When Jonouchi finally woke up the next day, he felt raw. His eyes were puffy, and his lips felt bruised. It was all extremely disorienting. He felt like how he had the first time he'd woken up in Kaiba's bedroom, only they were in the hotel, the room stinking of beer and liquor. Scrunching his face in discomfort, Jonouchi only managed to lift himself by his elbow before putting a hand to his hair, collapsing back down and sighing loudly.
His shoulders hurt. Kaiba was laying heavily on his back, and Jonouchi could tell his backside felt funny. He didn't even have to guess at what had happened; he had been drunk, but not to the point of blacking out. Pillow still moist from tears the night before, Jonouchi frowned before laying his head on his arm and staring at the wall in front of him.
His movement must have wakened Kaiba, as he began to stir, retracting his arms from around Jonouchi. He turned onto his back, scooted up to rest against the headboard, and scrubbed at his eyes. Pulling his knees up, he held his head in his hands, his breathing very shallow and quiet.
"I'm sorry for last night."
"Yeah, me too," answered Jonouchi in a low voice.
Jonouchi was thankful for one thing, though. He didn't feel like throwing up, considering the amount of alcohol he'd put down the night before. Dehydration was gnawing at him, but he could ignore the desire to drink until he didn't feel so sore and exposed. Until then, he didn't feel like climbing out of the bed butt-naked just yet. Besides, he didn't even know where all his clothes were.
Kaiba inhaled deeply beside him, his face still obscured. "I...shouldn't have done that. I don't know why you were crying, but it was wrong of me."
"Why did you have to bring up the crying," sighed Jonouchi before he groaned internally. "It's not exactly my proudest moment."
"I don't like making you upset, Jonouchi."
"It wasn't entirely all your doing," admitted Jonouchi with another sigh. He dropped his head onto the pillow, covering his chin with his forearm. "I cry when I'm frustrated. Or relieved. Or feeling too much of everything at once. Your poor life choices can't take all the credit, Kaiba."
It was an embarrassing admission, but whatever. He'd have to make peace with it sometime. Jonouchi was a crier. No matter how many times his father yelled at him for it or his mother rolled his eyes at him, Jonouchi got swept away with his feelings and cried. At least his friends never said anything about it.
Kaiba finally peered out to steal a glance at Jonouchi, then quickly looked away. "Which was it, this time?"
"All of it."
Even though Jonouchi couldn't really see him, he could practically feel the frown spreading across Kaiba's face. "I can understand the first and the last reasons, but why relieved? Last night wasn't...one of our better moments."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I wasn't glad that you were back," Jonouchi said before brushing his hair back. "I would have prefered you not screaming in my face, but shit happens I guess. I'd just like that never to happen again. I already hate myself a little for last night, so yeah. We don't have to talk about it."
Shifting his legs flat, Kaiba crossed his arms in front of his chest, sliding minutely down the headboard. "I'd like to talk about it. How can we fix things if we keep everything to ourselves?"
"By not drinking before having a blowout," said Jonouchi under his breath before hiding his face deeper into his arm.
"Unless we both start drinking responsibly, that doesn't seem likely," Kaiba explained with a sigh, "so let's just try to work things out."
"You start, then."
There was a brief moment of silence. Kaiba had gone very still again, and Jonouchi could almost picture the cogs in his brain whirring and clicking as they worked.
"I know I can be controlling. It's the way I've always been. I've spent the past twelve years maneuvering ways to get Mokuba and myself to the place we are now. I was powerless for a long time, and I never wanted to feel that way again. However, I'll try better to respect your independence and not always undermine your desires. You're only my employee when you're on the clock, after all."
"You pointed out once before that I didn't have actual working hours, remember?" snorted Jonouchi as he rolled his eyes before adjusting himself on the mattress. "I'd like that, though. And I'll stop running away all the time, and I won't crash here anymore when I'm too mad and proud to face you."
Kaiba's arms dropped to the mattress, one hand stretching over to gently comb through Jonouchi's hair. "I wouldn't kick you out just because we had a fight. I really didn't even mind your coming here. It never felt good whenever you ran away; it made me worried not knowing what had happened, or if you were safe, or if you'd left me for good. So the next time you feel like running, just...tell me first. I'll give you space."
"You never have before."
"You always ran before I could, or even before I knew you needed it."
"Oh." Jonouchi went silent for a while, enjoying the tingling of his scalp as Kaiba's long fingers went through his hair before he closed his eyes and sighed once more, "Well, sorry about that."
He didn't know what to say about the rest. The one big looming question in his mind was what actually happened last night. Jonouchi could remember, but his brain was fuzzy and he could feel a headache coming on. Between screaming in Kaiba's face and shoving him away with his arms and suddenly being caught in a lip lock to getting on his stomach, Jonouchi felt incredibly unsure about the whole thing.
