I will understand if you don't want to be near me anymore."
"Don't worry. I'll be a good friend and help you."
"Thanks." I repeat. I feel Madge stiffen. She pulls away suddenly, her hands on my shoulders.
"It's Peeta, isn't it?! You went to his house after the party," she says with a gasp. My stomach clenches. If Madge can guess, everyone else will be able to as well.
Peeta
I bounce my leg nervously under the plastic cafeteria table, waiting for Katniss to arrive. To my left sits Mitch- his tongue stuck out in concentration as he attempts to build a pencil tower. Delly sits to my right, giggling away at something someone said. She nudges me and I flash a smile in her direction.
"You alright, Peeta? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I'm fine, Dells," I reassure her. She smiles and opens her mouth to say something else, but Valerie Thread slithers in between us, grasping my bicep and squeezing.
"Hey!" she says cheerfully. Delly glares at the back of Valerie's head. "I haven't seen you since yesterday!"
"Yeah..." I say. Delly rolls her eyes. She hates Valerie. I'm not exactly keen on her either. I never have, not since third grade when she started acting all high and mighty. And now, especially due to all the conflict she's caused between Katniss and me, I despise her even more. She leans forward to kiss me and push her away.
"Why not?" she asks, her eyes wide.
"Because I told you the other two times that I'm not interested."
"So?" The girl asks, fluttering her eyelashes furiously in what I think is meant to be a seductive way. I think it just looks like she's got a really bad twitch. "You didn't seem to mind that first time outside the bakery."
"So, he doesn't want to kiss you. Or be with you!" Delly snaps, climbing over Valerie and wedging herself in between the two of us. Valerie glares at Delly, and then at me before turning away and focusing on something else.
"Delly, however can I repay your kindness?" I ask her.
"Kindness? I think you mean sass," she laughs. I laugh along with her, but am cut short when I see Madge and Katniss sitting at their usual table, deep in conversation across the room. I didn't even see them come in.
"Sorry, Delly. But I need to talk to Katniss quickly," I apologise.
"Don't let Thread corner you," she calls cheerfully after me as I stand and walk away, my bag swinging behind me.
"- bothered that Valerie is all over him?" I catch the end of Madge's question as I stop at Katniss' booth. She looks up at me, her beautiful grey eyes confused.
"Uh, Katniss? Can I talk to you for a second, about the project?" I ask her. Katniss opens her mouth to answer but Madge buts in.
"It's only the Games. What secret do you have that I can't hear?" she asks. I glance from her to Katniss, who groans and rests her forehead in her hand.
"Katniss?" I ask again, bouncing from one foot to the other. Madge's gaze it just as unnerving as Prim's was last night.
"Peeta," Katniss sighs, hiding her face. "I told Madge. She knows."
Madge smirks. "I guessed that it was you anyway."
"What?"
"She knows. I told her. I'm sorry," Katniss mumbles, looking guiltily up at me. "I know I should've talked to you beforehand."
"She's not going say anything, is she?"
"She isn't going to say a thing," Madge tells me pointedly.
"Please just sit down," Katniss mumbles. I slide onto the bench beside her, not meeting the steely eyes of the Mayor's daughter. I'm not used to this side of Madge. I used to the quiet, soft-spoken girl. But apparently with Katniss she's actually quite confident.
"Madge, you're actually quite scary," I say. Katniss laughs dryly from beside me.
"You can't handle blonde-haired girls, can you?" She asks. I shake my head.
"I can't handle any type of girls."
"Yeah, especially not Valerie."
"Madge! I told you to drop it," Katniss glares at her friend. "It doesn't even matter anymore."
Madge sighs. "I'm sorry, honestly. I'm just a little freaked out right now."
"Can you image how I'm feeling?" Katniss scoffs. "What do you want, Peeta?"
"I wanted to know if you'd thought any more about what I said. You know about m-" Katniss slaps her hand over my mouth.
"Shh!"
"Oh, so there is something I don't know," Madge says, intrigued. Katniss pulls a face in her friend's direction and moves her hand away from my mouth before speaking.
"We'll talk later," she promises. "And I want you to come round mine after school." I swallow. Why does she want me to come round? I watch her carefully. Is something wrong?
"Why?"
"You'll find out." Katniss says, throwing a walnut shell at Madge when the blonde girl clears her throat suggestively.
"Oh, okay."
"You can come, can't you? I don't want you to get in trouble for not showing up at the bakery or something."
"Dad will understand if I say it's to do with you," I smile softly.
"But your Mom won't," she mumbles. I squeeze her hand.
"I'll be fine," I reassure her. "I'll meet you at the gates?"
