Okay, is everybody completely sick of hearing from me yet? Jack and Edith are mine. "Dove L'Amore" is a cong by Cher. I am not Cher. Sorry to disappoint.
Summary: Alice is being plagued by a Jabberwocky. Jervis enters its tulgey lair to defend the honor of his secretary fair, but does not escape unscathed. How will be beast be defeated?
It always started out as a little tickle in her throat.
Technically, it would start as a snatch of sound carried to her on a breeze or passed by momentary contact in a store or a train car, but it always took root around her vocal cords. It would stick there, nestled and inconspicuous, for hours and hours. It could easily be mistake for innocent, if it weren't for the way it drew her thoughts back to half-forgotten words and made little humming noises vibrate through her neck.
Once she felt her fingers clicking or feet tapping softly, or, if she was standing, her hips tick-tock side to side, she knew it was only a matter of time until her tongue got involved.
"…I'll sing a love song…sing it for you alone…though you're a thousand miles away, love's feeling so strong!"
It had been such a quiet day, not that the location of the office was at all placed to invite visitors. Alice had been alone for most of the day, typing up memos and doing basic file maintenance. Her station was looking rather unruly these days, and it was high time it got a good cleaning.
At least when she'd been typing, she'd been able to cover up her humming with the noise of the machine. Now, her voice was loud in the empty room, although she didn't really need to worry. Jervis' door was closed and no one had dropped by all day; even if they did now, she'd certainly hear them coming.
"Come to me, baby! Don't keep me waiting! Another night without you here and I'll go crazy!"
It was still a little embarrassing, though, to be crooning a love song (Cher, no less!) to herself when anyone at all could happen along and catch her at it. On days like this she wished she could have a radio for company. Unfortunately, the Telecommunications Research Department was seven floors up and managed to bleed into whatever signal she could pick up.
Papers flicked through her fingers, planted precisely into their folder in the filing cabinet. Her pumps tapped against the floor, out to the sides and back and front in a one-woman tango. It'd been so long since she danced, she thought as her shoulders shook in a saucy invitation to the filing cabinet. Longer still since she'd danced with a partner.
"Whisper so sweetly…hear my heart beating…I need to hold you in my arms, I want you near me…"
She didn't know how Jervis could stand his constant silent solitude. It would drive Alice crazy to be quietly alone all the time. Oh, she didn't keep much company, certainly. She didn't even have a boyfriend, and she wasn't exactly the type to run about at the clubs in Gotham with a posse of friends. Alice tended to be a quiet type; sort of bookish, for lack of being anything else, sort of artistic, but only because it helped explain her head in the clouds all the time.
But Alice craved a little noise from time to time. She'd always loved music and, since she frequently lacked human companionship, she usually had a radio playing to fill up her rooms. Failing that, she'd willingly employ her own less-than-spectacular voice if she was convinced no one would hear her.
Clicking her fingers over her head, Alice swiveled her hips and molded a hand over the imaginary shoulder of a partner, one hand clasping the air in the suggestion of holding hands with someone else.
Using little more than balance, Alice carefully spun herself in her dream-man's arms, spinning in and out to face him again and, arcing her spine and lifting a leg cautiously, dipped herself back slightly.
"I keep on singing 'til the day I carry you awaaaaaaay!" Imagination pulling her back into the arms of a chivalrous matador, Alice belted the notes and placed a hand at the nape of her partner's neck, the touch intimate and innocent at once. "With my love song…"
Over the dying notes, she heard the squeak of shoes down the hall. Rapidly composing herself, Alice cleared her throat and recommenced filing.
"Alice, darlin', were you that siren I just heard?" Jack Bowerby asked as he sidled up to her station and leaned back against her desk.
The walls of the Nanotechnology Studies were somewhat thin, which had never much bothered Jervis Tetch, since he was usually too absorbed in his work to pay much attention to anything outside his lab. The only real inconvenience was the sweltering heat and frigid cold of the seasons as the weather leaked in through these walls. Luckily, the weather had been quite mild for most of the year, so the thinness of the walls hadn't been a problem.
Because of this architectural anomaly, however, it was reasonably easy to hear what was going on outside.
So when Alice's habit of singing to herself when bored manifested itself, Jervis was the first—and so far, only—to know.