He wasn't sure how to bring it up. Usually recalling sex was just embarrassing, for obvious reasons, but considering the way they'd done it...well, that was just humiliating. Jonouchi had done a lot of stupid things in the past, but this one took the cake. He wasn't sure how Kaiba could ever respect him again after not only caving in but actually just throwing his ass out there like some uke in an ero manga. Jonouchi wanted to slap himself a dozen times, but it was too late now, and in the moment, he'd enjoyed it. A lot.
That made the feelings even worse.
Why did Kaiba have to be the manly one between the two of them? It didn't make sense. He was the bitchy one, the romantic who fretted over Jonouchi's whereabouts and could seize him up for clothes with freakish accuracy, and dressed in outlandish outfits with more confidence than a teen pop star, yet... Jonouchi was the one taking it up in the ass. He didn't understand.
How the hell did he end up that gay?
And Kaiba wasn't. How?
Swallowing, Jonouchi shifted his eyes, looking up at Kaiba before feeling the corners of his mouth twitch. "When did you realize you were into men instead of women?"
The hand in his hair paused before it continued its work. "I suppose in some ways, I've always known," Kaiba began. "They always seemed to grab my attention more, but I didn't really think about it. I didn't have the time to think about it. After dating that actress didn't work out, I just went with it. Followed my attraction, then never really looked back."
"Do you know why you prefer men?"
"No. I must be wired that way. It felt right, in ways it didn't feel with women. There was no use fighting it." When Jonouchi remained silent, Kaiba sighed. "The female body is beautiful, but it does nothing for me. I don't prefer its softness; I like the angles and hard muscles of the male form. You could show me the most desirable woman on the planet, but she would do nothing to excite me. It's nothing against them, but on a physical level, I don't respond to them."
"Huh... but you like to top," remarked Jonouchi as he looked away from Kaiba and felt his face scrunch up again, "I don't understand much of any of it at all."
"Yes," Kaiba replied, "it's what felt natural. I don't think you need to understand it; realization is enough. And then accepting it, because it's something you have no control over."
"That's easy for you to say," said Jonouchi as he rolled around and folded his arms over his chin before resting it there. He also kicked the blankets free from his legs before crossing them over each other. "You don't end up with a butt full of cum and feeling like a silly girl afterwards. You haven't lost your man card."
Kaiba rolled his eyes, pulling the covers farther up his stomach. "It doesn't make you less of a man to take the bottom position during sex. If it feels good to you, then who cares? But if you're really that bothered by it, I can make a better effort to use condoms."
"Yeah, or next time maybe I really should make you stop."
Kaiba said nothing, drawing his legs close and crossing them underneath the sheets. He sat pondering for a few minutes before he spoke again. "I really am sorry. Last night shouldn't have ended like that. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking."
"Then what exactly were you doing?" asked Jonouchi. It was bizarre. One moment he'd passed out in a drunked-induced coma from failing to get a hard on from looking at dirty magazines and he had angrily tossed them around the room before falling under the sheets and then he woke up to Kaiba shaking him by the shoulders, yelling at him to wake up. Jonouchi knew Kaiba would show up eventually, but he didn't count on it happening in just one week.
A part of him was thankful he had, but that faded away when the fight began to escalate.
Kaiba wasn't looking at him, instead staring out at the sunlight pouring through the windows. It reflected through his hair, making it look as though his head was on fire. "I hadn't heard from you in almost a week. I didn't know where you'd gone. And then you came back and wouldn't even look at me. I just felt so alone, like you hadn't been affected at all."
"So what, you thought pushing sex would be a great way of resolving things?" Jonouchi shook his head before stilling again, looking down where the sheets gathered around Kaiba's stomach before trying to fix his messy hair with both his hands. "I'm over it now. Just- promise not to do it again."
"It wasn't my brightest moment," Kaiba muttered, "There won't be a repeat."
"What happened to you being a genius," teased Jonouchi lightly as he began cracking a small smile, "was everyone just lying about that?"
Turning around to face Jonouchi, Kaiba returned a small smile of his own. "I fear I've been infected by your impulsiveness. I'll need to search for a cure."
Jonouchi snorted loudly before shoving his hands out and pushing Kaiba's hip away from him, "Okay, that's enough gay talk, now go away already. I'm tired and you have that business of yours to run, remember?"
"No rest for the weary," Kaiba agreed. He rolled out of bed, making his way towards the bathroom. "You can stay here, if you'd like. Or I can drop you off wherever before I go into the office."
