Last time….
Numbness had set in. That and a drunken determination to fix what could possibly go very wrong. He dialed the number, he greeted him. From there on, whatever he said was a blur. Crying, raging, panic and heartbreak came through in his slurred words. He continued to listen. Until Kurt gave him reason to stop listening. He denied what Kurt said, demanded that he listen to reason. But reason had left Kurt hours back. He insisted he was right and this was for the best. It would save them in the end, wouldn't it? Then the phone was sitting in his lap. When the call ended, he didn't know.
Elliot, I'm so damn sorry.
. . . . . . . .
Kurt's head was still swimming, the effects of the wine still strong in his system. He couldn't get over the fact that he'd just broken up with Elliot. His love, the man he had already committed himself fully to in his heart. He just had to keep reminding himself that it was for the best. There was no way he could put Elliot through the heartbreak that would inevitably come when some nameless, faceless Dom asshole came along and claimed Kurt as his own. One asshole in his past was enough for him. Blaine. It really was over with him, permanently now. Kurt would get a new soul mate and it would never be Blaine.
Unable to comprehend the kind of stupidity the wine had been infused with, he signed into his Facebook and looked up Blaine's account. His ex had always kept his phone number listed on his account for just this kind of occasion. The moment when Kurt would inexorably want to get in touch with him. Dialing the code that would block his number from Blaine's caller ID, he took a deep breath and connected the call.
"Hello?" Blaine's groggy voice answered.
Kurt took a moment to really question his sanity before answering.
"Hi Blaine," he said quietly.
"Kurt?" Blaine was suddenly sounding very much awake.
"Yeah, it's me," Kurt replied, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt he was out of his fucking mind.
"I.. you.. what.. Are, are you okay?" Blaine finally settled on. He sat up in bed, staring at his phone in utter shock. His love, his Kurt, was on the phone with him! His beautiful voice in his ear.
"Blaine, are you there?" Kurt asked.
Blaine realized he'd spaced out in shock. "Um, yeah, I'm here. I'm sorry. I'm just in a bit of shock. It's been so long since I've heard your voice. Sorry I didn't hear your answer. Are you okay?" Blaine asked, turning his lamp on. He needed to stay alert. This was his first chance to talk to Kurt in almost a year. His melodic voice still sent shivers down his back.
"No, I'm really not okay," Kurt admitted.
"Is there something I can do to help you? You have to know I'll do anything for you," Blaine said earnestly. Could this be his chance to get his love back?
"Actually, what's wrong with me affects you too," Kurt told him. He was seriously questioning his damn sanity for calling Blaine. His head spun and he shrugged. Fuck it, he thought.
"What do you mean?" Blaine asked. Anything that affected the two of the together had to mean there was a chance right?
"You know our Marks have changed, right?" Kurt started.
"Yeah. It was the worst moment of my life," Blaine had to admit. Kurt had to know how much pain he'd been in, how devastated he was to not be connected to his soul mate anymore.
"I'm not going to apologize Blaine. I did what I had to do to get myself out of an unhealthy situation. Don't try to make me feel guilty," he warned. There was no fucking way he was going to let Blaine guilt trip him with his little sob story.
"I can't say I understand, but I do want what is best for you. That aside, what is it about our Marks," Blaine asked. He could tell by Kurt's tone, a year apart or not, that he was not going to tolerate any crap from Blaine. He couldn't blame him and now, despite everything, his curiosity was peaked.
"My boyfriend, um, Elliot," Kurt corrected. He'd just broken up with his boyfriend. He swallowed against the sob that threatened to bubble up in his throat. He snuggled Cosette closer to him "Elliot's professor introduced us to a Mark historian who has read a few accounts of stories similar to ours."
Blaine blinked. "Really? I guess I never thought about anyone else having our… experience," he said. Other people had gone through the pain he'd had?
