A/N Tiva alert! And please review if you like it!
Chapter 11
Tony and Ziva decided that she would pack an overnight bag and stay with him for the night. He had a spare room, and Ziva didn't.
Tony snooped around at Ziva's apartment while she packed, but didn't uncover any new information about her. On the bookcase, there were a few pictures. The first was of him talking to McGee, looking liked he just made a joke the probie didn't appreciate.
The next showed Ducky telling off Palmer, probably after they got lost with the van. The last picture on the shelf was one of Gibbs and Jenny. It looked like it had been taken covertly, while they were having a heated conversation. Tony shifted and he saw another smaller picture. It was one of Abby, hugging Bert.
All the pictures where just random snaps of everyday moments, but it showed exactly who they were. On the wall was picture of their team; a larger, official one. It had been a promotional picture for their brochure. Everyone on the team had received a copy, Tony put his on his TV. In the picture Abby was talking with Ducky and Ziva was punching Tony. It was a nice picture of their odd family.
On the bottom shelf there was yet another picture. Tony looked towards the bedroom to see if Ziva was coming, but there was no sign of her. He turned back to the picture and picked it up.
It was a family picture, probably the David family. There was a father and a mothe, two boys and four girls and a guinea pig-like thing the might be a dog. They were all smiling. From the picture you couldn't tell it was a Mossad family; they looked so normal.
"Put that away please?" Ziva asked him. He was startled, but it was only natural that he didn't hear her coming. She was quiet as a mouse.
The drive to Tony's house was made in silence. They stopped by the 24-hour store to pick up some snacks and drinks, and some cereal for breakfast. When they arrived Tony wanted to show Ziva the guest room where she could set her things, but she insisted on doing it herself, she had been here a day ago and not handicapped.
When she came downstairs the mood in the room had changed. The curtains where closed. There where some candles but the mood in the room was not romantic. Tony was playing some music Ziva didn't recognize. On the table where bowls with chips ands nuts and Tony was standing in front of his DVD collection.
"What do you wanna do first? Talk or watch a movie." Ziva was tempted to watch the movie first, but Tony really wanted to have this conversation, and to be honest, she wanted to get it over with as well. "Let's talk first."
Tony looked at her, waiting for her to begin. "It started when I was six. After school my father and I always played some games. I didn't realize it at the time, but as I got older I understood it was all to prepare me for Mossad duties. When I was twelve I held my first gun. Like a normal kid I went to school but after school I got Mossad training. I killed my first person when I was fourteen. It was an undercover op. There was a pedophile, I had to seduce him and then kill him. It was horrible and I felt sick for days."
Ziva was no longer able to hold back her tears. She started sobbing and Tony grabbed her hand letting her know that she could take as much time as she needed to and he would be there to support her.
"By the time I was eighteen, I had killed so many people, I couldn't remember all of their names. My father was so proud, I just didn't want to disappoint him. Mossad is his life you know. By the time I was twenty, I lost my little brother, and two of my sisters. I just felt like I had no emotions left. The last time I really felt something was when I killed Ari."
Tony shot her a very confused look. She killed Ari? He decided to talk about that another time.
"And now, I don't know anymore. I don't want to live like this. I am not afraid to step out of the door, and I love working at NCIS, but there is always the chance that Mossad will call me back. And that's what I do not want. "
Ziva's sobbing didn't stop. Tony sat beside her and held her close. There was nothing he could say now. He just held her close and rubbed her back softly. After a few minutes she dried her eyes, and looked up to Tony. "Thanks," was the only thing she said, ending the conversation.
Tony released her and walked to the kitchen. "Beer or wine?"
"Beer," was her short answer. She picked a movie from his collection. She decided to watch Wall-E. Tony was surprised by her choice but didn't say anything. She snuggled up next to him on the couch, and he put his arm around her. They laughed at the movie and agreed that Wall-E was very cute.
Tony sniffed Ziva's hair when something struck him. This sensation, this tingly feeling in his gut, he knew that feeling. He felt it with his first car, he had felt it with Jeanne, and now he was feeling it with Ziva. He was in love. Confused by his feelings, he decided to put them in the back of his mind. They watched the rest movie together without exchanging a word.
