Disclaimer: Don't thank me, thank Stephenie Meyer for these lovely characters!
Thanks to the wonderful reviews I've gotten for this! Especially Rocker-chick-12345, who sincerely floats my ego!
I don't know how long we sat like that.
The next thing I knew, Bella had fallen asleep, fitful and depressed, in my arms. As quietly as I could, I scooped her up and took her into Carlisle and Esme's room, depositing her on their bed. Out of all the rooms in the house, I thought she'd be most comfortable there. Edward's room was out of the question, she never got along with Rosalie, and my room…would be too uncomfortable. She didn't fuss when I laid her down, so I sat on the edge of the bed and just watched her. It didn't escape my mind that if I wanted her blood, now would be the time to take it.
The only explanation that I could come to was that I wasn't myself around Bella. At least, not the self that I was for all of these years. Next to Carlisle, I was the oldest one in the house-and yet, I've never felt like this before. To meet someone who trusted me completely was…new. Even Alice, my wife for so long, didn't trust me fully. She was constantly aware of my every move-afraid I would slip. I knew it was for the safety of others as well as for our family, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. And then Bella-whom I've tried to kill twice now-still returns to me. And she's not afraid, either. I couldn't figure out why. My humanity, long since buried, resurfaced.
In the past, my victims were chosen spontaneously-whomever I passed by hungry, or whomever Maria decided to reward me with. The only emotions that came from them were fear and despair. Then it was over. Never have I felt this kind of trust. I didn't know if I could bring myself to harm her after what she had given me. And she didn't even know it. I watched her for hours. I finally understood what Edward found so compelling about this. The emotions that played from her while sleeping were incredible. And then she started talking.
"Edward….no….why…" she mumbled, frowning while she tossed and turned. Of course. Always dreaming of Edward, even after all he's done to her. I surprised myself with a spark of jealousy. "Alice…loved you…please stay…" and my wife, running out on the both of us. "Jasper…thank you." She smiled.
I couldn't describe the feeling then-when Bella uttered my name with a smile. I'll compare it to taking a drink from the river Lethe-all my past qualms, feelings of dread and betrayal, bloodlust-all forgotten in that moment. The pull of her blood ceased in me, exchanged with the pull from her soul. I wanted to know her. Even stranger, I wanted her to know me. I would tell her everything. I knew she would forgive me for wanting to take her life, but she still had the right to know. And then, when we were clean, we could begin again. We've both been abandoned by those we loved-who else did we have but each other?
Bella started to stir around dawn. I had taken the liberty of calling Charlie while she was asleep, pretending to be Angela's dad. She opened her eyes, spinning them around the room, until they settled on me. Instantaneously that delicious blush crept up her cheeks, and she flung herself out of bed.
"Oh my God, Jasper! I'm so, so, so, sorry! I can't believe I fell asleep here? Who's room is this, anyway? And oh no, what about Charlie?" She was running around frantically, back and forth across the room. I went to her and grabbed her by the arms.
"Easy, Bella. This is Carlisle and Esme's room-I thought it would be best. And don't worry about Charlie, it's taken care of. He thinks you're at Angela's house. Everything's okay." What weighted words those were.
"Oh, thanks, I think. I really didn't mean to fall asleep on you like that, I guess I was just exhausted. With everything that's happened, I just kind of…fell apart." She smiled sheepishly at me, trying to project false happiness. I raised an eyebrow at her-had she forgotten my gift? The blush again. Nope.
"It's not a problem, Bella, really. I kind of fell apart as well." I grimaced. She didn't say anything, only nodding. "Bella, I have something I need to say to you." Suddenly she was feeling embarrassment and disappointment. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at me.
"What?" was all she mustered. Then it dawned on me-she probably thought I was trying to get rid of her!
"Stop feeling like that, Bella. It's not as bad as all that. Mostly. Just hear me out, okay?" she nodded. I took an unnecessary breath and began. "I can't apologize enough times for my behavior these last few days. I just…well, to be honest I wanted your blood." She blanched. "After your birthday party, I couldn't stop thinking about you-but not in a good way. I wanted nothing more than to have your blood. Every. Last. Drop. I stayed in order to accomplish that. And then, when you came back the other day, I thought that would be it. But when you asked me to stop…I broke. I let you go. When Alice called, I lost myself completely. But you comforted me. I can honestly say that I'm over that part of me. You've made me see humanity again, Bella, and I'll understand if you want to leave and never come back. But I have no one else." Selfish, selfish, selfish! I'm trying to guilt her into staying now? I felt like I had the words 'lost puppy' printed on my shirt.
"So let me get this straight. You've been hanging out with me these last few days just so you could eat me?" How crass, but true. I nodded at her. "Okay then. But you're over it now?" I nodded again. Put me in time out, I'm like a child! Bella shrugged. "I would have let you, you know." This came out as a whisper. My eyes shot up in surprise.
"Let me? What do you mean?" She couldn't possibly mean…
"I mean that I think I knew that when I came the second time. And I was okay with it-I wanted it, actually. I was tired of hurting. But then I thought of Charlie and Renee, and how I couldn't bear to leave them. I knew I had to beg you to stop, but…if you didn't, I would have been okay with it." I was blown away. She was feeling nothing but despair and sincerity. I was a loathsome fool.
"Bella, I don't know where to begin! I was a complete fool to want that from you. And to think how you felt…here's the thing. I want us to get past this. I know we haven't been close, but the way I see it is that we've both been abandoned. I'm here for you, if you want me." Please want me.
"Of course, Jasper. What's done is done. The last few days have been hard, but it's a comfort knowing that I'm not alone in this. For curiosities sake, where would you have gone if I had said no?" I had actually not given this much thought, because I only saw one option.
"I have no other family. I would have gone to the only other place people knew me and I would be comfortable. I would have gone to the south to find Maria." She frowned.
"Maria? She was the one who changed you, right?" Apparently Edward had given my past away to her, and I was glad of it. I didn't feel like sitting through that story again.
"Yes. And it would have meant reverting to the way I was."
"No more vegetarian Jasper?" she smiled meekly, trying to make a joke. I couldn't help but smile at her wording.
"Nope. But I don't want to do that. I'm not sure what my future holds, but for right now, why don't we try to…help each other through this." She shocked me when she stood up and came to me. I was still sitting on Carlisle's bed. She sat down next to me and, very carefully, placed her arms around my neck. I tensed for a moment, but her compassion nearly overwhelmed me. I could do nothing but reciprocate.
"Jasper?" she mumbled into my chest, "Why do you think this happened to us?" A thousand reasons. None of them good enough.
"I can't know that. They've given us their reasoning, that's all we can take. We just have to do our best to come out of this…okay." Unscathed would be the wrong wording. She nodded against me. At least I wasn't alone in this.
So the mending begins! Here's what I want from you guys. I'd like to keep this story away from the norm, so if there's anything you'd like to see happen while they're "mending" let me know. It's not going to be an over-night thing. You just can't get dumped and then 4 days later jump into someone elses arms! But I want it to be fun, and romantic, and maybe even a bit angsty. I've got some ideas, but I want to keep you guys in mind as well. And don't worry-that's not the last we'll see from Alice and the rest of the Cullens!