He always smiled a little whenever she started crooning to herself, her pretty voice imperfect but determined to try the notes, since it was such a wonderfully intimate detail to know about her. He knew the sound of her embarrassed laughter after her voice cracked over a note, could imagine the shaking of her blonde hair over the mistake. He knew how rapidly she could stop singing as soon as someone entered the hallway leading to their offices; how she must have been too shy to let anyone else know what she was up to.
Alice's singing felt like a private performance, a show put on only for her own enjoyment, which Jervis had managed to gain access to. He'd not jeopardize his seat with a comment on it, of course, but he enjoyed feeling a part of a secret thing Alice didn't share with anyone.
Then, naturally, Jack Bowerby had to ooze in. Although he couldn't hear the exact words, Jervis could practically hear the lust in the other man's voice. He put down the circuitry board and drifted over toward his door, cracking it open very slightly. Alice had told him once that Bowerby made her uncomfortable, and Jervis wanted to be there for her in the event of catastrophe.
"Oh, hello, Mr. Bowerby," Alice said, feeling herself go vermilion. Why did he have to be here, now?
The dark haired man flashed her a suggestive smirk and leaned back on his hands. He planted himself between Alice and the rest of the office, making a ploy at privacy by blocking her path to escape.
"What do I have to do to get you to call me Jack, sweetcheeks? Throw myself at your pretty little feet? And you didn't answer my question: were those your pipes getting the exercise?"
"Me? No, of course not. I don't sing, you see." 'Please go away.'
"I think you're telling me a fib, beautiful." Bowerby tilted his head down and waggled his eyebrows. "Ol' Jervis managed to get a pretty little songbird trapped back here!"
"Oh, hardly, I think, though it's kind of you to say so." Alice turned fully to face him. "Do you need to see Mr. Tetch? I was looking at a memo a few weeks ago and I thought I saw that you two were working on very similar projects. I can go announce you."
"Don't you trouble yourself, Alice. I'd like to talk with you for a while before I have to go deal with business; get a few moments with a beauty before I have to go deal with the mundane world."
"No trouble at all, Mr. Bow—er, Jack," she said. She didn't want to call him "Jack." It suggested a closeness with which she felt uncomfortable. "What do you want to talk to me about?"
"Edith and I were talking just the other day about you, baby, and we've decided that it's just such a shame that you're locked away back here all the time. You're one hell of an organizer and a secretary, and besides, you're just too pretty to hide away all the time…"
Now a wink. Alice's stomach turned. Could she fake a summons from Jervis and hide in his lab until Bowerby left?
"…So since I had to visit Jervis the Nervous today, I thought I'd run the idea by you. You wanna come and spend some time in BoSM? I can guarantee you you'll at least be out of the Stone Age." He rapped a knuckle on her typewriter. Alice barely restrained a look of disgust.
"Really, Mr. Bowerby, that's not at all a kind thing to say about Mr. Tetch!"
"Oh, sorry, doll face. I don't mean to upset you; just a little nickname. All in fun, honey, we don't mean it."
Okay, she was done. Time to escape.
"Let me think about it a little bit, Mr. Bowerby. I'm very, very happy here with Mr. Tetch, but I'll keep it in mind. I'll just go get him for you."
Until Alice had come along, Jervis hadn't had any real opinion of Jack Bowerby. He was slimy and rather egotistical, but apparently he did reasonably good work and their departments didn't have to communicate frequently.
Bowery was apparently something of a protégé regarding mammalian brains and electrical activity, and had burst onto the stage of science with a controversial theory on brain variations and control within the group dynamic, and the potential for development and study of that dynamic.
Jervis had never bothered to read it, although the similarity of it to his own work had been disconcerting. Jack's youth also cause Jervis some discomfort, since he thought he'd overheard the man, at a conference, mention being a part of certain experiments that he couldn't have possibly been involved in, based on what would have been his age at the time. But perhaps he'd just heard wrong. Jack also had trouble articulating his ideas in speech, although evidently he was brilliant on paper. That, Jervis could sympathize with.
Still, he'd always held the slightest suspicion… Oh, never mind.
Most of the time, Jack Bowerby was below the radar of Jervis' attention.
