The deadlock continued to the next morning. Kaiba had barely slept at all - he'd lain awake for hours, still and silent. He couldn't remember how long he'd had to wait for sleep to finally take him, but it hadn't been restful at all. He thought maybe he'd had a dream, or maybe he'd dreamt their entire fight, but when Kaiba woke the next morning, groggy and exhausted, the twisting feeling in his stomach was enough proof that it had indeed occurred.
It was barely light outside, and he'd awakened well before his alarm, but Kaiba figured there was no use laying in bed, doing nothing. There was no way he would be able to go back to sleep, and turning to see Jonouchi zonked out beside him, Kaiba decided to get a head start on his day.
Sliding out of the bed slowly, he quietly padded over to the bathroom and flipped the lock. He just needed some time to himself (surely Jonouchi could appreciate that; he'd complained about having time to himself, after all). Some of the anger had abated with sleep, but Kaiba could feel it hiding at the back of his throat, ready to make a swift return at the slightest agitation. The last thing he needed was another fight with Jonouchi, and with that in mind, using the next hour to collect his emotions seemed like the logical thing to do.
Letting the hot water pour down his body, Kaiba washed slowly, replaying the previous night's conversation in his head. He didn't regret anything he said. It was all true, and he wasn't going to apologize for any of it. Jonouchi was just being over-sensitive. Couldn't he see the good behind all of Kaiba's actions? No, Jonouchi would rather make things unnecessarily difficult by throwing them back in Kaiba's face every time he tried to be thoughtful.
It was starting to get old. If Kaiba was his usual self, he was an asshole; if he was a caring partner, he was still an asshole. Jonouchi wouldn't let him win. He was too preoccupied with feeling "emasculated" - which was preposterous in and of itself - to actually try at making their relationship work. Although Jonouchi admitted to "liking" him, what did that even mean? And was there any weight to those words at all?
He knew he was moving fast. But it wasn't like he and Jonouchi were strangers - they'd known each other a long time, and things had been changing between them since the summer. What was there to wonder about? They'd been physical, there were feelings, and they were together in an official relationship. If Jonouchi wasn't certain, he shouldn't have suggested it in the first place.
Kaiba was certain. He'd made up his mind, and there was no denying what he felt. What Jonouchi made him feel. It would have been easier if they hadn't tried at all - Kaiba could have walked away with mitigated damage, but now he was in for the long haul.
This was it for him. All or nothing. If nothing, then never again.
And Jonouchi was ashamed of them.
The conclusion left him with a sour taste in Kaiba's mouth. He didn't bother over such trifles as shame. Who cared what others thought? Kaiba wasn't about to let his life be dictated by something so irrelevant as others' perceptions of morality. Turning off the taps, he stepped out of the shower, a rush of cold air hitting his skin through the balmy steam. Quickly drying off, Kaiba wrapped a towel around his waist and looked at himself in the mirror, palms heavy and flat against the countertop.
He had dark circles under his eyes. That wasn't surprising. His skin seemed dry. His face looked dull and his expressions unnatural. He was tired.
Sighing deeply, Kaiba hung his head, palms pressing harder against the marble. He didn't want to deal with any of this. He had a whole work week ahead of him, and personal problems leaking into his professional life was unacceptable. Feeling something warm trickle down his lips, Kaiba tensed as his eyes snapped open. A small red dot colored the sink, soon joined by a larger second one. Cursing silently, Kaiba held a knuckle up to his nose and grabbed a fistful of tissues.
Of course.
By the time the steam had dissipated, his nosebleed had finally stopped. The sink looked like some kind of morbid drip painting. Chucking the tissues into the trash, Kaiba turned on the faucet and watched the blood dissolve in the water, swirling down the drain.
He took care of the rest of his appearance quickly, electing to wear one of his usual dark sweaters, just in case of a repeat occurrence. Kaiba was just glad that Jonouchi hadn't been awake to witness it.
Jonouchi was still sleeping. Feeling the back of his neck prickle, Kaiba marched over to the foot of the bed and roughly shook at the lump that was Jonouchi's leg.
"Wake up. We have work."
Jonouchi rose slowly on his elbows, his eyes bleary. He blinked them several times, "What the hell, Kaiba…" Yawning, Jonouchi turned to stare at the alarm clock, squinted, then rolled over to stare at Kaiba. He blinked again, his eyes finally coming to focus. "Hey, you're dressed already. Why didn't you wake me up?"
The prickling sensation rushed down to his chest. "Oh, I know the feeling," Kaiba replied with a bit more bite than intended. But once his mouth had opened, it was like he couldn't stop himself. "At least I didn't run off without you."
Face melting into a scowl, Jonouchi sat up straight, the sheets pooling around his hips. "Fuck, Kaiba, when are you going to let that go?" A fist slammed down into the mattress.
"When will you get over it?" Kaiba retorted.
"What are you even talking about?"
"You! You're perfectly fine when it comes to us fucking or for using me as a last resort whenever you need something, but then you act like actually being with me is some kind of detestable stigma. Why are we even together?" Kaiba nearly screamed. What the hell was he even doing? He felt possessed, fixated on every horrible emotion and hurtling them toward the one he held dear.
Making a show of rolling his eyes, Jonouchi sighed loudly as he untangled himself from the sheets. "Oh my god, Kaiba, I'm not getting into this with you right now. Not before work."
Kaiba stepped over, blocking Jonouchi's path. "You never want to talk about anything when it comes to us." He could see irritation blooming across Jonouchi's face, his body going rigid and hunched like an animal under attack.
"Get out of my damn way," Jonouchi growled, shoving at Kaiba's chest.
Kaiba slapped Jonouchi's hand away and crossed his arms. "You know, I don't get you. Feel 'emasculated' or whatever all you want - the only one making you feel that way is yourself," Kaiba said, his voice rising and laced with dark laughter. "You're like some impossible-to-please girlfriend. It's ridiculous."