"According to the historian," Kurt said, the exact words still burning into his brain. "A broken Mark indicates a complete and total break between soul mates. One soul mate has broken away with no doubt or desire to get back together or make up. They don't want to reconcile," Kurt finished.
The line was silent. Kurt knew Blaine was probably really upset as he realized just how much Kurt had wanted to get away from him.
Blaine was in shock, tears streaming down his face. He'd known Kurt had wanted to leave him, but to hear the words out loud left him stunned. That there was no doubt in Kurt's mind, no desire to fix things when he left. He swallowed hard, determined to not let Kurt know he was crying.
He cleared his throat before speaking. "So what does this mean?"
"According to one clear case in the early 1900's, the woman, Isabel, had tried to kill herself to get away from her abusive husband. She lived, but her Mark was broken, like mine. She met someone later and they were intimate," Kurt said hesitantly. He had no idea how Blaine was going to respond to the news of a new soul mate
"What happened, Kurt? You can tell me, I'm getting the hint that it's something big," Blaine said. Nothing could be worse than knowing that he'd ruined his relationship to the point that it could be compared to a woman who tried to kill herself.
"After she was intimate with her boyfriend, her Mark changed," Kurt announced.
Blaine's stomach sank. "What do you mean it changed?"
"Blaine, she got a new soul mate. They had been seeing each other for a few months and when they had sex, her lock, her Mark, closed and his name appeared on her wrist. They were Claimed. The historian says 'the Mark had been reborn'. The name of her ex-husband was dulled and her new soul mate's name was the color any regular soul mate would be." Kurt waited for a response, but the line was silent. "Blaine, do you understand what that means?"
"Please spell it out for me so I understand," Blaine whispered, his head spinning.
"You can have a new soul mate, Blaine. You can find someone to love who fits your needs. The historian says you won't know through a touch like before, you won't really experience a Connection. There's really no way to tell until you make love with someone. Then you will know. They said that the intimacy of sex activates the change, so to speak. Blaine, you can find someone new. A man who will truly complement you the way I never could," Kurt said. He was trying to make it sound good because he had a feeling Blaine was going to freak out.
A new soul mate? Sex with someone who isn't Kurt? Hell, he felt guilty jerking off without Kurt around. Now he had to be intimate with someone else? Have a name on his wrist that isn't Kurt Hummel? That was all he had left of him!
A thought occurred to him. If they had been soul mates once… "Kurt! We could be soul mates again! If we made love, we could be together again. Oh, Kurt, you have to know how much I've changed. I've become someone who can love you the way you need to be loved," Blaine babbled. There was a chance right? They were meant to be!
Kurt groaned loudly. "Blaine," he said. He could hear Blaine still chattering, trying to convince him to be with him. "Blaine!"
"Huh?" Blaine asked, realizing Kurt was trying to get his attention.
"Blaine, I'm going to be very blunt with you, okay?" Kurt warned.
"Oh, uh, okay," he said tentatively, clutching his comforter as he prepared himself for whatever Kurt had to say.
"You have got to get it through your head that we are not soul mates and we will never be soul mates. Ever. Never ever," Kurt stated firmly.
"But, Kurt," Blaine started, sniffling. He could see his chance dwindling quickly.
"Blaine! For crying out loud, how many more times can I say it? How many more ways? We are not soul mates! I wouldn't even have sex with you anyway. We are not and will never be together! And honestly, I am wondering if we were ever really meant to be soul mates. I think we were destined for different people," he finished. It really did make sense. Why else would this happen?
"Kurt, we were so good together," Blaine started.
"Yeah, so good you had to beat the shit out of me to try and mold me into the perfect sub," Kurt interrupted sharply. He didn't realize how good it would feel to say this to him.
"Kurt, that's not fair," Blaine said, startled by his harsh words.