Jonouchi pondered it for a while. He didn't want to go to Kaiba Corporation. No doubt, he'd be walking funny for a little bit of the morning until the muscle soreness went away, and he didn't want to be looked at funny by his co-workers. At least the staff at the Kaiba Mansion was discreet and minded their own damn business.
Besides, there was enough work related crap hiding in Kaiba's downstairs laboratory and he could practice with the duel simulator if Jonouchi needed to find something of use to do. There was also a computer, and if he needed to check his email, he doubted Kaiba would keep him from using it.
"I think I'd prefer going to your place," said Jonouchi as he pulled himself up and tried looking for his boxers under the sheets, "I don't want to go back to work hangover and walking funny."
Kaiba paused by the door frame, his eyebrows raising fractionally before it settled back into its usual expression. "Your fans would be scandalized," he snorted.
"Being seen coming out of your car alongside you, yeah, I'm sure they would," pointed out Jonouchi before he laughed out loud, "and your employees would be wondering what kind of bonus I'm looking at with envy. Let's avoid that from happening now."
Finding his boxers, Jonouchi expertly brought them through his legs and over his hips before he got out of the bed, throwing his legs over the side and cutting off Kaiba before he could shut the bathroom door. He drank more water than he ever had in a long time before stopping, washing his face to make the puffiness go down. It only helped a little bit, but it would probably all go away by noon.
Sneaking past Jonouchi, Kaiba scurried into the shower, steam quickly rising from over the partition. "Let's avoid me being late today," he called out, "Your chauffeur service leaves in thirty."
Jonouchi had spent a great deal of time beta testing a new Kaiba Corporation-endorsed video game, checking for bugs and glitches as Mokuba watched from the couch. The kid had just randomly appeared at one point in the day, taking a spot on the couch as Jonouchi silently continued playing on the floor, only breaking his silence to curse at random before tuning back out into lala world.
It was one of the better responsibilities Jonouchi had as a professional Duelist. Beta testing was usually pretty fun. Not having to deal with being pestered continually by the techs was even better, since he wasn't at Kaiba Corporation playing, and he could eat as much of Kaiba's junk food as he wanted.
It was just unnerving having the younger Kaiba watching, who was a gaming genius in his own right. Jonouchi hadn't forgotten high school, or the fact that the kid had tried to poison him once. That was also unsettling, but it appeared like Mokuba had matured since then.
After several hours of quiet, Jonouchi finally paused the game, turning back to look at Mokuba before making a face.
"Why are you watching? Don't you have something better to do?" he asked before sighing and hunching his shoulders.
"Not really."
"What happened to school?" asked Jonouchi.
"I'm skipping."
"Skipping?" Jonouchi couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Won't you get in trouble?"
"I'm Kaiba Mokuba, so no. Besides, I still turn in my homework and pass all my classes without having to really try. They aren't teaching me anything I don't already know. I'd rather watch you fail at this game."
Sticking out his tongue, Jonouchi didn't speak back. He turned around and continued playing, trying to ignore Mokuba's occasional laughter.
"I can help you play," Mokuba suggested, "I did help design it. The game was my original idea."
"I think I can get through this alone," told Jonouchi, "I'm supposed to be playing like the average player here."
Mokuba sighed and quieted down. Jonouchi refocused. He didn't want his avatar dying anymore.
"Did Nii-sama give you this game?" asked Mokuba. "I wanted to do the play through, but he told me you'd be finishing it up instead."
"Yeah, he did."
"That's interesting... All of it, actually. I still don't understand it."
Jonouchi didn't answer. He didn't need to answer, nor did he want to answer. Continuing on, he said nothing as Mokuba continued to watch for the next two hours before finally, he wandered off to do whatever it was the brat liked to do when he was supposed to be at school.
It took a week to get through the entire process of reporting the problems and replaying through all the levels and side quests. Mokuba's game was like a strange mix of duel monsters and Skyrim; each player had to battle out monsters as they tried gaining skill powers and magical abilities. Jonouchi enjoyed the game, immensely, despite having killed his character nearly a hundred times and failing to save his game properly.
Surprisingly, Kaiba had allowed him to telework from the mansion the entire week. Jonouchi guessed it was partially due to guilt - Kaiba had been acting somewhat strangely since the events of the previous weekend, not hovering as closely as he tended to do. It made Jonouchi feel relieved that at least some of his words had finally seemed to get through to Kaiba, but at the same time, his almost hands-off approach made Jonouchi feel a little bit lonely. It was one thing to give him space but another thing altogether to keep such a wide berth between them. It was like Kaiba was incapable of settling somewhere in the middle - he swung from one extreme to the other, making Jonouchi wonder if they'd ever work things out like a normal couple.