At this particular point, Jervis surprised himself with how very willing he was to hit the man in the back of the head with a copy of The Complete Annotated Works of Lewis Carroll [Hardcover]. Maybe it would even leave a mark. That would be deeply satisfying.
Upon hearing Alice's proclamation that she would announce Bowerby to him, Jervis carefully closed his door and, after making sure it was unlocked, leapt clear across the office in an attempt to look productive.
Her knocking was rather rushed and frantic. "Mr. Tetch? Oh, Mr. Tetch?"
Before he could respond, he heard Alice cry, "Oh, dear, perhaps he can't hear me. He does get so engrossed. Excuse me; I'll just go in for a moment."
The blonde secretary shoved the door open and shut it smartly behind her, leaning against the surface with a sigh.
Jervis felt a wry smile tug one side of his mouth. "Good morning, Alice."
"Is it? I'm glad you're having one, then."
"May I take it you have an unwelcome guest?"
"Jack Bowerby's out there trying to steal me away from you." Jervis felt his cheeks heat up a little bit at the phraseology. 'A Jabberwock attack? The fiend. To arms! Fetch the vorpal blade!' "I think someone must have doused him in pheromones."
"Shall I go out and slay him for you?" Alice giggled.
"If you would so condescend, good sir knight. I would not sway you from your quest."
"There could be no greater cause than to defend your honor, my dear. Into the Jabberwocky's den go I."
"You're a great friend. Thanks, Jervis."
The scientist smiled and, brushing off the front of his coat, made for the door and the almost certain doom in the wabe.
Jack Bowerby was, amongst other things, a connoisseur of beautiful women. Ever since puberty, ladies and the romantic entanglements associated with them had been a source of endless fascination. After all, women saw signs in and took cues from anything a man did. One identical look could have Lola in accounting planning her wedding dress and Felicity over in Hematology sobbing into her sample selection.
He liked to surround himself with rare maidens, selecting the finest stock he could find. He imagined himself as something of a sultan, choosing a harem to fuss over him. It suited his ego to have feminine attentions and dreams revolving around him.
When he'd seen Edith Dilleld working for Albert Johnston in Forensic Pathology a year ago, he knew she had to come and work for him. Those dark eyes and all that black hair appealed to him; he liked the idea of having a sultry succubus in a short skirt and heels taking dictation and typing his reports for him.
But Edith didn't have in all her (admittedly lovely) body the sparkle that Alice Pleasance had in just one eyelash.
Alice was radiant. Perfect hair, clear skin, bright blue eyes—everything about her called to ideas of spring, where pollen it flying and everything is, in effect, mating. Alice was innocent, gentle, soft-spoken, sweeter than powdered sugar, and a hard worker besides which. Assumedly, she was smart, but that was the only flaw. She could take orders, smile fetchingly, and seemed to be the sort that wanted to care for her boss.
Jack Bowerby liked being taken care of. Anything that was too hard to do in an afternoon wasn't worth doing at all, and that went even for things like his joke of a thesis.
He needed Alice, to sit at a desk right beside Edith, those stuffy blouses of hers unbuttoned a little. He wanted to hear her singing to herself, typing up his work, bringing him a cup of coffee. He wanted to be able to watch Edith and Alice, matched like salt and pepper shakers, the two sides of beauty and lust, angel and devil, sitting out in his office, working for him, doing the work he told them to do.
And he knew Alice would come around. She liked Tetch, probably the way a girl likes her father or uncle. Didn't want to give up the little friendship they had. Once she got a taste of being wanted by a real man, though, she'd leap at the chance to come with him.
Jack didn't really consider Tetch to be a real man, after all. Fifteen years the little lady's senior, after all, and shyer than any man he'd ever met before. Sure, the man was a certified genius, but he was unambitious, overly sentimental, a day dreamer and something of a nut job. Still, Tetch had to realize that his infatuation with his secretary was laughable. Everyone else could see it from space, or at least Jack could. He could see lust coming off another man at twenty leagues.
He didn't hold it against the old geezer, after all. Alice could put a spark in a dead saint, after all, the way she tilted her head and smiled those nice lips and never seemed to think that anyone could possibly be interested in her. She probably had no idea that at least three men on this floor were willing to kill for a date with her, her own boss certainly not excluded. Innocence like that was a total turn-on, and a tool: get an naive girl used to relying on you to tell her she's pretty, and she'll never turn back.