"Excuse me? What isn't fair? Hearing out loud what you did to me? You took a wooden spoon and beat me with it to the point that I could barely walk for almost two weeks! Does that sound like a healthy soul mate relationship to you?" Kurt could feel his blood pressure rising. "Fuck this. I'm not getting into this with you. I've said my peace. I just wanted to let you know that you have the chance to find a new soul mate."
Blaine couldn't control the sobs that shook him. Kurt had every right to say those things to him. He'd never gotten the chance to before he left. He had to remember what Rupert said. His therapist and told him that he had to let go of Kurt in order to move on.
He took a deep, shuddering breath. He could do this. He could do it for Kurt and maybe even for himself.
"It's really over, isn't it?" Blaine's voice was shaky but sure. He wiped the tears from his face.
"Yes, Blaine, it really is," Kurt said. It sounded like Blaine might actually be listening now. "I am not what you need. I can get past my anger enough to honestly wish you well. I want you to be happy."
Blaine sniffled. "You do?"
"Of course, Blaine. Everyone deserves to find happiness. It sounds like you've really worked on yourself and maybe one day you'll meet the person who will complete you," Kurt said. And thank god it won't be me, he thought.
"You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that," Blaine admitted shakily. "I really have tried hard. My therapist, Rupert, has been working with me on letting you go."
"He sounds like a smart guy. Maybe you should listen to him. Let yourself let me go. I have let you go. I've moved on. Once you do, I think you'll be surprised at how happy you can be. Get out there and date. You don't have to jump into anything, but go have coffee, go dancing. Don't be stagnant," Kurt said. He couldn't believe he was encouraging Blaine. At this point he couldn't blame the wine. He was soberly talking to Blaine. Shit.
"Stagnant. That really is a good word for how I've been living my life. I mean, yeah, I've been going to classes and talking with friends, but I think I've only been living half way. I think part of me has been hoping you'd come back to me," Blaine said. "That's why I posted so many videos."
"Okay, you need to stop with the damn videos. You freaked the fuck out of me with some of those. As for your life, jesus, Blaine, you're in California, in a beautiful city near the ocean. Go out and have fun. Get back into boxing or whatever. Live. This is the last time you will hear from me, Blaine. So my final words to you are," Kurt said, finding no reservation at saying a final goodbye. "Be happy. Get out of your own way and be happy."
Blaine knew this was it. His last words with Kurt. "Thank you, Kurt. For letting me know about the Marks, for yelling at me, and then turning around and encouraging me. You are a wonderful man, Kurt Hummel," Blaine said, his voice shaking. He could do this. "I truly wish the best for you. I've seen your band performing and seen you singing with your Elliot. As much as I don't want to even think about it, you have amazing chemistry. I don't know what your relationship status is, but he really seems to love you. So, I'll say your words back to you. Be happy. Don't be afraid to let him in because of what I did. I fucked up. Not every guy is like me. Elliot isn't me. I will always love you, Kurt, but I'm letting you go now," Blaine said, tears streaming. He looked up and let the tears fall. A deep breath and he was able to talk. "Be happy, Kurt Hummel."
Kurt took a deep, cleansing breath. "Be happy, Blaine Anderson." And with that, he hung up.
There was nothing left to say.
. . . . . . . .
Blaine let himself cry for a time. He needed that conversation with Kurt. Marks aside, hearing Kurt get his feelings out, then hearing him wish him well, all of it was exactly what needed to happen. He could let go now.
Reaching beside his bed, he grabbed his guitar and began strumming. Tears still trickled down his face as he sang, but he had a small smile. A hopeful smile.
I heard that you're settled down
That you found a boy and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess he gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I'll remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I'll remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I'll remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Blaine put his guitar down and grabbed his phone. He went into the settings, changed things around and went back to his main screen. Gone was the picture of Kurt that had been staring at him for over a year. In its place was a piano. He was letting go. Goodbye, Kurt, he thought, be happy.
. . . . . . . .
Someone Like You – Adele (pronouns changed by me)
I don't own Glee