He'd gone too far. Kaiba knew it once the words had escaped his lips, but looking at Jonouchi's eyes going dark, lips pulling back to reveal teeth, Kaiba couldn't find it in himself to care. All of his anger was ignited, burning white-hot until it transmuted into ice.
"I don't have to take this from you," Jonouchi snarled, stomping around Kaiba as he gathered his clothes from the floor and fiercely shoved them on. "You're being a massive prick. I'm leaving."
"Fine."
"You can go fuck yourself, Kaiba."
Slamming the door open, Jonouchi stormed down the hallway. Kaiba remained rooted in place until his heart had stopped hammering against his chest. Now it just hurt when he breathed. Rushing over to the doorway, Kaiba caught a glance of Jonouchi just as he turned the corner towards the staircase. He didn't realize the door just down the hall was open until his attention was broken by a voice.
Mokuba was standing just inside his bedroom, rubbing sleepily at his eyes. "Nii-sama, what's going on? Was that Jonou-"
"Drop it," Kaiba snapped.
Mokuba's eyebrows drew together, "Just tell me-"
"I said. Drop. It."
Making a face, Mokuba quickly shut his door, the noise resounding through the now-empty hallway. Sighing in exasperation, Kaiba turned heel and smacked his door closed. He sat down heavily on his bed, his head in his hands. He clenched them against his scalp, already feeling the headache ready to strike. The mattress was still warm from where Jonouchi had lain.
Fuck. Why did Jonouchi have to be a damn drama queen about everything? They could never have an adult conversation over things that meant anything - Jonouchi always flew at the first opportunity. And while Kaiba admitted that his delivery could have used some finesse, he'd been so frustrated that everything just spilled out unfiltered.
He was not apologizing.
The day went by surprisingly quick. There was meeting on top of meeting to take care of, and Kaiba found himself sucked in by his different department heads well until noon hit. Lunch had been so fast, Kaiba hardly remembered eating anything at all. It was only by the good graces of Eguchi that he had anything to eat: a standard bento box bought from the downstairs cafeteria that most of the staff frequented.
There was just too much to worry about to think about Jonouchi and their fight early that morning. Although Kaiba didn't want to admit to it, he had been way out of line waking up Jonouchi to conflict first thing in the morning, but it had felt good at the time. It was a release. After holding so much in the entire night before, Kaiba had to say something or explode.
Better to make a bad decision in his personal life than cause a scene during his professional one. He could always patch things up with Jonouchi once the initial anger had dissipated; overly-sensitive businessmen were a different story.
Jonouchi would get over it. He always did. The guy was pretty good at bouncing back; he had for years. They'd been feuding since the day they met, and Kaiba didn't think that would change much anytime soon. Now that the awkward fluttery feeling in his gut had finally passed, he could see things more clearly and decided to just call Jonouchi's bluff.
He could get mad if he wanted to. Kaiba didn't care.
It just came as a surprise when he still didn't get any kind of message or phone call once working hours had finished. Sitting alone in his executive office, Kaiba tried not to think anything of it. Jonouchi was probably fuming in his office, trying to decide what he wanted to do. Most likely, he'd relent and end up coming home with Kaiba.
Like he always did.
But an hour went by, and then another hour. Isono was the only person left on the floor with Kaiba, and after listening to the same sounds of his fingers hitting the keys of his computer non-stop, Kaiba paused before speaking, "Did Jonouchi come into work today?"
"No, sir."
"Why the hell not?"
"Jonouchi-sama took emergency leave for the entire week, Seto-sama."
Emergency leave? There was nothing urgent going on in his life, as far as Kaiba was aware. It sounded like a shit excuse to not come to work for a week and hide from him.
"Did he say what the emergency was?"
"His sister, sir," answered Isono.
"His sister..."
There was nothing wrong with Jonouchi's sister. Snorting, Kaiba rolled his eyes, subjecting himself to another forty minutes of number crunching before his phone started to vibrate. Picking it up, Kaiba inspecting the screen before sighing, dragging the password across and reading the message.
Someone had opened his suite at the Kaiba Hotel. Mokuba had used to be the one to abuse his privileges, but he'd been staying at the mansion more frequently. Kaiba hardly allowed anyone in there, and only a handful of people had access. Himself, Mokuba, Isono, and Jonouchi.
Jonouchi.
The fool had nowhere to live. Kaiba would have let him come home; he wasn't vindictive enough to kick Jonouchi out, but it didn't matter. If Jonouchi wanted to continue being reliant on him but deny it when questioned, so be it. Kaiba prefered that to him being back at his old apartment in the ghetto.
It just burned that Jonouchi was using his personal hotel room just to avoid having to talk to him. What kind of shit was that? Using his money and property was okay, but Jonouchi was embarrassed about their relationship. It was okay to use Kaiba's things and benefit from their intimacy, but Jonouchi was going to act ashamed whenever it was brought up.
Kaiba was sick of it. He hadn't finished everything he'd hoped to accomplish that day, but he was too angry to function anymore.
"Isono, take me home."
The car ride back to the rich suburbs was quiet. Isono hardly ever spoke unless spoken to first, which wasn't surprising. Kaiba wasn't really that talkative, either. He didn't speak to staff members unless instructing them, but Isono was a little more to him than just another servant.
But still. Kaiba kept silent, staring at his phone as his eyes burned from watching his lack of text messages. He sat there watching for what seemed like hours before he suddenly got one, and quickly opening it, he slumped dejectedly when Mokuba's name popped up.
'Don't work too hard. I bought a pizza.'
Snorting, Kaiba rolled his eyes. He didn't even like pizza that much. Mokuba was probably trying to tempt him home, and just his luck, Kaiba planned on coming back at a more reasonable time of his own volition.
Kaiba was glad for it. Being alone all night was nearly insufferable now; he'd gotten too used to having company. If anything, Jonouchi made the bed seem less intimidating and they wasted a lot of time together not doing much at all.