This was all wrapped up. Once he got Tetch to see sense and stop tormenting himself with the impossible, Jack would have a nice paired set of secretaries that were his to direct.
"Mr. Bowerby," Jervis greeted his colleague in the hallway beside Alice's desk as the secretary stayed in the lab. "How may I help you?" Bowerby seemed to pay no attention to the other man's more businesslike demeanor.
"Jervis, you old dog, how've you been? Still got that lovely little slip of a secretary, I see!"
"Yes, Miss Pleasance is exceedingly competent and conscientious. I am very satisfied with her work."
"Oh, I bet not as satisfied as you could be," Bowerby responded in a low tone with a suggestive grin and an elbow jab. Jervis stiffened his spine and fought back a blush, attempting to muster up as much affronted English propriety as possible.
"I am sure I have no idea what you are referring to."
"Don't be a wet blanket, Tetch; you know you're hording a Helen of Troy back here."
"Miss Pleasance? Really, that would seem to be quite an inappropriate thing to say, Mr. Bowerby." Oh, drat, he was almost certainly blushing now.
"Hey, if you're going to go all red on me, let's talk in your office and have the little minx get back to work."
Flustered, Jervis led the other scientist into his office. Alice, who had been tending Lewis at the time, smiled a well-wishing smile and promptly absconded.
"Hell, I'll level with you. I only turned over those preliminary notes for your inspection because Winethrope would've had my ass if I didn't. I'm here about Alice."
"What about her, Mr. Bowerby?"
"I want her to come and work over in BoSM. She's a great secretary and we're getting a huge workload coming down the pike. We need extra help, and I figure that this is the office most able to spare such a doll."
Jervis' mouth tightened. "First, I would remind you that it is only Alice and I in this division, and that we are quite strained between the two of us to manage the workload we have now. Miss Pleasance is indeed an excellent employee, but I resent your referring to her as a 'doll.' Why not inquire at other offices for spare assistants?"
Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Okay, you wanna be obtuse? Fine. I want Alice because she'd look really good in front of my office. I'm sure that you, probably more than anyone, have noticed that she's about the hottest thing since nuclear radiation."
"Bowerby--!"
"No use being all outraged, old son, you know you've thought it more than I have. It's practically a proven fact, one you're just going to have to live with despite your stuffy propriety. She's got an ass and a pair of legs that won't quit, and all we can do is accept it and enjoy the view!" The other man laughed lewdly and Jervis felt vaguely murderous. How dare this insolent mongrel say such things about Alice? This foul beast should never have had the pleasure of knowing she existed, much less the ability to pass judgment on her physical attributes in such vulgar terms!
"You wish to have her in your department purely because you find her beautiful?" It was careful speaking here; he was reluctant to say anything that Jack could twist into another innuendo. "How flat-minded. She's competent beyond decoration."
Bowerby's eyes narrowed and a nasty sneer twisted his face. "You think I don't know that? Of course she's a good assistant. But I'm curious, now. Why do you want to keep her in your department so bad, huh? Do you think this little hole-in-the-wall, unproductive, dead-end, laughingstock department could possibly offer her anything? I'll bet you've got her thinking it's her duty or her responsibility to stay here with you instead of pursuing a decent career.
"You probably even played that old 'it wouldn't be the same without you, I'd be completely adrift' card and guilted her into it." Well…yes, he might've said something like that, but only because it was true, not because he wanted anything-- "Hell, I know you're keeping her tied down because you think you've got half a chance with her. But it's never going to happen! It's just selfishness, Tetch, since you're keeping her here because you want her; and it's going to end up hurting her. Don't you know that if you make one more mistake (and I do mean one) with Cates, you're out on your ass, and she'll get the boot too?"
This was an ugly thought. Outrage for Alice's sake was beginning to fade, replaced by a reminder of his own inadequacy. Bowerby continued, his voice more serious and saddened, an unseen smirk of triumph hiding in his mouth as he hammered on the other man's rawest nerves and worries.