He didn't even try anything with Jonouchi for the past week, which Jonouchi thought was bizarre. It wasn't like he was rearing to hop back into bed after their last sexual encounter, but Kaiba kept entirely to himself at night. At least, he tried to. They'd eventually wake up tangled in each other, but upon waking, Kaiba would quickly retreat. It was such a complete departure from Kaiba's normal behavior that Jonouchi really didn't know what to think about it.
In actuality, he could've avoided the situation altogether. Jonouchi made excursions out to the city on his lunch breaks, and he managed to find an apartment a little north of the city center. It was small but safe and met his needs. He hadn't actually moved in yet, though - all of his belongings were still scattered around Honda's place, the Game Shop, and Kaiba Mansion. And strangely enough, once Jonouchi had secured a place of his own, the less motivated he felt to live there.
It was nice to know that he had options, though. But staying at the mansion had its conveniences, plus at least he had company, even if it meant awkward encounters with Kaiba's brother, the staff, and Kaiba himself. He only wished the latter wasn't so uncharacteristically...timid.
And somewhat avoidant, really, which was ironic considering how their friendship-relationship-whatever had started.
Things would settle down eventually. Jonouchi had to believe it. He was already over their last fight, for the most part, but Kaiba seemed to be taking longer than usual to recover. It was true - their last one had probably been the worst they'd had yet. Hopefully the worst they'd ever have, so at least things could only go up from there. Normal bickering, he could manage. Hell, it was practically the basis of their relationship from the beginning. But knock-down, drag-out fights? Jonouchi just wasn't up for that. He'd left the gang to avoid that kind of lifestyle, so constant fighting wasn't something he desired in the relationships he chose to have.
His mother had been trying to get a hold of him, too. Jonouchi was badgered all day with phone calls, his mother laying on the guilt hard since the competition had happened. He didn't know how to stop, and he'd already sent one small paycheck to help cover Shizuka's schooling, but his mother's demands were becoming overwhelming. Jonouchi couldn't help but groan each time she called and went on her giant tirade about "helping the family", even though Jonouchi couldn't remember any time in the past when the woman had done something for him.
He'd been alone since the divorce. His father, as troubled and damaged as he was, had done everything for Jonouchi. Now he was gone, and Jonouchi was rattled, feeling more used now that his father was gone than ever before.
It shouldn't be his responsibility to do so much. He loved his sister, and Jonouchi would do anything for Shizuka if she had asked him for help, but his mother was demanding and unappreciative. Her requests for money were unfunded, but it was just easier to cave in a little than try telling her she was wrong to ask.
Eventually, Jonouchi became worn out. He hung up after a spat with her, and turning off his phone, he walked in a daze towards the bedroom, hoping to pass out after feeling a headache coming on.
It felt awkward going to Kaiba's bedroom by himself. For once, Jonouchi was jumping into bed alone, and lying by himself in the chilly room hiding under the covers, he felt very insecure. He knew where Kaiba was, of course. He'd disappear after eating a silent dinner with them all, either to his study or to this office, neither of which Jonouchi felt comfortable just barging into. While Kaiba was avoiding him, Jonouchi just kept his distance, in case he was lashed out at out of nowhere. He didn't want to end up getting pushed away anymore than he already felt.
He couldn't have imagined this would have happened in a million years. Lying alone in bed, stuck in a sea of blankets and sheets alone. It was snowing outside, and the room was too large to adequately heat. Jonouchi knew Kaiba could probably afford to, but probably didn't heat every single room in the mansion. Considering that they usually stole each other's body heat at night, it wasn't necessary, but Jonouchi could feel the need as he laid alone.
The master bedroom was just huge. It was as large as Jonouchi's studio, if not larger. He could barely see to the end of the room in the darkness, and it felt like a long time before the doors finally creaked open and he heard Kaiba step in through before closing it behind him.
Jonouchi said nothing. He wasn't even sure what to say. They had hardly said anything to each other outside of work and simple greetings. The fight didn't feel so raw anymore, but Jonouchi didn't feel able to communicate well. It didn't help either that Kaiba refused to look him in the eyes, avoiding contact as he skirted past him each day and only saw him out of necessity.
It was getting tiresome. Jonouchi felt trapped in some strange twilight zone.
Jonouchi could only hear the sounds of Kaiba getting ready for bed: the sliding of fabric, the heavy thump of clothing falling into the hamper. And then the bed dipped under the new weight, and suddenly the room didn't feel so large or cold anymore. Kaiba was close, closer than he'd been all week. It made the hairs on the back of Jonouchi's arms stand, and he waited, silently, for Kaiba to do anything.