Mokuba was pretty good at that too, though. Once Kaiba arrived home, he found himself sucked into a game of Halo as soon as he had changed out of his work clothes, pizza lying on the floor and Mokuba squealing joyously everytime he won a campaign. They went at it for a long time, trying out different games that Mokuba had before the kid finally passed out in a food coma on Kaiba's bed.
Throwing the pizza box in the trash, Kaiba got ready for bed and had the pleasure of picking up Mokuba and tucking him into bed. Mokuba was heavy now, especially while asleep, and after narrowing his eyes at Mokuba's cute sleeping face, Kaiba stretched out his arms and shoulders before taking the other side.
This wasn't so bad. Jonouchi could go have a tantrum if he wanted to.
Waking up, Kaiba grumbled and turned around, finding himself alone. He blinked for a second, wiping his eyes as he realized that Mokuba had stayed with him the night before. Rotating, Kaiba fell onto his stomach, face in the spare pillow before he lifted his head and rubbed his nose against the sheets.
There was the familiar faint smell of his brother on the linen, but even more distinctively was Jonouchi's. Unsettled, Kaiba immediately picked himself up, staring at the comforter before suddenly tossing it off the bed.
That was the last thing he wanted to think about. He'd have the staff change his sheets so he'd be spared the unpleasant memories in the near future.
On his nightstand sat his cell phone, taunting him. Kaiba glared at it, turning heel in a huff. He wasn't going to be reduced to some needy, clingy boyfriend who constantly checked him phone for messages. The notion was absurd.
Cleaning himself up and getting dressed quickly, Kaiba made his way downstairs, phone still abandoned in his room. If he was lucky, maybe Mokuba would actually be up for a change and they could have breakfast together before he went and ran off to do whatever seventeen-year-olds did with their time. They hadn't been able to spend a lot of time together lately, especially with Jonouchi in the picture, and after the fun distraction of the night before, Kaiba realized he missed it. He'd had to haul Mokuba to bed after, but it made him feel like they were brothers again.
Entering the dining room, Kaiba was surprised to see Mokuba actually awake while it was still considered "morning," although he was still clad in pajamas. As usual when Mokuba was around, the table was littered with food, and Mokuba already had a large plate piled high when Kaiba approached the table. "This is a rare sight - you're up early," Kaiba noted, pouring himself a cup of coffee.
"I was hungry."
"Even after all that pizza? You ate nearly the entire pie. I don't even know where it goes," Kaiba teased.
"If I ever hope to get tall enough that you'll have to look up at me for once in my life," said Mokuba in a joking manner, "then I need to eat everything. Food will make me taller. It's been proven by science."
"Of course. Science," Kaiba smiled, "Are you sure that's not just your third stomach talking?"
"Oh stop it, Nii-sama, I'm not some cow."
There was a plate full of fried rice that Mokuba was tearing into, alongside a bowl of steaming miso soup, grilled salmon, and a bowl of fruit. The servants had put out many more dishes, but Kaiba couldn't possibly expect Mokuba to finish everything in front of him. He never ate so much food, even as a teenager.
Watching Mokuba hum happily to himself as he dug into his food made Kaiba suddenly feel horrible. Seeing him acting so childlike reminded him that they weren't only brothers, but that he'd raised the kid for twelve years.
"I'm sorry for snapping at you yesterday."
"I don't hold grudges, Nii-sama," laughed Mokuba as he continued eating his rice happily, "not like you do. I don't have that family trait."
"That's a relief," Kaiba said as he debated over what to eat. There were too many options. "I may look like Mom, but you got her personality."
"Oh?" Mokuba paused before blinking his eyes and his face spread into a smile. "You never talk about her."
"You're right," Kaiba agreed, "Sometimes it's easy to forget the life we had before." Well, not necessarily easy, but it made things easier to accept if he didn't think about the life they could have had. Should have had.
"Well," Mokuba probed, pulling up a seat for his brother before rolling his eyes and sighing, "tell me about her!"
Sitting down and pulling up a plate, Kaiba spooned some fruit onto it as he thought. "She was always very carefree and optimistic. With a bit of a streak of mischief, not unlike someone I know," Kaiba eyed his brother with a grin. "She loved art and music and used to sing around the house. I think that was her true passion, but she only remained a patron. She used to serve on some local arts boards, though."
"Why, because she had you?"
"Probably," Kaiba replied as he speared a blueberry with his fork, "She was always with me. I didn't realize at the time, but she must have given up her career when she became a mother. Dad was gone most of the time, but Mom was always there."
"I remember that," Mokuba remarked, "he was gone a lot. But I guess most dads are like that, so it must not have been because of us, right?"
"Dad played the single father role for a while. It must have been hard on him."
"Oh..."
Mokuba had gone very still. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that," Kaiba said gently. "Dad worked so much to support us, so that Mom's death wouldn't affect us so badly. He didn't hate us."
"Yeah, I know," sighed Mokuba, "but I remember him being gone a lot. We always had that nanny around watching us. She was nice, but it would have been better having dad around."
After that, Mokuba went silent again. He was shoveling food into his mouth, eyes downcast towards his plate.
Kaiba sighed, setting down his fork. "I guess while I'm at it, I might as well come clean. That was Jonouchi yesterday morning."
"Yeah, I wasn't born yesterday, Nii-sama."
Mokuba smirked a little as he turned to drink his soup from the bowl.
"Sometimes I feel like he was…" Kaiba mumbled underneath his breath, drawing a curious look from Mokuba. He picked up his fork again and flicked the fruit around his plate.
Mokuba frowned. "First of all, Nii-sama, you knew Jonouchi was a high strung person, so you shouldn't be surprised by his outbursts. Second, I thought we had an unspoken agreement that you wouldn't parade your boyfriends around and I wouldn't ask about them. Now we're having a talk about Jonouchi? That's just bizarre."