"See you then," Katniss says, just as the bell rings and we depart to our separate lessons.
Katniss
I watch as the clock on the wall of the Health classroom slowly ticks away. Because of the Baby Games, we've been learning about pregnancy, children and sex in great length for the past few weeks. It's ironic really, considering how pregnant I am.
Fortunately I only have exactly five minutes of school left. I lean back in my seat, glad that I sit right at the back, in the corner of the room with no partner. I put my bag onto the desk to hide me partially, and rest my hands on my stomach. Normally, I don't like showing any kind of affection to the thing growing inside me, not even at home. But it's kind of soothing and relaxing to rub my hands over my belly. The sickness has thankfully subsided, though I still eat ginger roots as a daily snack and have a fresh bundle of lavender in my locker, and it's the stretching of my skin as the baby grows that's bothering me now.
At the time, inviting Peeta along for my first proper check-up seemed like a good idea. He is the father after all and has a right to be present. But I can't help but feel anxious. What if Mom reveals that there's something wrong with the baby?
Usually, especially in poor districts like 12 or 11, if it's identified that the child could have some sort of disability, it is usual aborted. This way the struggle of raising a handicapped child when you can barely feed yourself is eliminated. Of course, most are either unable to seek professional medical attention and 7 times out of ten, a child with a disability goes undetected and the parents have to make the decision to raise the child or leave it at an orphanage.
District 12's Orphanage is nothing to smile about. I've seen the thin children that are there. Their sallow skin and ragged clothes. The blue-and-green bruises littering their bodies. They aren't looked after in the place that is meant to be a home.
What if Mom thinks that the baby could turn out as disabled? I've learnt enough at school to know that if the parents are healthy, the child will most likely be healthy, but there are special circumstances where the child can be affected. I look at the black board at the sound of the teacher raising her voice, but it isn't at me for not paying attention.
A sentence written in chalk on the board catches my attention.
Trauma during pregnancy can cause disability.
My heart leaps as I think about Gale tripping Peeta, and me falling. What if the impact onto the hard ground had done something? I can see the heartbroken look in Peeta's adorable blue eyes if Mom advised for an abortion. I don't know what I would do. What we would do.
Regardless of the child's condition, I'm sure Peeta would love it. Over time I think I would. I'm not completely heartless. Haymitch would probably call me as charming as a dead slug or something, yet that's exactly what I'm like. Peeta is the polar opposite. Gale was wrong. He doesn't like me – he puts up with me. And there is a difference.
The bell rings and the teacher instructs the class to hand in their books. I pull my jacket around me and sling my bag over my shoulder before joining the line of students waiting to abandon their books and escape the building. I reach the front and hand over my exercise and textbooks, before disappearing into the busy corridors. Pulling open my locker, I inhale deeply, the smell of lavender calming me.
I shouldn't have invited Peeta. How do I tell him that he can't come with me without upsetting him?
Letting out a large sigh, I close my locker door and navigate my way past throngs of chattering students. As usual, I find Prim waiting under the only living tree in the entire school campus. It's always either Prim or myself waiting for the other under the tree, it's been that way since Prim's first day of school.
"Peeta's coming round today isn't he?" she asks excitedly when I reach her.
"Yes," I reply, nodding my head. "And be nice. He's afraid of you."
"Afraid of me?" Prim asks, her eyes wide. "We both agreed that you're the scary one." I push her shoulder and she laughs.
True to his promise, Peeta is waiting for me by the gates, ruffling his hair with his hand and shifting his weight from one foot to the next. He shouts something over the crowd to Mitch and Madge who are walking in the other direction, hands twined together. Mitch turns and sneers at him, causing Peeta to laugh. Despite not knowing what they're talking about I still find a small smile on my lips.
"Hey, Peeta." Prim says loudly as we approach the gates.
He shifts his weight from one foot to another. "Uh, hi, Primrose."
"It's Prim," she says with a laugh. "And you're right, Katniss. He is scared of me!"
"I should have bet something with you," I tell her.
"I'm not scared of you," Peeta interjects as we start walking in the direction of the Seam. "But your interrogation kind of freaked me out a bit."
Prim laughs. "And I haven't finished with the questions yet. I need to figure out if you're suitable for Katniss or not."
"You have Prim interrogate every guy?" Peeta asks.
I frown. "What do you mean by 'every guy'?"
"Nothing!"
"Oh, Peeta. You're doing so well." Prim sighs.
"Why'd you say that?" I persist.
"I didn't mean it like that," Peeta says, flustered. Prim giggles at his wide eyes.
"She's just kidding with you," she says. I shoot Peeta an apologetic smile.
"Okay. Maybe I am scared of you," Peeta says softly to Prim after a few moments is silence. Prim grins.
