There were times when Tammy missed John.
And then there were times when she absolutely hated his guts. Screaming out cuss words, the blonde gripped the hospital bed tightly with clawed hands and struggled to breathe, deciding at that moment that she was going to bring the red head back simply so she could kill him herself.
"Push!" Tammy wanted to murder the doctor. String him up by his toes and burn him alive. He sounded like a broken record, repeatedly telling her to 'push' and 'breathe'. Clenching her teeth, she braced herself, and gave it her all. With the last of her strength, she was able to release the child from her womb, and into the world around her.
There was silence; and a fear unlike any other crept upon Tammy. Wasn't there supposed to be crying from the newborn?
"The baby isn't breathing! Get me-" The voice faded from her ears. Not breathing? No… no, no, no, that wasn't supposed to happen! Things were going so well!
"My baby! Let me have my baby!" The blonde's desperate screams were ignored as the still, tiny body was passed off, and taken from the room.
No one could have matched Tammy's wail of despair and pain. It continued, along with her weak flailing, until the doctors sedated her.
The feeling of coming from deep sleep after being drugged is one that Tammy found herself less than fond of. It was disorienting. Frightening. Worse still,l when the memories come back. A strangled sob made its way out of the blonde's throat as she struggled to sit up. A pair of gentle, female hands helped her to accomplish her task, and while Tammy was grateful, the woman's voice was lost to her. She simply couldn't listen to her.
Her baby. Where was her baby? They had taken her baby!
Fearful blue eyes darted around the room. Was… was her baby…? No, there she was. Laying in a crib next to Tammy's medical bed. For a moment, terror pierced at the ex-soldier's heart. Until the gentle rise and fall of the child's torso eased it, and she was able to calm herself. The bright pink blanket that covered the babe's body told her it was a little girl.
Tiny; innocent.
"A daughter… I have a daughter…" Wonder and awe echoed through her words. She had given life. She had made this.
She and John had made this. Bittersweet joy filled her.
"That's right. A little girl." A soft voice at her right agreed. Though Tammy could not look away from her child, she knew the voice belonged to Kira, John's mother. Feeling reassured at the familiar voice, the blonde reached out and gently picked her newborn up, carefully cradling the babe to her chest with a tender love only known to mothers.
"What will you name her?" Kira's words made Tammy struggle not to cry. A name… she and John had once spoken of names for children should they ever have any. He would be so happy to know that they had a little girl now. He would have loved her and been so protective… she drew in a deep breath to force the pain down so she could answer the older woman at her side. Now wasn't the time.
"Daniella." It came so easily. A name Tammy knew John would have approved of.
"What a wonderful name… I'll let the doctor know." A rustling reached the blonde's ears, and she heard Kira leave the room. Still, the blonde could not tear her eyes from the tiny life held in her arms. Her little girl.
Her Daniella.
The name was a female version of 'Daniel'. And if Tammy remembered correctly from the one or two Bible lessons she had had when she was younger, that was the name of the boy who had miraculously survived being thrown to lions. A miracle. Just like her daughter.
Tammy waited, cradling her child to her. She waited for Kira to return. It didn't take long for her to do so. Blue eyes tracked the older woman as she came into the room and headed back over to the seat at the ex-soldier's side.
Kira was in her fifties, but age had been kind to her. Life lines crinkled at the sides of her bright green eyes- and match to John's- and her soft mouth, speaking of a good life filled with mirth. Silvery hair that had once been fiery red fell down her back in graceful waves. Even in old age, Kira held a beauty not often matched by those around her.
Green eyes met blue as the older woman sat down in the chair next to Tammy.
"What happened?" Now coming to terms with the fact that she was now a mother, the blonde took note of her raw, scratchy throat, and her rough voice. If she had to make a bet, she'd say that the screaming from earlier was to blame for it.
"There were… some complications." Kira murmured, eyes trailing to the baby tucked away against Tammy's shoulder and breast, sleeping peacefully.
"Complications?"
"Daniella was almost a stillborn, Tammy." Tired, sad eyes focused on the blonde, who could feel her blood running cold and the air being snatched from her lungs, "The doctor's were, thankfully, able to bring her back." The words seemed distant to the ex-soldier as she clutched at the baby in her arms. Not tight enough to hurt the infant, but enough to be reassured that she was still there and alive.
She had only known her child for close to ten minutes, but already couldn't bare the thought of losing her. Daniella was precious to her.
"We'll be heading home tomorrow. They say that other than the scare little Danny gave us, your both healthy and ready to leave." Kira gently squeezed Tammy's shoulder, the one opposite of the tiny child. The blonde nodded, and could distantly hear the older woman leaving. But the object of most of her attention rested in her arms.
Swallowing thickly, Tammy tried to calm herself, holding Daniella close to her. She considered the past nine or so months as she trailed a hand over the head full of red fuzz on her shoulder. The blonde was eternally grateful to Kira and her husband, Eric. When Tammy had left the military, her parents had wanted nothing to do with her since she was 'a knocked up whore' in their eyes. No, Tammy wasn't like that.
John had been her one and only.
Still, she had had no place to go. Out of the blue, Kira and appeared, insisting she leave the hotel she was staying in, and come live with her and Eric. The man that was John's father had threatened to pick her up and carry her back to their home should she try and argue, firmly informing her that a hotel was no place for a child. Tammy couldn't help but to smile at the memory.
And now, here she was, at the end of it all with a fragile life to care for as a reward for her struggles. The blonde kissed the top of the small head on her shoulder. She wouldn't have it any other way.
Daniella yawned, and opened her eyes; fixing those brilliant green eyes on her mama. The exact same green that John had had.
"Hey…" Tammy couldn't help the tears that sprung up, or how husky her whisper had become as she became choked up. Daniella was the spitting image of John.
He would have puffed out like a proud daddy bird and strutted like a damn peacock. The thought made choked laughter leave her.
Danny made an adorable mumbling noise, and reached out with one chubby hand, placing it against her mother's lips and doing a patting motion. Tammy reached up, curled one hand around her daughter's, and kissed the tiny appendage tenderly. The small redhead giggled at that, her face lighting up in a wide smile.
Tammy laughed with her. Yes, it had been worth it. All the struggling, all the fighting, all the screaming... every last drop had been worth it.
Because in the end, she had her own miracle. Perfect in every way.
Her little Danny.