Kaiba mirrored Mokuba's frown, his attention focused on mutilating the mix of berries and sliced bananas on his plate. "Jonouchi is different. It's serious. Or at least I thought it was, I don't even fucking know…"
"What exactly does 'serious' even mean?"
"It means I want him around for a long time. A very long time," Kaiba said, finally meeting Mokuba's gaze. "I thought you should know."
"Not really," snorted Mokuba. He laughed before stuffing an apple in his face, crutching away before finally swallowing. "I didn't think you'd ever like anyone enough to say something like that, Nii-sama. Besides, you two never got along well and from the looks of things, not much has changed. Jonouchi looked upset, when he stormed off. If I were you, I'd be happy that he was spending time with me in the first place, after all the crap you up him through in high school."
Mokuba grinned that impish little grin of his before taking another bite from his apple.
"What did you say to set him off?"
Kaiba could feel his frown grow deeper, his jaw tensing. "Mokuba, I'm not incapable of feeling affection for someone. And why do you automatically assume it was my fault? Jonouchi and I fought in high school, but he instigated more than half of those fights."
"Because your mean streak is far greater than his is," replied Mokuba easily, "and besides that, you're bossy. Jonouchi's not."
"Because I have opinions that are right, that makes me the bad guy? I make decisions and stick by them; Jonouchi could use some of that same ethic," Kaiba retorted sourly.
"Maybe right by you, but why would you think a guy like Jonouchi would appreciate you pushing him around like that? He's not an effeminate guy, Nii-sama. I didn't think he even went that way until the day I found you two in the entertainment room playing video games together," Mokuba recalled, "and I'm pretty sure he's far less- experienced- than you are. Maybe your opinions aren't right this time.
"It does happen sometimes."
Even though he was scowling, Kaiba couldn't help but admire his brother's observational skills. Smart damn brat. "Rarely, if ever," Kaiba muttered. "Jonouchi needs someone to push him around. He has no damn direction in his life, and he's always wavering on something. He creates a mess for himself and expects me to clean it up but then resents me afterward, even though I was right all along."
"Jonouchi's not that much older than me, so I don't know why you are expecting so much out of him," chuckled Mokuba before he grabbed a strawberry and popped it into his mouth. "Besides, I'm a hundred percent sure Jonouchi is capable of cleaning up his own messes since he did live in the crappy side of town for years, and here you are just doing stuff for him without asking and expecting his gratitude for your help, right? He's not going to praise you for being patronizing, Nii-sama. He's not looking for a white knight.
"If that's what you want out of him, maybe you should start seeing someone else," laughed Mokuba.
Kaiba felt his stomach bottom out. See someone else? Go through all that bullshit again? Never. Not like anyone could ever compare. "Yeah, that crappy side of town that got him put into a hospital. And who was the one to help him out then? You weren't there, Mokuba - you can't call someone helping another person out patronizing. I care about him; is that so villainizing?" A slice of banana was laid waste, crushed underneath the back of Kaiba's fork. "And we're only three months apart in age, so explain that," he huffed.
"Nii-sama," Mokuba sighed very loudly before shaking his head, "you have the maturity of a person twice your age and the sense of a kid sometimes...
"If Jonouchi hasn't asked for your help those other times after, then you shouldn't force it on him. Do you remember why I left to California?"
"You never really told me; you just up and left." Much like the subject of their conversation. But Kaiba could vividly remember the sleepless nights. The constant worry. It was how Jonouchi came back into Kaiba's life in the first place.
"You were driving me crazy!" Mokuba blurted it out rather loudly, enough that Kaiba jumped a little in his seat. "You're probably driving Jonouchi nuts, too. Even if you are right, sometimes you just need to keep your perfect opinions to yourself and let Jonouchi figure shit out himself. Or else he'll never get better.
"You wouldn't let me grow up, so I left so I could. It was a great experience," Mokuba grinned.
"Oh? You'll have to tell me all about it," Kaiba muttered. "I can't help it - it's who I am. But even when I'm trying to be considerate, he could care less. You say I'm probably driving him crazy, but the same could go for me!"
"So? Be the bigger guy, then."
Kaiba sighed heavily, pushing his plate away and rising to stand. "I've got to get to work. I'll see you tonight."
"Glad I could help!"
Rolling his eyes, Kaiba marched back upstairs to collect his briefcase and suit jacket. He stared at his phone for a long time, finally pocketing it before he left. He wouldn't be the first to call or send a message, but at least he could monitor Jonouchi's movements somewhat with it.
"Be the bigger guy"? Wasn't that what he'd been doing? He'd tolerated so much of Jonouchi's crap - his constant indecision and starting and stalling - was it really so terrible to demand some answers? Why was he always made out to be the bad guy?
The question stayed with him through the morning, picking at his attention. Kaiba felt so irritated that he'd had Eguchi send proxies to his meetings - he couldn't be bothered to deal with other people at the moment, listening to them drone on about things he didn't have the patience to focus on. Instead Kaiba fixed himself behind his computer, parsing through lines of code from the R&D team's latest program iteration. It was menial, mindless work, but at least he was being productive and not terrorizing half of his company.
It was just before noon when his cell phone jerked to life, buzzing across his desk. Kaiba felt a jolt spring from his stomach and radiate up through his chest, hating himself a little for it. He quickly snatched his phone up, punching in his code and scrolling to the alert.
Jonouchi had checked out of the hotel.
Kaiba's first instinct was to think it was a strange action, given Jonouchi really didn't have a place to go, but he brushed the feeling aside. Perhaps Jonouchi only did it as a formality. Maybe he was back on the apartment hunt, optimistic that he would find something that day. It was unlikely, but Kaiba knew that Jonouchi tended to act on impulse, and given their recent fight, he was probably even more motivated to find a place of his own.