But eventually he grew annoyed with just lying there. He was too frustrated to fall asleep, Kaiba was too close and not doing anything at all, and grumbling, Jonouchi turned around before being greeted with two sharp pairs of blue eyes, peering at him through the darkness. His eyes were adjusted enough to see Kaiba's face and immediately Jonouchi felt a little frozen in place, his eyes wide and feeling unsure of what to do next.
He'd never felt so awkward in his entire life. It wasn't like they hadn't ever shared a bed before. It was slowly becoming a common occurrence, and Jonouchi even prefered it despite Kaiba's frequent snoring. Sleep came easier when he wasn't alone and Jonouchi didn't wake up nearly as much or had as many nightmares, which were all good things. It wasn't even that great when he stayed at Honda's house on occasion.
His face began to burn, and needing to say something, Jonouchi struggled with the word, "Hi."
"Hi," Kaiba returned, his eyes unblinking. "You're still awake."
"Yeah," Jonouchi responded, "I am. I was waiting for you."
"This late?" Kaiba breathed. "Well, now you have me." He reached out then, pulling a thin lock of Jonouchi's hair into his fingers.
Scooting closer, Jonouchi could hear each time Kaiba inhaled and exhaled, their breaths in sync. He felt so lonely, he didn't even care if Kaiba found his approaching annoying, he just wanted to be as near as possible, and he could feel Kaiba's breath hitting the tip of his nose. It didn't bother him at all. He smelled like mint, and that was nice.
"Please stop avoiding me."
Kaiba was quiet, his fingers dancing along the back of Jonouchi's neck. It made him shiver, instinctively moving closer. "Okay."
Jonouchi wasn't sure what he was doing, but he didn't think Kaiba would do anything if he didn't press on. He hadn't done much of anything the entire week, like he was punishing himself. While Jonouchi had been hurt and still felt a little sore about the entire fight, he wasn't going to hold it over Kaiba's head forever. They were still together. One bad decision on Kaiba's part wasn't enough to drop everything over, and taking the initiative, Jonouchi slowly placed his arms around Kaiba's neck before completely invading his space and pressing his lips gently onto the other's.
He had never kissed anyone so tentatively before. The first time he'd ever kissed Kaiba, he hadn't even been trying. It wasn't nervousness so much as unenthusiasm, but now he felt unsure of himself. Jonouchi didn't know why he was trying. Kaiba seemed still at first, almost non-responsive, before he finally kissed him back. When Jonouchi pulled away, he set his forehead against Kaiba's shoulder, pressing it as he tried to think of what to do next.
This was a new situation. It had never happened before. Jonouchi wasn't sure what to do, but he felt like he had to try something.
Just when Jonouchi was about to lose his nerve, Kaiba took over for him, running a hand down his side and pressing them close together. He waited until Jonouchi looked up, then leaned in to kiss him, softly at first, then growing more heated as Jonouchi relaxed into his hold. It was as though all of Kaiba's pent-up emotions were flooding out, desire coursing through his body and spreading into Jonouchi's. It was funny how after a week apart, every touch felt new, alien. It felt like the first time, only now Jonouchi was more aware. More Committed. It still made his heart feel uncomfortably heavy, but now he could feel himself hovering right on the edge of certainty.
Breathless, Kaiba pulled back, staring into Jonouchi's eyes before diving back for more. Jonouchi began to feel light-headed, all his cognizance abandoning him to pool between his legs. He felt like he was burning up, and Kaiba's heat only fanned the flames more. His breaths became small gasps, and he clutched onto Kaiba as though he were a buoy in the middle of the ocean. Jonouchi could feel hands sliding across his skin, a knee pressing between his. He gasped loudly when he felt a firm grip on his ass, Kaiba using the leverage to grind them together.
He could feel himself falling backward, Kaiba gently pushing him against the mattress and rolling on top.
Putting an arm out, Jonouchi pushed Kaiba's shoulder back, blinking before catching his breath. "What are we doing?"
Kaiba stilled, blinking rapidly as his brain functions returned. "You don't want to?"
"Not like this," Jonouchi admitted, "I'm sick of being on my back all the time..."
That was a lie. In all honestly, he was pretty hot and bothered, and he could still feel one hand covering over his butt cheek, periodically kneading his muscle while Jonouchi laid there on the mattress. Physically, it felt great and he wanted to lose himself and just allow what nature said was right, but his mind kept saying no. He didn't want to do it. Not this time.
Eyebrows drawing together, Kaiba raised up on his elbows. Even in the darkness, his eyes were still vivid. "I don't understand, you've always been fine with this before."
"So that means this is how it's gotta be forever?"
Leaning back, Kaiba shifted his weight to his heels, straddling Jonouchi. His hands rested lightly on Jonouchi's hips. "I didn't think there was a problem."
