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What have I done?
How could I have gotten so involved with this that I forget to take Alice into account? She saw everything! What was worse was that she saw my decision before she left, when I thought I had fooled her, and she trusted me to make a better decision. I let her down. And now I've pushed her away. In a single blow I've lost my wife, my family, and Bella's trust.
I wasn't sure why that aspect of the situation hit me so hard. I've said before that Bella and I were never particularly close, and my main goal these last days has been to cause her fatal harm. So why now was it sinking in? Perhaps it was the look on her face there at the end, when she stopped struggling. The fear that radiated from her because of me. In the past, when I would have my victims, I didn't know them personally. I knew Bella's quirks, I knew her laugh, I knew what made her blush.
And then there was what Alice said before she hung up. Bella needs you more than I do. She expected me to help her get through this. Instead, I try to eat her! After seeing that, how could Alice consciously leave her alone with me?! In all sense, she should run down here now and pull me away! As I wondered these things, I began to get angry. How dare she leave me with so few answers?! If she is going to abandon me now, she was going to give me some rhyme or reason. Her cryptic musings were of no use to me now.
I grabbed the phone and dialed Tanya's number.
It was Carlisle who answered. "Hello, Jasper." He answered. Tanya must have caller i.d.
"Hello, Carlisle. Is Alice available?"
"I'm afraid not, Jasper. Alice has…left us. She didn't give much reasoning, except that something passed between the two of you. She was very distressed, but said it was of the utmost importance that she leave. Esme's been quite distressed. Edward hasn't returned, and with you not able to return, she's very lonely." It wasn't like Carlisle to try guilt on me; Esme must be very upset. Why wouldn't she be? Three of her family members had left her for reasons mostly unknown to her.
"I see. I apologize for Esme's distress, Carlisle. But Alice is right-I can't come back right now. I can no longer speak for her. Please give Esme my love and tell her I'll see her soon." I hung up without waiting for a response. I couldn't play calm for another second. Not only did she leave me, she left the family as well. So it was real-she wasn't coming back to me. I sank to the floor and lay down. I didn't want to bother moving anymore-what was the point?
The sun had set as I stared at the ceiling. I had nothing, and it was my fault. I had let my bloodlust get in the way again, and nobody could stand to be near me anymore. Not even my own wife. I could hear the rumble of a car moving closer to the house. It was probably just someone turning around, so I didn't bother to move. I closed my eyes and tried to tune everything out. That's when I heard the footsteps.
I inhaled, trying to recognize the scent. Bella? Why on earth would she come back after what I did this morning? She was insufferable! She knocked once, feebly. I could feel her anxiety through the door-she was probably hoping I was gone.
I sighed, but rose to my feet and answered the door. "What is it, Bella?" I said, all politeness gone. I didn't have it in me any longer. She peered through her long hair and tried to smile.
"I'm sorry about this morning. I should have watched what I was doing. Please don't leave because of me." She was feeling desperate. In combination with my own despair, I couldn't bother turning her away. I felt drained. I motioned for her to come in.
"Bella, please stop apologizing. You did nothing wrong. I was the one who tried to take your life because you fell and scraped your hand. You're quite lucky I was able to stop. So why did you come back? It couldn't be just to apologize."
She shook her head. "No, you're right. To be honest I just needed the company. You were the first person I thought of. You remind me…" she trailed off, but I knew what she wanted to say. I reminded her of him.
"I'm afraid I won't be much company right now. Aren't you afraid, anyway? I mean, I've tried to kill you twice this week." She should be terrified. That was one thing about Bella-she was never afraid when she should be.
"Not really. Of course I'm worried about it, but it's your nature. And besides, it's not like I have anything going for me anyway." I flinched at this phrase. "What's wrong with you? You seem…sad." I found it funny that she could go from a conversation about me trying to kill her to how I was feeling in one sentence. I didn't have the energy to lie to her.
"Alice left me." I stated. "She said I couldn't come back to her, and then when I called her back she was gone. Nobody knows where she went. In combination with Edward's departure, the family has fallen apart." There was no need to go into further detail. Her emotions flipped from her grief to mine in mere seconds. I heard her sharp intake of breath. Suddenly we were the same-two broken souls with nowhere to turn.
"Oh, Jasper…I'm so sorry." She met me on the floor and threw her arms around me in a sudden embrace. I was so shocked I reacted in the only way I knew how-I put my arms around her as well. We were grieving together, and I no longer lusted for her blood. At least not this moment. This was ours. I knew no matter what happened after this I would always remember this. I felt her shudder as the tears flowed down her face. Strangely enough I could feel my eyes prick as well, knowing no tears would fall. She was gone, and she was never coming back to me. I had no love, no mate. I was alone in this world-just like when I came in. And she, who hadn't known love until Edward, she was alone as well. She would always have a hole in her heart where he belonged. We sat like that for an eternity.
Alice's POV
I have to hurry. I couldn't let my pain overshadow my mission-not this time. I would grieve when it was done. Grieve for the love I had to let go. Grieve for the friend I had lost. Grieve for the brother I would break. I had to catch him before he changed his mind-and he would. It would only be a matter of time before he decided to make his way back, and he couldn't. If he found them like that…it would break everyone. I had to do my part to heal the people I loved, even if that meant I would never be healed myself. I thought about my vision as I ran-it seemed to occupy my thoughts.
Bella was with Jasper. They were talking-he was explaining our decision. She was angry. Jasper was…anxious. I saw this thought mulling through his head for a while, but didn't think he'd really act on it. When Bella fell, I just knew. I thought for a moment he would take her, but she convinced him otherwise. She reminded him she was human. I saw them later, embracing on the floor. This was after I left. But I left because of a vision I had that takes place much later than now. I couldn't pin down an exact time, but if this was September, I was guessing this was around February. It was also conveniently when Edward would decide to check on Bella. I saw her and Jasper on our bed. Kissing. He was holding her, and she was pressing herself against him. He eagerly accepted, and then I tuned it out. He was going to love her. Who was I to stand in the way of love?
I had to get to Edward. He and I were going to go through this together; he just didn't know it yet. For now, I just had to convince him to go back to the family. Esme couldn't stand the thought of us so broken; if I could bring him back with me, we could have that time to heal. And when it was time…I'd tell him. Because he'd get suspicious. It was his nature. And then, it would be all of us with him. We could help him get through it. If the time came, and Bella and Jasper came forward…well, we'd cross that bridge when it came. His course might change-I would be looking for that. I didn't want this to happen, but I couldn't find a way around it. It was already too late. I looked into it, I really did! But he was going to love her, I was sure.