Whatever. Jonouchi could do what he wanted with his paycheck. But until then, Kaiba was certain Jonouchi would continue to freeload at the hotel, taking advantage of something he didn't even have permission to have. There wasn't a doubt in Kaiba's head that Jonouchi wouldn't return to the suite that night.
Only night came, and he hadn't.
Kaiba hadn't received any alerts that his suite was in use, and accessing the security cameras in the room revealed that it was indeed empty. It was a little perturbing, but it wasn't cause for alarm just yet - the idiot could've merely gotten drunk at a friend's place and crashed there for the night. Kaiba knew it wouldn't have been the first time for Jonouchi.
But then Wednesday passed, as did Thursday, and then it became truly worrying. There hadn't been any communication since their fight at the beginning of the week, and Jonouchi hadn't returned. He could be anywhere. Couch surfing like a vagrant. Lying in a ditch somewhere, dead. He could've up and left like his father before him.
A hundred different threads of events wove through Kaiba's brain, knotting and tangling until it was hard to think straight. He wasn't sleeping any better, either, and the initial uncertainty began to grow into fear and then panic, festering until it started to change back into anger.
How dare Jonouchi just leave like that, make him worry to the point where it became hard to think of anything else? Kaiba knew he could just cave first and extend the proverbial olive branch, but he wasn't in the wrong. Jonouchi was just trying to punish him, and it was working.
Kaiba felt as though he was being pulled from all directions, and if something didn't give soon, he would snap. He was pent up with frustration, worry, and anger, and that's how he found himself beating off in the shower like a teenager the next morning. It only helped so much, and after the initial rush, Kaiba felt even worse than he had before.
What the hell was wrong with him?
At least he hadn't gotten a stupid nosebleed, though. Kaiba had rubbed his knuckles against his nostrils to check, and for once, there was no tell-tale trickle of blood falling down onto his lip.
Still. The humiliation stayed with him for the rest of the day.
Mokuba was gone at night, too, which made the loneliness worse. Coming home from work and finding no one to spend time with was like insult to injury, and Kaiba wanted to tear his hair out for becoming so attached that he just locked himself in his office, his eyes going back and forth between the computer and his cell phone.
There was no call, though. No change. It continued like that for what seemed like days, until finally, returning from a late business dinner that Sunday night, Kaiba checked his phone to find that the hotel had been checked into.
His first reaction was to drive right there and grab Jonouchi before he could disappear again, demanding where he'd gone and why he hadn't said anything for so long. Common sense told him that would land him a punch in the mouth, and logic dictated that nothing good would come of it. If Jonouchi hadn't bothered communicating with him, why should Kaiba? Was he really so broken that he couldn't last a week without caving in?
He didn't want to answer that question. Wandering into the kitchen and finding an unopened bottle of sake, Kaiba began drinking, his eyes burning as he stared out into space until his anger became too much to contain.
Three small glasses later, he found himself in the back of his limousine, staring out into the darkness of the suburbs as Isono drove him towards the city. He could make out the faint glow of Domino City at night, the familiar skyline welcoming as the landmark KC symbol stood alone as the city's beacon.
It wouldn't take long to get there. Most people didn't drive into Domino at night, and the trains stopped running around midnight. Checking his watch, Kaiba had to blink before he could read it clearly. 2311. There was no way Jonouchi would have left the hotel room, so late at night. Kaiba would finally be able to get some damn answers.
After waving Isono off, Kaiba found himself standing in front of the door to his suite. He didn't remember the elevator ride up, which was particularly disturbing, but he was there, standing like an idiot in front of his own door. He pawed at the lock with his key card until it clicked open, stumbled inside, then kicked the door closed, not worrying about how loud he was being. Fuck them. It was his hotel.
The solitary light of one lamp illuminated the main room, and Kaiba had to squint past his mild inebriation to see across the dimness. An assortment of beer cans and cheap sake bottles formed a tiny cityscape on the coffee table, others lying abandoned on the floor. The smell of the combination hit Kaiba almost like an afterthought, rushing across his senses and gifting him with a brief moment of vertigo. His eyes refocused, and he carefully scanned the room: couch cushions and pillows lie askew on the floor, a side chair upturned. It looked and smelled like something from a high school house party.
Feeling his body grow hot, Kaiba peeled off his overcoat, tossing it to the floor. He stomped his way over to the dark corner of the bedroom mostly on muscle memory, flicking the lights on and instantly regretting it as his eye adjusted painfully to the change.
The bedroom was even worse. More bottles and cans of alcohol sat like a moat near the side of the bed. The bed itself was a rumpled mountain of comforter and sheets, Jonouchi sprawled somewhere in the middle of it. Kaiba could make out a foot, a leg, an elbow, and a tuft of blond hair peeking out from the folded rivets.
Kaiba stepped forward and nearly lost his balance, his foot sliding against something slick and crinkly. He managed to catch himself in time, bracing against the doorway, and Kaiba irritably snatched up the offending object and held it close to his face for inspection.
He was greeted by breasts. Bare, large ones, courtesy of a smiling, skimpily-clothed girl in a centerfold. Scowling, Kaiba crumpled the magazine in his hands, tossing it over his shoulder. Now that his eyes had adjusted, he could see a variety of similar magazine strewn everywhere - naked girls in raunchy and titillating positions and with come-hither expressions - littering the floor and the bed. Edging closer, Kaiba discovered one laying across Jonouchi's shoulder, as though he'd been eyeing it up until the moment he'd passed out.
It pissed him off beyond belief. What, did Jonouchi really think some porno rags could be the cure that would make him completely straight again? It was more than offensive, it was just - utterly ridiculous.
Plucking the magazine up and chucking it across the room, Kaiba batted some of the bedding down, climbing across it until he was leaning down next to Jonouchi. He stared at him for a moment - clad only in boxers riding dangerously low on his hips, reeking of alcohol, and snoring up a storm like some kind of fabled monster - and then took hold of Jonouchi's shoulder and shook hard.
"Wake the fuck up."