"How can you think there isn't a problem when I already talked to you about this?" asked Jonouchi, feeling his face beginning to heat up as he felt his anger take over, "I know we talked about it right after you-know-what in the hotel room. You're smarter than that, Kaiba, please..."
He didn't even know what he was asking for. All he knew was he wouldn't be happy with himself if he just submitted again. Allowed himself to do what he normally did and what Kaiba wanted... Jonouchi would hate himself for it. No matter what anyone said, he still wasn't okay with it. Kaiba was the manliest man he knew, and he wasn't interested in bottoming, so what did that mean for Jonouchi? Mere words weren't making him feel any better.
And quite honestly, he didn't know what to even do if their places were switched, but it would have at least been nice to know that the option was available...
Sighing, Jonouchi pulled away, laying on his side and grabbing at his hair. "Just forget it. I don't know what I was even thinking."
Kaiba was still crouching beside him, and even though Jonouchi was turned away, he could still feel the intense gaze upon his back. Then Kaiba sighed loudly, dropping back to the bed and shifting under the covers.
"Kaiba, please don't hate me. I'm just as uncomfortable as you are."
Inhaling deeply, Kaiba held the breath for a few moments before slowly releasing it. "I don't hate you, Jonouchi. I just don't see why you're making it such a big deal. We fit together perfectly, why do we need to change them?"
"Because I don't think so," snapped Jonouchi as he turned back and gave Kaiba a sharp look, "or else we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. You've never had to be vulnerable to anyone like this before, Kaiba, so don't tell me what is and isn't a big deal. Goodnight."
And turning away, Jonouchi slammed the side of his head into his pillow, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to let his anger subside. He was so upset. After everything that was said, Kaiba still didn't get it. Probably never would. Jonouchi doubted he was even trying to. Telling Jonouchi he was being stupid was easier than fixing the problem. Clearly he wasn't interested in changing anything between them, despite all the grief it was causing.
Despite Kaiba being so near, Jonouchi felt utterly alone again. Usually in moments like that, he could hear his mother or father or some asshole from the past making snide remarks at him, but not this time. There was nothing but emptiness as he closed his eyes.
Jonouchi had never felt so disgruntled during the morning before. He'd turned throughout the night during his sleep, eventually settling on Kaiba's back and laying his head to sleep right up against it. With an arm around him, Jonouchi had latched on and passed out there, only to be forcibly woken up early that morning. Kaiba didn't apologize as he allowed Jonouchi to slide off and back onto the mattress, and wiping his eyes, Jonouchi could only watch as Kaiba walked away and disappeared to shower.
It was unsettling. Kaiba wasn't speaking and Jonouchi remained in bed feeling small, blurry-eyed and disoriented. He wanted to speak, but he didn't know what to say. What could anyone really say after such a failure of a night? He'd given them both blue balls, and Kaiba was probably pissed off. Jonouchi hadn't meant to fuck things up, but he wasn't committed to following through last night, either.
Things didn't get any easier. Tired, Jonouchi laid back down and felt himself begin to lose consciousness again. He could vaguely hear Kaiba opening the bathroom door and getting dressed before fixing the bedsheets and touching Jonouchi's hair. Fingers tingled against Jonouchi's scalp, and he made some sort of noise as he fidgeted before opening his eyes again, finding the room empty and Kaiba gone.
The day was spent on video games. Kaiba Corporation's tech men had sent the last beta-version of the game to be tested and Jonouchi played through it like a champ, going non-stop. He wouldn't allow anyone or anything to ruin his concentration, his eyes glued to the tv screen until someone abruptly turned the monitor off and threw a package of onigiri in his face.
"You hadn't eaten breakfast," remarked Mokuba with a laugh. "It's salmon. Eat it."
Opening the wrapper, Jonouchi made a sour face at Mokuba as he began to eat, "I wasn't hungry, you know. Don't throw food at me..."
"People have died from marathon gaming sessions," Mokuba replied, sticking out his tongue, "I was just trying to avoid cleaning up a mess."
"Yeah, sure. A Kaiba being charitable..."
It did taste good. Jonouchi hated himself a little as he ate it, realizing that he was hungry and skipping breakfast was not a good idea. He'd have to call the staff once Mokuba was gone so they could fix him something more to eat.
Mokuba crawled onto the couch behind Jonouchi, taking up residence in his usual spot. "Will it make it easier to go down if I said I was just trying to be practical?"
Rolling his eyes, Jonouchi ignored Mokuba's jests. Why was he spending time around him now? They never really spoken much after Battle City. Not because Jonouchi didn't like Mokuba, but the opportunities to just weren't there and dealing with Mokuba meant dealing with Kaiba in high quantity, which wasn't something Jonouchi wanted in that point of his life.