"So, Peeta. Were you in a relationship with someone else when you knocked up Katniss?"
"What?!"
"Prim!" I hiss.
"What?" Prim says, fighting the smirk that's trying to invade her face.
"Stop it, it's not your business. It's Peeta's." I scold softly.
"Yeah, but surely it's your too," she says, before running forward to walk ahead by herself, swinging her skirt about her legs, leaving Peeta and I walking side-by-side in silence.
Prim's words have struck something in me though. I do want to know if Peeta was in a relationship the night that... we... well... Did he break up with her? Are they still together? Does she know? He was most likely with Delly Cartwright, but seeing him with Valerie Thread has made me think twice.
I glance at Peeta and catch him watching me, but he looks away when he meets my eyes.
"Penny for your thoughts?" he asks quietly.
"What does Delly think?" I blurt out, instantly regretting it.
"Delly?" He asks. I nod, biting my lip in anticipation of hearing her answer. "She doesn't know. I won't tell her until you say it's okay to." I frown. His words making me feel guilty for telling Madge without consulting with him first.
"When are you going to tell her?"
"I don't know. Does it really matter?"
"She should know if she's your girlfriend. I don't want to break you two up if you're happy, but pretty soon it's going to be obvious."
"Delly isn't my girlfriend!"
"So Valerie is?"
"Definitely not."
"Are you with someone else?"
"Katniss. I didn't have a girlfriend then, and I don't have one now," Peeta reassures me, placing a hand on my shoulder a smiling.
"Oh, good," I say. Peeta raises an eyebrow again. "No!" I back-pedal hastily. "I didn't mean it like that, I meant that at least I didn't have some Merchant girl shooting daggers at me for the rest of my life."
"I know what you mean," Peeta laughs and I scowl, which only makes him laugh harder. We reach my house and I begin to feel nervous once again. Prim is already inside, undoubtedly helping my Mother prepare for the examination.
"Can I know why I've been brought here yet?" Peeta queries. It isn't some baby shower party is it?"
"No," I snort. "Besides, Madge would've have been invited if there was, and she's... uhh."
"Socialising?"
"I guess you could call it that." Peeta chuckles. I take a deep breath and climb over the creaking porch and pushing the worn front door open. "Mom?" I call. "Prim?" Prim's blonde head peeks out from the doorway to the kitchen.
"We're in here." She smiles. I step inside and shut the door behind Peeta.
"Um. Put your bags and stuff here." I tell him, suddenly feeling very small in my own house. Peeta towers above all three of us Everdeens, his head not far from the ceiling.
"What?" he asks, self-conscious, breaking me out of thoughts.
"Oh, sorry. It's just that you're tall, that's all." I tell him.
"I think you're just short." Peeta pokes, standing beside me and comparing our heights.
"Hey!" I say, digging my elbow into his side.
"I'm kidding," Peeta laughs. I roll my eyes and walk through the room and into the kitchen.
Mom is chatting with Prim when we enter the room, rolling her sleeves up her skinny arms. Peeta spots the off-white tablecloth on the kitchen table against the wall and the medical bag sat on one end. "You've brought me here to torture me, haven't you?" He asks with a heavy sigh. "I should've known."
"I've haven't brought you here for that, not today." I joke.
"Not today?" Peeta laughs gently.
"No, Mom and Prim just wanted to check on the baby, and I thought that you should be present, since you're the father and all," I explain. Peeta's lips turn up at the sides and his eyes soften.
"Thank you, Katniss."
"I'm not completely incompetent." I say.
"You're not incompetent," Peeta smiles, scratching the back of his head.
Mom calls me over and gets me to sit on the edge of the table. I've seen her do examinations over here, but she often does home visits. I have to admit that I'm quite curious as how she actually goes about well, examining. "Good Afternoon, Peeta," she says. Peeta shuffles awkwardly.
"Good Afternoon, Mrs Everdeen."
"Don't be so nervous, I'm not gonna bite your head off just yet," she smiles softly. "And call me Dahlia, please."
"Uh, okay."
"So, Katniss. You're just over four months along, am I right?" Mom starts, pinning her hair back from her face. I can almost hear Peeta sigh in relief from beside me, glad that he's no longer being interrogated.
Peeta
This is much more awkward than I thought it was going to be.
"Yup. I'll be four months just before New Years," Katniss says. I swallow. Has it really been that long?
"So the date of conception was?" Mrs Everdeen – Dahlia – asks. Katniss blushes. I clear my throat.
Oh, it just gets better and better.
"Mom, you know when. Don't make this awkward," Katniss mumbles. Mrs Everdeen laughs. Prim giggles. I try to sink into the wall behind me or turn into a piece of dust.