Jonouchi blinked, rolling onto his stomach before grabbing a pillow and tightly covering his head with it.
"Go away."
"The fuck I will. This is my room. Now get up." He shook again, harder this time.
Jonouchi didn't budge. His grip was tight and his arms were flexed, the muscles constricted as his fingers dug into the pillow.
"I am way too drunk to deal with you," Jonouchi grumbled against the mattress, "stop being a giant dick for once."
"Not my problem," Kaiba retorted, reaching over to tug at the pillow. It took a couple of tries, but eventually Jonouchi's grip gave out, and the case of feathers went sailing across the bed. "Stop acting like a fucking child."
Jonouchi suddenly sprung up, trying to jump out of the bed. Kaiba was quick, grabbing his arm and pulling him hard enough to shove him back into the mattress.
"What is your damn problem?" demanded Jonouchi as he reached forward and shoved at Kaiba's chest before throwing a dirty rag towards his face, "Why can't you be a fucking normal person and just fuck off when you see that I don't want nothing to do with you? Don't want me here? Fine, I'll fucking crash at Honda's place..."
"Cut the fucking crap, Jonouchi. If you didn't want anything to do with me, you wouldn't have retreated here to lick your wounds, of all fucking places."
"Okay fine. I'm leaving."
"Like you always do? Not this time." Kaiba shoved at Jonouchi again, rotating to sit heavily on his legs and pin him in place. "We need to talk."
Narrowing his eyes, Jonouchi tried lifting up his knee to jab Kaiba in the groin, but the pressure was too much and he just squirmed instead, huffing angrily. Turning his head away, he focused towards the door out of the room, his eyes burning and body tensing up like he was ready to spring up at any moment.
It felt like rejection, scorching deep in Kaiba's chest. Nearly a week had gone by, and Jonouchi didn't even want to look at him. The feeling rose and constricted Kaiba's throat, taking residence. "I truly don't get you. Am I so abhorrent to you that you can't even stomach to face me?"
Jonouchi didn't answer but his eyes flickered for a moment before he slowly turned to shake his head no. But he wouldn't speak and that indignant look on his face remained.
Kaiba leaned forward, bracing a hand on either side of Jonouchi's head. Jonouchi's reactions stung, and it incensed him that he was allowing himself to become so torn up over it. "What do you want from me, Jonouchi? I feel like I could give you the fucking world, and it would never be enough."
"I want you to leave me alone," muttered Jonouchi under his breath. He paused for a moment, sighing deeply before he actually turned his face to look Kaiba in the eyes. "I want you to stop trying to tell me how I should feel. How about that? It would be nice if you'd fucking get off my back for once and stop guilt tripping me because I need more time to think things through and you just want to bulldoze me every chance you get. I'm sick of it."
"Well forgive me for assuming the truth about something you're too afraid to admit," Kaiba replied acidly. "It's a little too late to 'think things through.' We're already in a relationship, one that I'll remind you was your idea."
"But you don't fucking own me, Kaiba," spat Jonouchi back, "I'm not your fucking wife, and you can go fuck yourself if you think you can order me around like one just because we see each other."
Kaiba couldn't help the tiny bubble of dark laughter that escaped his lips, his fingertips pressing deeper into the mattress. "Wife? Don't you fucking wish. It would be easier, wouldn't it, because you wouldn't have to fret over something so stupid. Did you really think that staring at tits all day would fix you?"
"I'm not fucking gay," Jonouchi said as his voice constricted a little against his will, "and if it's not such a big deal, how about you turn around and try taking it for once, hmm? Put your money where your mouth is."
"I'm not the one in denial," Kaiba taunted, "I don't need to prove anything."
"But you wouldn't do it. Not even for me, so don't talk like you fucking would, because you wouldn't."
"Why's it such a big fucking deal? It's sex, and obviously you get off on it, so what's your fucking problem?"
There was no answer. Jonouchi shut down again, turning his head sharply away before breathing in and out quickly through his nose. His eyebrows were furrowing, neck tense as a vein began to rise against his skin, and Jonouchi kept his mouth shut, unmoving.
Sitting back on his knees, Kaiba pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes and silently screamed in his head. Jonouchi's constant rejection made him feel lonelier than ever, even though they were in the same room, the warmth of Jonouchi's flushed skin radiating underneath him.
"Where did you go?"
"To see my sister, you control freak."
"You could have said something. God, does disappearing run in the Jonouchi genes? Do you know how worr-" Kaiba cut himself off, not wanting to admit it to Jonouchi. Not like he would appreciate it, anyway.
"You know what? You're right. I am a control freak. Because I'm right. And things would be a hell of a lot easier once you realized that and stopped being so goddamn stubborn. Stop denying who and what you are. Just get over it, already. You can't change it, and it's not a big fucking deal like you're making it out to be."
Jonouchi shook his head though, trying to turn onto his side. He reached for the pillow again before Kaiba batted it out of his hands and frustrated, Jonouchi ended up shoving at Kaiba's chest again angrily.
"So you think because you're always right that means you can just override everything like I'm one of your lackeys?" questioned Jonouchi as his eyes started to tear up, "Do you even like me, or are you just looking for someone else to control? You just want to see how far you can push before I'll break, because that's what you get off on. That's all you fucking care about. Keeping me under you any fucking way possible, because everything always has to be your damn way. Fuck everyone else's feelings."
"Are you fucking kidding me, Jonouchi?" Kaiba yelled, "If you really believe that, then you're delusional. Have you even been paying attention at all these past few months?"
"I'm not talking to you anymore," said Jonouchi as his voice broke, "I'm done. I'm going to Honda's place, I don't need to take this shit from you. Don't want me here, fine, even though I'm fucking sure you were relieved when I came back to this place..."
"You wanted to come back, so don't act like I'm the only one benefitting here."