"It's a hopeless case, Tetch, you've got to realize that. You know it, I know it, and at the end of the day, Alice's gonna know it. There's just nothing you can offer her that she'll want to stay for. She thinks you're all right now, but what's she going to think in a few months, when she knows you better and she's trapped in a job that's going nowhere but down? Don't hold her back for a selfish delusion; give her a chance to find something she really deserves."
Jervis was leaning full against the counter, now, his eyes on the floor. Jack, considering his work to be well and truly done, patting Tetch's shoulder consolingly.
"I'm giving her a great chance for success, here, Jervis. There's only one fair thing to do." The dark haired man left the room, a last sting as his parting shot.
Alice didn't know what was wrong when she came into Jervis' office after Bowerby left, but it was definitely something bad. Tetch was slumped against his counter, the pointy edge of it digging into his lower back. His arms were crossed, shoulders defensive, eyes miserably locked on the floor.
"What happened, Jervis?" Perhaps she should have tried to deal with Jack Bowerby on her own. The last thing she wanted was to cause Jervis a lot of trouble.
"Mr. Bowerby is a very persuasive speaker." His blue eyes were still on the tiles even as he spoke.
"Oh no. You're not going to let him borrow me, are you?" It would be awful! She wasn't like Edith, she wouldn't be happy fawning over such a wretched man all the time!
"…He…has made some valid points…"
"Don't you dare send me to work for him, Jervis!" Suddenly, a terrible thought struck her. "You don't want to get rid of me, do you?" What if this was all just an elaborate ruse to get her installed elsewhere so that Jervis would be able to go back to his peace and quiet without a ridiculous secretary crashing around underfoot? Would it be better to just duck out as gracefully as possible, maybe find an office other than Bowerby's to work for?
In a spasm of agitation, Jervis' head swiveled up so his eyes were on hers, his arms unfolded to deny the very question she had posed to him. "Oh, no, Alice! I'd never dream of it! Of course I want you to stay, but…" He gestured vaguely around at the laboratory. "I can't offer anything like job security, since I'm always in trouble with Dr. Cates, and it's not as though our office is ever going to be really acclaimed or even noticed. Everything you do might eventually be…futile."
Alice laughed with relief. "That doesn't bother me a bit, Jervis! I don't want glamour or fame. I just want to come in and do a job I like for a boss I like, and that's what I'm doing already! Anyway, Dr. Cates yells a lot, but you've never come close to getting fired. She'd never really do it. And you don't need to offer me anything, Jervis; did Mr. Bowerby say that?"
He nodded, looking flushed, and Alice giggled a little bit at it. It was very sweet, the way he thought he had to provide something for her to want to stay. She put her hand on his upper arm reassuringly and gave a little squeeze.
"I like working with you, Jervis, and I'd choose working here over just about anywhere else in the world; so please don't fob me off on someone else, all right?"
Jervis smiled. "I shall not dream of it hence."
"Good. I'm glad that's clear!"
"There is, of course, the question of how to get Jack Bowerby from troubling you."
"But how? I mean, it's not like there's any way to get him fired; I'm not sure I'd even want that."
"No, that does seem slightly extreme. But perhaps a demotion?"
They sat in silence for a few moments. Jervis felt flushed with pleasure that Alice would choose him (him!) over the more physically attractive, potentially successful competition. What a frabjous woman she was! One could just fall in love with her, if one weren't careful…
Alice was thinking about demotions and whether Edith would ever forgive her if she found out it had been Alice trying to get her boss knocked down a peg. Thinking of Edith, she remembered how young Jack was. He held a fairly prestigious position for someone of his age; it was rather surprising.
"How did Mr. Bowerby first get his position, Jervis? I mean, isn't he a little young to be doing the job he is? And he never seems to really know what he's talking about when I ask him some of the questions I ask you." Alice tilted her head and glanced at her employer. She couldn't have known what she brought up.
She was stunned as she watched the transformation take place. First, Jervis blinked, tilted his head, considering; then, eyes focused on the middle distances, his eyebrows slowly rose, as if an idea were dawning on him. He twitched his eyes over to Alice's and made direct contact, a devious, clever little smirk of mischief twirling his lips, the sight of which caused Alice to giggle as her belly flipped strangely. He raised a single eyebrow and lowered his eyelids to half-open, looking smug and a little sneaky.
