A/N 2: Hi again. I have updated this chapter, tweaked a few things. I'm at least halfway through the next chapter, which will be full-length. I may be the world's worst updater, but stay tuned. ~Luna
A/N: Hello all. I am SO SORRY that it has taken me this outrageously long amount of time to update. Being busy, distracted, you know how that goes. However, seeing some reviews more recently has motivated me to get going again! I've had a bit of trouble picking it back up and I think it will take me some time to put out a full chapter right now. So, I decided to go ahead and publish this little bit just so that you all can see I'm here and back at it. I know it's short and probably not very satisfying, but hopefully it will get all my readers ready for more! Thanks for reading and PLEASE review, if only to say hi, so that I know I still have readers at all.
In the "past"
Pan woke in a cold sweat as she bolted upright. The dream had been so real she had almost believed she was being pulled through time once again. A quick glance around the moonlit room told her that she was still in the past. She heaved a sigh of relief and allowed herself to sink back into the mattress, but quickly realized that sleep was not about to come easily as the feelings evoked by the dream remained. The emptiness, followed by the horrific pain and pressure…it was a despair that she was surprised she had forgotten. And another detail she had somehow failed to recall…the creeping anxiety in a torrential downpour, the blinding flash of lightning which illuminated the silhouette of a familiar figure. But what had been familiar about the figure? Pan couldn't remember. It was like a black hole in her mental snapshot of that afternoon. Frustrated, she squeezed her eyes shut and focused with all of her being on recalling the figure, but the longer she focused, the more the memory slipped away.
With an annoyed huff, Pan opened her eyes. She would have to remember to tell her adolescent dad about this detail in the morning. Content with this decision, Pan was able to relax a bit more. The comfort and warmth of the soft bed made her feel guiltily happy that Gohan had succeeded in getting her to take his old room. Gohan continued to sleep on a pallet in the extra room six weeks later, but he didn't seem to be bothered by it.
As the lingering effects of the dream receded, Pan considered her new life. She was a bit surprised that less than two months after her arrival, she already felt completely at ease and at home here. Her grandmother, Gohan, and Goten were her family as much as the family she'd grown up knowing and she loved them as much as she did their future counterparts. At the same time, she missed her mother terribly, as well as Bra. The difference was that Bra didn't even exist yet; her mother was out there somewhere.
Pan had thought about finding her mom several times over the past few weeks, but she could never go through with it. She just wasn't ready to face the complete lack of recognition in her own mother's eyes. Not to mention that she wouldn't exactly be able to reveal her identity. The Sons might be able to take the announcement of a visitor from the future in stride, but a regular Earthling would not. She knew that she wouldn't be able to hold out forever; eventually the desire just to see her mom, maybe even hear her voice, would win out.
Pan impatiently wiped away the tear that had escaped. Although she wasn't anywhere near the emotional wreck she had been six weeks ago, the girl couldn't help the pang of sadness that overtook her every once in a while. She tried to at least wait until she was alone to let herself cry. Her teenaged father's anxious hovering wasn't usually worth a public breakdown.
Thinking of him, Pan had to smile in spite of her melancholy mood. She knew she truly was lucky to even have one of her parents here. And on top of having her father, the younger Gohan had quickly become her friend, an unexpected bonus. Once the awkwardness of trying to figure out their relationship had passed, they'd become nearly inseparable. Half of the hurdle, or so it seemed to Pan, had been figuring out simply what to call him. As they had discussed, 'dad' was just too strange, but calling him 'Gohan' seemed off to her, too. After six days in the past, she had officially dubbed him 'G' and it had easily become natural. Except for the occasional teasing 'Pops', in response to which Gohan would give her a look that said 'I'm tolerating you', G was now as much his name as Gohan.
There were times when Pan knew he was all that kept her from sinking into despair. Those times when she was unable to ignore her emotions, the times when the panic overtook her, he was an unwavering comfort. He usually didn't even say anything, only hugged her if she needed it. This was one of the few things that reminded her of her adult father. When he did say anything, it was usually to repeat his promise to find a way to get her home. In spite of the overwhelming odds, he truly seemed to believe it, and the comfort this gave Pan was invaluable.
Their relationship was funny when she thought about it. Despite the fact that she had made it clear that the teenager was not her father, G had essentially been just that from that day on. Pan didn't mind, surprisingly. In fact, their odd relationship seemed perfectly natural to her. It was like having a super protective and at times bossy best friend. Or, the world's most fun and awesome father. Plus, he was a very handsome guy, too.
It had given Pan some inner-turmoil for a time; who wouldn't feel a little odd about finding their father attractive. It didn't take long for Pan to get over it, to come to terms with the fact that he was good-looking and just because she noticed it didn't mean she wanted to be with him or anything. It was a little like recognizing the beauty of nature, or a work of art; she'd admire it, appreciate, but never disturb it. It didn't belong to her. Sometimes she had to admit that it was quite a perk to have this particular work of art to admire at any time. The fact was that Son Gohan was a catch, which made her appreciate how lucky her mother was. However, this really had less to do with his looks than with his personality. He meant far more to Pan than just something to look at. In her new life, he meant more to her than anything. She loved him for being who he was and for loving her equally. Pan sometimes wondered though, if she would ever find someone for herself, especially someone who could live up to him. It hardly seemed possible.
For Pan, finding love seemed particularly challenging: as a female Saiyan, she would be far stronger than any human man, at risk of hurting him accidentally. She didn't like the imbalance of this kind of relationship, or the risk. Admittedly, all of the other Saiyans were with humans and had no problem. In her present time, the only possible Saiyan to talk to about this would be Vegeta. She could just picture that conversation. Sighing, she silently cursed her father, adult and teenager, for giving her ridiculously high expectations of men. Thankfully, she had time to figure all this out.
The sudden image of Gohan laughing at something she had said made her smile in the dark. She couldn't imagine living without him.
A small tendril of unease unfurled in the pit of Pan's stomach as her smile faded. She truly did want to be back home. That desire hadn't lessened. And yet…she had to face the fact that going home meant leaving Gohan. The thought alone made her heart seize for a beat.
Pan rolled onto her side abruptly, burying herself in warm blankets in an attempt to smother the thought. Unfortunately, it did no good. This revelation had hit her a couple weeks earlier, and it was getting more and more difficult to face without feeling the same despair she felt when she thought of never getting home again. She took advantage of the nearby pillow, yanking it over her face to groan into it in frustration. It was ironic that the idea of never getting home panicked her, yet the thought of getting home now panicked her as well. Pan called up every ounce of hard-headedness she had to force the thought away, because the longer she dwelled on it, the more she realized there was no answer that wouldn't break her heart. Picturing the way her young father smiled at her, as though she were one of the most important parts of his world now too, Pan suspected that hers would not be the only heart broken.