"I had to come back because I had no place else to go," shouted Jonouchi angrily, "but you wanted it that way. I bet you can't even function without knowing where I am every second of the day, and that's why you showed up now of all times. You are pathetic, Kaiba. You used to be indifferent to everything, but now you're fucking housebroken. You just leech off of everyone, and it's a miracle that Mokuba ever came back to you."
Kaiba gnashed his teeth, angry at himself for how everything was spiraling downwards, but unable to stop himself. His heart was rattling in his chest, his vision becoming spotted. He bore down onto Jonouchi, his hands gripping the other's biceps hard, and glared. "Don't make me laugh. No place else to go? You had options, and you chose here, so what does that say about you? You must enjoy being under me, or else you never would have come back. You have no right to act all mighty and call me housebroken, when you can't even be honest with yourself."
"Fine. Let me go and I'll leave right now," challenged Jonouchi as he grabbed Kaiba's hands and squeezed hard, digging his nails into Kaiba's fair skin, "You say you don't think I would, but you won't let me go, either. And you never fucking will. You're afraid."
It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of him. Kaiba couldn't even register the pain in his wrists, the moment just seemed to freeze as his eyes locked with Jonouchi's. They stayed like that, unmoving like statues, neither willing to yield. And then Kaiba felt a shattering, and he spoke.
"Everyone called me the cold one, but your heart must be made of ice." He allowed his arms to buckle, and he collapsed against Jonouchi, sighing deeply against his neck in frustration. Jonouchi had called his bluff, and the resulting feeling was agonizing. Why was Kaiba the only one feeling this way?
Being so close only intensified Kaiba's loneliness. He'd missed Jonouchi the entire week he was gone, almost worrying himself sick over his whereabouts. It was pathetic to admit, but it was true. But he cared about Jonouchi, after all, so wasn't that normal? He couldn't have been the only one to have suffered. If Jonouchi cared about him even a little bit, shouldn't he be sad, too?
"Didn't you miss me at all?" Kaiba asked quietly. He waited, motionlessly, for a response that never came.
Instead, his answer came in the form of a sudden wetness against his face. Lifting up, Kaiba could see the thin trail across Jonouchi's cheek from where a tear had slid down. Jonouchi's entire face was tight, his eyes glassy from unshed tears.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Jonouchi's voice was barely audible. His lip trembled before he tried hiding his face again.
Slumping down onto Jonouchi again, Kaiba didn't know what to do. He felt miserable, but that one tear had birthed a tiny seed of hope. Jonouchi wasn't heartless, so maybe they weren't doomed after all, but still he refused to let Kaiba in. The isolation tore at him, because there was no way to fix it, and so Kaiba gave in, allowing instinct to take over.
He pressed his lips into the crook of Jonouchi's neck, savoring the familiar softness. Kaiba just wanted to feel something - anything - other than the emptiness that threatened to consume him. Even the anger was preferable, but he'd run completely out. Jonouchi tried smacking at Kaiba's shoulders to get him to stop, but Kaiba caught one of the hands in his, his free hand grazing down to press against Jonouchi's side.
Kaiba shifted his weight, his ministrations becoming more intentional as he nipped and sucked along the line of Jonouchi's jaw, traveling upward until he coaxed Jonouchi into a kiss that was barely reciprocated. He could feel Jonouchi's body shuddering underneath him, his breathing becoming faster as Kaiba tried to elicit some kind of verbal response from him.
Whenever his hand fell on Jonouchi's stomach, he could feel his muscles tremble under his touch. It was a strange feeling, and Kaiba knew for sure that Jonouchi was feeling something, no matter what he tried or didn't try to say. He was holding it in, out of stubbornness, and Kaiba was too desperate for any kind of receptive signal to be mad over it.
Moving so he was looking down at Jonouchi, Kaiba met his eyes, holding the side of his face when he tried looking away. Jonouchi's eyes were focused elsewhere, tears still trapped in the ducts, and Kaiba bent down, touching Jonouchi's lips before trying to use his thumb to persuade him into opening his mouth.
He stubbornly refused, and feeling anxious, Kaiba planted his other hand firmly on the man's hip, becoming more aggressive in his approach until finally, Jonouchi gasped and opened his mouth, his bottom lip quivering as Kaiba tugged it with his teeth. Brown eyes flashed as Kaiba pulled away, and unable to stop himself, he bore down on Jonouchi, lips crushing hard into each other before he found himself near out of breath.
Jonouchi no longer tried forcing him off. He seemed anxious, his body shuddering before his shoulders would hunch up and his heart seemed to beat faster and faster. Sliding a hand down from his hip to his inner thigh, Kaiba started to stroke him gently, touching the soft skin and hair until Jonouchi finally relaxed and he pressed against him, their groins meeting and Kaiba's growing erection rubbing through the tight material of his leather pants.
Kaiba felt so warm. His body was on fire again, and just like the first time, he felt that unshakable urge to have Jonouchi again. It overcame Kaiba like a tidal wave, knocking against him before the feeling became so intense, he couldn't stop himself from rushing. He kissed Jonouchi so hard, Kaiba was nearly afraid of bruising him, and while Jonouchi didn't try pushing him off, he gasped a few times in obvious discomfort.
Thankfully, Jonouchi wasn't wearing much in the way of clothes. Kaiba could feel just about all of him, and it was only his own that were separating the two. The urgent need to take them off quickly came over him, and picking himself up suddenly, Kaiba looked down as he hastily threw off his shirt and pulled his belt off, Jonouchi watching him in a mix drunken haze. His brown eyes looked unable to focus, slowly looking over Kaiba's body before meeting his face, and he just stood there watching as Kaiba struggled through getting his pants off. The leather was tight, and once it came off completely, Kaiba stripped them both down completely before laying back down again, fitting between Jonouchi's thighs before grabbing his hip and rolling his groin against him. Jonouchi let out a low moan, and becoming more encouraged, Kaiba continued harder and faster, feeling the bulge growing until it was pressing hard against him and he didn't feel nearly so self-conscious about what they were doing.