Now, things were much different, but still. The younger Kaiba was less predictable and much more bratty.
"What do you want, kid?" asked Jonouchi as he finished up eating his rice treat, "I am getting paid to play this game, in case you didn't know. I'm the official beta tester for your company."
Jonouchi felt a tiny thud against the back of his head, and when he looked down, there was a small piece of popcorn laying on the floor next to him. "Well, duh, of course I know. I'm the Vice President, after all," Mokuba said around a mouthful of the stuff.
"I wouldn't know, since I never even see you work," snorted Jonouchi as he picked up the popcorn and ate it. Fuck it all. He didn't care.
"Temporary leave of absence," Mokuba dismissed with a wave of his hand, "Gotta pass my high school exams and college entrance tests and all." He didn't seem all that concerned, though.
"I've never once seen you study since I've been here," remarked Jonouchi and he felt a swell of jealousy before he reminded himself of how much he hated school anyways, "shouldn't you be hitting the books right now instead of pestering me? You still haven't told me what you wanted."
There was a glint in Mokuba's eyes that made Jonouchi distinctly uncomfortable. "Do I have to? I live here. And speaking of, you've been hanging around an awful lot, Jonouchi."
"I don't think I need your permission to," Jonouchi snapped back. "And so what? It's not like I'm in your business, now am I? I don't think so."
How did he even explain himself? Kaiba would say he didn't have to. Jonouchi had his reasons for being there and Mokuba didn't need it to be explained to him. It wasn't his house, it was Kaiba's house and that's all there was to it. He could hear that conversation in his head, but repeating it back to Mokuba, who wouldn't take that kind of thing serious unless it came out of Kaiba's own mouth, was challenging.
The last thing Jonouchi wanted to talk about was his puzzling relationship with Mokuba's older brother, anyways. It was best avoided.
"But you're involved with my brother, and Nii-sama is my business."
"Ask your brother about it then," said Jonouchi as he waved Mokuba off and tried turning back on the game, "he's the one who started this entire mess and I don't feel like having this conversation with you."
"Hmm," Mokuba murmured as he popped more kernels into his mouth, "I knew you guys were fighting again. Nii-sama's been acting weirdly all week." Sitting up straighter, he fixed Jonouchi with a steady gaze, "I've already talked with him about it. Now I want to hear your side."
"What are you, my relationship counselor?" Jonouchi laughed before shaking his head and refocusing on the television. He was not going to discuss his problems to Kaiba's little brother. Sure, the brat wasn't twelve anymore, but he was still a kid, and a strange one at that. Jonouchi had no idea what his angle was in getting involved and he didn't want to say anything he might later regret.
"I don't think your brother would like me talking to you about us," said Jonouchi as he glanced at Mokuba's face before snickering again, "he doesn't seem like the type to like his privacy broadcasted to anyone, including you."
"He can't get mad over something he doesn't know about," Mokuba said, his expression suddenly turning serious. "I don't like to see him hurt or unhappy. And I'm not dumb; I know things aren't exactly peachy between you two. So out with it - I'm all ears."
"I don't think so, kid," muttered Jonouchi, "it's really nothing I can talk to you about unless you'd like some brain bleach later."
He wasn't discussing his confusing sex life with Mokuba Kaiba. That was just not going to happen. He could barely discuss it with Kaiba Seto himself, which was sad considering they'd done it together several times already, but for some reason, talking about it was just hard.
"I'll just say your brother and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things," Jonouchi sighed. "He wants things a certain way and I can't just go along with it all because he thinks its a good idea."
"No kidding, with the way you two scream and stomp around, I'm surprised you haven't torn this whole building down," Mokuba smirked. "But all joking aside, I get it, I really do. Nii-sama can be so single-track minded at times, it can be hard to get him to see any side other than his own."
Jonouchi sighed, feeling somewhat relieved and annoyed for Mokuba understanding it so quickly. "I wish he'd stop trying to be right all the damn time."
Mokuba's face was pinched, and he squirmed into the corner of the couch, burrowing himself in. "I don't think he can really help it. He's had to be in charge for so long, and he's never really had anyone other than myself that he could trust. But even with me, he's always been more of a protector. I don't think Nii-sama means anything bad by it; he's been programmed that way. He has to be right, or otherwise very bad things could happen."
Giving Mokuba a strange look, Jonouchi kind of stared before looking away. It made sense, considering what he knew of Kaiba's childhood. They didn't discuss it and Jonouchi didn't really want to know, but he wasn't completely ignorant about everything. He knew Kaiba had gone through some ugly shit and was always working to get past it and after all, he'd improved so much from the first time they'd met.
