Disclaimer: I know nothing of the procedures for dealing with hazardous materials.
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Sam's fit of laughter slowly subsided, helped along by repeated glares from the unexpected teenage girl. Even so, she and Janet had a very difficult time keeping straight face and occasionally lapsed into giggles.
"Would you two stop that?" Jon demanded in her new voice. "Get over it, and find a way to fix me!"
Sam automatically responded to the voice of command. "Sorry Sir,... uh, Jon... no... what should we call you?"
"Oi, just because this has happened to me," - here she gestured at her chest - "it doesn't make me a different person. I'm still Jon, short for Jonathan O'Neill 2.0."
"You don't particularly look like a Jonathan," Janet interjected. "Jonita?"
"I dare you to repeat that, Doc," Jon challenged, her awkwardness with her new voice failing to sound menacing. To back up her words she moved into a combat stance and promptly tripped over her own feet.
"I think you just made our point for us. How about Joanne?"
Fortunately Jon's impolite reply was muffled by carpet.
"What about Jo?" Janet suggested a little more compassionately.
"Fine. If you must," the newly named Jo answered in a resigned voice. "But only until you fix me."
"Of course. We'd better take you back to the SGC infirmary."
"Can we take off the HAZMAT gear, Janet?" Sam asked.
Janet quickly shook her head. "No, and we need Jo in full gear too. I have no way of determining whether this condition is limited to Jo's physiology, or whether it's caused by a retrovirus, nanite, or other potentially infectious agent. I'm sure you'll both agree that we don't want this to spread. If it is infectious, I'll need to determine whether it is airborne, requires casual contact for transfer, or if it is only transmitted se..."
"Hey! You were about to make a terrible pun, weren't you?" Jo protested.
Janet looked extremely guilty.
"Huh?" Sam didn't get it, until Janet whispered something in her hear. "Whaaat? That's just... wrong! Janet, I really did not need that mental image!"
Janet shrugged unapologetically. "Don't blame me for your imagination, Sam. Jo, get yourself suited up, so we can get back to the infirmary. The major requires a large prescription of industrial strength brain bleach."
"Right," Jo agreed. "But remember that I'm the patient here."
One HAZMAT suit and chemical spray later...
"I wonder what the general will think of this," Janet wondered aloud as their vehicle drew close to the mountain.
"I'm sure General Hammond will cope," was Sam's opinion. "I'm more interested in Colonel O'Neill's reaction."
"I already spoke to him," Jo reminded from the back seat.
"Yes, but he just thinks you're sick," Sam pointed out. "He doesn't know you're... female."
"Oh. Right. Hmm..." Jo turned ominously silent.
"Given the prank Jo is evidently planning, perhaps we should hold off on letting Jo and the colonel meet," Janet wisely suggested after they had passed the outer security measures.
"That'll just give her more time for scheming," Sam countered.
"Hey, I'm right here!" Jo protested.
Janet ignored the interruption and continued, "Perhaps we should warn him."
"Or make sure he never finds out. For security reasons, very few people know that Jon survived. In the interests of security we might be able to find due cause not to inform the colonel about Jo."
"Hey! You're ruining all my fun!"
"We know," Sam and Janet answered together.
"Oh. Oh! You're just messing with me, aren't you?" Jo realised.
"Yep," Sam replied teasingly.
"You know, technically, I'm your superior officer..." the teen warned.
"Officially, you're dead, and physically, you're someone who didn't even exist yesterday," Sam responded quickly.
"And medically, you're about to be my test subject, so I recommend you be on your best behaviour," Janet added in a voice that was more in good humour that threatening, but not by much.
"Alright, I'll be good. But if you and Thor can't fix this, all bets are off."
"I bet there's going to be a lot of betting, if anyone finds out," Sam muttered as Janet parked the vehicle.
"Hey, I heard that, Carter!"