Jonouchi lazily threw his hands over Kaiba's neck, tangling his hands into his hair. Kaiba didn't even care that his face was turned away as he continued to fill the room with abrupt cries; Kaiba could feel that he was wanted and that was enough. He wasn't alone and Jonouchi did want him. He needed him, just as much, even if he was too damn proud and stubborn to admit it.
But at the same time, Kaiba felt unsure. Jonouchi's breath stank of alcohol and whenever he kissed him, pressing his tongue into the man's mouth and tangling it with Jonouchi's, there was a sharp taste of vodka that sent Kaiba's nerve endings rushing down his spine in an abruptive jolt.
He was conflicted, and hungry, and so lonely. Jerking off to a shower could never compete, and against his better sense, he grabbed hold of Jonouchi's dick, pumping it a few times in his hand until Jonouchi was stiff and he could feel precum against his fingers.
That was enough. Pulling away, he scrambled to the bedside drawer, and he fumbled with grabbing the lubricant and pack of condoms he had stored there. Jonouchi's chest was sweaty, the bright sheen noticeable under the bedroom lights, and when he flipped over, Kaiba could feel his erection jerk excitedly. There were beads of sweat falling down the dip of Jonouchi's spine, and his shoulders rolled as he settled there, looking back with a gaze that made Kaiba fumble with the bottle.
He nearly dropped it before opening the cap. Was this really the same person who not an hour ago had pushed him away, insisting he wasn't gay? And now here he was, his ass hiked up in the air in an invitation.
It didn't matter. Kaiba was overtaken with sheer need, fevered for release and connection. He was less than careful. Jonouchi jumped at the intrusion, automatically uncomfortale, but Kaiba continued until Jonouchi became accustomed to him. He even started responding back to him, encouraging it, before Kaiba finally stopped.
He wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. A green reflection caught at the corner of his eye: the foil wrappers of the condoms he'd taken out. Kaiba knew in his current state that attempting to put one on would be useless, and so he flicked the packets away, scattering like leaves to the floor. Taking hold of Jonouchi's hips, Kaiba pulled him back until Jonouchi right under him.
Right where he belonged.
It was staggering, and Jonouchi's moan was loud enough that Kaiba could hear it even though Jonouchi's face was pressed into the mattress. He felt a rush sweep up from his spine to his head, almost dizzying. Kaiba moved, another loud moan rumbling in Jonouchi's throat. It was addictive, and Kaiba wanted to hear it over and over, his heart swelling and his lips turning up into a feral grin. He was the one doing this to Jonouchi. It was no secret that Jonouchi could work him up into a mindless state, but Jonouchi wasn't any different. Every single sound Jonouchi made gave Kaiba a thrill unlike he'd ever experienced.
He could feel himself losing control, his hold on Jonouchi tight as he became relentless. The bedroom became a cacophony of sound, creaking and banging, panting and moaning, and Kaiba couldn't tell which were his or Jonouchi's. All he could focus on were the contracting muscles of Jonouchi's shoulders, the building inside him, and the pleasurable friction that shock up his spine. Eyes trailing up Jonouchi's back, Kaiba's gaze settled at their juncture, riveted at the sight of their joining.
Reality splintered, Kaiba's senses muted before they all exploded at once. He felt himself twitch and then release. Fingers digged hard into Jonouchi's hips. Kaiba felt himself poured out, his body shaking slightly before he got a grip on himself. Kaiba heard Jonouchi gasp through his haze, and then the moment was over.
It took a while for his breathing to return back to normal. Kaiba panted, watching below as Jonouchi collapsed onto the bed, withdrawing before digging his own hands into his hair. His face was covered by the pillow, and no longer on his knees, Jonouchi just laid there, so still, before Kaiba knelt besides him. He reached out to rub his back, but Jonouchi shuddered, pulling away so suddenly, Kaiba felt his heart jump before he saw the man nearly scramble over to the edge of the mattress, hiding under the covers before tightening into a ball.
Kaiba didn't know how to react. He blinked at first, completely shocked, before sighing. Getting up, he made a quick stop to the bathroom, cleaning up and washing his hands before returning and shutting off the lights.
Feeling dejected, he wasn't even sure if he should try saying something to Jonouchi. He got under the covers and laid there on his side, eyes staring at the lump that was Jonouchi's back for sometime before he made out what had to be a sob, one turning into two before the sound was continuous and Kaiba knew he wasn't just hearing things.
Carefully reaching out, Kaiba pressed a palm flat between Jonouchi's shoulder blades. They flinched and shook. "Jonouchi?" he whispered.
There was just abrupt sniffling. Jonouchi turned onto his stomach, hiding his face under his arm before the other hand grabbed at his hair again. There was a sound of an aggravated groan, but besides that, no answer.
Kaiba shifted closer, his fingers rubbing circles against Jonouchi's back. "Katsuya? Please talk to me."
"About what?" Jonouchi croaked, his voice completely constricted, "I'm a fucking loser. Goodnight."
A sinking feeling settled into Kaiba's bones, the post-elation rapidly wearing off. "Don't be like that. Why are you crying?"
"B-because I am," Jonouchi sobbed, his body trying to become small although he didn't have anywhere to go, "I can't stop. I don't want to talk about it."
His fingers stopped their movements, slipping down to Jonouchi's middle. Kaiba tried to wrap his arms around Jonouchi as much as he could manage, pulling the other closer to him before threading a hand in Jonouchi's hair. They stayed like that for a while, silent, Jonouchi shaking as Kaiba tried to soothe him.
"I do love you. You know that, right?"
Jonouchi just nodded his head up and down, still sniffing before wiping at his nose.
Kaiba held him tighter, softly stroking his hair until the sobs subsided and Jonouchi fell asleep. It would take Kaiba a long time after to follow him.
The original line, "I do love you. You know that, right?" came from the 2012 writing with SeptimaDesu.
:)