Disclaimer-Not my characters! Although I'd take Jasper home in a second.
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It was not easy to fool Alice.
So I wondered how I had done it so easily. Surely she would have seen my plan as soon as it formed. I made up my mind right there in front of her! But she kissed me goodbye and left me alone. I meandered slowly back to the house, careful to cease these delicious thoughts in my head, lest Edward get a glimpse. When I arrived back, he was sitting on the steps with his head in his hands. I could feel the pain flowing from him. It was strong enough that it very nearly brought me to my knees. All of this for a human? He looked up at me balefully.
"Yes, for a human. She was everything to me, Jasper, everything. But I can't stay with her. It's too dangerous-she'll only end up getting hurt. I'm going to stay tomorrow, and then the next day I'm going to leave her. How am I going to do it?" he wondered, more to himself than to me. I thought about trying to calm him, but it didn't seem fair-he should have his right to grieve. "Thank you, Jasper," he replied. All I could do was sit with him.
Edward went to school the next day. I merely wandered around the house, trying to decide the best way to do things while he was gone. I thought the middle of the night would be best, while she was sleeping. I really did like Bella; I didn't want to cause her any unnecessary pain. It was just her unfortunate talent of being much too appetizing for her own good. I would creep through her window and try my best not to wake her. By the time she would realize what was happening, it would be too late. I couldn't help but purr in anticipation. I wouldn't hunt until then.
The next day, Edward came home in a state of disbelief. "She let me go, Jasper. She believed me. And now she's gone. I can't stay here." I was choking on his pain. I couldn't understand, but I had never had to experience something like that myself.
"You can join the family in Denali. I'm sure Esme is worried about your wellbeing," I offered. Of course our over-protective mother of sorts would be missing her favorite son.
"I can't go back to them, not yet. I have to be alone. I can't stand to look into their faces. I don't want them to see me like this." Always so guilt ridden.
"Where will you go then?" I wanted to gag, it hurt so much.
"I was thinking of South America. I think Victoria headed that way, and I'd very much like to meet up with her. I'll check in with everyone once I get there. When will you be joining them?" Good question.
"I'm not sure. I promised Alice no more than a week. I think I'll take a few more days here and then head up."
"Give them my love, please. Tell Esme I'm okay, I just need to be alone right now. I'll see everyone soon enough." He turned and left in a flash, running south. It was mere seconds when I could no longer hear him anymore. I was glad when my emotions were my own again.
I knew he couldn't hear me, either. He would never have to know what I plan on doing. I won't think about it, ever again. I would have to do something about her body, afterwards. I couldn't just leave her there; my scent would be all over her if someone from my family decided to visit. And the wound would be too apparent. There should be closure. Making it look like an accident seemed like the fairest thing. An animal attack, maybe? I could take her into the woods and make it look like she was attacked. It would be like Bella to get lost in the woods. Perhaps I would leave a note. It was odd, having to plan this out. I haven't had to think like this in a while. In a sick way, it was almost refreshing to get back to my roots. I won't let myself feel ashamed right now; there would be plenty of time for guilt later. I knew what was in store for me once I was through, and I would pay that penance when I got there.
It was after midnight when I decided to go.
I could smell her when I hit the driveway. My mouth watered in anticipation as I climbed the tree outside her room to peer inside. The smell was intoxicating-better than I remembered. It took every ounce of self control not to leap through the open window and take her right then and there. At first glance, it looked like she was sleeping. I watched her for a moment, and realized she wasn't. She was sobbing quietly into her pillow. I let myself feel her, and then wished I hadn't.
I had never been in so much pain. Worse than pain was the feeling of abandonment, self loathing and pity. If I was interpreting correctly, she was feeling like she deserved this. Like she had it coming. I couldn't help but be mad at Edward right then, for doing this to her.
"Why? He's gone…he's gone…not good enough…no one loves me…" she was muttering while she rocked back and forth. Tears flowed seamlessly down her face, which was contorted with grief. Her brown hair was mussed, and I could see bits of earth wound up in the tangles. Why was that, I wondered.
I was torn. Part of me wanted nothing more than to rush into her room and comfort her all night-make all her pain go away. The other part wanted to end her pain in another way. If I bit her, she wouldn't hurt anymore. I balanced on this edge, undecided on which way to fall. I was so deep in thought I didn't hear her stir from her place and walk to the window.
"Jasper?!" she cried, stumbling back from the window and landing on the floor. Way to go, Jasper, give yourself away! I leapt through the window and landed in front of her. What to say…
"Bella. I'm…sorry. I stayed behind, and I couldn't resist coming to check on you. I'm glad I did." I wanted to kick myself for such a pathetic excuse. I had just tried to take her life a few days ago, and now I wanted to check on her wellbeing?
"Thanks, Jasper. It means a lot, knowing someone was thinking about me. I just…don't know what to do. I can't go on like this. But I promised." She wasn't making a whole lot of sense. She seemed fairly overwhelmed-I decided to calm her down a bit. She probably wouldn't notice. And why wasn't she alarmed by my sudden appearance? Surely she thought I was a dangerous monster.
"I'm sorry about the other day as well. I can't believe I let myself go like that. I hope you can forgive me. If Edward and Emmett hadn't been able to pull me off of you…" I wouldn't be here trying to finish you off right now.
"I told Alice I wasn't mad at you. It's just your nature. It was my fault, anyway. If I would have been more careful, he might still be here." She is always so ready to blame herself for others mistakes. She was selfless.
"Thank you, Bella. It won't happen again." No, because next time you won't wake up.
"Jasper?" she looked up at me timidly. I raised my eyebrows at her, wondering what she could possibly want.
"Will you…stay with me tonight? I know it's a really weird request, and I totally understand if you don't want to stay. But I could really use at least one more good night's sleep before my world falls to pieces." Her voice broke on the last word. Her emotions were such that I couldn't deny her anything. She was entitled to one last request. I nodded, and she crawled back into bed. I sat in the rocking chair across from her, sending waves of calm and peacefulness her way until she fell asleep. I would let her have a few hours before I sent her away forever.
"Jasper…thank you…" she mumbled, rolling to where she was facing me. She looked so peaceful. And even through all the emotions I was giving her, I could still feel her natural pain. Pain that my brother had caused. She was so innocent.
I was back to my ledge. I had seen Bella in the deepest grief imaginable. I still wanted her. But I wasn't sure if I could end her life, it didn't seem fair. How did I find myself in this position? It should have been so easy. Two days ago she was merely food. And now, alone in this room, she whispered my name with gratitude on her lips. I stood up and walked over to her bed, sitting gently on the edge. I watched her for a few minutes as she tossed and turned. I placed my cold hand on her neck, and she sighed.
I hope I captured Jasper's tendancy to think strategically here-I wanted him to be as rational as possible.