But still. The lack of compromise was aggravating.
"I want to be treated like an equal."
Mokuba looked up at Jonouchi, his eyebrows raising a bit. "Have you acted like an equal?"
"What does that even mean?" laughed Jonouchi, "What an absurd thing to say."
"I just mean-" Mokuba began, his eyebrows beginning to furrow, "Nii-sama doesn't give out his respect easily or lightly. He has to be able to trust you. Has there been reason for him not to?"
"I don't think so," answered Jonouchi honestly. What had he done to be treated unfairly? Okay, Jonouchi wasn't fucking perfect, but he tried. Sure, he used to disappear in the morning like some guy trying to escape a girl after a drunken hook up, but that was just embarrassment and awkwardness on his part. He'd stopped doing that, and he was trying to act normal. "But this whole dating thing is a huge adjustment for me," said Jonouchi as he shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Your brother is different and doesn't care what others think, but I still do."
Laughing a little, Mokuba's posture began to relax. "He's an all-or-nothing kind of guy. And I imagine once he's let you in, he puts a lot of expectations on you. You're the first- well, the only one, really, so I don't really know…"
Cocking an eyebrow, Jonouchi felt himself become curious but he didn't say anything about it. Shouldn't Kaiba be telling him those kind of things and not his brother? Maybe he would, one day, when he felt like it. Neither of them was very open with each other, but Jonouchi felt like Kaiba knew far more about him than the other way around. It didn't help that Kaiba frequently stuck his damn nose in all of Jonouchi's business, but he did know things other people didn't know about Jonouchi's personal life yet Jonouchi still felt in the dark about him.
He'd never tried asking, but Jonouchi didn't feel comfortable doing so. Kaiba was easily offended. No matter how tough and distant he'd act when someone said something he didn't like, Jonouchi knew it got under Kaiba's skin and he tried playing it off by closing off his feelings entirely. He really didn't want that to happen, because once Kaiba decided to check out, he was hard to get back.
Mokuba's voice shook him from his thoughts. "Just be good to him, okay? You mean a lot to him."
Jonouchi blinked, feeling his face begin to warm up against his will. "I try to be."
"I mean it," Mokuba insisted, almost pleading. He seemed very much like the twelve-year-old kid Jonouchi had first met all those years ago "I don't want to lose him again. There's no telling how he would end up if he were to lose you."
Unable to answer, Jonouchi just frowned. He didn't even know how to respond to that. Mokuba never seemed serious about anything. "I care about your brother a lot," Jonouchi answered, trying to be honest, "he's the closest person I've had to a best friend in quite a while. I would never try to hurt him, okay?"
Seeming somewhat satisfied with Jonouchi's answer, Mokuba curled back up around his popcorn bowl and began munching again. "I'm glad it's you, by the way. I mean, it was strange at first. Really strange. I didn't think you were into guys. But at least I know you, and I know you're a good person at heart."
"Thanks Mokuba, I do really appreciate that."
He couldn't help but smile at that. It made his chest swell a little bit, hearing that, and having Mokuba's approval did matter to him. The kid was the most important person in Kaiba's life. That much was clear, since the beginning. Even though they didn't all hang around each other together, Jonouchi knew that Mokuba would always be first and foremost in Kaiba's heart and that was fine. Jonouchi understood having younger siblings and the desire to protect them, even when it wasn't possible to.
"By the way, I didn't think I was into guys, either," snorted Jonouchi, "to be perfectly honest with you, it was a bit of a surprise. Also a major source of contention I guess between your brother and I, but I'm sure it'll figure itself out eventually. It's just hard for me to be so sure about something when it's completely different from anything I thought I wanted before.
"I thought I liked women. Apparently that's not really the case, since I've been seeing your brother twice as long as my last and only relationship. It was a complete failure..."
The poor girl had tried, but they both knew something was missing.
Mokuba very intently rolled around a kernel of popcorn on his hand before tossing it up and catching it on his tongue. "I'm not an authority on it or anything, but I guess all I can say is if it feels right and makes you happy, then why not just go for it? Different isn't a bad thing; it's just different. It almost sounds like you aren't allowing yourself to be happy."
"That might be possible," said Jonouchi more to himself than Mokuba. He was quiet again, his thoughts all over the place before he finally snapped back to reality. "I need to get this beta work done, though." Turning to Mokuba again, Jonouchi smiled. "Thanks for the talk, even if I didn't want it at first."
"Mm-hmm," Mokuba hummed, sing-song. He turned the television back on and then flicked another piece of popcorn towards Jonouchi.
Jonouchi shook his head before eating it. "Jerk."