When the credits came rolling in Ziva clutched to his shirt. He looked down and saw that she was fast asleep. He smiled and picked her up. She was very small so it was no problem at all. He carried her upstairs and put her on his spare bed. He took her shoes and vest off and tucked her beneath the sheets. Then he kissed her careful on the lips before leaving her to sleep.
He went downstairs to clean his living room a little. He had a reputation as a sloppy person, but he liked to keep his place clean. He blew out the candles and turned off the lights. He went silently upstairs and changed into something more comfortable for bed.
He lay in bed for a long time, having trouble sleeping. He knew that this kind of thing could happen. Like he said before, it was inevitable. But, still, he was surprised. He didn't expect it, not in a hundred years.
She was dangerous, a killer, she had trouble dealing with her feelings. But when he thought of her, his stomach started to tickle. He sighed, man this was bad. It had been bad enough with Jeanne, but if he started something with Ziva, knowing that she could die any moment, or be sent back to Mossad, it would be worse. He didn't know if he wanted that.
He was on the edge of falling asleep when he suddenly heard screaming. He grabbed his gun before he realized it was Ziva. He went over to her bedroom to find her having a nightmare.
She was screaming like she was being attacked, her body sweating and her eyes disco dancing beneath her eyelids.
"Ziva," he said trying to wake her. He was shaking her carefully to wake her up, but not frighten her. When she woke up she immediately reached for her gun under the pillow. She saw Tony and it took her a few minutes to realize what happened. Then she fell back on the bed, and started to cry. She faced away from Tony and tried to keep it in.
Tony sat with her on the bed and was careful rubbing her back. "Hold me," she said.
She gave into the sobs, giving up trying to hide them. Tony tried to lay down with her but it didn't fit. The bed was too small. He picked her up for the second time that evening and carried her to his own bed. When he laid her down he thought about all the times that he carried women to his bed, but this was different.
She continued crying and Tony laid down behind her, spooning her and holding her close.
"It's okay, let it go," he kept whispering in to her ear. After at least half an hour she fell asleep, her body still shaking. He was still holding her close, enjoying the scent of her hair, when he fell asleep.
He woke up early the next morning. Gibbs had told them that unless there was a case, they could sleep in and not come to headquarters until ten. He felt Ziva stir. He needed to go to the bathroom but didn't feel like he was ready to let her go yet. She had turned sometime in the night and now she was facing him.
When she opened her eyes and realized that she was being held by Tony, in his bed, she freaked out. He released her and sat up. Before he could think anything she was standing at the other side of the room.
"This was wrong" was all she said before she fled into the spare room. He let himself fall back on the mattress, thinking about the next step.
Ziva sat down on the end of the bed. She was very confused. She didn't completely remember what happened. But she freaked out when she woke up and felt so comfortable. That was a feeling she didn't allow herself. Now she only could get hurt. She heard a soft knock on the door. She waited a second before she answered, "Enter"
Tony came in and sat beside her, making sure to keep some distance and not totally scare her away.
They felt both awkward and didn't know how to start the conversation.
"I am sorry," Tony started, "you looked so lost and I didn't want to leave you alone. And when you finally slept I didn't want to wake you again. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."
Ziva looked at him, putting her hand on his thigh. "I freaked out, but it was not because of you. More because of the moment. It has been a long time since I allowed myself to feel so close and vulnerable to someone. And I am always afraid that the people I get close to are going to hurt me one way or another."
Tony put his hand on Ziva's, "I understand," he said.
"Want breakfast?" he asked, deciding not to push the subject. If she wanted to talk about it she could start. She nodded. "You can use the bathroom as long as you want, as long at you don't use up all the hot water." With that he went downstairs to prepare breakfast.
An hour later Ziva came down, showered and nicely dressed. It was barely 8 so they had time for a nice, relaxing breakfast. Tony secretly went to the store down his block but buy some fresh, hot bread, he had some fresh orange juice and different sorts of fruits. She was surprised at this nice gesture and together they enjoyed their breakfast, talking about nothing really important. Just enjoying each others company.
They went to the hospital together before heading to the Navy Yard so that Ziva could get her car. They left the hospital at the same time, but Ziva was still in long before he was. He wasn't surprised at thatgiven how she drives. It was a surprise she was still alive.
There were no new cases so for the rest of the day so they worked on their paperwork from the Matt Tree case. Their minds kept wandering to their friend and coworker at the hospital. The day went by without any problems and Gibbs ended the day at 5, giving them an early break to visit McGee.