"Alright, alright," Katniss' mother says, a smirk on her pale lips. "So, have you felt any pain recently?"
"Not bad pain."
"What?" I ask, looking at Katniss worriedly.
"It was just after Gale tripped you. Well, that evening actually."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Mrs Everdeen asks, her brow creasing.
"Because I didn't want to cause a fuss, and it was only a few times. I thought it was normal."
I stand up straighter. "But Katniss, what if it's something worse?"
"Let's find out before making a fuss," Dahlia says calmly, before asking Katniss to lay back on the pillows so she's propped up and telling her to pull her top up.
"Excuse me?" she asks, looking from me to her stomach to me to her mother.
"Not all the way, just so your belly is uncovered."
Katniss does as she asks. My first thought is of how thin she is. I can see her ribs, and can count way too many of them. Her jeans are loose around her bony hips. I almost makes me want to cry. She's carrying my child, the child I helped create, yet she barely eats enough to sustain herself. And then I let my eyes move over the curve of her stomach.
"Is that normal?" I ask. "That size?" Katniss opens her mouth to answer but Mrs Everdeen cuts in.
"She's doing just fine, Peeta. Don't you worry."
"I think it looks like a balloon." Katniss mutters.
"That's because you're slim."
"Skinny." Katniss mutters.
"It's going to get worse!" Prim interjects playfully, jabbing at her sister's leg with her finger.
"Great." Katniss mutters, catching my gaze. I try to smile, but it looks more like a grimace. I need to help her. I need to help all three – four – of them. They're practically family now, and I can't stand by and let them struggle.
I watch, transfixed as Mrs Everdeen presses down at different areas on the tanned skin of Katniss' stomach. She rambles on about various things and Katniss answers once or twice. Prim points stuff out and asks questions. I just stand there, bewildered.
"Peeta?" Katniss asks. I look up and see all three Everdeens looking at me.
"Huh?"
"Mom asked you if you had any questions," Katniss asks. I chew at my bottom lip.
"Not right now I don't."
"You know you can come and speak to Prim or myself at any time you want," Dahlia says kindly. Katniss swivels around and pulls her shirt down.
"Thank you," I say to Dahlia.
"Are you okay?" Prim asks.
"I'm just a bit dazed," I mumble, embarrassed at my reaction.
I just can't believe what I've done. I've done this to Katniss. It's my fault that I can't handle even the smallest amount of alcohol. The Everdeens are struggling as it is, they don't need another mouth to feed. I can't keep getting freaked out whenever I think about the future.
How are we going to afford a baby? I'll have to work full-time at the bakery. But then I won't be able to finish school. Will Katniss be able to finish school? Or get a job? She won't be able to anything that she wanted now. Because of me, her whole life is now practically planned out. She'll never be able to do what she wants because of me.
"Let's get you home," Katniss says swiftly, leading me out of the room. I mumble my thanks to Prim and her mother just before Katniss yanks me out of the door. The cold air hits me and I stumble, Katniss putting her hands out to steady me. "Are you feeling alright?" she asks, her eyes worried.
"No, Katniss! I'm not!" I exclaim. She jerks back, frowning. "I'm not okay at all!"
"You seemed alright on the way here!"
"That's because I was able to block out the fact that I've ruined your life and just talk to you like a friend!"
"Isn't that what you want?" Katniss asks, exasperated.
"I don't know."
"You want me to marry you, don't you?" she asks. I look up, conflicted.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because marrying you is the least I can do to try and ease the burden of having my child. I know you don't want this. You never wanted this. I don't know if I ever wanted this! If I did, it wasn't this way," I run my hand through my hair nervously. "I just want to care for you. And if at the end of it all, you decide to marry Gale like you wanted and spend your days outside the fence, I guess I'd have to accept the fact." Katniss stands there, her hands at her sides, surprised at my outburst.
"I wasn't ever planning to marry Gale."
"You can't be sure."
"I mean, I might have, but I doubt very much that I would've really wanted to."
"I've still stolen you're life from you." I mutter.
"No, you haven't," Katniss says, a smile playing at her lips. "You've just completely fucked it up."
"Exactly," I deadpan, refusing to joke along with her.
"So, since you fucked up my life, I'll fuck up yours and marry you," Katniss says quickly. She blinks, as if she can't believe what she's just said.
"W-what?" I ask, my pulse racing.
"I'll marry you Peeta," she repeats, her eyes filled with a mix of confusion, fear and shock. "Now go home."
"I thought you were walking me." I manage to say as she retreats up the path.
"I've just agreed to marry you," she says over her shoulder. "Stop asking me to do things for you!"