"My most very dear Miss Pleasance, would you please be so awfully kind as to run down a copy of Mr. Bowerby's thesis on mind control and influence within mammal groups based on brain variations?" he asked in a low, satisfied voice.
Alice's own eyebrows rose at the description of the topic. How familiar… "You mean, you're both…"
"I'm afraid so."
"You don't think he…"
"I find it unlikely, but I cannot be sure until I peruse his work. There maybe traces of others' findings claimed as his own, however."
"Jervis," Alice laughed as she left to run the errand for her boss, "you're absolutely astonishing!"
"One, two! One, two! And through and through, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack! He left it dead, and with its head, he went galumphing back," Jervis murmured to himself, a stapled photocopy in one hand, a red pencil between his teeth, and several dozen textbooks spread all over his lab.
Oh, it had been cleverly done, all right, and hard to spot. But Jervis was a patient man, and a sharp one, besides. He thought he even recognized a snippet of text from his own thesis, although he couldn't be quite sure. This pamphlet was well-arranged, but it couldn't hide the fact that Jack Bowerby hadn't had a single original thought in the whole of it, and even worse, hadn't made a single citation.
Oops.
"Calloo Callay," Jervis said to himself softly, taking a small victory sip of tea. He sat down to write a letter to Dr. Winethrope, the Biology director.
Perhaps the accusation of plagarism, however accurate, was a bit far, but it was all for the sake of two great ladies: Alice Pleasance, who needed a rescue from a monster, and the entirety of Science herself, who must have her virtue avenged from the blackguard who impugned it. After all, scholastic integrity is the foremost concern of many academics.
Arms full of weeping, mascara-stained woman, Alice sighed and decided that this blouse would probably be completely ruined. She gently patted Edith's back as the woman wailed, eyes spilling what had to be crocodile tears from the sheer volume and quantity of them.
"Ohhhhh, whhhhy?" choke, sniffle "Whhhy'd he d-do such a-" hiccup, sniffle "-thing? Now I'm going to go work for…" sob, gasp, hiccup "…Dodgson Lutwidge!"
"I just don't know, Edith. Maybe he was just desperate."
"B-b-but, plagiarism, Alice! It's-" tremble, snort, whimper "-it's just…ohhhhh…" Edith lapsed back into incomprehension and Alice rubbed her back gently.
"You'll do fine with Mr. Lutwidge. He'd just the nicest man to walk on two feet!" This was probably true. Genial, clever, interesting, 'Dodger' was the mustachioed social butterfly of Entomology. "Soon, you'll forget all about Jack Bowerby."
'And so will I,' she thought with a little smile.
Jervis' head suddenly popped 'round the wall. He looked like he was going to ask something, but stopped, his mouth hanging open, upon seeing Edith wailing in Alice's arms.
"Ohhhhhhhhh!" Edith's sobs, rather melodramatic, shook Alice fiercely as she glanced at her employer with a small smile and an eye roll. The blonde bounced her eyebrows at her employer and received a flapping hand gesture in return, as if to say "It can wait."
"I know, Edith, I know, I'm so sorry…" Alice cooed into her coworker's ear, her left hand rubbing the woman's back as her right hand scrawled out 'Lunch?' on a pad of paper, which she discreetly flipped over to show to Jervis, whose eyes widened. Edith took no notice of Tetch, her face pressed against Alice's shirtfront and eyes closed as she inhaled for another moan.
Jervis gesture back at himself, mouthing, 'Me?'
"Of course, honey," Alice said, both to Edith and to Jervis, to whom she tossed a wink.
The slightly-flushed man grinned and nodded excitedly, darting back off to his office. He needed a comb and a tie, STAT!
Alice rubbed Edith's back a little more before pulling away to face her. "Come on, Edith, honey, let's just head to the ladies' room. You'll feel better if you just wash your face and get a drink of water."
"O-okay. You're right. You should wash up, too...you could use it. Oh-" sniff, throat-clear "-it's just too, too distressing. Alice, you're so lucky you've never had something like this happen; you're so lucky for Mr. Tetch."
"Yes, I know I am." Alice smiled.
A/N: There. I'm kind of throwing it up now and waiting to see how I'll feel about it after it's stewed for a bit. Hope it's sweet, but not too sweet, and snappy, but not too rushed. Here's hoping.